Going Sane in a Crazy World

My journey through life and the lessons I learn to help me grow spiritually.

Sane Friends

Is it Suppose to be That Color?

I picked up the Photographer at her place tonight. She has a very nice townhouse. It's funny I remember when they were built years ago. She gave me the tour of the place and asked what colors I thought the walls were. I believe I got 4 out of 5 which is good for me. I have a few tricks up my sleeve.

It was interesting, Town Center was having a Halloween party. I didn't remember seeing anything about it, but they had a live ban and different things for the kids. By the time we got there it was time for the adults. It was interesting to see most of the guys go for scary and most of the women go for sexy.

While I greatly enjoy getting free tickets to the Funny Bone I hate the nights that it isn't smoke-free. I swear I never see so many people smoking in one place even though this is not a smoke free city. Yes tobacco is still king around these parts. Hey its the South.

My second problem with the Funny Bone is that most of the time that I go the MC and the opening act are always the same. I've seen the two guys so many times I could do there act. However tonight it was all new people so I was ecstatic. They were all funny and the Photographer and I laughed really hard.

A funny fact I've found out about the Photographer is that she can't tell a quick story. I get all this background information with it. I don't mind since it makes for a good story and I get to learn more about her. I was happy to talk her into coming to the Halloween party tomorrow night.

On the way back to her place she stated that it took me long enough to ask her out. She said she had liked my picture and hoped after we met a long time ago. However the next night when we went to the Funny Bone I had the Planner there with me. So it's interesting to be in a relationship with someone who has been wanting this for a lot longer than I have.

One thing I am always amazed at is how everyone kisses differently. I don't think I've been with two women that have even been remotely the same. I guess I should understand better after MK lady's kissing personality test and how lips are all different, but I'm still amazed.

Double Crossing

"Wanna come and see my Hard Drive? Babe, I promise you it ain't 3.5 inches and it sure ain't floppy. " - My favorite pick up line of the day.

I'm not a big political person on this blog, but here in Virginia fighting is tough to win. What I'm finding out is that my little corner of the world really is a important piece of the pie. How important you ask? Well I tell you.

No Double Dipping
The democrats in an attempt to increase votes they have gone to the local colleges that have high amounts of out of state students. Told them to absentee vote in there home state and then register in Virginia to vote again.

What Was That Day Again
The republicans I have to admit did outsmart them with their plan. On handouts with official logos of the Board of Elections have informed many people that since the polls expect to be overwhelmed they have spit the voting. All republicans are to vote Tuesday the 4th and all democrats are to vote Wednesday the 5th. Classic.

All I can say is I can't wait till Wednesday when it's all over.

A Different Take

It was funny with me talking about the age old question yesterday. I brought it up with my friend Paul and he said he had just talked 45 minutes with his therapist on the subject. I bring this up since I find myself really setting a tone here with my relationship with the Photographer. There is no reacting here, just acting which is something I want to do in all areas of my life. However even though it is healthy I find myself making sure I'm doing it all for the right reasons. Yes I know I'm over thinking, but its what I do best.

I had a really fun conversation with the Photographer last night. I'm going to pick her up at her place tonight to go to the Funny Bone. I think she was surprised that I ended the conversation when I did. For me it just felt right. To stop at a high point and leave more for the next time. I know she has thought of me of a dating possibility for sometime now while I've only thought about it for a short time. So I have some catching up to do.

I was asked if I would have sex with her tonight. I've never been a one night stand or booty call type of guy. While I like the Photographer I need more between us to have sex. Not saying when that would be, I'll just know.

Mike's Not Happy

As many of you know I hate reschedules. I especially hate them when the week is already slow. So I was extremely {heavy sarcasm} happy this morning when my first 2 cash patients rescheduled. I was looking forward to that money to pay bills.

On the fun side the Halloween trick or treaters already passed by. The daycare next store brings them around and it's always fun. This year I was impressed on how many parents came along. Many of whom asked if I was the chiropractor. Hey there's always hope. I was surprised that their was less kids than normal this year. I only went through about 2/3 of my candy. I have no idea what I'm going to do with the rest of it.

So this year I'm Zorro for Halloween. It's been weird growing a moustache all week. When I was young I always wanted one. My ex hated it so I never had one. Nowadays I like being clean shaven. Oh well one more day then I can shave after the single's Halloween party.

Gas is $2.09 here. Just a hair width away from going under $2 which I would love for my trip up North to see Eric.

I Can't Stand No More

I finally had to look up how to get rid of the paint smell. Many people talked about the onion to get rid of the smell, but I wasn't liking that. Also I didn't have one. However I did have some Arm & Hammer carpet fresh. While I think I can still smell the paint. I asked Loan lady when she came in how it smelled and she liked the aroma of the place. After I picked my head up I asked if she smelled the paint and she said no. So I'm happy that I can now close the window and not freeze.

I asked the Photographer to the Funny Bone tomorrow night. I knew she would be busy over the weekend so I didn't want to wait till next week. Tomorrow night's assignment will be finding out what she likes to do.

It'll be nice to go home and relax tonight. I haven't been home all week to have dinner with the Landlord.

The Age Old Question Answered

I'm not quite sure what your age old question is, but in my circles it's should you date a woman that had no issues growing up and is pretty healthy or someone that grew up with problems, but has overcame them to be a better person. Yes this is a back and forth question between my closest friends and myself since we are in the latter half. So after dating women in both ball parks plus talking to the Photographer last night I would say I choose the latter one myself. Their is just more to connect with and life views are closer. Dating Law Girl and Planner, both who had pretty normal childhoods I saw a large gap between us. While we had other things in common they both really couldn't grasp where I had came from or gone through. Not that I unload baggage on the table the first date, but as time goes on things come out. Usually they want to know stuff because I don't add up to them. I shouldn't be a doctor. I should be a factory worker, a convicted felon, or something.

I remember going out with this woman Kat a long time ago. She was attractive, funny, and great to talk to. However she wanted to know somethings of how I got here. So I told her and it was funny. She would have done the complete opposite of everything I would have done. The things that have defined me. So no there wasn't a second date.

God is it slow in the office this week for some strange reason. Something I really hate when it's the end of the month. The other thing is that the paint smell just ain't going away. The fumes are killing me.

Surprise Post Date Report

I knew this would happen if no one else showed up for my Networking Game night. The Photographer and I had dinner together. I got there early since I couldn't take my office anymore. My last patient rescheduled and I was sub coming to the fumes. So I picked up prizes for the singles Halloween party, stopped by to visit some business associates, and then headed over to Starbucks. My mind was pretty shot by then with a lot of business and networking done today.

I was talking talking to Eric when she arrived. I had moved my visit up a week since he was having out of country family coming to visit my normal weekend. It seems my son has picked up poker and enjoying the game. 9 year olds don't gamble so they just keep playing to see who wins the most. He seems to be doing very well with it.

