tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37714460676187458702024-03-05T23:23:29.400-05:00Going Sane in a Crazy WorldMy journey through life and the lessons I learn to help me grow spiritually.Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.comBlogger1751125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-7441080932806294362011-03-18T10:37:00.000-04:002011-03-18T10:37:30.309-04:00Stuck in the Past<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-dhtLgaVmMes/TYNuGLQC9GI/AAAAAAAAEyc/jJ6NO4eUG9c/s1600/j0423044.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-dhtLgaVmMes/TYNuGLQC9GI/AAAAAAAAEyc/jJ6NO4eUG9c/s320/j0423044.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I'm stuck in the past today and not liking it. The Comic called me yesterday very upset that she was informed they were going to foreclose on her house. She was very upset since she had been doing everything they wanted and paying the modified amount they agreed on. However since it wasn't the full amount they are now informing her that she is way past due and will start proceedings. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I'm a guy and I like to fix, but there is nothing for me to fix here. Or better said I can't afford to fix it. So I've been loving and supporting which is all I can do. However I don't like being powerless. I really don't. What's really got me is that I shared with her how it was for me when I separated and divorced from my ex. How I lost everything and pointed out what few things I own. Also how alone I felt. It really dragged me back. Like I'm feeling like I'm living that life again when I'm not. I know I buried most of those feeling along the way since it was just too much to handle. Now I've opened the door and they're all flying out. So when I got up all anxious this morning I had to sit around and enjoy my place for awhile just to let it sink in that everything is okay. I'm not back in that life 5-6 years ago. However the ick remains.</span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-32270826313482600442011-03-14T16:26:00.000-04:002011-03-14T16:26:50.306-04:00Pushing the Limit<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-fBZLRkkm1Fk/TX555A2wUhI/AAAAAAAAEyY/rh_Mef3g7tY/s1600/2005-Touareg-W12-Speedometer-1024x768.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-fBZLRkkm1Fk/TX555A2wUhI/AAAAAAAAEyY/rh_Mef3g7tY/s320/2005-Touareg-W12-Speedometer-1024x768.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Someone attached a harness onto me today without me knowing and tossed me into the deep end. It's all good stuff, but I have to admit it's been a day outside my comfort zone. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">It all started when I went to see OVDC and I told her that I would probably not be attending the seminar we talked about. She was like you have to go. I informed her with the extra taxes I had to pay and the Comic's engagement ring I was strapped. The money may come in or may not for the due date. She told me she would lend me the money which I found extremely nice. However I find it hard to accept cause it pushes me into that area that I'm worth it which is hard for me at times. It is funny that I really want to go to this seminar. So I put it in my calendar and am doing everything like I'm going. I never knew if I would be able to afford it or not. Now this comes up. Pretty interesting.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The next thing is that I've been back and forth with an attorney about being a witness for my patient. He's been wanting me to do it with that patient paying me after since he doesn't put any money up front. It's been difficult standing my ground with the same answer of not working for free. Hey I'm a people pleaser. Anyway he scrounged up money finally to offer me money to show up for an hour and be an expert. I took it since I could use it. Again it's a large amount so now I have to be comfortable with being worth it. I'm having a hard time with it. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">This is all my usual core problems which hold me where I'm at. Since I'm moving slow with it I see the universe has given me a big push. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The last thing is I got quoted by my state association in our drive to get new members. It's interesting to open the flier and see my quote there. </span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-90713364910470026712011-03-13T20:44:00.000-04:002011-03-13T20:44:45.948-04:00Yin and Yang of Life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-ccHNOHrucaM/TX1k4yB5x9I/AAAAAAAAEyU/i6FYjSeIB0Y/s1600/yin+yand.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-ccHNOHrucaM/TX1k4yB5x9I/AAAAAAAAEyU/i6FYjSeIB0Y/s1600/yin+yand.jpg" /></a></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Talking to Eric the Friday night I found out that his cousin had died the day before. He's about my age, but has been doing drugs and alcohol for longer than I ever knew him. Eric didn't elaborate on his death and wanted to avoid the subject. I had wanted to talk to him about other things besides school work, but this really through me. Eric didn't need another death. We talked a little while. I'll give him a call tomorrow before he goes out for religious class just to see how he's doing. At times I really feel like I'm losing my son, but it's just him growing up I believe.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">On the other end of the spectrum I picked up the Comic's engagement ring yesterday. I wasn't planning on it, but the owner of the place was saying how the economy was so bad and he cut me a lot of breaks. So that's one less thing to worry about. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I've been doing the P90x for the last 2 weeks. I'm pretty much up to a full workout except with legs which was my weakest area so it's taking me time to catch up. I'm not doing the full program since I'm trying to stay in shape. I could care less about how I'll be in 90 days. I think about how I'll be at 90 instead. It's a great program that I enjoy, but you do need to ease into it unless you're really in great shape. I got a chin up bar from Walmart and some Bodylastic bands and I'm good to go. The Comic's enjoying the show.</span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-82971786249252194192011-02-17T17:15:00.000-05:002011-02-17T17:15:41.482-05:00Dates are Being Set<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dD-YuQp0axU/TV2dmKIZ26I/AAAAAAAAEyM/eif7YIqmgHw/s1600/kiss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dD-YuQp0axU/TV2dmKIZ26I/AAAAAAAAEyM/eif7YIqmgHw/s320/kiss.jpg" width="242" /></a></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">So the Comic and I pushed two events together last weekend and celebrated our 8 months together and Valentine's day. We were going to try this Indian place, but decided to go back to the Thai restaurant that we went to on our second date. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The Comic who had been bugging me to have, touch, or at least see her present was very happy to finally open the box. The funny thing is she picked the ring out months ago from the Bradford exchange. I was very surprised to here it was her first Valentine's present. So hey I was her first. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Over the last few weeks we had talked a lot about our future and had checked out engagement and wedding rings on the net and in stores. Boy are jewelry store people rude. Anyway we decided that we would get engaged in the fall. I would move in with her around the New Year and we would get married in the beginning of next year. She's floating on Cloud 9 and I'm pleasantly happy. I still have brakes on, but I know that's my natural state with things that I really want. Especially since I'm the one picking these dates out.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Tomorrow will be Eric's 12th birthday and it will be the first time that I'm not visiting with him on it. Wow it's a bit rough. Not too bad since he decided on his own that he just wanted a normal school vacation. I'll be talking with him tonight so I'll see how he is doing. Also to see how he liked his presents. </span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-40168091847431429072011-02-07T14:48:00.000-05:002011-02-07T14:48:27.874-05:00Step by Step<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TVBMa3Ux-oI/AAAAAAAAEyI/TYNZtyDMzuI/s1600/complaints.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TVBMa3Ux-oI/AAAAAAAAEyI/TYNZtyDMzuI/s1600/complaints.jpg" /></a></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Well the phone call to my ex did work wonders. She had thought Eric had been calling me. The Comic called this BS since she had raised 3 kids and always knew when they called their dad. I wouldn't put it pass my ex. Anyway as usual she wanted to take care of it as quickly as possible which wasn't going to work for me. Eric would be getting home after 4 and I was booked up till 6:30. I didn't want to deal with this and go into treating patients. I remember when I use to do this with me ex and it was never good for business. So I took care of it when my day was finished. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Eric thought he had called me was the way it started. We talked for a while. His gripe was that when I had the answering service he felt unimportant since he had to go through someone to get to me. I understood his feeling even though the service had been gone for 4-5 months. He hadn't been reading my letters since they are usually the same. I told him since it was a letter it was a bit of a monologue especially since we hadn't been talking. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">My points to him were that he was important to me and that I pretty much know nothing about his life if he doesn't share with me. That point seemed to stop him for a while. So we decided on a weekly Thursday call which he said he wanted to be the one calling.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The other point of the conversation was that he wanted a break for his birthday from seeing me. Wasn't happy about this since he had canceled the last visit. I told him we would see about March. I'll give him some latitude during the year, but during the summer it's going to be my decision if this continues. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I think he is pushing after his grandfather's death to see if I'll stay there or just move on. I did ask my ex how he was doing since he's been more distant with me since the death. She said she couldn't tell what was that and what was from junior high which was hard on all the kids she was talking to. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I know that it will be a day at a time with him. Hopefully this will be a step in the right direction. I did think I had more years before he started pulling away. The realization that I've been apart for more years than we were together is starting to hit me hard. As is the fact that he's growing up faster than I'm adapting. </span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-82136566405350059022011-02-03T13:59:00.000-05:002011-02-03T13:59:21.053-05:00Yes it has comes to this<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TUr66haVi1I/AAAAAAAAEyE/LqnaH0hE_2c/s1600/AfterDivorceCoachingManH.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="233" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TUr66haVi1I/AAAAAAAAEyE/LqnaH0hE_2c/s320/AfterDivorceCoachingManH.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">No one pushes my buttons like me ex. This was pointed out by my friend Paul who told me he can always tell when I'm all wound up since all I keep repeating is, "you know". Plus the only person who could do that was my ex. I tried stopping during the conversation and nearly had a stroke. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I'm closing week number 5 without talking to Eric. All my phone calls and text are met with silence. My letter last week to him was just call me. I tracked down the house phone number and called. I left a message on their answering machine. It wasn't on last night. Tomorrow I'll up it to a certified return signature deal letter. Next week it will be a call to the police to make sure they are okay. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The major thing of all of this is how fast I'm transported back 7 years till when we were married and how I was then. It's freaking amazing. So I've been doing a lot of self talk to bring me back to the present day. A friend suggested I start referring to my ex and my son's mother in an attempt to recategorize her in my mind. Hey I'll try anything.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Wish me luck.</span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-88194102626768831052011-01-28T13:13:00.000-05:002011-01-28T13:13:58.537-05:00From the Belly of the Beast<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjRuySDRQPG2Ckx8AjQZ3deGgvzxR03tdQKmkk83XTkgyezpeSkTt7_yV6QhkULcNdJjjWTy4KOGhULSBbsUSEY0ADnuTs_dAF5p3YsbhrDU2TkW7j1b9Ma68qMs0-_JM7kacBy_8dZBk/s1600/600_20861005.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjRuySDRQPG2Ckx8AjQZ3deGgvzxR03tdQKmkk83XTkgyezpeSkTt7_yV6QhkULcNdJjjWTy4KOGhULSBbsUSEY0ADnuTs_dAF5p3YsbhrDU2TkW7j1b9Ma68qMs0-_JM7kacBy_8dZBk/s320/600_20861005.jpeg" width="213" /></a></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">It's been slow here around the office, although I don't seem to be sitting around that much. I've been planning and implementing marketing for the next few months. The most difficult thing is the pushing out to a further point than I'm use to. I remember hearing a story of a young man who increased his sales by four fold. However it was more than he was comfortable doing. So when he reached what he was use to doing he would stop working and go and sit in his room with the blinds drawn. I can relate since there are some days when I walk out of here feeling really uncomfortable. However I'm trying to tell myself that its a good thing since I'm changing. This is the point when I always drop back to where I was. I've been over this ground so many times I know every blade of grass on it. I tell you it's hard changing years of conditioning.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The Comic and I are coming up on 8 months now. This being my longest relationship since my ex is getting a bit rough. Not in a bad way. Just I'm use to being by myself and doing things my way. So I'm biting my tongue a lot since I know I don't know everything or the right way for everybody. However it's a workout. The Comic has been helping me with marketing. She wishes she had my speed with the way I do things. I can't watch her while she's working on my stuff since she does things <i>VERY</i> different than I would. They work very well for her and I know what she does them, but I want to control when it's a new area. It makes me feel comfortable. However it's not the way of a healthy relationship. So we end up laughing at each others ways.