Going Sane in a Crazy World

My journey through life and the lessons I learn to help me grow spiritually.

Sane Friends

The Sign Post Up Ahead

I feel like I'm in the Twilight zone. I just finished a text exchange with the Planner while seeing patients. She texted me to say that she had a 2 hour conference call at 8 and wouldn't be able to answer the phone when I normally call. So I told no problem just give me a call when she was finished.
Planner: I'm probably not going to get on the phone with you at 10 pm. we can talk tomorrow. That is if you don't have planes with your after hours group.
Me: What's wrong Planner?
Planner: I don't want to talk about whats wrong. I want to talk about what's right.
Me: [WTF!] Nothing happening tomorrow. It seems to me that you're angry with me and I'm not sure why.
Planner: I'm not angry with anyone.
Me: Something is not right. Enjoy your conference call.
Planner: Everything is fine. Why can't you slow down long enough. My conference call is for my job. it is a necessity not a pleasure ... etc. [nothing important]
Me: This isn't about the conference call. You were upset Sunday morning and then we really haven't talked since then which is weird for us.
Planner: Its nothing weird. Would you like to talk about it tomorrow?
Me: That would be great.
Planner: Ok
I feel like I've felt many times in life. Something has happened, I know it has happened, but the other person is denying it. I didn't like this feeling at all.

Help a Guy Out

I know it might be a surprise, but guys like sex. Yes I know your heart just stopped with that earth shattering news. So anyway while reading the news this morning they had several medical reasons for guys to have lots of sex. I share them with you since I all know you care about the guys in your life.

Shag your guy's ticker into shape. According to a study at Queens University in Belfast, men who have sex three or more times a week can cut their risk of heart attack in half. Also according to that same study, regular romps will also halve your man's chances of suffering a stroke.

Give your guy a helping hand. According to the Journal of the American Medical Association, the more he ejaculates, the less likely he is to develop prostate cancer.

Kick colds to the curb. Researchers at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania found that having sex once or twice a week boosts the immune system by 30 percent.

No pain, all gain. Right after your big O, you'll be practically swimming in oxytocin (we're talking a seriously intense surge). The overload releases endorphins, which help alleviate pain from arthritis and -- hallelujah! -- menstrual cramps. (something for you ladies)
So ladies please help a guy out.

The Age Old Question

I'm processing so bear with me. One of the things I think most people hate about dating is that hole you feel open up in you like a sink hole when something goes wrong. This opens up less and less with me, but it still appears. The question that comes out of it in many different forms is "what's wrong with me?" If I don't stop, wrestle, and process this it will run through my insides tearing me up. So I'm processing. I know this has nothing to do with me and I can say that, but I always need a physical outlet for my feelings and writing fills that for me. I've evaluated the night in question enough times that to do more means it's become an obsession. My lesson here? Own my power in a relationship. I like nipping and tucking like a bonsai plant. However there are times when some major course correction is needed. The relationship will either change or crash on the rocks. I have no desire to travel down the road my ex and I went down. It was very long and painful. I would rather stab myself with a knife since it would be faster than the slow life drainng process. So it will be a day of action, thinking of what boundaries I will want instead of spinning my wheels with insane question "what's wrong with me?"

Phone Calls From the Grave

I got a text from the Planner a little while ago answering my question was she still alive. She said yes and wished me a nice day. So I'll call her tonight when I'm out of the office so it will affect my day the least. I don't like what I'm seeing in her handling this situation which has been bizarre since up to now she's been forward with problems. However I've already pulled back some to protect myself. This drop off the face of the earth for a day is unacceptable to me. We didn't even do this when we started dating. So I have some thinking to do which most will happen after I speak to her.

On other matters. I got a lot of validation this morning from my networking group for all the work I do to help everyone else out. Actually 4 people did so it was nice and a good balance to my day.

D Day

Well still no word from the Planner which is just plain weird. So am I dumped or is she dead? The real question is that if we or she can go from a great night to this kind of attitude in a night do I really want to be with her? This is too much like my ex's behavior. My only worry is if something has happened to her. I texted her this morning and I'll call on my break later today. I have to be careful when I do it since I don't want to have it destroy my morale when I have a day filled with patients. I remember how it was when I was getting divorced and I would lose patients some days since I was so down.

Drak Clouds on the Horizon

Well I texted the Planner twice today and got no response. When I got home tonight I called her like usual and got her voice mail. So I left a message and texted her again to call me. Could this be the end? I have no clue. If it's a possibility I would rather it happen for something like this.

I had to admit it took most of the day to get to a good place with this. In relationships I still need for someone to say it's okay. I haven't been able to do that for myself yet in a relationship and this is the first time since I was married that I've gotten to this point.

On other fronts I had my physical today which is something I haven't done in about 5 years. Hey when you see a doctor in the mirror every morning, a handsome one at that, it's not so big. Everything went well and even had my first prostate exam. I'll know my blood work in a few days. The best thing about it was that my doc gave me a prescription for a year for my medication. This means I don't have to see my shrink for a year and that's a $200 savings.

The office phone was ringing very well today with new patients which was great. Still had my reschedules which I can't get away from. If I can't get the massage therapist off the ground then I'll focus on making my second room a second treatment room to counteract these reschedules.

Lastly Single is leaving the house and I believe my Landlord is giving Escort her walking papers. So things will change her again. The only bad this is when Single leaves the rent will go up. Her staying here has kept all the fees to stay the same. Oh well it was nice while it lasted.