When the Photographer comes from work she is dressed up and she looked great tonight in her outfit. I didn't think anyone else was coming, but I wasn't quite sure if Web lady was coming or not. So I asked if she was hungry which she said she was. So I suggested if no one showed up in 20 minutes we would go get some sushi. So we played some Flux. No one showed up and we headed down the road to my favorite sushi place. We talked for hours and would probably still be there if they weren't sweeping the place and filling all the condiments on the table to let us know they were closing.

Over the months of her being in the group I knew somethings about the Photographer, but not everything. When you get the quick overview you hear the more outlandish bizarre stuff, but when you get the full story you see the real person. I was very happy what I saw. A bit of a kindred spirit in that she had her rough life and changed it around for the better. So we agreed on several life beliefs which was nice.

We agreed to do this again. I wasn't quite sure what was appropriate with her and I always side on the side of caution nowadays. No more one step over the line Mike for me. She kissed me on the cheek and we said our good nights. I texted her when I got home thanking her for a wonderful evening and to sleep well.

I might have to put painting off this weekend to make some time to see her again.

Light Headed Feeling

Oh the paint fumes are killing me today. My head is pounding I have to admit the room looks very nice in the new color although it feels smaller. I'm not a big fan of the the paint stains on the rug though. I'll do the waiting room over the weekend since it would be best to break it in half. I have to admit it was nice not ruin any clothes yesterday painting, but it was a lot of scrubbing in the shower to get it off, especially on my feet.

Tonight I have my networking game night. Copied off when I do it with the singles I picked a game or two for people I do business with to learn more about each other. I think most people have cancelled on my leaving me alone with the Photographer. I enjoy hanging with her so I can learn more about her to make a decision later on if she is date worthy. My worry is that my patience level can sometimes be low and I'll push forth with it tonight.

Patience in Not My Virtue

While I can be patient with many things forget about it when I'm worked up about it. So like I mentioned earlier I finally got the okay on the color paint for my office. Hey look I have 4 hours before I have to be some place and I'm free, let me paint. Since I'm dressed in my business attire I did it in my underwear and moved all of my crap out of one room and went to work. I wasn't expecting it to take 2 coats, but it did. However the finish product looked nice. I still need to do the molding, but that can wait. Every thing was working out well for me to get out of the office to make it to the movies. I really didn't want to clean up, but since I had a patient first thing in the morning that wasn't an option. So I pulled up my drop clothes only to find that they really didn't do the job. My adjusting table was all spotted with paint as was the rug. Bloody hell!!! So I had to quickly clean the table up issuing a few prayers along the way. I'm happy to say it's all clean. The rug I'm not quite sure about and will be tomorrow's worry. I might just be getting a carpet cleaner in to clean it which probably wouldn't be a bad idea since I have no idea when it was cleaned last.

I went to see Changeling tonight. It was a good movie, but not very suspenseful. It's one of those movies that goes A-B-C-D... you get the point. However for a freebie it was well worth it.

Out of the Loop

I tell you I haven't been dating in a few weeks and I'm out of the loop. Being bored yesterday I started taking quizzes and looking up information to pass the last hour at work. Did you know missionary has been removed as the top sexual position? It's been replaced and by a tie.
Cowgirl and

Doggie have tied for first place. Who knew? This second picture was actually some one's profile pic. You can see it and others on my other blog.
Well I finally got confirmation on the shade of taupe to use in my office so I'll start painting this weekend. I'll probably have to do it room by room since their is just too much stuff to move and I don't know where to move it to.
Today I stopped shaving for Halloween. Gimme a sec and I'll explain. I'm going as Zorro this year so the moustache and goatee is needed. I tell you it's weird to shave in a pattern. I'm use to just swiping it all off.


I love when sales people come in my office trying to sell me ad space. I've been doing this a long time so I know where all my people come from. Also my answers bother them, but hey that's their problem. One of them is who is my worse competition which I always answer no one. LOL you should see their faces, but I provide treatment to a niche of people. If I was in competition with everyone else I would be dead. There's just too much of it out there. You should see my face when they show me the prices. Actually I don't react which is a learned trait. Today's offer was $8k. You have to have some balls to be asking that price with a start up paper.

What a dead day at the office. I never enjoy that. So I'm working on this week's marketing to help fill up the week.

OVDC was happy to hear that I still wasn't dating. She suggested if I wasn't ga-ga for someone don't even bother.

In looking at my blog stats I wasn't surprised to see dating was the number 1 topic. I was very surprised to see that the Planner was #2 with nothing even close to her. Who knew?

Interpersonal Relationships & Wall-E

I wanted some social activity today and I wasn't quite sure how the weather would be so I picked a movie. The cheap movie house had Wall-E which I heard was good so I made my decision. The Widower was there early for some strange reason. Actually I was surprised to see him there since he didn't sign up nor did I think it was his kind of movie. He was very excited to see the Photographer when she arrived. I know he was been wanting to go out with her and been "touchy feely" with the women since they bring their concerns to me. So far they have wanted to take care of it on their own which I have been thankful for.

Anyway it was funny he went to give her a full body hug and she stopped him quick with her hand. The Photographer informed him he was getting a shake. I usually shake every one's hand, but she gave me a full hug.

Out of all the women I know the Photographer is the only one on my list of possibilities of dating. I know she likes me which always makes it hard for me to be objective. There are things on both sides of the list to go out with her. I know I would like definites, but that is an impossibility. At this moment I'm not looking to date so if she is still available when I am I just may.

Sunny New Day

Over the past 6 months I've become the most social I've ever been in my life. However since it ended with the Planner I've felt the most alone which is really weird for me. I've always been alone. I grew up that way and it has pervaded my adult life. So to feel alone and not accept it as my friend is really weird. Usually when my Landlord goes away I'm like a pig in shit with the place to myself. Not this time. It really bothered me. It bothered me to the point that I think that I don't think I could handle living by myself again. WTF! Who the hell is this person.

Over the past few weeks I've increased my singles events to cover my empty times. During the day it doesn't affect me. While at times I do miss the camaraderie of coworkers I do prefer to work alone. I have my patients that come in and out of my day that bridge the gaps.

My problem. After every singles event I'm hit with a heavy wave of loneliness. I don't want to rely on others for my happiness. I hate crutches. And that's where I sort of left of last night although this is more from my brain than my heart.

So as I sat around last night looking over my feelings and why they were so strong. I remembered that I usually feel deprived. Having grown up under the care of whimsical adults who had no direction except what thrilled them that day. I still deep down feel like a leaf in the wind. When I started to make real changes in my life 8 years ago this is what I wanted gone from my life. I didn't care that I was homicidal, suicidal, or in an affair. I wanted to own my life so that I could be happy.

Over the years I've found that my solution is to make choices. The big point is remembering to do this. So I remembered that I'm not dating by choice since I want to be in a healthy spot to start again. That I do have the singles which I can plan an event to have company like seeing Wall-E today.

So I awoke today to a new sunny day. I had one of my "finishing business" dreams with my ex. Where I told her she had the keys to her happiness, Eric's, and mine. However she chose not to do the work. I'm glad I did mine.


