Going Sane in a Crazy World

My journey through life and the lessons I learn to help me grow spiritually.

Sane Friends

My Day Down the Rabbit Hole

While the weekend turned out with very few things done, I have to admit its been the most restful in a long time. For the past several weeks I've been waking early which I never enjoy and I know I'm stressing about something. It was either Kitcat or money since I ended last week feeling good about both. So getting at least 8 hours sleep the last 2 days has been a blessing. It's nice to be working on all cylinders again.

In the online dating world I seem to be the catch for the fifty-something set since they're a contacting me. I really don't mind, but they are falling for one of the big online dating mistakes. I know it since I fall for it too at times. Great, awesome picture blinds you to what is being said in the profile. I maybe very spiritual, but I'm not religious or a church goer. Both women were and that's what they were looking for in a guy. I'm not against the age difference, but at least read my profile so I don't feel cheap. Lol. On my side I'm hoping to have a date Wednesday night.

It's freaking hot as hell here today. In the 90's and a bit humid. I was going to see Iron Man 2, but I figured another week or two and it would be at the bargain house. So I went to see Alice in Wonderland there. Even though it did have some interesting moments it wasn't that great of a movie.

Still no word from my ex on Eric's visit. Tomorrow will be the reminder text or email. This is always the pain part. However as I'm always reminded. If we had good communication we'd probably still be together.

In My Dreams - Kristin

In many of the blogs I read, I see women posting about all their crushes. I give That One Mom the credit with her Future Ex Husbands weekly entries for inspiring me to want to balance the powers that be with this. Each week a different woman will grace these pages who in my dreams will be my next wife.
Well with the release of the new Sex and the City movie I'll start with Kristin Davis. I never liked her prissy, conservative views on life and sex in the show, but I was sitting their drooling like an idiot anyway so it didn't matter. Plus she has long, dark hair which I love. The funny thing is that most women I date don't have dark hair. I guess only in my dreams.

Well now with a dream in mind I have a better chance or reaching it, right? Hey it works for me.

Future Wedding Bells

If you don't know me than know that I think a lot. Some will say that I think too much which may be the case since I use to not think at all. So I'm still trying to get my sea legs in life. Looking at the incident with Kitcat I'll still mention special dates in the future with women. For me, recognizing and celebrating special times helps me to enjoy life. I know if I don't celebrate the fun times, I'm sure to focus on the bad times which is no fun at all.

Yesterday Secret Agent man asked if any people had found someone special in the group. I informed him 3 of my friends had. Savant and Saturn girl just moved in together and Server guy is moving in with someone else from the group in June. After saying that I had to admit that I had that feeling you get when you realize all your friends got invited to a party and you didn't. Most of my closest friends from the group are or soon will be living with someone. Holy crap when did this happen? Is permanent bachelor tattooed on my ass somewhere? I'm happy for my friends, but wow the realization stings. The group was my connection to other singles since all my friends at the time were married. Is this slowly happening again?

On the flip side of this is my fear with engagement and marriage. While I want to one day have a ring on my finger again with someone special. The last time I did it, I truly didn't take responsibility for everything and it was a miserable time. I know that I'm a completely different person than I was then, but until I talk about all this. I'm not going to purge it from my system.

I've mention this before with my dating in the south. Women down here are Amazons. When I was in NY I would say the average height for a woman was 5'2". Down here I would say 5'6" which is my limit. Since it allows the woman to wear 3" heels and still not be taller than me.

My activity online has gotten me some emails which I'm happy to see women taking the initiative. However they haven't been matches since I know I'm not what they are looking for. So it's a quick email telling them this. I know I like to know if it's not a connection and if I can't do it, I can't expect someone else to do it. I have a few nibbles from my own emails and I'll let you know how it goes.
On a side note. Still no word from my ex about Eric's trip.

Someone Thinks I'm Beautiful

Tuppeny graciously awarded me this award. The rules being I state 7 things you don't already know about me and I pass it onto 7 other bloggers.
  1. I've never had a bloody nose in my life and no I don't want one now.
  2. My parents divorced when I was 18 months old, however until I was in my teens did I realize this. I always believed it was when I was 6 or 7 when I had to go to court.
  3. I have two older brothers and one of them is also named Mike. What can I say my Mom is weird.
  4. In the last place I lived when I was married we use to have a ghost of a child run up and down the hallway a couple of times a month that my ex and I use to see.
  5. I've never been drunk or have I ever tried any drugs.
  6. I do have a fear of being attacked by a shark while swimming in the water. Yes Jaws has damaged me for all time.
  7. I haven't had cable since '04. It's a big money saver and it helps me get out there. The only TV show I watch is Two and Half Men which I do on the computer.

The seven people I pick are:

  1. John
  2. Jane
  3. Secret Agent Woman
  4. That One Mom
  5. Danielle
  6. Jenn
  7. Robyn

Sit Ubo Sit. Good Dog.

I texted my ex last night about the dates for Eric's visit. Hours later I realized that I didn't even consider asking her to bring him to the airport. Still after all these years she trains me very well. I know the answer will be no like it always is or even worse she'll cancel at the last moment which is disastrous since I can't get the money back and I always have to pay a fee to make it a credit. I still need to use my credit by November from the last time she cancelled at the last minute. I know on my part its just avoiding pain, but I still have to go through the motions. At times I almost wonder why I fought for joint custody when I know little what goes on with Eric besides what we talk about.