Rough Night

It was a different night with the Planner last night. We had talked Friday night and she was on the computer late which I joked that she would stay up late working on. She said she wouldn't, but as usual when she's on it time just flies for her.

It was great to see her and we joked around and talked after carrying her Ottoman upstairs. It was a big one like a table. Anyway she must of hurt herself carrying her end up the stairs because she started not to feel well. By the time we were in bed she was nauseous from the pain. I asked if she wanted me to work on her, but she just wanted quiet and to be left alone. So after a while we fell asleep. When I awoke in the morning she still felt horrible and hadn't slept at all. After a while she got up and I fell back to sleep. I awoke when she came up to get ready for work. She glared at me.

After her shower I apologized for falling back to sleep on her and she was snippy that I had been able to sleep while she was up. However she was too tired to talk about it and said she would talk about it when she felt better. After a few minutes she asked if I could go home so she could get ready since it was going to take all her focus. So I gave her a hug and told her to text me when she got to work so I knew she got there safe.

It's always hard for me to interact with someone I care about that is feeling bad and they won't let me help. I was able to process it, but it is still hard. However it did remind me of when I was married and my ex would get mad at me for sleeping when she had insomnia. So I wonder what the Planner will say or will it evaporate with a good night's sleep.

Neptune Festival

I was planning on parking a fair bit away from the festival and biking in to save money and time. However it poured just before I was going to leave and decided against it. It all worked out since both of the lots I usually use were full and I found a free spot on the street and then just walked in.
Turn out was low for the event, but we still had fun. The weather cooperated for the rest of the day which was nice. The northeaster did it's damage on the sand sculpture contest. While they were still spectacular they were smaller than normal.
As always there were plenty of arts and crafts to be seen. They didn't disappoint as usual. I didn't see anything I really wanted, but I did see some things that would be cool to get the Planner.

Rainy Day Feeling

Our once a year northeaster is here. Dumping inches of rain with 40 mile an hour winds. It really put a damper on my senior fair today, but I think I did okay with the staff that worked at the Jewish Center. If the $5 coupons work for the massage therapist I'll be happy.

The Planner stopped by yesterday since she was on this side. It's always awesome to see her and especially when she shows up in my office. We hit a bunch of the thrift stores in the area and then retired to the Cheesecake factory for some snacks. What's funny is that she finds these mid week get togethers at night to throw her off track even though she loves seeing me. I have no problem switching gears at night since it would be just like we were married. I on the other hand find the lunch time get togethers hard to switch gears even though I wouldn't trade them for the world. The Planner finds those easy. Go figure.

Business is slow as hell this week. I hate when that happens especially when its the end of the month. Working on bringing new business in each day, but it takes awhile to see the results grow to fruition.

The Look

The Planner asked me a good question last night. What look am I trying to convey with the office. I'm a rebel and what can I say. I shoot for a doctor's office that is warm. It's not a body fluid place so having the ability to sterilize the entire place because of a bio hazard spill just doesn't happen. I sometimes miss the wastebasket with a paper ball, but that's about the extent of it.

I'm a casual guy as most people who know me know. My proof is always in the pudding and I'm not big on window dressing. While I know some people need their window dressing to say "doctor", "fireman", "cowboy", etc. If walk into my office and can't accept I'm the doctor than I'm not for you. It's funny, most people want a more personable atmosphere when they walk in their doctor's office, but if you tamper with the traditional look it seems to fall apart for them.

I'm still trying to figure out how wearing jeans and a t-shirt can be the doctor's look, but I haven't been able to do that yet. I might break out the ties this year. I haven't worn them in years. After 9-10 years of wearing them daily I wanted a break. While I enjoy wearing them I like having the option. The Planner would be very happy to see me in a tie.

The things I would like to do with the office would be repaint it since all the repairs have left patches around which I don't like. Also a counter instead of my desk. I have no clue what I would do with my desk, but it would be nice to hide some of the mess that develops during the day.

In the Begining

In the beginning there was 3 reschedules. At least someone else wanted to come in. This week is starting off slow and I'm seeing if I can ramp it up. I stopped by the Royal Chocolate and picked up a dish of tasty chocolates. So with a card in hand I dropped it off at the doctor's office across the street. I haven't gotten any referrals from her in a while so a nice tasty reminder was in order.

To increase my sales ability I set up a coffee talk with a small business coach that I like. I'll talk to him tomorrow and see how it goes. If he needs that big chunk of change in the beginning it's going to have to wait, but if he can put me on some payment plan we maybe doing business.
Eric called me today all excited to tell me what he is going to play in the band. The baritone. I was surprised one because I had no idea what it was and it wasn't on his list. I'm happy that he is excited about it. My school pushed me into it and I hated every moment of it. The same with choir until I put my foot down on both of them and said no more. I have to admit those might have my first decisions in exerting some control in my life.

I'm missing the Planner. Only seeing her 4-5 hours a week, not including sleeping time is not enough for me. However I know with us both working hard to build our businesses it works. I do know if she didn't work the second job we would see more of each other on the weekend.

On the home front, the Landlord is giving Escort her walking papers. She's to be caught up with all her bills or be out by the 6th. I'll be happy if she is gone. She's a slob in the bathroom and I like having it clean. Also it would be nice to have someone else in the house that was with us instead of out there somewhere.

The Weekend Round Up

It was great to see the Planner last night. She was cheery and relaxed which was nice to see. Usually after a long day at worked she is a little tightly wound. She liked the pendant and I think she thinks its a little big which was my worry since it's bigger than her normal ones. We enjoyed a relaxing evening together.