I hate it when you lose a really long soul purging entry. Oh well. Sorry folks I'm not recreating it. I got out all about my loneliness and I'll ponder it.

This, That, and the Other Thing

Usually about once a year I get the chance to help Eric with his homework. Usually it's on a visit, but sometimes its by phone like last night. He was doing a project on Henry Ford and needed some information from the Internet. So I got to be a Dad and do Dad-like stuff which was fun.

The Landlord and I went our for dinner and it was funny I ran into a couple from the Singles group. The girl of the pair was like "are you here on a date?" I find it so funny that so many people want to hear about my dating life.

The weather cooperated today in that we didn't get wet riding the boardwalk. However the wind was brutal on the way back and I probably could have walked faster than I was peddling. It was a good turnout for the singles and we all got some good exercise. Afterwards we went to one of the hidden treasures of the oceanfront, Big Sams. I first went there after my first bike ride on the boardwalk with the another group years ago. An old bait shop that they just expanded a few times to make the restaurant that it is today. It looks like a dump from the outside, but the food is great.

Missed having someone in bed with me this morning. Also some of the Planner's mannerisms I'm missing. The good thing is that she has replaced my ex in my memory for many things which I find to be a good thing.

Also I hope you all are enjoying my new gadget on the side with a new pick up line each time. I know I am.

Shit I Do & Do Not Need

Woohoo! Gas was $2.39 a gallon so I was able to fill my tank up for under $30. I truly can't remember when the last time that was. I truly will love it when I go visit Eric in a few weeks.
Jeez it's been a long time since a patient tells me their dreaming about me. Whether they are or aren't I don't really care, just don't tell me. Why because then I really have to enforce a boundary that shouldn't normally be enforced. I hate these little things.
Lastly did you know all the totally cool gadgets you can add to your blog. When you hit the add gadget button. If you go to the far right or enter a word in the search engine you can find really cool stuff. Yeah, yeah I know everyone already knows this, but I just got here on the banana boat.

Deal Breakers

In digging for blog worthy stuff for my other blog I have some open accounts on dating sites. Some have my full information since I have used there site to find a date at some point in time. So when I log into find juicy pieces of information that I share with the world my information comes up as I'm active. Because of this I still get occasional emails and added to people's favorites. So this morning when I logged onto my computer I saw I had been added to some one's favorite. Always intrigued and hey I might find something to post about. However it was a nice woman with good pictures and by that I mean normal. However she had a few deal breakers for me and since a few of the blogs I read have been asking about them over the last week I figured I'd comment here. The first was that she's separated. After the incident with Red I'm not touching that with a 10 foot pole. The second was 16 month old twins. Whoa! If you have kids younger than Eric I'm not the person for you.

Just My Stuff

Being in a chiropractor, subpoenas go with the territory. Although it doesn't happen much down here since I do little personal injury by choice. However I still get them. What's funny is about once a year I get one from a lawyer's office up on the peninsula. What's funny is that I have never treated the person in any of the subpoenas. I think they need to fire someone up there.

Game night went really well last night. We haven't had that kind of turnout in a long time. We had to break up into two groups. My group since they were my games were more laughing oriented. The other group's games were more hardcore gaming types so less laughs I heard from some of the participants. The interesting thing is I left there wanting to date again. I have no idea why. Well the two ladies reading tarot cards behind us was giving me the eye for a while. Interest always seems to kick up the dating bug. Still not doing anything about it though.

Scream Quietly

Indigo over at Scream Quietly made these. It's a huge problem in America. Please copy and pass around or head over to her page and grab another one.

Finally I'm Famous

I had lunch at my favorite Mediterranean place. French girl who works and possibly owns the place was working up her usual storm. The place had emptied out by the time I got up to pay since I now try to come after lunch since from 12-1 its a mob scene. Good for them, bad for me. Anyway French girl is like aren't you the Meetup guy? She had been wanting to ask me for a while, but just never did. Like I've been told before I look just like my picture and its circulating now. Please form a straight line and I'll sign all your autographs.

Bumps in the Road

One thing I have noticed since the Planner broke it off with me is that I'm not sleeping well. While I have kicked up my activities during the day with work and networking I think I've cut back really far on vegetating. Even my reading has totally switched to business reading except for all the blogs on here. While I fall asleep okay I wake up early which I don't like. When I use to see the Planner I use to really relax which I'm not doing now. So I have to find some outlet for myself. I'm so on for the whole day that my mind never gets a chance to fully shit down which is something I get on my patients about.

Because of this I woke up at 4 this morning and I finally decided to miss my meeting this morning since I really needed the sleep to function all day. I did make it over to Starbucks for my one to one with Loan lady 2. I had no idea what she did so it was a good meeting to find out what she does and how I can help her out. I was happy to hear my commercials to the group were working and she liked them so I know I am working in the right direction there.

Game night with the singles seems to have reverted back to it's old ways of just being packed. So far we have 13 people RSVP'd. We'll probably take over the place if everyone shows up.

The Divine Diva

It was a good day. My senior presentation went very well with a very good turn out at 27. I talked about arthritis and showed them some exercises so they wouldn't be hunched over. They especially liked when I taught them how to massage hands. They thanked me so much and one woman called to say thank you. It was very sweet. The funniest thing was that a few weeks earlier a belly dancing group had come from a senior home and the 93 year old guy in the group had danced with them. The local news station was there and he's famous now.

Patient appreciation night went very well. The ladies liked the satin hands and lips. The lipstick/kissing personality test went over really well. The ladies really enjoyed that I put on lipstick (actually my MK lady had to put it on for me) and did the test. Did you all know I'm a Divine Diva? Betcha didn't, but I am. Chair massages went over very well and I got 2 massages for the therapist. I had 10 ladies show up. 2 of them weren't even my patients, but friends which was okay with me. I always find it funny that you can still give stuff away and people won't come. This reminds me of the all you could eat free Outback food that I was twisting people's arms to come.

I did had a good group of people to ask whether they would like belly dancing or Rumba lessons. Belly dancing was the favorite although stripper exercise was #1, but I don't know the person that does that and I thought that was pushing it. So I'll track down the teacher later in the week to work something out.

Loan lady came and invited me out for drinks with Diner girl around the corner. It was nice to relax after work with them and chat. Both were suitably impressed by my busy lifestyle with everything. Hey I didn't do much my first 3.5 decades on this planet and I aim for that to be different the second half.

Just Checking

When I got up this morning I had to check to make sure HR Bridge and Tunnel hadn't been blown up during the night. Since the Planner has removed all connection between us I didn't know if she would remove the physical connection between the Southside and the Peninsula.

The Escort has abandoned her room and all her stuff. I never thought a woman would leave her wardrobe behind. Bizarre.

Today brings some extracurricular activities for me. I have a lecture with seniors today about taking care of their arthritis and how to perform a hand massage. Their will be no happy endings. Tonight is my patient appreciation for my patients with a whole bunch of spa treatments. I can see why my lectures are poorly attended. Even though people really think this is cool many people just can't make it.