I'm at the anger stage with grieving even though it's not really anything. The two things that bring it up are friends are still asking how we are doing and I have to explain what happened. The other is switching back to not thinking about her in my planning of activities. So I do find myself with a lot of free time this weekend. I did get together with the singles today for the annual Strawberry Festival which was fun. However most everyone I know is off doing something else this weekend.

Sitting with friend Clark the other day and I was listening to what he was saying. Then I knew exactly what he was going to say. Women don't like sex. I finished his sentence. I asked where he learned that from and he didn't know, but it was a belief he grew up with. I knew it too since I did the same, but for the life of me can't figure out where it came from. I've spent most of my adulthood trying to unlearn it, but it's a stubborn belief to let go of.

I was given an award that I have to list 7 facts about myself. Since I'm pretty open about everything here I'm going to have to think about it. Hey something to do this weekend.

A Blip on the Radar

I'm being reminded that grieving is like a boomerang. Just when you think it's out of sight it comes back into view. I'm going through my day and every once in a while Kitcat will come to mind. It's really not that bad feeling wise, but it's a bump in the road. I did make myself go on the dating site where we met yesterday mostly to let go of this "what will she think" feeling. It's crap since I'm not the one that did anything wrong. Didn't contact anyone since I'm not in the mood to do that yet.

Well it's been a record week here in the office for which I'm grateful for. While I'm still in debt, my bills have all been paid and I still have my Eric vacation money intact. Now it just needs to stay that way for another month.

So this year I'm doing something for Father's day. Usually it's just another day for me since I don't see Eric to the following week or two. This year in the back of my mind I figure I'd have Kitcat to spend the day with since I knew she wouldn't have her son on that day. However since that's not to be. I got myself the concert ticket special today of $10 for the Lynyrd Skynyrd/Brett Michaels/38 Special concert on Father's day. I made it a singles event and we'll see what happens, but at least I'll be doing something special for me.

That Which Divides

I want to thank everyone for their kind words. Last night I did sleep better than the previous 3 nights which I was fuming a bit. I got some view points from L and Shah on my "happy 2 month" statement with Kitcat since they are polar opposites. Both agreed it could be a problematic statement since it would show where both of are at. Having dated L I knew she would have bolted to since she is a player and any form or relationship is terms for dumping. Shah likes to celebrate all the "moments" in a relationship. We both agreed it didn't have to be presents, but acknowledging it was big. So I was a little sad for having said it, but no regretting it. I know what really broke us up was lack of communication on Kitcat's part. I've seen it in the two months I've known her. Stuff connected to her survival she took care of with a ferocity. Other things that were important, but rough to deal with she pushed off. So I got to see where I stand. I've always known that it's not the fun time that defiance a relationship. It's the shortcomings that do. Communication and intimacy are huge with me and not having any willingness to work and use them doesn't do it for me. So with that it was easier to just let it go.

I will say that Kitcat did text me yesterday to let me know how she did on her test. I waited about an hour to congratulate her on it and that was it. When the text arrived I freaked out. I still drop back to the mindset that I don't know what to do. It's a strange place to be. I've survived so much through my life and I have to admit I didn't know what I was doing, but I got through it. Yet that fear still survives. Once I sat still for a moment I was able to get back to my senses and regain my serenity. However that was it of the communication. I have a funny feeling she'll text again when she is free and is looking for something to do.

Shah told me something many of my female friends have said before, "no more crazy women." I have to admit I still can pick them. My picker is still screwed up in finding someone wanting the same things.

I do have to admit I'm feeling awkward about starting my profile back up where I met Kitcat. It's the same old song and dance. It's not my fault, but I'm picking up the guilt and shame. Oye. I'll just have to do it and go with it.

On a good note. Holy crap is this a busy week at the office. It will be a record week with plenty to spare. Also tomorrow will be a record day if everyone shows. Now I'm just trying to catch up emotionally. I feel so busy in the back of my mind, but looking at the schedule I still have blocks of free time. So I'm just adjusting to this new level of activity because if I don't I'll sabotage myself into getting slow again and I've worked to hard to do that. However it's happened in the past and its a road that I want to avoid.

Closing Another Chapter

Well after day number 3 of no call from Kitcat after I asked her to call me and she agreed, I'm closing this dating chapter. What's interesting is I started watching 500 Days of Summer the other night and I finished it last night. If you haven't seen it, I would highly recommend it. I really liked this movie when I saw it last year since there are plenty of relationship movies out there. However there are few from the guys point of view and even fewer good ones. Anyway one of the points of the movie is looking back at the relationship and seeing things differently. I can't say I see things differently, but I know where the derail happened. It was last Thursday after we had a nice night seeing other the day before. We were doing our usual texting back and forth. I wished Kitcat a happy 2 monthaversary. Yes I'm a guy that remembers all these little dates and likes to celebrate them. Anyway even texting I heard her stumble when I told her this. She became loss for words. While I'm hypersensitive to changes in a relationship I will rarely inquire about them which I probably should. I let the conversation just go on. Besides the blip of Kitcat calling me Saturday excited about being with both her boys on Sunday our communication has decreased.

