Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.--Ursula K. Le Guin
In the first phases of a relationship, everything is new and exciting. It seems as though nothing could ever go wrong.Yet as we move out of this "honeymoon" phase of the relationship, problems begin. Suddenly we notice things about the other person that bother us. We seem to have more disagreements and more difficulties that take longer to solve. We may even silently choose corners, put up walls, and back away from each other.It's easy at this stage to want to end the relationship. But now is when the outcome of the relationship is most critical. If we run away from renewing our love and rebuilding the foundations of trust and faith in each other, we will deprive our love of its nourishment for growth. Love takes constant work and needs plenty of patience. Each day can reveal a new layer of love; each stage in a relationship moves us to a new plateau. But only if we are willing.
It's funny how somethings just work out. I get up this morning and open my email to read my daily meditations and this is sitting there. After sharing last night about my conversation with the Planner I put it out of my mind. I would have gone crazy trying to figure her side out because I will never know. So as always I work on keeping myself healthy and things should settle down. However part of me has pulled away. In some of the parts that I didn't talk about the Planner stated that she would have trouble marrying me for some of the work I do. Weekly I give my time to help out people with sexual problems. While I don't help with ED or frigidity. I help out with people with their relationships, shames, and other stuff as they try to go through tough times. Most of them are married and trying to keep their marriages afloat. The Planner seems to be stuck with the "sexual" part. I find it very rewarding and it helps me with all my relationship stuff since I have to put to use all that I have learned. The Planner stated that she couldn't tell her bridesmaids what I was doing on Monday nights. I know I'm not changing what I do especially for someone I know for only 2.5 months as she is apt to say. However since they can really be a breaking issue I feel myself pulling back which I know will only doom the relationship. So I'm back to just enjoying the relationship while she comes to terms in whatever decision she makes.
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3 people had cathartic therapy:
True...
Can you be more specfic about what you mean by saying you help people with sexual problems ? What exacetly are you doing on Monday nights that is freaking her out so bad ?
And why is that more important to you than The Planner - regardless of only knowing her such a short time ? I'm missing some vital info. here, and I'm sure it will all make sense when you explain more...
I think helping people with their relationships is important -- maybe you could re-term it for her as couples therapy (which is what I gather it is you're actually doing)? I would think with your past, that this is helpful for you as well. But, yes, help her to understand this, and try to understand why she is feeling she can't tell others about this. I wouldn't go shouting it, but shrug, if it is what a guy does who I'm with? Hey, just implies he's knowledgable about working on relationships, so perhaps mine would be good, too? That natural pulling back of parts of yourself and then working through things -- it IS the next stage and phase. If she's talking bridesmaids, well, you two need to get through some more phases and stages.
After reading your blog backwards to here, forgive me, but the Planner sounds just a teensy bit uptight. Sounds like you give, give, give and she takes, takes, takes. Hmmm.
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