Who Knew?

I had a new patient today. She was short which is neither here nor there. What it did make me realize is that I've been dating a lot of tall women lately. When I say tall I don't mean 5'13" tall, but an inch or two shorter than my 5'9". Back in NY I don't think I ever went out with anyone above 5'2". It's a strange thing here in the South that women seem taller.

Now if you really want to see the move that is considered the ball buster go here.

The Last Bridge is Down

I had been wondering when this would happen. I got an email from the Planner this morning saying due to business cost that I would have to pay the membership fee for her site. I told her to take me down which saved me the energy it would take to delete it whenever I got around to it. Also she stated that she was leaving the singles group. So in a short while ever connection we had will be gone.

The Belly Dancing show went really well last night. The 3 women who performed each had different body types and different styles of dancing. It was very cool. The do the show every month so I might try to see if I can get a patient appreciation event going with them. What was really weird was one guy in the group ate during the whole first dance with his back to the stage then left. The second guy watched TV I think, but didn't watch the show for the first performance. Watched the second then left. I'm thinking alone time. Guy number three bailed during the third dancer performance while she was balancing a sword. Again I'm thinking alone time. At the end it was just me and the only girl that showed.

Lastly I would like to know why they can't make universal colors? Why must their be 10 different names for the color red? I can't find normal color names. I have to rely on the color itself which really isn't helping me.

Sunday in the Home with Mom

Today was really rough with seeing my Mom. I would have changed her summer wardrobe for winter, but in 2 days its suppose to be back in the 70's so I'll wait. Also it took so long for them to find the authorization form to get my Mom's flu shot that I needed to get out of the ward. It's a breeding ground of germs back there and I can always feel it when I've been in their too long since my sinuses start hurting.

Today they were having a birthday social and they had gathered most of the residents in the entertainment room for the music and festivities. Now I know my Mom no longer recognizes me and I'm still getting use to it, but today I was just part of the scenery to her. I was thinking of taking her for a walk around, but I wasn't registering to her. So I left her to the festivities. Usually I stay to enjoy with her, but since I didn't exist to her it was too painful and I cut out.

Sunny Sunday Morning

While many might lament the closing of AOL journals, I do not. I made the jump a long time ago, but in doing so I missed many of my friends. However it's like reunion time now. Woohoo! People I haven't seen for a while keep popping up and it's a great little surprise when I open my email to find another familiar face has found me.

Waking up alone again in the bed this Sunday morning was easier. Even though it was painful and reopened the wound it allowed it to heal properly. What I'm rambling about is the Planner's surprise visit Friday. Me giving her a hug and saying goodbye gave me healthy closure that makes it easier to let it go.

As many of you know I'm really working my business mojo now a days. I'm writing off years '04-'06 since they screw everything up with planning. While year one was very good divorce and custody battles really fucked up '05-'06. The graph just flat lines. '07 shows it rising from the ashes like the proverbial phoenix. So calculating yesterday I've increased business 65% from last year which is why I'm not doing the second job this year. Money is still no where near where I wanted it, but at least it's moving in the right direction. So wrote out my goals for the next 3 years, broke them down into 3 month increments and said how I was going to make them happen. History has shown me when I have done stuff like this my business has made leaps and bounds so it's something to keep doing.

Tonight I have a belly dancing event with the singles. When I originally talked about it with the group a lot of people were interested. Today I feel like I'm going to a strip club since only the perverts are going. If I didn't really want to see the show I would hand it off to someone else.

Out of My Element

In 5th grade I had to take a test. I didn't know the answers so I made it up as we went along. Afterwards they didn't say anything and I went back to class to quickly forget about the whole thing. That was until they wanted me to take the test again. So this time around I was pretty honest and told them I didn't know the answers. Afterwards they told me don't be a paint mixer for a living. I'm partially color blind. I say partially because I see color just different from you.
So I've been wanting to repaint my office to make it look nice. The Planner was suppose to help me, but she dragged her feet and you know what happened after that. MK Lady made some suggestions and said she would get back to me. So far nothing, but with two very young toddlers I don't expect much. Loan lady suggested a coffee with creamer look. Anyway I'm getting impatient waiting for someone to step up and help me. So I stopped at Home Depot tonight to look at colors. Holy shit now I know what the school nurse meant. It's like Disney world barfed on a display. Their are so many different shades of everything that someone of them I can't even say what color it is. Never mind if it goes with my carpet. I'll have to ask someone for some substantial help. I really don't want to have to ask for a professional to do it. I know Stager lady would love to get her hands on my office, but it's my baby and I'm careful with it.


OMG I forgot how much I hate getting a hair cut when it's cold outside. Even the Stylist was surprised to see me since I was about 2 weeks early for my usual haircut. I figure I would preempt the shaggy look especially with my patient appreciation night and senior talk this coming week. Just like it rains as soon as you wash your car the the temperature has dropped here. Jeez I'm cold. I think I may need to buy one of those tall furry Russian hats to even out my body temperature.

Some Thoughts

Sitting around the house last night I realized the biggest thing I'm sad about with the Planner is that I was looking forward to celebrating my birthday and the holidays this year with someone special. There are people I can hang with this year if I don't want to be alone, but it's not the same. So I went through all my grieving again last night and feel better today.

Eric called me last night upset and I got to be a father which always helps my mood. One of his friends asked who he was for in the presidential race. Eric said McCain. His friend said why because he's white? Eric was upset that his friend attacked him on it. So we talked on it. I shared with him how painful it is to have people who are our friends hurt us. We don't expect it to come from them. I validated his feelings. Afterwards he didn't have much to say. I'll call him later to see how he is doing.

It's a washout for today for the singles hike so I'm trying to get a game of pool going, but with last minute changes you never know with the group.

I Felt Like My Head Would Explode

It's been an hour or so and I'm coming down from the Planner's unexpected drop in. For me I have to always remember I'm very sensitive and I overlook my emotions quickly when something like this happens. Seeing her again was a double edged sword. While she was just attractive as always to my eyes, my heart still felt the sting of pain of how she broke us up. So my insides got yanked both ways even though I don't want to go back out with her again. The Planner was standoffish which is to be expected. She wasn't like L who adhered her body to me the first time we ran into each other. So I guess it was healthier. At the least I got all my stuff back. However it did rip open the wound of her bizarre pull back and then blamed stuff on me. It all put a bad taste in my mouth about the relationship. Hopefully now the dead will stay in the ground.


That's how I feel at the moment after the Planner stopped here. I thought it was my patient coming back in for some reason. It was a real freakin' surprise to see her standing there. She looked good, but I had no idea how to act. So I made small talk while the gibbering monkey part of my brain went completely ape shit. I think I would have been more prepared for Ed McMahon to come in with my Publisher's Clearing House check even though I didn't play. Anyway she wanted to give me all my stuff back. So I helped her take it all out of her car. She answered all my questions about her car and job a little weirdly. Hey she had the heads up we were meeting. I didn't know how to end it so I gave her a hug and said goodbye. She said I hadn't changed being all bubbly then she told me to drop her a line sometime. I'm so happy that I don't have an appointment for a while since my brain is a bit fried.