What's really interesting is that what attracted me to Asp and Kitcat was their abilities to stand up for themselves. Kitcat more than Asp. However both of them just let the relationship just peter out. I'll never understand it. I'm having a hard time accepting being sad. I know its appropriate, but I just don't want to feel bad which is the norm for me.

No water again last night at the house which really sucked, but I did water the lawn myself. However I'm happy to report that it will be on this afternoon.

Do We Still Have a Pulse?

I'm not quite sure where I am with Kitcat which I find weird saying. Sunday she said she would call when she got home and I heard nothing. I had texted her twice throughout the day yesterday and got no response which doesn't really happen. Honestly I was a bit worried that she had an accident since we always have some level of communication. So I did call and text her that I was worried since I didn't hear from her and to let me know she was okay. She texted me back quickly that she was just getting home. She was going downstairs to get something to eat and would call me when she got back in. Nothing. All this makes me feel distraught and like I'm not initiating any more communication. Hey I can be 3 years old when I want to. So I realized this wasn't the emotionally mature thing to do. Today I texted her to see how her day was going and I got a response. Having struck something I went for the gold with asking if I could see her tonight. I got the list of reasons why she couldn't which were the same as last week. However then she was trying to squeeze me in for a little while. I wished her luck on her test today and to let me know how she did. Also to let me hear her voice when she had the chance.

In my natural state I bounce between polar opposites. Some of it is because I don't want to deal with unhappy feelings and the other is the way I grew up with both my parents being polar opposites. It was one of the things I was working on today in my hypnotherapy session. I wanted to work on my low self-esteem issues. So she helped me with my people pleasing and how I see everyone else as better than me. I tell you I walk out of there the most relaxed I've ever been. So far it's been easier to work with my patients without worrying if they're happy or not.

To add on to my mix of stuff. I went to wash the dishes last night and when I turned on the tap there was no water. So I had to get up extra early to hit the gym before my meeting this morning. It was actually even earlier since I needed to be there early this week. The closest gym I went to seems to not follow the same rules as the ones I usually go to in opening at 6-6:30. I was so pissed. Then I had to schlep across the city to the next closest to the meeting. I left work for Tone. We'll see what happens. The weird thing is that the sprinklers worked normally. If it was dark I could have just grabbed a shower out there.

Well if everyone keeps their appointments this week it will be a new record for the office which would be awesome. My worry is the second to last patients are a couple on Friday and they are known to reschedule 40% of the time. Either way it will be a great week and that's the way I'm going to try and look at it.

So far my off site appointment setting is working nicely. My patients are happier that I'm busier and I'm happy to have one less thing to worry about. My biggest thing is I'm trying to stay in my minutes plan for the month. I'm not using much up at the moment, but I just want to turn it on 24/7.

We're Live in 3 ... 2 ... 1

So I turned over the reins of control of my phone appointments to an outside company today. Let me tell you it took me a little while to do it. I'm into hour 4 of it and I love it and have no idea why I didn't do it sooner. I don't have to worry about answering the phone, I get a message letting me know when I did, and they make the appointment on the scheduler if it's a a patient. I forgot how good it is to have someone else do things. I tell you I never want to turn it off. The only bad thing is that while I'm forwarding my calls on my Blackberry, I don't get any emails on it. So occasionally I need to stop the forwarding to reconcile my email account to know if anyone has made an appointment.

I did make another appointment with my hypnotherapist to help out with my low self esteem. It worked well with my speaking fast which allowed me to work better on my anxieties. I'm hoping this next session will unlock a few more things for me.

Kitcat said she would call me when she got settled in last night, but nothing came of it. I figured when she texted me that it was late and she would probably pass out on the couch while her son got ready for bed. However I got no response so far today from my "good morning" text this morning. I'll try her again after my last patients and it calms down around here.

I'm tying for a record day again here. If my 11 month old patient was paying I would have said it was a record. However I let my patients bring in their infants up to 1 year of age for free. It was interesting to jump from an 11 month old to a 73 year old today. A little circle of life action going on.

I tell you that beach walk yesterday screwed me up something fierce. I awoke this morning so tense and stayed that way till I got adjusted a few hours ago. Then I wanted a nap, but I have that Mary Kay presentation tonight so it wasn't an option.

The New Porn

My beach hike with L today was on the brutal side. The tide was high so we were walking in the soft shifting sand. I have severe flat feet. As one of my patients said they're like duck feet. Distance walking always does a number on me and with the uneven surface today, I'm feeling it tonight. I tell you I don't know how I did valet for so long. The only thing I could say is that it was always a short run of about 2 blocks with a rest in between. I do remember the nights that I ran all night long that I could barely walk the next day. Tomorrow I know I'm going to be moaning and groaning as I move around.

Kitcat called me late last night. I originally thought she needed my help since she said she was stuck, but it turned out it was tunnel traffic. Being underground was messing with the reception. Her younger son was staying over her older son's place for the night. I had hoped that I would be able to see her, but it didn't happen. Kitcat apologized and knew we would get to bed quickly, but sleep would be a long while off. She was getting together with her boys early this morning to go to Busch Gardens. So I'm hoping to see her Tuesday night. Since she doesn't have her son next week I'm going to suggest going up to Colonial Williamsburg next Sunday. I know she's been wanting to go see it for a while. She use to work their years ago and wants to see the place again.

I'm still waiting to hear back from L's friend about the opening in her place. Hopefully I'll hear more mid-week.