We talked about saying "I love you". The Planner doesn't say it very often and she wanted me to know that she did care for me very much, but it didn't feel comfortable saying. She wanted to know if that made her weird. I told her no, but asked what had changed her in the past to feel this way. She didn't have an answer for it. I said I didn't miss it since she said it in all the things she does for me. My ex never really said it either, but I also felt it missing. I don't with the Planner although I have to wonder why I pick women that have a hard time saying it. I know, strange for a guy to say.

Sunday morning suck. When we get up, I hold the Planner and we cuddle until she needs to get ready for work which always comes way too soon. We did get her costume for the Halloween party. I'm giving her my scrubs and stethoscope so she can be a nurse or doctor her choice. I'm thinking of Zorro this year, but I'll see what moves me.

Kickball had some bumps in it today. I hadn't been to that park in a while and they had built a hospital next door which annexed the playing fields for parking. So we went down the block to the sports fields, but all the non-used fields were locked. After a few minutes of deciding we chose the high school down the road. The only problem we lost someone on the way which worked out with us having even teams although they could have been bigger. It was 4-4 which made for a lot of running. My team did kiss ass today with a final score of 7-2. To celebrate we went and got some Mexican and relaxed on the deck. It was a beautiful day.

Batten Down Those Hatches

As I have been doing over the last few months is tightening up my office to make it more profitable. I've reviewed my monthly goals and set new ones for next month. I took it a step further this month by writing down how I would reach those goals over the next month instead of just letting it hang out there in limbo.

However doing some self reflecting today has led me to a few conclusions. I'm a great doctor, a good solid business man, and a so so salesman. I have the ability, but the skill to sell it is still weak. I fear rejection still too much. In all aspects of my life except dating I have to admit. I guess going out with like 50 women in the last few years will do that to you. Get that look off your face I only slept with one of them. My bedpost doesn't look like a family of termites got to it.

I'm thinking of taking on a business coach. I know someone I like, however at the moment I can't afford it. So as soon as I get my settlement for a patient's accident I'll use the money for that. I really could use it for bill paying, but when it's gone I would still be in the same boat. At least this would be a good investment in myself. Although the couch may have a payment plan. I'll sit down to talk with him either this week or the following week.

Happy Hour

Happy Hour went well. I had never been to the Have a Nice Day Cafe before, but I heard it was nice. It was a dance club so it was loud even when we were the only ones there. Also they had the AC cranked so when it got packed later on it would be comfortable. On the other hand drinks were cheap, free food, and a blast from the past with a whole slew of disco tunes.

We had a good turn out with a lot of new faces showing up which I'm always happy for. I was also able to get 2 more events planned. A chili/car show cook off and our first Halloween party. I'm pretty excited. Everyone loves what I'm doing which I find weird. However I know most people are sheep and wait for others to do so I do understand sort of.

Now on the side burner is a chocolate tasting at the royal chocolate. They have great stuff there and I've watched the Planner almost orgasm with the stuff there. I don't eat it so I need someone to host for me.

Double Booking

Most people wonder why doctors double book. The reason is that many patients either can't make their appointments on time or reschedule. Not to be done out of money, doctor's double book because chances are one of them isn't going to show.

I know with me hardly a day goes by that a patient doesn't reschedule, either for a later time or another date. It's a real pain in the ass since you don't want to lose the money and it screws with the schedule. The biggest thing is that it sends the message to me that my time isn't that important which I don't like. Not quite sure their is a answer for it.

Things You Don't Want Happening

The first thing you don't want happening is going to your bank on Friday lunch hour to find the doors locked. Never a good sign in these turbulent times. The only good thing is that the door are glass and you can break right in to get your money. Especially since their is no senior security guard that would have a heart attack and die if some robbery happened. Couldn't have that on my conscience. The true problem is that the area has a black out for a few minutes and they lost their computers.

The second thing you don't want happening is said power outage screwing with your computer. It's always great to log in and have your toolbar and favorites from a year ago appear. What's worse it's not going away either. So now I have to troll around finding everything I added to my favorites in the last year.

Argh!!! Someone's walkin' the plank for this.

Shiver Me Timbers

Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day. Hallmark has way too much time on its hands. Surprisingly this 13 year old tradition has taken off. Probably the Pirate movies have helped with it.
I'm still having problems with my asshat from the singles group. I've warned him of doing it again. Whether he will or not is beyond me, but I will remove him if it happens again.
I need to talk to the Planner tonight. She made a comment yesterday that bothered me since it made me feel like she was saying that I was a degenerate. I didn't bring it up last night since I knew I couldn't be objective. However after a good night sleep I can talk about it tonight and just express how it made me feel without getting in her face.
Tonight we have our monthly Happy Hour with the singles. It's at a new place. While Happy Hour's are not my thing they do bring out the crowds so they're a good thing to do on a monthly basis.
I got the pendant for the Planner today and I'm very happy with it. For less than $5 on Ebay woohoo! I'll give it to her tomorrow night.