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I still haven't spoken to Eric all month which is the longest since my custody battle years ago. I was going to call my ex when I realized when I loss a bunch of contacts 2 weeks ago, she was one of them. This week's weekly letter will be a bit more strongly written for him to call me. I have a feeling this doesn't bode well.</span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-52873984974338776862011-01-13T15:40:00.000-05:002011-01-13T15:40:00.521-05:00Mental Health Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TS9i8iWPK7I/AAAAAAAAEx4/2kHaiR1Dc0s/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TS9i8iWPK7I/AAAAAAAAEx4/2kHaiR1Dc0s/s320/images.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> Well after 7 years of being in business I took a mental health day off. Over the years I've come in late or left early to relax. I've taken time off to go see Eric or take care of divorce crap. However never in those years have I scheduled a day off just for me. It's part of my taking better care of myself plan. I have to admit it was nice and I'll schedule one a month. However next month is a bit tricky since I still have no idea when Eric is celebrating his birthday so I can plan my trip.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Anyway I slept to normal time yesterday which is the norm for me. I don't even need to set my alarm clock anymore. I got to blast a lot of music which I haven't done in a while, go to the gym, clean my room up, hit the library, and relax at Barnes and Noble. All things I haven't done in a while. It was nice and relaxing. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Yesterday was also 7 months for me and the Comic. We went out to dinner to celebrate, but I had to bring her back home after wards since she has been sick for the last week. However it was nice to spend some time with her. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Between you, me, and a light post I've started and engagement ring fund. Hopefully everything will continue to go great. I'm not buying anything yet, but I never have a large sum of money burning a hole in any part of me. So if I can stash some money in an envelope every week it will make it much less problematic if I decide to propose to the Comic. We talk about our future pretty regularly with all aspects covered. I have to admit I'm very happy. This is all virgin territory for me. The only other person I ventured this far was my ex and I was having problems with her already. So to be happy and smooth sailing is great. Our biggest attribute so far is our ability to talk everything out when anything has come up.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I did stop by my Mom's old place a few weeks ago. I'm rarely in the area and we happened to be there and I asked the Comic is she minded. I was feeling a bit emotional and felt the need to stop by. When I cleaned my Mom's place out it was done in under 30 minutes and I wasn't in the right frame of mind to say goodbye. I felt the need to fall apart, but I didn't since that can be hard for me to do. However I was glad I did it.</span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-82437943654756384532010-12-28T16:45:00.000-05:002010-12-28T16:45:32.211-05:00A Christmas Story<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5CcWXfzcGc_WghcFF_XGiq1HmdJE5IjpufvRoRMJrU4ev-outRuIe1H3zvRx6cvYBUrM-AHaEyidsXa6F1qhHWyTb3tyYJaQrKPKE2EZ1ZCmxx0sTzuhaaRMW-ZxLyOKdnyGkR1fXyCI/s1600/IMG_0035.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5CcWXfzcGc_WghcFF_XGiq1HmdJE5IjpufvRoRMJrU4ev-outRuIe1H3zvRx6cvYBUrM-AHaEyidsXa6F1qhHWyTb3tyYJaQrKPKE2EZ1ZCmxx0sTzuhaaRMW-ZxLyOKdnyGkR1fXyCI/s320/IMG_0035.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Boy this is like exercising. You stop for a little while and forget about picking it back up again. I just downloaded the ability to blog from my phone so I can do it when I'm sitting someplace.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Christmas was a bit of a workout. Mostly since I have a hard time looking forward to things that are very important to me. The Comic being one of them. So while she was jumping all over the place in excitement I was pretty stoic about the whole thing. Although I started to get a mild case of excitement as the festive day approached. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">It was nice to spend a holiday with someone I loved and cared about again. Besides spending last year with Asp for the evening before she flew to see her parents it's been a while. While Asp and I were never emotionally connected it was someone. However comparing this year and last is like comparing apples and lizards. So it was a Christmas to spend with someone which hasn't happened since 2003. Yes it's been a long time and no Starbucks on the holiday.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Both the Comic and I enjoyed the presents we gave each other. She was very thankful for all the help with Christmas especially being the first without her father. It was my first one without my Mom, but that barely registered for me. I talked to my brother and SIL on Christmas and the Comic could see what I always talk about with their machine gun questions that leave me with nothing to ask. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Eric and I have been talking better on the phone which I've enjoyed. He is changing and I'll have to change with him.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">We had the third heaviest snow here in recorded history. It made for a white Christmas which is was nice. I wasn't happy about having to close the office for a day. You can easily tell who's from here and who is not. I was like let's go out while the Comic was like we're stuck inside. It's become a joke of me saying, "I'm from NY."</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I have to admit the holiday really brought us closer together. </span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-53159994050520993922010-12-09T22:26:00.000-05:002010-12-09T22:26:15.908-05:00When Life Resembles Art<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TQGd0rZabYI/AAAAAAAAExs/iaPkqFSRIWE/s1600/absolut_chaos.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TQGd0rZabYI/AAAAAAAAExs/iaPkqFSRIWE/s320/absolut_chaos.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Over the last few weeks I've been using my free time in the car to listen to education sales CD's to help sharpen my game. I use to save this for my trips to see Eric, but since that didn't happen this time and I'm in the car at least 20 minutes a day I can get through a series in a few weeks. I learn a lot and it keeps me in a good frame of mind. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">An interesting story on my present series talked about how when you move from one level in your life and move to a higher one ie. better job, more money, etc. It will make you uncomfortable until you get use to it. Depending on how big the change will dictate how much discomfort you will experience. The author's story was about a twenty something farmer who became a sales person. He was making 2 sales a week and making $2000 commission for the sales. After making the second sale he would go home, draw all the curtains and crawl into a fetal position in his bed. Getting that much money was too much for him.