Okay I haven't watched porn in a long time. I see their has been some changes in how they do things which is neither here nor there. The big thing which I've heard other people talk about is this spitting thing. WTF? Seriously WTF? Their is a whole industry of lubricants out there. So I can't see the reason for this when a woman is performing oral sex on a guy or when a guy is doing it to help in penetration. Is this some new fangle thing that gets all the young people hot and horny? Hey maybe I'm just getting old. Soon I'll be wondering where my social security check is and wondering why all the music is so loud.

Look and You Shall Find

I read about this all the time on other people's blogs and didn't think I would be in their shoes. I wanted to change my picture of Kitcat on her profile on my phone. I always mean to bring a camera to take a picture, but we seldom go out that it usually is a moot point. However I would like a better picture of her and maybe one of us together. Where is this leading you ask? Well I figured I'd go back to her profile and grab one of the others. There was a nice one, but she just wasn't looking at the camera. Anyhow I just searched her profile since I didn't want to log in and create activity for myself. It was easy to find her profile since it was active today. Yes I'm dating someone with an active profile. Not quite sure what to say on the matter really. I guess the biggest reason I say that is that I do trust her. Maybe sometime in the future I'll mention it. I'm not going to stalk the profile since that won't be good for me. Like all things I'll trust my instincts and go from there.

The Yin & Yang of Car Works

Yes finally after 2 years, and not really working on finding it, I've found the leaky hose that was causing my engine light to come on. Well at least I'm hoping so. It's been 24 hours and still nothing. With that I was extremely happy that I passed my car inspection without any trouble. While I do trust the place I bring my car to, I always worry since nothing is ever cheap. Hey you need a new Johnson rod, that will be $800.

I'm happy to report that it was another good week in the office and that I already have more appointment on the books for next week than this past week. Since there is always a conversation in my head here it is:

Positive me: alright a good week next week.
Negative me: yeah but 45% of that is Medicare which means not much money
Positive me: hey some money is better than no money.
Usually there is words about worry and keeping it at this level. However its not really saying anything.

So it's an improvement when positive me has the last word. I think I may call my friend the hypnotherapist for another session. This time focusing on my self esteem and confidence so I can have a better perspective on this stuff. While last sessions work on my anxiety wasn't a end all, be all. It did allow me to work on it better which is what she explained to me. The session would help me rewrite what I had learned when I was younger to make better decisions now.

Kitcat has been keeping me better in the loop with what is going on in her life when she has her son. We may not talk as much on the phone and even text are light. However I get the information that I need so I don't go all wonky. I hope she can work in a visit with me over the weekend like she said, but I'm not holding my breathe with it.

Giving Good Phone

Feeling a little out of control today. Yesterday the phone was ringing a lot here in the office which a good thing. The bad thing was that I was busy for most of them. The few I got to were new patients or people looking to come in. The people I missed never called back which I saw as missed business. So I had to find a solution for this since I work hard to have this happen I can't be missing the ball. So I did a Google search and interviewed a few businesses to do my appointments for me when I can't get to the phone. I'll see how it goes over a 3 month test period. So it was a lot of work that I was not expecting yesterday. Today as I finish setting up the process I feel a bit out of control since part of my office is now out of my hands. It's weird and yes I can be a control freak. Like a parent on their child's first day of school its a bit hard letting go even though its a good thing.

Talking about letting go. My neighborhood business group had our second event last night. It went very well and the best part about it was that I wasn't the chairperson for the event. Even though I had to let go of my control of the event since I run the group. However letting it be run by the chairperson let me enjoy the evening. I did have one bump when the first person to speak did so for almost 20 minutes instead of 5. However I just let it go and it all evened out as the presentations went. The house was an awesome place and I want to go back for the full tour. The lady who runs it has put a lot of her own money into it and knows so much about the history that its just a joy to walk around and soak up all the history.

I forgot that I didn't blog yesterday. I was happy when Kitcat called me Wednesday night to come over. It was good to see her even though she was wiped from the week. She apologized for her hectic schedule and was going to try and squeeze in during her weekend with her son.

In the Far Corners of My Mind

Mike doesn't like change. Even though I should be grateful that I have another place to swing to when I move out of my present residence. I'm more focused on the change and with it in the being in the back of my mind, it gets to play with my worry. Why? Because its change and I learned at an early age that change was always scary and bad. I have my affirmation with change in that good things can't happen without it. However its still a work in progress.

Speaking of loony. I was a bit sad that Kitcat had to cancel last night since her meeting went late and she still needed to study for her 3 tests today. However we rescheduled for tonight with me going over after her son goes to sleep and us watching a movie together. I'm good when I know what's going on, however when I don't the insanity is let loose. I have too much crazy stuff up there.

Today has been another great day at the office. I had a really good marathon of back to back patients for a few hours, but then a reschedule and a no show put an end to that. However I still had a few extras call in which is always good.

I finally got back to the gym for this week. I had the time yesterday, but with the pouring rain I didn't want to go out. With it getting busier during the day I may have to go back to going to the gym in the morning before work. While that maybe good for that, I have to admit I enjoy getting to the office a little early to make phone calls and take care of any other business lying around. I'm usually at my best in the morning to handle that kind of stuff. Since by the end of the day I don't want to handle that kind of BS.