The Power of Sex

It's always a couple of weeks after I break up with someone that I realize the power of having regular sex. While I don't have a sweet tooth for sweets I do have one for sex. Hey what can I say. I'm not promiscuous so I do go from feast to famine. So it's been a couple of weeks since the Planner and I stopped seeing each other. My body is asking me what the hell happened? So my roving eye wants to come out. However this is the time I don't want to start meeting someone. My motivation is sexually driven and that never leads to anything lasting which is my goal. Yes I'm goal driven.

Yesterday was an excellent day of work especially for a half day. 6 patients with 3 of them being new. I handled it all, but when people start coming late and others early it gets a little rough around the edges for me. However if it was like that everyday I would be very happy.

So this morning I finally got back into the gym after a few weeks of being off. It felt good to get back in the swing of things. Now I just need to work it back into my schedule and I'll be good with it.

NSF Ride

I had it all planned out. Oh well the best laid plans of mice and men. I dropped off rent last week after 2 pm so I knew they couldn't put into the account to the following day which means it would clear the next. Everything would work out and I wouldn't get any penalties for being late. WRONG! Some how they got that baby in that day either through a check scanner or some bank that allows you to post till 5. Since it went in that day I was $8 short. Since then it has been the NSF ride. What I love is how they seem to hold my credit bills to the day when I can get hammered. I know the bank is a business, but do they have to use the whole fist when they fuck you?

Went to see Get Smart last night for a $1 movie Tuesdays with the singles. I had to admit it was better than I thought it would be. It was a 50% turnout which is good for us.

On the home front, my Landlord left last night so I have the place to myself till Saturday which is always fun. The freedom is a nice change.

Medical Daze

I had my first official meeting today to start my medical marketing program off. I started making a mountain out of a mole hill with the whole thing. Then I realized I've done enough of these one to one meetings and everyone says I excel at them. So then I realized that it was the medical doctor part that was causing my concern, but when I accepted that it would be the same as all the others I'd done it was okay. The meeting went very well and I knew I could offer them more than what they were getting already. So I left figuring very good about the whole thing.

Today was the first time I needed to send a patient to the ER while I've been in private practice. I've made the call when I've worked with other doctors, but it was different today. However I knew her injuries from an accident were something I couldn't help her with at the moment.

My Landlord is trying to go out of town for the rest of the week today. Single is gone from the house, but Escort is a problem. She didn't seem to understand that not paying rent 2 moths was grounds for being kicked out. She was suppose to meet Landlord yesterday to finalize everything before she left, but that never happened. So her stuff is still in the house and he wants to get out of town like he had scheduled. Since he has no way to contact her now I hope I don't have to deal with her. However it will be great to have the place to myself.

Gather Around Children

Now STFU!!! (Shut The Fuck UP). I tell you working with the singles is like trying to deal with a bunch of spoiled children. In all honesty most are very nice, but there are some truly special ones out there, special not meaning in a good way.
Pictures are the biggest pain. I made a rule that you need a picture to be a member since we are a private group. Doing so keeps a lot of the tourist out since they have to be seen. Now there are two schools of thought here. One school has no clue how to upload a photo to the site. Being the organizer I'm expected to know what they're doing wrong in their parents basement someplace. While I'm happy to work with people, I have to admit I have no clue what they're doing and emailing takes a while to get all the information. So what I really get riled about is when they get angry that I can't help them and they can't join. Hey I'm sorry you're a social retard and this is your last desperate attempt to make a friend. Let me let you in on something. I'm not feeling the love here.

The second school of thought is the whiners on why they must have a picture to join. Hmmm I don't know maybe it's a rule. I don't care that you are good looking and just don't want anyone that might pass you on the street to notice you on our site. Or that you're number 9 on the FBI's most wanted list. Or whatever screwed up story you want to tell me. I'm not making exceptions for the Shadow.

I tell you that Ban button is looking better all the time. Yes I'm banning you. Why? Because you're an idiot. No wait, you just annoy the crap out of me. How's that?

Oh well break over everyone back in there seats.

Pes Planus & Indian Summer

What happened to all the nice fall weather? It's almost 80 out there and will stay their for most of the week. Even the wasp nest that was starting to become dormant outside my office window is a happening place today. So happening I needed to get a stick to get rid of it. I got away safely, but they're all kvetching in group about what to do now.

Sometimes I forget why they don't let people in the military with flat feet. Yes I have them. It's never the day of that's the pain. It's the next day when you try to hike again. My feet need sometime to recuperate afterwards. Even for all the years I did valet. As long as I had a day or two after a big event I was good, but to do big events day after day was excruciating.
Now you're all probably wondering where the hell I'm going with all of this. I forgot it was Columbus day and I'm open. However both morning appointments were rescheduled and I only have one appointment in the afternoon. So I got my door hangers last week and I figured I would drop some off today. Oye! After an hour I was a sweaty mess and my feet ached from having hiked yesterday.

See there was a point.

The Reality Paradox

Six days a week I really don't care or really even think about it. However Sunday's are different. Four months of waking up with someone next to you will do that. I don't know how my body and mind know, but they do. Yes I'm talking about waking up alone in bed today. This is the second week in 4 months that this has happened and it's taking some getting use to.

It was a beautiful fall day here for a hike and it was nice to hang out with Web Lady, her husband, and dog. We did a 5 mile hike which was just perfect walking wise. Life and business was talked about as we watched their 6 month old puppy go crazy for everything, it was all very funny.

I stopped by Panera afterwards to use their free wi-fi and drink a Jonas cream soda. I was reading emails from friends when I realized I hadn't talked to the Planner. You know sometimes when you dream it seems to real and normal that it just slips in to your consciousness unnoticed. Well I had dreamed that the Planner had called me to get back together. I don't remember her reasoning, but I told her no. That blowing me off for no reason was unacceptable and the way she handled everything said a lot. It was funny I thought it had really happened. Oh well at least I know what I would say.

Bowling Chili

I had not one, but two singles events to attend today. The best part I didn't run either one of them. Actually there was a third, but I don't drink. I love attending events that I don't run. I can sit back, not care who shows up, and if their are any questions or problems I can just point to the host. Gotta love it. Anyway first up was the Chili cook off and Car Show. For .50 you got to try some chili. Some were very good, my favorite being the cilantro one to the weird like pumpkin chili, not one of my favorites. I passed on the bison one and I never made it to the gator one. It was weird to hear people talk about chili like a fine wine. Sweet, hot, smooth, smokey, etc. I had to admit it was more fun than I thought it would be. The cars were very impressive although I'm not a car person. While they are nice to look at I couldn't dump that much money into one just to show it off. Hey I don't like dumping money into mine just to make it run.