I Swear

I swear people are asshats. My single's group is a good example of this. While most members are normal a few sub-morons do get in through my strict screening process of send a picture. One that is off you not a purple monkey or of you jerking off. Use your first name not sexy4u. I think the biggest problem is people don't read. We're a singles activities site, not a dating site. However people still don't get it, so once I month I send out our rules. One of the biggest is don't contact other members until you meet them. Some guys just troll the members pages looking for attractive women to shout out at. The biggest problem these brain dead trolls do is that they do this to a bunch of women. Saying the same message to all of them. The problem is that a shout out post it for everyone to see. Yes you look like a big loser when everyone can see you did this to 5 different women. Anyway I just sent the rules out yesterday and our biggest asshat did it again. First thing today he's shouting out again. I think I'm going to have to make an asshat rule. If you are one you're banned, no questions, do not pass go, don't collect $200.

Another Crazy Day

One day I would like a full day without one reschedule. I've had 3 today already. I only had 5 appointments. It has to be written somewhere that there's a limit. Over the last 2 weeks reschedules are becoming the norm. Today only one transferred to another day. The rest just did time switches which become problematic after a while.

On the plus side my friend stopped by to retake the pictures for my website. We traded services for it. So the first batch came out okay.
It's always interesting to watch someones stupid blunder. I'm sitting at the light a little while ago. Person runs a red light with the police sitting right there. The cop waited for a few seconds before going after them. I think he was stunned that someone just did that in front of him.

Waiting to hear from the Planner to see if she wants to get together tonight. She had a big list of stuff to get done. I'm hoping it's a yes. It would be great to see her and she could use the treatment since she missed her chair yesterday and fell on her butt doing some damage to her neck.

Lastly Single has stopped delivering papers. To most that would mean nothing. To me I was waiting for her to have a psychotic episode. You see here you have to pick the papers up around 2 am and have them delivered by 5 am. Yes 365 days a year with no time off. They pay isn't bad, but unless you want to sleep throughout the day and never go anywhere it sucks. Single's problem is that she has a 2 year old. The longest she was sleeping was 4 hours. The human body can only handle so much. I was waiting for that psychotic episode, not quite sure what it would have been, but it would have been blogworthy.

Temporary Insanity

That's the best way I can describe the Planner when she stresses out. She's been stressing the last 2 weeks with work. In this mind frame she rattle somethings that have been on her mind. Usually it's very quiet on my end after she's finished. Mostly because I'm biting my tongue on saying WTF! Last nights journey into the Twilight Zone was about networking. Their was something about our differences since I'm a heavy networker and see is not. I would describe it, but since it didn't make sense I'll refrain from making a substance resembling guacamole come out your ears. The second was how she meets these couples that must really help each other like a realtor and loan officer. Yeah that's nice honey, but that doesn't relate to us. So about 10 minutes later she finished and returned to Virginia from Oz. I'm learning to just let her decompress and don't try to enforce any reality to it since that just drives me nuts.

Well only one reschedule so far. Hopefully that will be it for the day. Oye. I've turned up my networking a notch with a book giving a weekly activity to increase business. Today I had to step up to the plate for one of my groups that I assistant direct. I became president for a day which I hoped showed them a different way of doing things to help motivate them for change. Their a good group just need a push in the right direction.

Afternoon Delight a Day Late

Ah Monday what a day. I started out the day with 5 patients on the books and by the end of the day I had 1. Yes 4 patients rescheduled. I think that's a record and after last weeks fiasco with rescheduling I was fighting the funk. However the Planner was in the area and after not being able to stop by was able to. So it was great seeing her for an hour eating some pizza, holding hands, and ending with a great big hug. It was the highlight of my day. I love watching her blossom when I shower her with affection. The way my day was going I was ready to toss it and head to the beach with her. Atlas I went to my business meeting instead.

Back to the present. Still no freaking check card from the bank. WTF? I'm going to stop by later and see what's up and if I can just use my old one. This taking way too long.

Oh so you know I won the auction for the pendant.

A Couple of More Hours

In a couple of more hours hopefully this will be mine.
I was looking for something to give the Planner that was different. Nothing big, but just something. She loves pendants and had a great collection. Most of them are cheap things she found, but they look great. So in scouring the sites I found this pendant. A different take on the traditional Claddagh symbol.

(The Claddagh's distinctive design features two hands clasping a heart, and usually surmounted by a crown. The elements of this symbol are often said to correspond to the qualities of love (the heart), friendship (the hands), and loyalty (the crown). The expression which was associated with these symbols in the giving of the ring was: "With my hands I give you my heart, and crown it with my love.")

Language of Love 2

It was a bumpy start to the Planner's and I weekend. I thought I texted her through the day, but I forgot to hit the send button. So when we were talking she said something about not believing me. Whether she was joking or not I couldn't tell. Looking back I would say joking since she was poking fun at me all night long. However it's a sensitive spot for me since my ex use to blast me with that. It's a shot at my character which I work hard to make high. I excused myself to the bathroom like Travolta in Pulp Fiction to work it out. It took me about a minute to work it out, but let me tell you in those first few seconds I was like I could just walk out and be done with this. Happy that I think now before reacting.

We spent the evening wrapped up on the couch playing Uno and the Planner got to have some of the chocolate I brought. She loved the toffee chocolate mix. The chocolate dissolves first leaving the toffee for afterwards. I was told it was the best and it lived up to its name.

One thing I'm finding that I have a higher sex drive than the Planner. I have to admit out of all the women I've dated only L had a higher sex drive than I. No complaints here since I get so much else from her in other areas. So it's just something I noticed.

Physical touch is both our languages of love. Usually the Planner likes to get up and going in the morning while I like to relax with her in bed. If I'm alone it's another story. So this morning was really nice to lie their and massage each other knowing we are saying, "I love you" with each touch. It was such a great time she was already thinking of trying to squeeze us seeing each other again during the week.