Dating in Pictures

Tone is here for a few days trying to hire someone to take care of the lawn and stuff. She let me know she was trying to have the place ready to rent for August, but she knew it would probably be later than that. The good thing is that L's friend has a condo which has extra space for rent that would be ready in September which would work out well. She no longer wants to rent to women since she's gone a lot as a flight attendant and her clothes seem to disappear. I gave up cross dressing in another life so I have no problems. The nice thing is that it would be close to the water. I'm glad that I'll be able to switch over unless something changes. I just hate change to begin with.

Tone gave me the web address for the landlord's pictures of his burial at Arlington National Cemetery. It looked like a nice ceremony, but I have to admit it made me sad looking at them.

Kitcat made me very happy last night by calling to chat before she went to bed. Little things like that make my day. We chatted a little while. I'll see her tonight, but I have a feeling I won't be staying at her place. We're meeting down at Town Center after her meeting ends and she has 3 tests tomorrow. Jeez that's just abusive since she only has 1 teacher. I do want to talk to her setting up some system to better plan us getting together. The other point I almost feel weird doing since I take it for granted. It's the exclusivity talk. It's the way I am, but there is something for making a point with it. The last time I did this talk was with Law girl which I have to admit was one of my healthier relationships even though it didn't go very far. However I do remember her saying that I did everything right.

Yesterday may have been the bomb at work, but today it's a fart. I only had one patient on the books and he rescheduled. So I was happy to have someone else come in to take his place. Tomorrow again is a nice packed day. With everyone coming in all in a small block which will be nice. I will tell you it was strange to have free time today. I have to admit I really haven't goofed around either. Phone calls, marketing, and basis admin stuff has been the flavor of the day. I'm just about finished with everything I need to get done today and I'll take a break and watch some MI 5 which I got out the library. I was very happy to get it quickly since they just got it in. I guess me checking regularly for stuff is paying off.

So Close, Yet So Far

I was so close. I could taste it. However it wasn't meant to be. It was suppose to be a tie for the busiest day in the office today. It didn't start that way, but people had way too much fun this weekend. So the phone was a ringing today and they ended up in my office. However my last 2 patients rescheduled till next week due to the weather and all the traffic. Damn you. It's funny since tomorrow is the great waste land. The good thing is that all I've been doing over the last few weeks is paying off and now I just need to keep up with it all.

I was happy it was a profitable day since one of my large debts came up today. Mostly because I've been slipping on payments since my Mom went into the hospital and I paid all that money. Now they want theirs.

From the weekend I pulled a lot of gratitude. Please don't even ask where it came from, but I guess since I've been working on it my big score came in. So leaving the house this morning I was in a good mood with no real anxiety to speak of which is something for me. Now the weird thing is that 3 of my friends called today telling me how over the weekend all of their lives took a turn for the worse. By the end of the third phone call I didn't know if I wanted another call from a friend today. I think I reached my limit.

Sadness and Deep Thoughts

Well the weekend ended and I didn't get to see Kitcat at all. Besides a few text messages and a short phone call while she got ready to meet friends to go sailing we really didn't connect. I was bummed for many reasons. The main was that I had expected to see her and it didn't happened. With that came the feeling that I have no importance in her life. This is a bit of a core issue so it blossoms outwards pretty quickly and took a lot of energy to keep from getting out of hand. While I reaffirmed that I'm the one to make me feel important I do had some wants to be a consideration in Kitcat's life.

Since we've been dating she has entered my life and throughout the day I do think about her. My decisions have her in mind when I make them. I want this on the other side. So it will be a talk tomorrow when I see her. I do have to admit everyone has their style that they respond to. Kitcat seems to respond to me being a man and being direct with what I want. So we now have a date scheduled for tomorrow night after her meeting. This brought up another problem. We were going to talk about possibly eating at the place of her meeting afterwards. She said she would call in a bit after studying. However like yesterday the phone call never materialized and I know now that she's in class.

One of the big reminders I had this morning with texting was that I do want things a certain way. It was one of the pearls from my ex that was mixed in with all the manure. While I'm easy going it does make me a lot happier to have things said and done in a certain manner. However that is me being narrow minded and a bit self centered. So I worked through that this morning and we now have a date. I'll have to remember that in the future.

Today is turning out to be one of the busiest days in the office which I'm trying to be grateful for. However with tomorrow being dead it's hard to do. I guess it's one day at a time.

Working the Corner

Should I be worried when my girlfriend is trying to raise money on a street corner in a bikini top and shorts? Kitcat had texted me when I got to the art show that she was off to a fundraiser. Since she didn't clarify I had much tamer things in my mind. I'm taking their standing at a intersection asking for money for her son's school since she didn't mention car wash. I did have to ask if she was wearing her platform shoes. I was surprised that she wasn't making much money. Like I told Kitcat, I've seen her in a bikini and less than that. She's very hot especially for her age. Plus she knows how to work it so I was surprised that a bunch of dirty old men didn't blow their lotto money on her.