I had to go onto the Navy base for the bowling fundraiser for one of my friends company that helps people with MR. Since I bowl straight, all I need to do is figure where to throw the ball on the lane. I blew everyone away with my 180 and 149, plus raised more money for getting a bunch of strikes. While I enjoyed it my body didn't. My fingers and the right side of my back ache. It's such a lopsided sport that it really does a number on me.

Saturday Morning

I'm not a big fan of waking up earlier than my alarm clock, but it happens from time to time, this morning being one of those times. I remembered some one's post (??) about after breaking up what was still around that reminded them of that person. Looking around my shadowed predawn room I couldn't see anything of the Planner. The only things I had around were her pictures and my travel toothbrush that I left on the coffee table at the end of my bed. Both of these items have been removed. I know most of the things I got from her were more internal. I did get a chuckle then since I realized I'm all over her place. From the cat gate on the stairs, the water pillow on her bed, the exercise ball in her spare room, the lock on her office door, to all her watches that I fixed. It's nice to know I leave my mark around.

Every fall in my neighborhood we have a race. They close all the streets and if you want to leave during the race it's hell. So you have the option of leaving before 8 or after 11. Since I had patients this morning I opted for the early option. Their probably is a good thing to this, but I haven't found it yet.

I've been looking around for some volunteer work I can do in the community. Not much really appealed to me so I went with what I was already doing the SPCA. I really enjoy taking the animals into the schools to meet the kids. So I'm going to see what else I can do.

On the flip side of that I'm finding that being an entrepreneur is a lifestyle all it's own. I know that any problems with the office have been mine, but now I see how the ups and downs go.

Friday Fun

8 years ago when I left my atheist ways of 18 years and started down a spiritual path I looked for people who had things I wanted. It worked very well when I lived in NY since there was many people that I looked up to. However when I came to Virginia I have not been as fortunate. Most people were still learning and no one was ahead of me to learn from and I've gotten out of practice. So when I was reading one of my business books on the subject I started thinking of who would be good candidates. First up was Loan Lady and we met for Starbucks this morning to talk about what she does. It was very helpful. A lot of it was being positive and energetic. While I'm extremely energetic I work on the positive part. Also was the change of a few words. Instead of networking she used making friends which I adored. I know for me words have power and subtle changes like that mean a lot.

I'm a little tired today since I loaded my ACT program to help me track my business and where it comes from so that I can focus on what works and what doesn't. As usual I'm a guy and don't read directions, however with a little side tracking I got it working very well.

On the home front my Landlord stated he wanted both women out by Sunday. He's leaving next week for his train show and doesn't want them still there. The spoons in the garbage disposal last time probably didn't help. Single was suppose to be out by Sunday, but seems to be dragging her feet which is normal for her. Escort hasn't been home for most of the week so I know he was going to call her. It will be awesome to have to place alone while he is gone. Nakedness and blasting music will commence in 4 days. Woohoo!!!

My Wish

You know I've been wanting to be able to grieve the ending of my relationship with the Planner and my feelings have been dribbling out here and there. Well I feel them today while I can't say I have a box of Kleenex here, I am down. My focus is negative and I'm happy that I have nothing going on business wise today. So hopefully by the end of the day I'll be done and over this since even I'm getting tired of this.

Home life update: Single has been yo-yoing back on forth on leaving and staying. So again she is leaving and is suppose to be gone this weekend. Escort hasn't been home in a few days. My guess is she is shacking up with someone in hopes of a free place to stay. Hey you have to think positive.

Uploading or Uplifting

Well some of you may or not know that AOL is shutting down there blogging area. To most of you that probably means squat. I started blogging on AOL many years ago and I met a wonderful group of people there. However after a few years I grew and wanted to expand my horizons which lead me to this place where you all know and love me. Anyway blogspot is allowing all the AOL users to upload there blogs here. When my only option was to save my old journal I was like forgetaboutit. Way too much work for something I probably would never read again. However today I got the message that we could upload. So I did. Holy shit, 1284 entries! I know I have a lot of entries, but jeez. Anyway I put it on sidebar if you would like to take a gander.

The museum tonight with the singles was interesting. While it was nice to see everyone, listen to jazz, and look at the new exhibits. One member was trying to connect with one of the ladies there. I had to admit I could feel the sadness come over me. I felt disconnected from everyone and I ended up walking the museum by myself. I had no idea how going to the museum again would be, but at least it made me feel my loss.

Next on my plate is should I ask for my book, CD, and condoms back?

weird ...

I got an email from the Planner today asking when I was updating my blog on her business website. I'm the only member on there besides her. I use to post weekly, but she had let it go so I didn't see the point. I figured she would delete me at some point. Since it's up on the Peninsula it doesn't really do anything for me and I only did it to help her. I threw up a entry. I have no idea why. I guess since it couldn't hurt me business wise.

After lunch today I was exhausted and my lack of sleep had caught up with me. So since I had some free time I headed down to the bay to grab a nap. It was nice.

Tonight the singles and I are off to the Chrysler Museum of art for their weekly wine and jazz night. It's always a fun time although I wonder if it will feel weird to me since the last time I was there I asked the Planner out.

Knocked Up

I'm not a big one to hit on news here. The stuff just doesn't get into my shorts. However reading my informational sites this morning made me drop my jaw. Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant again! Someone needs to give her a book or pamphlet on how this happens. She knew that she could have unprotected sex while knocked up and not get pregnant. However for some reason she thought the same was true for when your breast feeding which much to her dismay is not true. Creating the Spears nation one baby at a time.

In other news OMG I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. It's going to be a long day. My early morning presentation went well. Now I have to wake up the hamster in my brain to get my creative juices going. However the little bastard keeps whacking the snooze button.

5 to Midnight

I love my action packed days except when I realize I have to be up in 6 hours to do a presentation. Oye! Other than that the day went well. I was able to help the realtor in my group with some advertising today since she was down in the dumps with the market the way it is. I know I'm expanding my horizons, but making your self un-expendable is one of my strategies.

The rest of my classes and meetings went very well. It was nice to be in a groove, energetic, and bubbly. All together it makes me fit right in. We had to deal with one women stating that she helps women orgasm in a meeting. Not actually having an orgasm in the meeting just that she does it for a living. I do it for free, but hey if you can make a few bucks off it. All the power to you. She probably could film it and make more money, but I doubt if her clients would like that, but who knows.

The birthing center was really nice. I got to talk to the midwife before she had to run to deliver a baby, but my name got out in a room full of people so that was nice also. However it was their show and I'm not a poacher. I have to admit I would love a hotel room like these. Queen size bed, giant jacuzzi, TV, refrig, and microwave. Wow and the insurance company pays for it. Not bad.

Lastly it was over to see Tropic Thunder. Now that was a funny movie made even better with me forking over a $1 to see it.

When I was bored Sunday and decided to plan all these events I needed to think better. Now another day of getting up early, full day, and a singles event at night. All that and not a full night sleep. Mike's not a happy camper.