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">In the last 2 months I've gotten the office busier and I've made more money. Great. However like I learned from this CD if you are not use to the extra money you will get rid of it in some shape or form. I spent it on upgrades for the office, some DVD's for me, and dinners out with the Comic. Now I look at all the money I earned and wonder where it went. Lesson learned on that area.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The second area is I can get pessimistic when the office doesn't respond the way I want it to. The Comic is good in helping me see all the positive stuff so I can build myself back up. I have to admit she did a really good job last night. Since then I've been torturing myself with every single bill and debt I owe. Nothing has changed in the last 24 hours. I'm just having a hard time getting comfortable in a better place. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I remember when I didn't have all that chaos in my life after divorce. It felt so strange and I was almost looking for stuff to be back in that pressure just because I was use to it. The mind is a strange thing, but I do tell my patients that anything done for 2 weeks the body starts to believe is normal. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">"The only person who likes change is the one with the wet diaper."</span></i>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-76859107100707514662010-12-04T09:40:00.000-05:002010-12-04T09:40:12.154-05:00Writing With Traction<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TPpSmNsuZsI/AAAAAAAAExI/-bQQF3iMux0/s1600/photo-feather-pen-784257.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TPpSmNsuZsI/AAAAAAAAExI/-bQQF3iMux0/s320/photo-feather-pen-784257.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I see I'm getting to blogging one a week now. How times have changed. Happy to say I'm busier now and that I don't have time to blog. While there are many times during the week that something comes up that I would normally blog about has gotten pushed aside to do work. It's something I'm grateful for since I'm meeting my weekly goals that I've set for myself. Still stuck in a 30 day cycle, but I'm stretching myself as best as I can to get to a 6 month and then 1 year list of goals. My true goal is a 5 year plan, but since I've been formally writing my goals down again only 2-3 weeks now I'm not expecting miracles.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The Comic and I are still doing wonderfully. Our ability to talk through any situation that has come up between us has been our best quality. I did talk to her this week about cutting back our dining out since it's busting my budget. It was a big thing for me since bringing something up like this in my past always meant problems. However it went over well and we set about shopping together so we can cook together when we see each other. I knew ahead of time that it would be no problem, yet it caused all kinds of anxiety. It will take many times of this happening in a positive manner for me to have the faith that it will all work out.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">My birthday last week turned out great and I really enjoyed my presents from the Comic who has helped me pick up my long lost hobby of modeling and painting. Once the New Year passes I'll pick up some paints to start painting the figures that she bought me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The holidays are in full swing for us. We will be stopping at her mom's tomorrow to decorate the house. She helped me decorate my room last weekend and it looks great. All my presents are bought and wrapped. I'll mail out Eric's stuff Monday so I can avoid most of the holiday rush. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The funny thing on gift giving is that the Comic wanted this nice ring she had seen. I told her I would get it for her for Valentine's day. It arrived yesterday. I've bought a lot o jewelry over the years especially having worked in the jewelry industry. This is the second ring I've ever bought. The first was my ex's engagement ring. So holding this one brought up some feelings. Nothing bad though.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">At present I'm happy to see my life improving faster than it has in a while. Having the Comic in my life has helped me want to achieve more which is something big for me.</span> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I've never been able to find many things to inspire me to shoot for higher goals on a consistent basis. It's been nice and a bit scary to be focused and wanting better for myself. It's been about 3 months and counting now. I've got traction under my feet and with that I can achieve a lot.</span> Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-18567258553219403072010-11-26T12:40:00.000-05:002010-11-26T12:40:38.044-05:00Knee Deep in a Relationship<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TO_wsDsP32I/AAAAAAAAExE/I5FiCxqkJ9Q/s1600/bodylanguage_682_532481a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="205" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TO_wsDsP32I/AAAAAAAAExE/I5FiCxqkJ9Q/s320/bodylanguage_682_532481a.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Being knee deep in a relationship is a work out let me tell you. I talked to the Comic about how I was feeling and it went over well. She explained how much I do mean to her which made me cry. I did talk to her about seeing her niece any other day would not have been a problem. However she had made it out to be such a special day for me and then to drop it as soon as someone else came into town bothered me. What I did say was the example of me sharing the holiday with her yesterday and how much she had been looking forward to it. Then me saying Wednesday that a friend had come into town and I would just stop over for dessert in the evening. She got the point there. The other thing that I explained to her was that while all her words were really nice that actions like these negated them. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">So today I'm working half a day. The Comic was going to come into the office to help with decorations and with my calendars which she really wanted to do. After which we are going to see Harry Potter. This morning she wanted to sleep in which was no problem, but when it was 11:30 and I hadn't heard a response from my text I was getting a bit upset. For me I don't care if you want to do something or not, however if you say you are going to do it. I do expect that it happens. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">So I'm trying to drop the fantasy that I'm going to see Harry Potter by myself. I will do it if I don't hear from her since I don't give up my happiness for anyone. However I do want to be able to detach without any <i>fuck you</i>. I did the decorations already and will start on the calendars in a few.