Now while I may say my relationship is going slow, most of the known world says I move very fast. Who me? I have to admit my relationship with Kitcat is a lesson in patience. Not being able to see her as much as I would like is very trying at times for me. I have to admit, deep down I like instant gratification. It doesn't always have to be about me which its most not in my life. However when I do want something I do want it now. This was made obvious to me when I was walking up to the art show today. The first woman that I walked pass met my gaze, smiled, and did that hair thing. It happened a few times throughout the festival which got my mind working. We did it go to work at? Not being able to see Kitcat as much as I would like. And in front of me are women that are here. The idea was flushed a moment later like the usual idea of whacking someone upside the head with a bat for cutting me off. Honestly the only problem I have with Kitcat after almost 3 months is that I don't see her as much as I want which is my stuff. Other than that I really don't have any qualms with her which is very different from many of the other women I've dated. Most of the problem being school which will end for her in 5-6 months. So I do count my blessings with Kitcat since being good for me, she is one of the best I've dated.

The art show went very well. It was great to finally have a beautiful day for it. Only two others made it out, but both members I like very much so it was a fun time. Usually I'm a browser at these things with me only rarely buying something. However this time I did have my eye out for something for the office. While I did see a few things that I really liked, nothing spoke to me. They would be nice to have, but I would have to change to much of the decorations around to make it work. At this point I'm not ready to do that.

Whoops My Mistake

I still have no firm "date" with Kitcat this weekend. It is hard to schedule stuff with her crazy schedule, but I have to own that I don't usually say what days are good for me which I need to start doing. While I don't give up the things I really want to do, there is a grouping of stuff that I could take or leave that I'm wobbling on while I wait to see if we are getting together. I'm hoping that will get us better on track since we don't know what each other is doing most of the time. We started out this way with spur of the moment dating and its now taking over which isn't good for the long term. So I'll have to mention something later on about it.

The appointment with the personal trainer went well this morning. I was a bit nervous since its a good relationship for the office. So far he's on board to work together to market and also barter services back and forth. I've never thought about doing training, but I'm willing to give it a try. German girl said I don't need it. I think she doesn't want me to become a muscle head. I'd be happier to be a little more cut and my core tighter.

Today is the Stockley Garden art show which is always a treat. I'm going with the singles and this is the first time in 2 years that the weather is nice. Since it's twice a year we've dealt with freezing weather, rain, and the worse was the flood that was happening while we were there.

I was very happy to get the call yesterday saying that one of my cases was finally settled after 6 months. It's not a huge amount, but it will pay for me to see Eric next month which is all I want. I'll be really happy when my larger one from 2-3 years ago is settled. It should be in court soon. With that will be the return of medical insurance, woohoo.

Show me the Money

Eeek. I didn't blog yesterday. While I might not have something exciting to report everyday. I know it's important for me to do it just as I share with all my friends throughout the day. With all the changes around the office, I'm still playing catch up with many things still falling through the cracks. Most of it is small stuff, but it still needs to be done. If I can continue to grow the office I'll then consider getting some help to do all the grunt work. However I'm resistant to think about it. It's a childhood thing. My Dad would always dangle things in front of me for the future. Things being money. I believe it started when I was 5 with thousands of dollars that would be mine at some point. At 5 I really didn't give a crap, but he always made it exciting and then it would disappear. This was just a routine of my Dad. I think it feel under his tests of love that he was big with. He was always testing to see if you loved him for him or his money and stuff. It's probably while I'm not materialistic. One of the biggest things I learned from all of this was never to have hopes and expectations cause it just going to be a let down. Not having dreams to draw upon to direct my life really makes me swim around in circles which is a hard way to get ahead.

I went to the Funny Bone with the singles last night. It was a good show, but the big thing of the night is one of my members. She annoys me to no end. I've heard this from several of the other guys in the group. I'm not quite if its because she tries too hard, comments on everything, or she's just an ass. However I haven't figured out how to handle her yet without screaming, "shut the fuck up!" Since I don't think it would be helpful overall I haven't done it yet.

I'm happy to say Kitcat doesn't have her son this weekend. Like usual I would like to have it all planned out of when we are going to see each other, but that's not happening with her schedule. If I had a choice I would say Saturday night since I have to get up early tomorrow morning for a personal trainer that is coming to the office. We're going to trade services and market together which will be a big boost if it all works out.

Hard at Work

Life is different now with the office getting busier, MT1 sharing space, and me making sure to finish work and not push it off to the weekend. I've gotten use to having a lot of freedom with the cost of low productivity. Now that productivity is up, I find I'm letting a lot of time wasting stuff slide. While it's important for me to blog everyday just to clear my head. I'm starting to slip on reading blogs. Everyday I open my reader to about 40 entries to read and not much time to read them. I'm slowly sifting through them all and what usually happens is I don't comment as much. Not that I comment a lot now.

My last 2 patients were very appreciative to walk out pain free today. Both are long standing patients who did something in the last day or two and were in severe pain. It was nice to hear how I changed their lives back to normal.

So today was my second time on the radio. I was a lot more relaxed since I was just there for a good time. I know the listener ship is low, but its always a fun time and the experience is good for me.

The other reason for me to be relaxed is I got to see Kitcat last night. She was very tired from not sleeping much the night before. Kitcat informed me that she wouldn't be up long when I got there, but I was welcome to come. I was there lickety split. It was great to see her after so long. We didn't do much, but cuddle and watch TV after I adjusted her. She really liked the earrings I got her.
I'm catching myself and changing my vocabulary when I'm talking to Kitcat now. While the "L" word hasn't come to my mind with her specific. It is coming to my mind when I'm saying how much I like something about her like her smile for example. I do have to admit I do that with my friends so I may have to make a bigger change.