On other fronts I can't wait to get my cards back tomorrow. Not having access to my money over the weekend really sucks.

"X" Marks the Spot

Came out of my treatment room to run to the bank between patients so I can get money for the weekend since my bank just started closing on Saturdays. Low and behold I see my wallet sticking out of my office chair. Wedged in between the arm rest and cushion. Happy to have it returned and I was wanting a new wallet anyway.

Funk Friday

Some brainiac decided to toss whatever had gone bad out in the back of the supermarket here. Now we're talking a bobcat and hazmat suits to clean up smell. It was so bad I could smell it 3 miles away on the wind. I share this with you because a funk smell is always what you want when you have a cookout. Yes today was our monthly block party and it was more organized than it has been in the last few months which was great.

I know some people get worse before they get better health wise. I just hate when it happens. Again I share because this happened with my first patient this morning. I know the guy from my networking group. He wasn't happy, but when you have a chronic condition that's been bothering you for the last 30 years this kind of stuff happens. However I still hate when it happens.

The Planner is feeling the pressure on the job front to perform which is a good thing. She seems to be stepping up to the plate with it and organizing her day better. Today she was going out to work on getting more business so we'll see how she does. It was nice to have her recognize all the nice things I do for our relationship.

Starting All Over

Well I picked up a new wallet today. I had a expired driver's license, extra gym card, and health insurance card. So I got a replacement library card cause I need what's important. Next on the list is my towing service. It took me a little while to find what kind of wallet I wanted. They have so many different kinds now and none really fitted my needs.

Well today is the Planner's and mine 3 monthaversary. So I evited her last night for a night of fun and relaxation at her place Saturday night to celebrate. I'll bring chocolate I got free from the Royal Chocolate store, some games to play, and I told her I would give her a massage to relax. See was happy with suggestion.

I have to admit I'm becoming concerned with her on the job front. She seems to have built this huge wall that she feels she must get over or she will fail completely in her profession. She's been gun-ho with many things, but nothing directly money generating. The last few times she's said she wanted to get leads and make money she's side tracked onto some other thing. It's a concern of mine. Nothing to do now, but it's something I've observed and will watch to see what the true person is underneath.

Something in the Air

OMG I can't make this shit up if I tried. Well first I'll show you and then I'll give my opinion and then you can give me yours.

We're looking to meet new women in the area and have a good social setting to meet up

Do you have trouble finding other singles in the area?
Not usually, we're a hot couple!
So now I have couples trolling the singles site looking for women for a threesome. Unbelievable. How do you read this?

Mike's Not Happy

I got ready to leave the office to head over to a networking event when I realized I didn't have. SHIT! I tore my office and my car apart pretty quickly. Finding nothing I realized I had it at Hardees 2 hours prior and I had come straight back to the office. I really didn't expect anything when I went back there and I wasn't surprised. They had no clue about it. So I went back to office to grab my check books and go to my banks. My business bank knows me and easily cancelled my old card and ordered me a new one. My personal bank was funny and asked me for ID to get a new card. I looked at her. If I had ID I wouldn't be here. So I asked her to block the card. I have a friend in another branch and I'll call her tomorrow to get me a new card.

I lost all my Mom's ID along with mine. Where my mind went was the cost to replace everything. It took me a while to realize that nothing was irreplaceable and I only had $6 in the wallet. It's just a annoyance to have to get new stuff. I have an expired driver's license, my extra gym ID, and my spare health insurance card. So I have a start. Oh well I was thinking of getting a new wallet anyway.

How Did I Get Here?

Now I know you are all being grossed out and wondering why I would show such a disgusting picture. Well for the few that read my other blog you know this was some woman's main picture for her dating profile. Yes I shit you not! Hey I know I get a big rubbery one when a chic with a bloody knife sticking out of her eye. Really what were you thinking?
Anyway the point I started with here is I had to do a presentation this morning for one of my networking groups that is in trouble. I grew up a shy guy. I know looking at me now most would never know. However deep down I still have the memories. So when I'm doing a lively power point presentation for a crowd of cadavers it makes me wonder "how did I get here?" Let me tell you brain eating zombies would of had more life than this crowd. I truly don't see any hope for them since the president seems not to give a shit about anything. But back to me since this is my blog.
I'm reading Rich Dad, Poor Dad which is a book on finances. So far it has been good to re-enforce what I've learned over the last year which is when I'm fearing money problems not much is happening except that I'm worrying a lot. However when I can switch my mindset on how to make money my problems slip away. All this brings me back to this morning. I guess I've always known I had this potential, but fear has always held me back. Knowing you have potential and never using it is pretty depressing let me tell you. Expressing this potential lights me up like a thousand points of light. Hey I know you're only suppose to use that reference for charity events so sue me.
The one thing that I find still holding me back is being liked. It's a strong desire to break even when I know what needs to be done. At some point I'll learn a tool to break the bonds of this, but for now it still prevents me from soaring.

You are about to die in a Nuclear Fire

I always like to hear on the radio that the sound you just heard was the test of the local nuclear power plants warning system. If this would have been an actual emergency you would be dead by now. Actually I didn't hear it, but the Planner did so I texted her to let her know what it was.

Since I'm on the subject of the Planner it was very funny last night when we were talking.

Planner: So what did they say about your mom?
Me: Who?
Planner: The doctors when they called.
Me: What are you talking about?
Planner: What you texted me today about.
Me: Honey we haven't texted since I responded to your smooth entry.