Beautiful Day

What a wonderful fall day today. I may have no patients today, but I'm energized and in a great mood. I had a meeting with someone in my networking group who knew me when I joined and it was nice to have her say how much I've changed. My presentation went very well this morning and I want to produce a lot of business out of it. So that will be my focus over the next 24 hours.

What was truly great was Loan Lady showed up today at our meeting to fill in for someone who was out. I don't idolize anyone nor do I have any mentors. However when I started my spiritual path having been an atheist for 18 years I instantly gravitated to people who had what I wanted. So Loan Lady is one of the people that has something business wise that I want. However she is usually very busy and I didn't know how I was going to get an appointment with her. Then she appeared this morning and I was able to set something up for Friday. Sweet.

So the rest of the day will be network education classes, a tour of a large birthing center in the area (hopefully for referrals back and forth) and then to see Tropic of Thunder with the Singles. A $1 movie, can't go wrong.


I thought it would take me to about Wednesday to erase the Planner's info out of my phone, but by the end of the day today I wanted it gone. So that put the last shovel of dirt on that relationship. Well at least the physical evidence. The emotional stuff will probably take longer.

Being the organizer of my Singles group means I meet a lot of people and I have to admit most are women. Looking at the events its usually me and a bunch of women with another guy tossed in for good measure. So it's weird for me to have several women like me and dropping emails to just communicate. I've gotten use to the one that comes around every once in a while, but I seem to be on a roll at the moment. No one's really my type nor do I want to date at the moment. However I have to admit after just being dumped it's nice to be wanted.

Money & Networking

I tell you I hate balancing my checking account since I always end up with less money in it than I want. However in being financially responsible it's something that has to be done. Am I too old to be someone woman's boy toy? You know just pay me to stand around a look good. I think I could handle that for a while.
On other more realistic fronts I'm applying my Singles knowledge to my networking group. Even though I'm no longer part of leadership I want to know these people better and them me. Also I want to be seen as a person that gets things done which I know they already, but hey I can beat it into their heads some more. At least till I get more referrals out of them. So with being single again I have more free time which isn't totally true since I only saw the Planner for one night a week. First up I've invited everyone plus their spouses and pets to go on a hike this coming Sunday. Like the Singles events, if no one shows up I still have fun. After this I'll do a Game Night with Lifestories the game for everyone to get to know each other better.

For some reason today is harder for me, but the want to check out the old dating sites is around. I think because I have some free time today.

Snowball Monday

After a relaxing weekend I find myself in my age old trap of getting the momentum going again. While I always have it moving the business needs a high amount of RPMs to keep on climbing. The funny thing is its always in correlation to how the office is doing. As soon as I let off a little the office responds automatically.

A few weeks ago when I had a one to one with a business coach I told him I was a week salesman. Mostly because I didn't like to sell. He told me I most be pretty good since I got someone to marry me. I really hadn't looked at it like that. Through our conversation he picked up that when I talk about selling I put a negative spin on it. So I've been working on changing that which leads me to my new business book I'm reading which is the Joy of Selling. I tried to listen to the audio version, but I'm too much of a reader and I don't absorb as well.

My head is clearing a little better. I can actually see what I don't want with the women that would like to date me in the singles group. So perspective is coming back. I was sad this morning after reading one of my mediation's that talked about cherishing your darling. So the feelings are coming slowly, but at least they're coming.

One thing I still can't get use to is growing out of clothes. Since I stopped growing decades ago, I've been pretty stable. Now with working out I keep out growing my clothes. I tell you there's nothing like ironing a shirt then putting it on the next morning to find that it's a little snug. Also putting a tie on with it only makes it look like a too small monkey suit.

A New Dating Rule or Two

I did the thrift store thing today looking for new games for game night. I know like I need more freakin' games in my closet. I'm going to need a storage unit to put them all someplace. Anyway while I was browsing at all the stuff I realized that both L and the Planner dumped me after I helped move furniture into there house. They're the longest 2 relationships I've had since I've been divorced.

I think L would have dumped me a week earlier since she was hemming and hawing over should we get together. Finally she changed her mind and we went shopping for a futon for her place. After much searching we found one and I got it into her place and rearranged the furniture so it would fit. The next day would be it.

The Planner wanted some help bringing in her ottoman she had bought. I think it was sofa sectional the damn thing was so big. The next day poof. So no more moving furniture for me. If a woman I'm dating suggest it I'll just say, "no thanks, but it was nice knowing you."

The second rule which maybe harder to enforce/figure out is the saying "I love you". None of the women I've dated have said it or had any inclination of saying it. What I'm starting to think is I'm just being used for sex. I should start listening to all the advice on the bathroom walls about you ladies.

Well Okay Then

As I was doing my prayers and meditations this morning I realized some anger had set in with the Planner. I realized that if I hadn't kept pushing for contact she would have walked away without a peep. Then she had the audacity to complain about me not wanting the relationship. Okay at least I'm processing.

I have to admit it was nice to awake on a Sunday morning in my own bed and just relax. With me working Saturdays I haven't had the ability to just lie around in bed by myself and just enjoy. For many months I've awoken at the Planner's. While it was nice to have her next to me I was always sore from her memory bed. I do miss having a person next to me to touch and cuddle with.

While it is beautiful out I'm going for an indoor event today with the singles. Their was nothing happening outdoors today that I wanted to do so for a $1 I'm off to see Kung Fu Panda again. I enjoyed it a lot the first time and everything else there sucked. My workout will be the Photographer who will be there.

Around that I think I'll hit the thrift stores for new games for Game night. All the good adult games are expensive as hell so I'm looking for some deals.

The Void

Game night was great tonight. It was a good turnout with new and old faces plus new games. We had a lot of laughs that I really needed. The biggest thing affecting me is that I feel the void of the Planner being gone in my life. While I'm not sad or feel like I'm grieving and can feel the want for another woman to fill that hole. I'm not talking sexually either. A vacuum has been created and I'm trying to fill it in with good social interaction with everyone while I go through what I need to go through. The weird thing is I don't feel anything resembling sad and I had to admit I was pretty peppy today bouncing to all the songs on the radio. So I have no clue what's going on inside of me.

It doesn't help that certain women in the group like me. While I like them and really look forward to having them at events since they make it more fun I wouldn't date them even when I'm out of this. One of the biggest things I've learned over the years is to know what wouldn't be a good match. The hard part still is if they like me. The Photographer I know likes me and would like if I asked her out, but I don't feel it would be a healthy thing. However I do enjoy her being at events since she is a hoot.

You Know When ...

You know it's over in your heart when you look at another woman as a possible date. I'm not looking to date anyone, but I found myself getting those thoughts tonight when the singles played miniature golf. It was a great time, with lots of laughs and awesome fall weather. 90% turn out for the event which is awesome and the right mix of people make it even better.

No call from the Planner and with her saying she will call me I know I shouldn't hold my breath. I think I may have a hard time getting over this relationship and its not because I enjoyed it so much. I think because it change direction so fast and then it just didn't end. It's like the un-ending. I'm unable to be sad at its loss since my mind can't wrap itself around it yet. That worries me since I know if I'm not careful I can swallow the feelings and then I'll have problems down the line. So pictures came down today. Text messages will be erased sometime over the weekend. If no contact by Sunday I'll hammer the last nail into the coffin.