</div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I will say it was rough for me opening presents this morning. It really hasn't happen for me in many years so I'm a bit cool with it. Mostly it reminds me of how much I've missed over the years and the overflow of emotions this year. It's hard leaving the edge of the pool to venture into the deep end to get the full experience. I'm doing it inch by inch and hour by hour, but I will tell you this is a lot of work. I'm enjoying it all, but I haven't had to work this hard in years.</span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-91334073528390202982010-11-26T12:28:00.000-05:002010-11-26T12:28:32.229-05:00Phone Calls<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TO_uJCaA5pI/AAAAAAAAExA/ULwNVtwHuyM/s1600/kid.phone.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="277" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TO_uJCaA5pI/AAAAAAAAExA/ULwNVtwHuyM/s320/kid.phone.png" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I had talked to Eric about having his phone on since I keep calling, but all I ever get is the voice mail which isn't hooked up. I also broached the subject of the holidays since it would be the first after his grandfather's death. He did his usual that he was tired and wanted to get off the phone. However I was ready for him this time and just kept going. I talked about how it had been for me with my Mom's death. He took it pretty well. Anyway that was last week. It's been a week of daily phone calls and getting his voice mail. </div><div style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">So today is my birthday and I'll skip trying to call him to see if he calls me to wish me a happy one. I'm going to have to step up my firmness with him on this issue with the phone. Especially since my ex is a waste with any help. It's what I share with others on doing when things are happening, but it seems I need to follow my own advice and not be so soft on the kid. </span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-40759228147722000452010-11-25T04:26:00.000-05:002010-11-25T04:26:17.428-05:00Brought to You By<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Here I am doing something I haven't done in years, sharing Thanksgiving and my birthday with someone I love. Here I am at 3:30 am freaked out and wanting to be alone before it all starts. While there is some trepidation on being with a big family for the holiday. Plus that I'm having to accept another layer of happiness which for me is hard to do. Like I've said in previous post it's hard for me to look forward to things. I always expect them to be pulled away from me. However tonight's insomnia is brought on resentment and a bit of fear.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Friday is my birthday. For the last few weeks it's been a big thing for her to share it with me. However 2 days ago it changed in my mind. The Comic asked if we could visit her mom's after I get out of work to see her niece when she comes down. Now for anyone else this would not bother me, but this is the niece that the Comic will put ahead of everyone else. Yes even me. Last month we had plans one night and then they were abruptly changed when her niece called and said she needed help packing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I talked to her about it then and how I felt the importance that she states I have in her life was not totally true if I could be pushed aside so easily. She agreed and we had our night together and she left to see her niece the next day. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Now intellectually I believe this is the Comic's way of getting me to her mom's for a surprise birthday party. She wants to make my day special. Emotionally all I'm hearing is that her niece is in town and I'm now second fiddle again. My Mom use to do this when she was dating. I was very important in her life then a man would come and I was unimportant, if not in the way. This has left a large scar on me. I really don't want to spoil the Comic's plans if she has them, but this is something that is <em>really</em> bothering me and I know I'll need to talk to her about it in the morning.</span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-40382625119069463532010-11-12T13:50:00.000-05:002010-11-12T13:50:35.741-05:00Band of the Hand<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TN2MXTb2IzI/AAAAAAAAEw8/GTPkmM_zwLs/s1600/Demuth-Figure5InGold.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TN2MXTb2IzI/AAAAAAAAEw8/GTPkmM_zwLs/s320/Demuth-Figure5InGold.jpg" width="263" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I walked out to my car this morning to find a plastic wrapped envelope stuck to my car. The contents of it made me cry. It was a hand made card from the Comic celebrating our 5th month together. I forget sometimes that she has the art degree. It was very touching and very nice to have someone do something so sweet for me. It's been a long time. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">5 months is a record for me in the dating world post divorce. 6 is the Comic's limit. So we're doing very well and breaking new territory all the time. We both really care about each other which is great.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I did have my first serious talk with her about something that was bothering me. I had held off most of the week since the Comic had the flu and I knew it wasn't that appropriate to talk about. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The Comic had went to visit her niece again last week and came back to me Friday. This time she was in worse shape than she was last time she went. It was so bad that she emotionally vomited all over me. It wasn't pretty. Something like that hadn't happened to me in a long time and I reflexively shut down to it. That night was the first time I ever thought seriously that the Comic may not be for me. However sunrise the next day brought everything back to normal. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Over the next few days I kept having these little fantasy daydreams of trying to get control with that situation with her niece. It was always fleeting so I didn't think much of it. However Monday I stopped myself and looked at it. Realizing that I felt abused with the emotional vomiting, I was trying to stop being a victim in my head. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Now talking about a problem is always huge for me. It never went well for most of my life. Not with my family and definitely not with my wife. So it was anxiety laden to say the least. I'm happy to say it went over well. The Comic apologized for it and we were able to talk everything out in a healthy way that hasn't happened in a relationship before. </span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-88882090246921960122010-11-12T13:37:00.000-05:002010-11-12T13:37:36.372-05:00A Train Wreck of a Visit<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TN2JZn1oFOI/AAAAAAAAEw4/k8j5RCBnljA/s1600/train_wreck.