I finally remembered what I wanted to blog about yesterday which was funny. As you may or may not know I'm partially color blind. So I was talking to one of the guys in my business group and he said the stripes on his shirt were pink. Now to me 10 feet away they looked pale blue. Only when he was very close could I tell that it was pink. The people that knew I was color blind said they forget since I dress well and never clash. My secret is I never were prints, it's always solids. I'm happy that everyone likes what I wear since initially when I buy something I worry how it will go together.

The Full, the Happy, and the Weird

I had something to blog about, but for the life of me I can't remember what it is. It's been an even Steven day here at the office. For every patient that has cancelled or rescheduled another has taken their place which is great. Also MT1 has had a few clients today so the office has been hopping. To be honest my first reaction is that I don't have enough time to get done what I want. Not a good reaction since I'm working hard to make the business busier. I'm really starting to lean towards getting a front desk counter for the office so I can have more space here. While it won't drastically increase the free space it will put more it out of the patients eye. The office is starting to be at the bursting point which is too weird for me. The change is too fast from famine to feast. I'm not feasting, but the cupboard is stocked.

I was very happy to hear that Kitcat most likely wouldn't have her son tomorrow night and that there was a very good chance to see each other. I can't tell you how happy that makes me feel.

The weird part of today was that the Photographer stopped by for treatment. I times I find it weird touching a woman I dated, but am not dating anymore. If we ever had sex I don't think this would be happening. However having slept together did increase the physical intimacy I had with her. She had some questions about Kitcat and was happy that I was happy.

Tonight is $1 movie Tuesday with the singles, however everyone has cancelled. The movie is Greenberg which I never ever heard of, but reviews were through the roof. While I would like to go home and relax I think I'll go and enjoy.

Business Road Trip

My day started off nice with a phone call from Kitcat while I was still lying around bed. It was good to hear from her especially since we hadn't actually talked since Friday. She is still a chatty cathy and I got to hear everything in detail which I don't mind. I enjoy being brought into her life. I was hoping to see her tonight or tomorrow, but it won't be till the weekend. We talked about missing each other, but both of knew why it was happening. I'm okay with it, even though I may not like it.

My SIL was on the today show this morning. You can see it here. She's Karen. It was a pretty good piece on being in your 50's.

After many weeks of putting it off I hopped in the car today and drove up to the peninsula to meet some other chiropractors. I had been putting off calling for a long while now. However I liked Shah's idea of just stopping in. There were only 2 doctors close by with everyone else at least an hour. The first place I stopped in was very nice. The staff was very friendly, instantly remembered my name. After a few minutes I got to talk to the doctor who was a nice guy and we talked for about 5 minutes on little stuff. His office reminded me of many things we use to do when I was in NY. I have to review all that stuff in my mind to see what can be used here. The second place the staff blocked me from seeing the doctor. It wasn't as warm as the first place either. From what I hear he does a lot of business, but he may need to defrost his staff.

It was a nice ride up and back. I haven't been up there in a long while and I enjoyed the adventure. However I did have flashbacks of the long drive to see the Planner and Tech girl. Both of who were farther north than I travelled today. I'm very happy to have Kitcat close.

I knew I was berating myself at some level for not contacting the doctors before now. Since doing so today I'm ready for a nap. I forget how much energy goes into avoidance and rationalization no to do something. Now I'm relaxed and I'm feeling the toll.

The Time Paradox

I was chatting with German girl today and she asked how everything with Kitcat was going. I told her everything was going well, but I hadn't seen her in over a week and any alone time was now in the 2 week zone. Saying it made me realize it wasn't that long of a time even though feeling wise it feels like ages. Liking Kitcat a lot and it being the beginning of a relationship, I don't enjoy having week long periods of time not seeing her. It's probably why I don't like long distance relationships. The extended periods of not seeing each other don't make me happy nor do I like sucking it up on a regular basis. Why some people do like it, I know it's not for me. The extra rub is that out of most of the women I've dated she's one of the closest. Law girl holds the record with a mile down the road which was very sweet.

Kitcat didn't say what she was doing today when I wished her happiness this morning. She was enjoying time with her youngest. I would guess her oldest was taking her out or doing something. I wanted to know so if nothing was being done I would cook for her. Since her youngest doesn't know we are dating we still play it cool and my visits when he is there they are infrequent at best.

Today is a hanging day for me. I visited my Mom for Mother's day this morning and now I'm hanging at Starbucks. I'll do a little shopping before heading back home to do the weekly clean up.

The Grass is Greener

I was truly bummed when Kitcat asked if I wanted to come over and spend sometime on the beach with son and herself. I told her I wished I could but I had the BBQ and then game night. She was okay with it, but I wanted to dump everything to see her. However I had made that promise to myself when I got out of my marriage that I wouldn't give up my plans for another person anymore. Before and during marriage I had thrown my life away for my ex and I was left with nothing especially going against my beliefs. Today even though I was dying to see Kitcat I kept to my guns and went to everything I had scheduled.

The BBQ was fun and I was very happy the person invited me was there when I got there. The people were very friendly, but a senior crowd. It was for the Cosmopolitan group. The free steak BBQ was away to meet potential new members. While I know several people in the group who weren't there. It wasn't for me. Their big thing is fighting diabetes. While a worthwhile cause its not one that's dear to my heart. So I know I wouldn't have any passion for it.
Game night was fun as always. I got there late, but hey who am I to pass up on a free steak dinner. While I had fun, being late I didn't really connect with everyone like I usually do. However my tank tops and I were the targets of many jokes.