After that their was a flurry of activity as she was looking through her phone. She was being instructed on the new computer system in her office when her boss from her second job texted (???) to say his mom had been diagnosed with terminal ovarian cancer. The Planner had thought it was me. So she was looking for "honey", "love", or "Stop by my place". ROFLMAO. She was in the clear, but she said she had to pay more attention to who she texts to.

Tomorrow is our 3rd monthaversary. She finds it very nice that I remember before her. However we remember different dates. She remembers when we first me and I calculate from our first date. Anyway not since my ex wife have I made it to the 90 day mark with anyone. Holy momentous occasions Batman! Not going to say anything to her about that since those facts seem to freak a little bit. I'm a bit bummed since we won't be getting together tonight. However the Planner is knee deep in work and wants to finish it before the weekend.

On my front the office is slower than molasses in January. Two days of reschedules has me doing a lot of side work. I can't take not generating money.

Hey Lucy I'm Home

When scared or frightened we can resort back to old habits. The Planner is in that state at the moment. Tomorrow marks 3 months for us and I haven't heard anything since our first week or two of the relationship about sleeping arrangements. She asked what would happen if she put another bed in her spare room. I told her no. She said she would sleep in there. I told her no. I did tell her that she could get a smaller bed so we could cuddle more. She groaned or screamed at that I wasn't quite sure. LMAO. At times I can't tell if she is joking or not with some of this stuff. However I don't do Ricky and Lucy.

Okay, Okay, Okay

Everyone clamored to see the pic. I deleted it pretty quick, but I knew what other groups he was part of. The surprising thing is that his other picture is a normal one. I'm not saying that he is normal by any stretch of the imagination. So here's the picture.

It Finally Happened

As most of you probably know I run a large singles group in my area. Most of the time it's fun, but at times it's like running a kindergarten class. Anyway it finally happened and it took longer than I thought. I get at least 3 applications a day to join the group. Yeah I'm surprised too. Most people I decline since they don't have a picture and I never hear from them again. Anyway I get one from a guy yesterday and I get thumb nails of their pictures. So I look and I'm like WTF is that guy jerking off? So I have to enlarge the pic to see what they hell is going on because I've been misled before. Anyway this guy is laying in his bed. He is naked and showing off his tribal tattoo on his hip. His business is covered with a sheet and his clenched hand is over it. So now I know why I thought he was jerking off. Why he thought this was a good picture is beyond me. Anyway he also has his cat sitting next to him in his bed. I guess it's the closest to pussy that he's come. Hey I couldn't help it.

To Boldy Go

I stopped by the library yesterday to pick up a DVD to keep me occupied. I ended up getting the first season of the original Star Trek. I figured it had been a while since I saw an episode so why not. Holy hell I can't believe it's at least 15 years since I've seen an episode. I use to watch it all the time and it was a real eye opener to look at the episode titles and try to figure out what they were about. I mean I never considered myself a real "Trekie", but I knew enough stuff. Wow not to have the information at my fingers was a real eye opener. I have to admit as an adult I really enjoyed the rich story lines and could see why it was such a big thing.

The Language of Love

Their are 5 Languages of love. We each do and accept love in distinct ways. While all apply to everyone certain ones hit a stronger cord. The 5 are:
  1. Physical Touch

  2. Quality Time

  3. Gift Giving

  4. Acts of Service

  5. Affirmations

I thought I was physical touch and acts of service both giving and receiving. However the Planner stated that I was a bigger giver of affirmations than I was of service. I had to think about that and had to admit she was right. I use to be a giver of acts of service. It was easier than stating how I felt, but over the last 8 years I've worked hard to be able to verbalize how I feel. While I still like doing I know that saying how I feel is much more important to me in my overall emotional health.

I still thing in receiving I'm a physical touch and acts of service. Touch has always been big with me and I love when the Planner makes me a sandwich. Dinner is nice, but for some reason a sandwich says I love you to me.

How about you what are you?

Just a Saturday Night

Well whatever screwed my stomach up really did a number on me. By the time Game night came around I felt like heaving. So I grabbed one of their big waters and downed the mother. I felt much better afterwards. While I still felt like I had some rocks in my stomach the feeling that I was going to upchuck was gone. Surprisingly everyone who signed up for Game night didn't show, however another woman did show since she was close by. So the night wasn't a complete loss we played a bunch of games. However Starbucks was a freezer and by the time I left I was frozen.

Both the Planner and I were tired last night. It was good to see her and she enjoyed the flowers I got her. We both just vegged until we went to sleep. It was funny when I got into bed I reached over and gave her a kiss which she responded she would kiss me in minute when she could move. That turned out to be this morning. While I felt better after sleeping I had almost fevered dreams and never really got a good rest.

The Planner is a workaholic which she is working to break the more she hangs with me. However their are times when she has to rationalize it when I'm just relaxing in bed with her and she wants to get up and go and I want to stay and relax. I told her Sunday mornings are my only time to sleep in and be lazy. If we had the whole day together we would have like 15 hours together. Holding and massaging each other for a few hours was a simple pleasure that I worked for. She seemed to get it.

Now I know my handwriting is atrocious since I took Doctor's Handwriting 101. However this is the first time someone handed me a check back saying they weren't sure about the written amount. Go figure.

Hana Fana BoBana

Well Hana missed us and went up west of us. The Planner home got drenched, but here it's just windy. The pain of it all is my car is covered with pine needles. The great thing about rain is that it cleans your car. In a freak of nature the rain has done nothing to make my car look less like a porcupine. However the threat of the storm closed the gym down today which really blows.