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TN2JZn1oFOI/AAAAAAAAEw4/k8j5RCBnljA/s320/train_wreck.jpg" width="216" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">As many of you may or may not know I was suppose to be visiting my son Eric this weekend. The problems started last weekend when he called to tell me that I needed to pick him up later than my usual time so he could do his homework. I was okay with that since get it out of the way so we could concentrate on father-son time. Then came the list of things needed for the weekend. He would have lots of homework. He would need a computer with Internet access. Plus he would need a printer. WTF? I told him I would bring my laptop and we would be set on the whole computer and Internet thing. I informed him that I wasn't dragging a printer up there for him. I would bring a memory stick and he could just take it home and print the stuff up. That was met with I don't think it would work. So I told him we would take it someplace like Office Max or Kinkos and get it printed up. This conversation also covered that he had pre-did a bunch of homework so he could go to a birthday party that weekend. I smelt my ex at work here. The usual sticking it to me and I need to take it to see our son. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Then last night I got a call from Eric telling me that the visit is canceled. WTF again. He informs me that my ex had a procedure done this week and is still under the weather from it. He's going to stay with her this weekend. I told him that we will have to reschedule for a later date. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">We've had visits canceled before, but this one really hit me hard for some reason. Mostly because it brings up a lot of stuff from the past. I have a hard time getting excited to see Eric since it's a big thing and I'm use to growing up and having big things derailed at the end. So when this happened the sadness of the present and the past really collided to make me a very depressed person right now. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"> </span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-28488184416054394592010-11-07T11:18:00.000-05:002010-11-07T11:18:03.449-05:00Odds & Ends<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TNbRL-1s_qI/AAAAAAAAEw0/XPSCs-L-h-c/s1600/odds_and_ends411.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TNbRL-1s_qI/AAAAAAAAEw0/XPSCs-L-h-c/s320/odds_and_ends411.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">One part of my relationship with the Comic I'm still trying to get use to is the sickness. I work hard to stay healthy so getting a cold is a very rare thing for me. However since being with the Comic I've had to fight off quite a few. Have to admit I'm not to happy about it. I'd rather be using my resources for other things. Now I'm okay with her being sick, although I will point out what brought this on. This episode as well as her back problem have been brought on by visiting her niece who is quite dysfunctional. I'm happy she has realized this since she came back this time and pretty much emotionally vomited on me for most of Friday night. It wasn't that fun.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Last night's Game night with the singles was fun as always. It's very reaffirming to hear people say how much they love it and how they've become close to everyone. It's nice to have created something thing that has some lasting value.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Lastly I still think Eric is avoiding me on the phone for some reason. I talked to him Friday night and it ended pretty quickly with him saying he was too tired from doing homework. This isn't cool. Since I'll see him next weekend I'll talk to him face to face. I can never be sure where my ex is when we are talking on the phone.</span> Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-66260789149667811442010-11-05T12:23:00.000-04:002010-11-05T12:23:12.437-04:00Optimism<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TNQvaFoiYnI/AAAAAAAAEww/vySjbp-AHCs/s1600/o2_optimism.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TNQvaFoiYnI/AAAAAAAAEww/vySjbp-AHCs/s320/o2_optimism.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I talk to the Comic a lot about her scale for knowing when to be hungry is way off. Because of that her decisions and beliefs are illogical. In my journey to be more optimistic I'm finding that I'm the same way. I have what I want the day to be like. If it isn't then it sucked which isn't helping me. All or nothing thinking only makes it worse. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">So I'm working on changing my belief system when it comes to evaluating the day. Yesterday I didn't want to make the change for the usual reason. Change sucks. Even though I know at some level that only good things can come from change. So I'm trying to say that if half the stuff I wanted to happen happened it was a good day. Now it's not because I'll accept a half assed job, but because what I want is my goals at the end of a 2-5 year plan. It's not going to happen overnight even though I may want it to be that way. </span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-5475602772070416492010-11-05T12:12:00.001-04:002010-11-05T12:12:44.125-04:00In to the Valley<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TNQs9XfvEBI/AAAAAAAAEws/JQ-PrzYJ5Ok/s1600/3232854072_06f55b5f92_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="292" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TNQs9XfvEBI/AAAAAAAAEws/JQ-PrzYJ5Ok/s320/3232854072_06f55b5f92_z.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I'm over the mountain and back in a valley for a while. It's just getting hard to blog like I use to. Sorry it's been downgraded on my priority scale since it doesn't positively affect my paycheck. Usually I remember to do it when I'm finish for the day and I have to decide if I'm leaving or staying later to post. You can see who's been winning. Anyway I'll do several post to catch you up since I hate 5 page posts.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">It continues to be difficult to talk to Eric. When I see him next weekend I'm going to need to set up something with him so I can reach him. However the main thing that is still on my mind is Monday's call. I finally reached him only to find out that he didn't dress up or go trick or treating. WTF? He says he wasn't in the mood this year. What 11 year old turns down free candy. The other was that in talking about our next visit to see him he was pretty blase about it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">My mind instantly went to him being very depressed since it's Casa de Sunshine at my ex's place. While I deal with minor depression she deals with major. So I started projecting Eric drinking and doing drugs in a few years. Not the greatest place to start, but I'm pessimistic so don't judge me. I talked to my ex who said his pediatrician and school counselor had evaluated him since his grandfather's death. He was handling it all appropriately. Plus his grades where still up. So we'll watch him and see how it goes. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">It did take a life of its own for a few days. I'll better be able to evaluate him when I see him next weekend. </span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-25411882699063843312010-10-30T07:55:00.000-04:002010-10-30T07:55:13.667-04:00A Ghost of a Remark<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TMwDlyayYOI/AAAAAAAAEwo/2PyOM5a5PFM/s1600/shapeimage_1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TMwDlyayYOI/AAAAAAAAEwo/2PyOM5a5PFM/s1600/shapeimage_1.png" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I am truly amazed at how a helpful suggestion pushed me into a 3 hour emotional spin. Last night the Comic and I were suppose to go on a Ghost walk in the next town over. They do it once a year just before Halloween. I had tickets in advance so their would be no troubles. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">However yesterday the Comic's sister fell and hurt herself. She took her sister to Urgent care to get checked out since she was in a lot of pain and severely swollen. However it took a long while to get processed. So the Comic called to suggest that I go by myself so it wouldn't be a total waste of money. I was going to make the remark that I blew plenty in incidents like this when I was married, but I didn't. I told her that I would pass since I really wanted to go with her. We then made backup plans for when she was finished.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">However I was in a funk after that and I couldn't put my finger on why. The Comic did call later and say that she was finished and we decided to try to get to a later walk. We decided to meet up and then go in one car. Since she had the distance to cover I was going to grab food for us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Well the event wasn't meant to be for us. Both tunnels were congested for miles and we decided to just go home. Actually the Comic suggested on visiting a few places to browse, but I just wasn't in the mood. I dropped her off at her car so we could drive to my place. I tried to put names to how I felt. The biggest being I just wanted to lie down, shut my eyes, and be held. I felt like I wanted to cry. My mind felt very muddled. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">When we got everything into my place and got into comfy clothes I just curled up on the bed and closed my eyes. The Comic and I started to talk and I said I didn't know why, but I had a tail end of it when this started. Then I remembered the remark I was going to say.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The remark reminded me of how my marriage had been. Their had been plenty of times when I had gotten tickets for us and my ex had decided not to go at the last minute. Tickets to the Broadway show Rent and a vacation to Cancun were on the top of the list. It was just the insanity that I lived in then since there was no rhyme or reason.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The Comic connected my behavior with my ex since she said I had been short with her on the phone with getting something to eat. She knew it wasn't my normal behavior. I was happy to have her take my apology in good spirits. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The weirdest thing was that as soon as I was finished talking about the event, the funk was gone. It was just an experience that I never fully dealt with emotionally. Like my old therapist use to say. You always bury your feelings alive and at some point they will come back to haunt you. Hey just in time for Halloween.</span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-55108344567993848202010-10-27T18:21:00.000-04:002010-10-27T18:21:27.074-04:00Speeding By<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TMil1DyielI/AAAAAAAAEwk/Mnrbn20toSg/s1600/1477691.bin.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="206" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TMil1DyielI/AAAAAAAAEwk/Mnrbn20toSg/s320/1477691.bin.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Wow a whole week without a post. Keep meaning to do it, but then I was home with no computer. This week has been busy as hell. While actual business is up a little it was seminar last weekend that has filled this week up. I originally wasn't</span> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">looking forward</span> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">to the seminar, but it kept my attention for 12 hours. Mostly through fear. It was on risk management and documentation. The speaker started off with malpractice stats down to 1 in 6 doctors are now being sued since it was an easy 35k or at least that's what the attorneys are saying. So it's a ton more paperwork for you to fill out when you go to your doctor's office. All my extra time this week is changing forms around and making sure there are no leaks in my business.</span> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The hardest part was vomiting all the information out of my skull so I can comprehend it all. My brain was sore and full after I left the first day of listening.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">It was very interesting when the Comic and I were eating the other night to have her say, "when we get married...". Honestly it didn't phase me in the least, it was just different. Mostly because when my ex use to talk about it I would freak. This time around I'm okay with it. I'm not looking to get married tomorrow and the Comic has no timetable, but we do really like each other. Both of us are starting to include the other in long term plans. So I guess it's a natural extension of the thought process. Pretty cool though.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I don't think that I mentioned that my ex had Eric call me to say that he didn't want to fly down here during the school year. I usually can tell where it's coming from when he calls and doesn't get to the point right away. He avoids it like the plague. So I guess I'll be driving up for a while longer. My ex was fast to follow up wondering if I was going to cover Eric with health insurance so she doesn't have to prove how much money she isn't making. Part of me wants to tell her to go screw herself, but like always it concerns Eric so it will happen. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Hopefully I will be able to stay more regular again with entries while I make changes here at the office. I'm trying to keep my blog reader under 100 entries, but it's a battle I'm losing.</span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-68298956111156336792010-10-20T17:07:00.000-04:002010-10-20T17:07:09.024-04:00Old Tapes a Playing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TL9XCQ2BNVI/AAAAAAAAEwg/NzexZA4Av2U/s1600/8_track_tapes_closeup.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TL9XCQ2BNVI/AAAAAAAAEwg/NzexZA4Av2U/s320/8_track_tapes_closeup.jpg" width="264" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I'll be sequestered most of this coming weekend behind closed doors for my continuing education credits. Since I won't be seeing much of the Comic and our relationship time is important to me I decided to take this morning off so we could spend some time together. We had made a bathroom pit stop on our window shopping expedition.</span> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">So while the Comic was using the facilities I was looking at my Facebook and got 2 free tickets to see J. Medicine Hat tonight at the Funny Bone. When the Comic came out, she asked if I would mind if she left to go see help her cousin who was moving and would be back Saturday. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I told her I didn't mind, but I pointed out she was doing her usual of putting everyone else first and herself last, something I know well. We talked for awhile on it and I asked her to go tomorrow so we could spend tonight together like we had planned. However I was in a bit of a tailspin. This change of direction of her brought up old feelings. Whether it is healthy or not, I have a pecking order in my mind. My Mom use to knock me off it when a man came in her life so I'm extremely sensitive to it. So the Comic's quick change of who she was doing things with really bothered me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">At our next stop I told her I was bothered and the reason. She apologized and said I was important to her, but that she has been alone for so long she sometimes doesn't take the other person into view. So we both got to talk about how we were feeling and to come closer. She's going to stay with me tonight and head up to her cousin's for 2 days and be back for a Halloween party Saturday night.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">A question for you all. We went to the movies with the singles last night. Asp who never comes out, came. She and others sat someplace else in the theater. Should I be telling the Comic who I've dated before or after hand these women. I was going to tell her after wards since Asp is flaky on making it out. Since we never interacted I didn't say anything. Views? </span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-17595168610620929272010-10-18T16:57:00.000-04:002010-10-18T16:57:25.436-04:00Meanderings of the Mind<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TLy0cbj7_lI/AAAAAAAAEwY/VuclogPWk38/s1600/archmichwebNEW_copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="235" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TLy0cbj7_lI/AAAAAAAAEwY/VuclogPWk38/s320/archmichwebNEW_copy.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The Comic and I went to the Stockley Gardens Art show Saturday to look at all the art and jewelry. It was the first fall show that hasn't been miserable in a long while. We both picked up a few items. I originally didn't think I was going to get anything since I wasn't seeing anything I liked. However I found the artist who I picked up her Guardian Angel pick which I liked last year. I enjoyed her enchanted tree picture, but her Earth Angel was my decision since it would work well with what I already had on my wall. So when I was finished paying for it, the Comic asked for her card. She pointed out that she had Michael the archangel after it. The way she said it hit a chord in me so I went back and got one. However her husband went to their car to get me a different matted one because she said my favorite color was blue. She was right, but it was really weird since I didn't mention it nor was I blue boy clothes wise that day. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TLy0c6Ev9tI/AAAAAAAAEwc/LT6kbF1zbdQ/s1600/angel_Jophielweb-188x181.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TLy0c6Ev9tI/AAAAAAAAEwc/LT6kbF1zbdQ/s1600/angel_Jophielweb-188x181.jpg" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">It was a beautiful day Sunday so I took the Comic to sit out on the water and have some steamed shrimp. It reminded me of my first few years of life growing up on the water. Plus the few good memories of my Dad and I which involved fishing and ham sandwiches. Mostly because he was more involved with me when we were on the boat instead of when we were at his place or bars. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The Comic and I laid around last night looking at my room with all the new decorations in it. She brought up things 5 years from now. So I asked her what her plans were for then. She was hesitant to say them less she jinx herself. However we both agreed that we wanted to be together then. We talked about what kind of place would be nice to live. It was the first time in a long time I've talked about a future with someone. It was very nice. </span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-40830671477823721152010-10-16T07:56:00.000-04:002010-10-16T07:56:18.603-04:00Working Hard<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TLmSyh_zpOI/AAAAAAAAEwU/38962tZ3-kE/s1600/hardly-working.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TLmSyh_zpOI/AAAAAAAAEwU/38962tZ3-kE/s320/hardly-working.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I tell you trying to work at a higher performance level is mentally tiring. Mostly because I'm pushing the envelope in areas that I try to avoid. At the least just dip my toes in. However it did help me generate more money this week which I have to remember to keep doing it. I also understand why they really push having the time off to regenerate yourself. I've gotten much better with that over the years, but I really see it now. I also see that in the coming years I'll need to change my game plan about having someone work for me in the office. I can still treat 80-100 patients a day like I use to since it's fun and easy. However money collection, appointments, etc. just drain the shit out of me. So my goal now is to get a second room going and then cut hours to the the times that I have patients, concentrating when I busy to make it really busy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Finally catching up on blogs. I think I have only 50 entries left. Hey I even commented on my own comments. So I'm getting there. Starting a new life is always difficult since you need to grieve for the old one. </span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3771446067618745870.post-52085688808590426262010-10-16T07:47:00.000-04:002010-10-16T07:47:30.782-04:00Bidding Fun<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TLmQnYS-F2I/AAAAAAAAEwQ/kVVlmhz8Vj4/s1600/2275875.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZfE4aqiPx9A/TLmQnYS-F2I/AAAAAAAAEwQ/kVVlmhz8Vj4/s320/2275875.jpg" width="294" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">After a loud commotion one night that nearly gave the Comic a heart attack I decided I needed bookends for my shelf. I've been looking for a while and nothing caught my eye until I found a pair of brass dragon ones on Craig's List. The guy wanted $4 for them. I had my doubts, but I trudged down to the southern part of the city the other night to get them. I knocked on the door to be greeted by an older Chinese lady. I told her what I was there for and she looked at me strange. Than she called out to Julian to see if he knew what I was talking about. So I'm thinking it's her son. When this short, old Chinese man shows up I was proven wrong. After about 10 minutes of me standing around he informs me he can't find them. Ugh. I tell him to email me if he does find them. One day later I'm the proud owner of pretty cool bookends. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I usually keep an eye open for items that I would like if the price is right. I was surprised to find a Motoko Kusanagi figure for only $1.75 on Ebay yesterday. The auction would end that night and no one had bid high. I figured I would have a good shot at getting it for a cheap price. The Comic has very little history with Ebay so she wanted to sit with me in the last few minutes to see if I won it. She was cute and wanted to do a 10 second count down. However in the last 5 seconds the price jumped $25. Boy you should have seen her. She was angry and brooding after wards like she had lost. It was pretty funny. She was surprised that I didn't bid more, but like I told her. Everything has a price for me plus I know what is more important that I need to do with my money. Oh well I'll keep looking.</span>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13641318104807962051noreply@blogger.com1