I was so close. I had a record amount of patients coming in for the week. However the dreaded reschedules came and now I'm even with my highest amount. I need a walk in tomorrow or something. I hate when this happens.

Friday Thoughts

Met with a friend Ar Lady this morning who had got me into networking 2 years ago. We had met at a health fair, started talking, and the rest they say is history. Over the years she has given me good business and I would like to return the favor. The biggest problem is that Ar Lady and MK Lady both do cosmetics for different companies and both are good referrers. So I'm relying on MK lady for her cosmetics and trying Ar Lady for other items like detoxs and vitamins. I have a person already with a company which I like their product, but referring wise is poor. So like I did with my insurance I need to look out for me. So I'll cut up the pie in my office and give each what works best for me. The more someone works for me the bigger the pie.
I feel like I'm just in the beginning of a relationship. You know you've gone out once or twice and you talk to set up the next time you see each other. The problem here is that the Planner and I are going out almost 4 months. For me the longer you go out the closer you get. Not the opposite. So I'm waiting for her to call me at some point. I really think this is a controlling move. Anyway this is the opposite way I am. I feel like I'm being asked to care less and guess what I am. I don't feel like I have a girlfriend.

Work Odds & Ends

The office at the end of the hall pays for the Niagara special. This is the second time he's had a leak in his office. It's so bad it's into the hallway. Not quite sure where it comes from, but it can't be fun. Anyway all this attention for our suite has been good. They fixed our front door which has been misaligned for a few weeks. Our hallway no longer looks like a cave with the light bulbs replaced which is something I really love.

As always I try to save the best for last. Okay I have no idea when I save this stuff for. Anyways a mail truck pulled up outside our place. I was busy so I didn't think much about it even though the mail had already passed. I knew he came into our hall. As usual I'm the only one here when I realized I never heard him leave. So I have to go to the bathroom which is at the end of the hall when I almost run into him as he's making a bee line for the door. I wonder what this is all about until I realize he's bombed the bathroom. I have to admit he's used half a can of spray to cover the smell. So I walk in to find that when he dropped the kids off at the pool he left a whole bunch of streak marks. Like pal clean up after yourself. Bastard! Maybe I'll get him a poop-a-gram for the holidays.


Recovery is about more than walking away. Sometimes it means learning to stay and deal. It's about building and maintaining relationships that work.

It was funny that this was my daily mediation this morning in my mailbox. I know I can be very cut and dry with relationship stuff. Strong emotions are always a workout for me and they can shut me down fast during these heavy duty conversations. So I processed a lot through my dreams last night which is usual for me. Every time I woke up I had to analyze what I was telling myself. The biggest thing I feel is compartmentalized with the Planner. Something that comes up occasionally, but is always tied into her stress. Sleeping in a second bed is a big one that I won't budge on. The others are that she focuses so much on her work that I'm cleaned off the desk and wedged someplace. I know I'm in second place to her business which is funny since she knows that she is the same with me, but doesn't like it.

One of the big things that came up was how I could still be excited to see her after communicating during the day. Being married you the same person day in and day out. If you don't make it exciting it won't last. I'm not quite sure the Planner knows how to do this.

So whenever she calls I'll tell her this, plus I want to know the good stuff since she wants to work on it. She gave me the long list of the bad stuff so their has to be something good in here for her to stay.

There is some double standard here with our businesses which I haven't fully gotten a handle on. A over generalization is my stuff is a problem, but hers is not. I'll have to work on it.

Well Okay Then

Sorry ladies, but I don't think I will ever understand you. I just finished talking to the Planner for 90 minutes. To me it seemed to go in more different directions than a belly dancer's navel. She ended up repeating herself many times because I just wasn't getting it. It started out as she doesn't really trust me, I don't help her, she doesn't have the time for a relationship, we're better friends than bf/gf and a bunch of other things that she's worried about in her life. Okay so I guess this is over. Wrong! She's upset that since I've said I loved her that I'm not trying to suggest suggestions on how we can work things out. Hmmm maybe it's just me, but when you give me a list of why it's not working for you I feel that the loving thing to do is not force you do something you don't want to do.

The biggest thing I got from the whole conversation is that she is stressed with everything and she's not handling it well. Also I like to talk everyday and she doesn't. There was a lot of business stuff that I can't say I fully understood since it wasn't linear and had extra stuff thrown in for good measure.

My brain shut down somewhere near the end, but as I sit here I wonder with not hearing anything positive said about me or our relationship I have to wonder why the Planner still would want it. I'll have to ask her that when she calls me.

The good thing is that I'm calm again. She brought up some valid points about me which I can see. Like since we talk so much business I sometimes treat her like another business person instead of as my girlfriend. I do expect her to talk more about her business problems instead of me asking about them.

What I didn't do tonight was find out if she thought it was okay to ignore me the past few days. I have to admit I hate dealing with this stuff since it's highly emotional and it's hard for me to deal with it.

Let's All Do the Twist

The end of last week I made the goal of doubling my business in the next 30 days. I have a lot of ideas on how to do this besides what I have been doing over the last few weeks. Now I just need to keep executing everything. So far so good. The phone has been very active this week with new patients. As it stands now I will have a record week so keep something crossed for me. Anytime in the a past when I make change I see an upswing in the business. This time I'm being very consistent and have fall back plans to keep me motivated.

Eric called me today and he got his baritone. He played some for me. We both laughed since it kind sounded like a fart. Hey were guys. It's been a good week with him. I love when he's excited about something and he calls to share. Monday he called to share that he got the highest grade on his social studies test which was awesome since many kids had to be curved.

I have this funny feeling that the Planner will not answer the phone tonight which will mean its over and I never got the card.

Also be a follower of my blog. Hit the button and join the gang or at least make me happy.

Shocked & Stunned

My body still hasn't caught up with my heart yet. I can't believe that 4 days ago I loved someone deeply and today I really don't care about them. I figured with my words that their was a problem and sharing my feelings that I would awake to find a text on my phone. Nothing. I sent my morning good morning wish. Still nothing. WTF!

I know for me it's her motives more than any action that mean something to me. Last night I still wanted to know. Today I really couldn't give a crap since all I'm feeling is I don't matter. I'll call her tonight like normal, but I don't really expect much. I do have to admit this has been a real learning experience since this hits me in all my weak spots. Well this could be a first in post divorce history. Me breaking up with someone. I did it well enough before I was married, but since I've been divorced I've been the dumpee.

On the good note I need 1 more patient to come in this week to break my record of week highs. I think I may need to go next store to the Autozone and by some oil to spread around the sidewalks and roadway.

MK lady and myself are going to do a lot of promoting together. Since my practice is mostly women I want to thank them with some patient appreciation. So I'm going to see if they want make overs or spa pampering. Also she's going to help me pick colors out for my office.
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