On other fronts boy does my stomach feel like crap. I don't know if it was the tea this morning or what. I haven't heaved, but there have been moments that I wasn't quite sure. I have to admit you can find anything on the web. I mean their are whole sites dedicated to people blowing chunks.

So I'm sitting in my office wondering what to do. The weather outside has closed many things for some reason since it was a dud. I don't get together with the single's until 5 for game night. I did watch Eric's Communion on dvd. It was nice to see him in his suit. In an attempt to save some money this weekend I think it's going to be a long one with the weather being uncooperative.

Today's Gift

Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.--Ursula K. Le Guin

In the first phases of a relationship, everything is new and exciting. It seems as though nothing could ever go wrong.Yet as we move out of this "honeymoon" phase of the relationship, problems begin. Suddenly we notice things about the other person that bother us. We seem to have more disagreements and more difficulties that take longer to solve. We may even silently choose corners, put up walls, and back away from each other.It's easy at this stage to want to end the relationship. But now is when the outcome of the relationship is most critical. If we run away from renewing our love and rebuilding the foundations of trust and faith in each other, we will deprive our love of its nourishment for growth. Love takes constant work and needs plenty of patience. Each day can reveal a new layer of love; each stage in a relationship moves us to a new plateau. But only if we are willing.

It's funny how somethings just work out. I get up this morning and open my email to read my daily meditations and this is sitting there. After sharing last night about my conversation with the Planner I put it out of my mind. I would have gone crazy trying to figure her side out because I will never know. So as always I work on keeping myself healthy and things should settle down. However part of me has pulled away. In some of the parts that I didn't talk about the Planner stated that she would have trouble marrying me for some of the work I do. Weekly I give my time to help out people with sexual problems. While I don't help with ED or frigidity. I help out with people with their relationships, shames, and other stuff as they try to go through tough times. Most of them are married and trying to keep their marriages afloat. The Planner seems to be stuck with the "sexual" part. I find it very rewarding and it helps me with all my relationship stuff since I have to put to use all that I have learned. The Planner stated that she couldn't tell her bridesmaids what I was doing on Monday nights. I know I'm not changing what I do especially for someone I know for only 2.5 months as she is apt to say. However since they can really be a breaking issue I feel myself pulling back which I know will only doom the relationship. So I'm back to just enjoying the relationship while she comes to terms in whatever decision she makes.

My Trouble In Paradise

At times I can't figure the Planner out. It just seems she wants to buck around and feel that she is still free. I brought up how I felt last night and it went over well. She went into why she kind of brought it up. That we are scheduled to see each other Wednesday and Saturday nights. I think the confines of a relationship get to her since I joked that I have her on the books forever and freaked. She didn't know what her point was, but she was thinking about how we have sex every time we see each other. We talked about it and we agreed since we don't see each other a lot that's probably the driving force. I told her if she didn't want to it's okay with me as it has been in past weekends.

She had some problem with all the women in my life. Most of my patients are female and that their are two women (Single and Escort) in the house I live and the singles events. I asked if she trusted me and she said she didn't know me long enough, I hadn't given her any reason not to trust me. So she was just doing so. Their were other points, but like I said I don't truly know what the point was beside what she said. At some point she just needs to say something. This may be a point that will drive us apart in the future. The Planner seems to have this black & white line in her thinking. She always states it from being adopted.

I find it hard since I want to take her serious and make changes that will help the relationship while still being true to myself. Since the Planner has never been married and the two serious relationships she's had were f'up me thinks she may have a unrealistic view of what a relationship is. Only time will tell.

My Day

I had a meeting this morning with a wellness guy. Holy hell was this guy mellow. I mean I could hire this guy to talk to me so I could sleep well. The good thing was that he lowered his hair since the one on his business card is about 3 stories high. It was an interesting meeting. Not quite sure what his point was, but I got some useful info and I set him up to help on of the groups I'm a assistant director for.
The Planner has her annual mashagram today. I told her to let me know is she needs me to give any of the techs there a drive by wedgie for squashing her boobs to much. Now I think she is waiting for my physical at the end of the month.
On the home front both Single and Escort damaged their cars. Single is delivering papers for extra money and in this area you pick them up by 2 am and have them delivered by 5. Yes 365 days a year. Not in this lifetime for this guy. I know I looked into it years ago and it wasn't for me. Anyway late night and not enough sleep she drove her truck up on a high curb bending the wheel. Escort on the other hand was following a truck when it swerved. She didn't react that fast and destroyed both front and rear tires on her Lexus. Now it's funny that Escort drives an Lexus when she doesn't have a dime to her name. Her baby arrives next week from her mom's. For someone who was in the Navy Escort is a slob and I don't know how she is going to handle being a full time mom. Being right next to her in the house is my concern and we'll see how it goes.

I Promised

Talking on the phone last night with the Planner we talked about the up coming weekend and how much I missed her. She stated that her back was bothering her which to me is no big deal since this is what I deal with. Anyway she make a joke about all I wanted to do was get in her pants. It bothered me. More so that she kept the joke up for a while. In talking we promised to tell each other of these little problems and she has kept her side up very well. Now I have to do the same which is hard for me. It bothered me since I'm not the typical guy and I work not to be. Also after a life time of being told how I am I don't like it when it happens.

Dear Ole Dad

When the Planner brought up my Dad and how cut and dry I am with it. She also stated how harsh I can be with the memories and that's why she thinks their is unfinished business there. If I was over it the harshness would be smoothed over. Meditating on it over the weekend I agreed with her.

Not quite sure how I will work it all, but I have to start somewhere. I haven't seen my Dad in 17 years. He never met my ex or Eric. 17 years ago my Dad had brought up that we should spend some time apart again. I was 24 and it was the fourth time in my life my Father was telling me that we should spend sometime apart. My answer was whatever. However in my mind I was like fuck this. I wanted a Father when I was a kid now it just didn't matter anymore and this was more effort than it was worth.

The Planner will agree that he is a asshole and a jerk. What I have in mind is to leave a day early when I go to see Eric in November and stop by his place. He shouldn't have left for Puerto Rico yet for the winter. If he has I'll leave a note. This plan might change between now and then. The biggest thing is losing a day of work for this kind of shit. On the other hand I'm not giving up time with Eric for him either. So we'll see.

It took a while for my ex not to take it personal that she never met him. However I know no good could ever come from their meeting. So the thought of bringing Eric over for the reunion is definitely out of the question.

I use to send him Christmas cards after I divorced since I felt some connection. The second Christmas he shut his mail down and the letter was returned to me. He changed his number years ago when his estranged mother contacted him after about 20 years. The next day the number was changed. So face to face will have to be done.

So I Took the Plunge

I've wanted to know what all the hoopla was about Facebook so I signed on yesterday.

I was surprised at what I found and I guess a little let down. I've had a MySpace page for years even though I only use it now for free Funny Bone tickets. However they have a lot of stuff to do. Facebook is like Linkedin for youngins. While I did find some old friends that I went to school with it was not what I was expecting. Unless I'm missing something.

The Rugged Look

The Planner likes that I'm a man and enjoys when I look the part. She's been wanting to see me with a moustache for a while now. When I was young I would have loved to grow one, but every time I did my ex would be like we're not kissing with it. So it always came off pretty fast. Anyway for the Labor day weekend I stopped shaving to get the rugged look that she wanted. About day 3 in not shaving my cheeks were itching too much for me to take so I left the moustache and goatee for her. I guess it's another thing of getting older for me. I like being clean shaven now. I'm happy not to shave when we're hanging out, but to have facial hair is no longer a desire of mine.

Business Meetings

Many people ask me what goes on in my business networking meetings. Truthfully just business with some jokes tossed in, but that depends on the group. It's dry stuff, but hey it's business. That being said my Wednesday afternoon group is quite different. I rarely get a chance to go there and now with the Planner it just doesn't happen since it's in the opposite direction. Also if I have to spend time I would rather do it with the Planner than in a bar someplace. However we do make very important decisions there like the word "placenta" was banned. New Yorkers "yell" while people in the South "hollers". I got there late so I missed the discussion on the origins of the word "blow job". If anyone knows let me know so I don't have to look it up. I was surprised I know the origins of many "dirty" words, but that one must have escaped my research. Talking about blow jobs one of the guys there said he never turns one down. After he left I suggested we find some guy to proposition him next week since he never turns one down. To bad I won't be there.

Well I Finally Did It

I hired a massage therapist today. Not quite sure how I feel about it. When I originally wanted someone to rent it I was looking for a strong driven person. However that didn't pan out so I figured I would be getting an employee. No offense to anyone I figured I would be getting a drone. So when Relax walked through the door today I was a bit thrown. She's very driven and doing her thing, but wanted to be an employee. We haggled price a bit, and I came down $5 and she'll do her laundry and bring supplies. If she can bring in her clients that will be nice. So we'll try it out for 1-2 months and she how it goes. Relax does have a lot of experience and does a lot so her price is a little high and I don't know how that is going to pan out. She states that people are paying already so we'll see.
It worked out very well. The Planner and I have the same year car so when her engine light went on 2 weeks ago she went and bought a scanner for it. This worked out well when my light came on last week. Armed with the code it was interesting to search the web for the information to fix it. Times have changed I see.

Happy to say Eric had a fun first day in 4th grade. We didn't get a chance to talk, but he left me a message which was good.

Labor Day Weekend

Well it was a great 72 hours with the Planner. I was so happy to see her and hold her in my arms. I was instantly into relaxation mode while it took her a full day to make the switch. It was great to sleep in and relax. The best being falling asleep and waking up with her next to me. Then spending some time in each other's arms.

We did many things all, but nothing really too big. Saturday we hit Dollar stores to browse and pick up a few odds and ends. We also did some real shopping and I got a nice hanging plant for the office. The Planner's mom was still in the hospital so we went there each day. I still haven't met her since we figured just after surgery wouldn't be the best time to meet.

What else did we do. We did some night time walks, grass watering, Colonial Williamsburg, and The Ripley's Believe it or Not museum.

We had some nice talks. The Planner stated her fears with me in that I'm pretty harsh and cut and dry with my family. She thought I still had unfinished business with them and that would help open me up the being healthier and more grateful. It took me a while to swallow and after some meditation on it I thing she's right. So I'll have to schedule something with my Dad which I'll blog about at a later date. I on the other side talked to her about balancing work and relaxation. In an attempt to show her how she would actually do more work if she stopped working at a certain point in her day and rested instead of pushing herself to all hours. So we're complimenting each other very nicely.

I was very sad to head home last night as was the Planner. She wanted me to stay the night again, but I couldn't do that with my meeting this morning. While I was looking forward to work today like she was we both missed seeing each other at the ends of the day.
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