Here are the silver earrings I got Kitcat. For some reason I couldn't get a clear close up of them. I went with the non-fancy in the hopes that she could use them more often.

I finally got to talk to Eric today after about 2 weeks. He was happy since he was accepted into the school he wanted to attend. Other than that I found out his grandfather was still hanging in there. Besides that he wasn't in the mood to connect. I try not to take it personal and just be patient for the times when he does want to connect.

The outside of the house seems to be finished. It is so weird now to come home after 5 years to a place with grass. The property has been fixed up very nicely and we are no longer the bastard stepchild of the block. The picture is the actual house.

A Private Frisky Friday

Kitcat informed me last night that her classmates told her that she needs to get laid. We both know with her son there this weekend it wasn't happening. I may not be happy with it, but I totally understand and would be the same way if Eric was visiting. So for Frisky Friday I texted her how much I wanted her. Kitcat told me how funny I was and I said that I wasn't joking. We're still not seeing each other till next week.

It was weird this morning to step outside my office to take a personal phone call from a friend. I've been alone for so long in the office that it was new to me. Most conversations I could care less with, but there are a few I would like private.

I have a very anal neighbor down the block from me. The speed limit is 25 and occasionally I have been known to push almost 30 on the block when I'm not paying attention. Let me tell you if he sees you he will be screaming at the top of his lungs for you to slow down even if you're a block or two past him. While this is a pain it does get to me. Yelling in anger gets to me. My dad yelled a lot and angry outburst were the norm. That angry yelling really gets to me at my core. While it no longer makes me want to cower, it does knock me off kilter. Like I'm a bad person of something which is usually at the core of my problems.

This leads me to both of my readings this morning talked about optimism and seeing the happiness in everyday life. I need to make a list of affirmations specific for this. While I have great ones now they aren't covering this base.

The Long Hot Sun

In about 30 minutes I'm going to be on the beach walking with L. Not quite sure if I'm looking towards it since its 92 and humid out there. Yeah I know cry a river. Super hot heat and I don't get along well. I'm going to be a dripping mess when this is finished.

I was hoping to see Kitcat last night, but that never materialized as she tries to do the juggling act with all that is going on. I'm happy we've been talking. However I'm not quite sure if I should talk to her about this saying she'll do something and it never appears. Most of it is I'll call you when I finish xyz and it never happens. It came to my mind when she said she would stop by my office on the way to school to hang for a while. It never happened because she had to study which was okay. I think she has the intention to do these things and she just forgets when she gets really busy. Hard to tell what this is all about and if I should be worried or not. I guess time will tell.

It was one of those flux days of people stopping in, not showing, and rescheduling all day today. Not much I had in the books today happened like it should of. The one thing that did work was talking to Shah about business. We are making it a weekly thing and it was very helpful today. The funny thing is she reminded me of what I use to say to patients 9-10 years ago and it flowed out of my mouth like it was yesterday. I'll have to start using it nowadays cause it was very good.

I think I'm going with the everyday earrings for Kitcat. I'll try to remember to take a picture of them. Okay I'm off to enjoy my life of Riley.

The Stuff of Dreams

Yesterday was a home run for me. I'm a people pleaser at heart so stating what I want is a bit problematic. I'm a lot better than I was 10 years ago, but it still isn't a walk in the park. I instructed MT1 about what I wanted done in the office cause I know this relationship could get ugly real fast if I didn't set up my rules. It all went over well and we'll see how it goes. I would love it if would stay on track forever, but that's just the delusion in my mind. Secondly I scheduled sometime with a chiropractic friend of mine to talk weekly on the phone to improve both our businesses and hold each accountable.

The last one I'm not quite sure if I'm making Kitcat uncomfortable. I asked her if I could see her last night. She was apologetic since and restated that this was a tough time school wise for her. I told her I knew that, but I don't like to leave things up for granted. I know this goes against what I was just stating. Hey I know the right thing to do, it's just getting myself over that hurdle. I told her it was important for me to see her. I understood she was busy and was okay with it, but I would still ask. Cause I don't want her to think that I'm casual about it.

Now on the other side of the coin. When I'm not dating anyone, sex really doesn't come up for me. Holy shit when I am the motor just runs overtime. It's been a week and a half since we last had sex. Jeez the dreams I'm having at night now. Oye. It's going to be a long 5 more days.

Sliding into Place

I've been trying to figure what earrings to give Kitcat. Should I get the fancy ones or ones that I know she could use on a day to day basis. Any suggestions?

MT1 moved everything in today and is 90% setup. It's going to be interesting having someone around the office again. I haven't worked with someone in years. The good thing is that she is very bubbly which I need a shot of. I think my demeanor is a bit of a problem with work. Since I wear many hats and a few shots of anxiety I can have hard time of hitting those high notes of excitement without conscious thought. I had a few new patients today which was great. The guy I was able to come in higher than him, but the woman was a lot higher than me. Like everything its something to work on.

I'm trying to setup weekly time to talk to my friends who are also chiropractors to exchange different thoughts and ideas. I've done it with two of them this week and its been good for both parties. Activity seems to follow it. Now just to get it organized.

I'm hoping to see Kitcat tonight. We got to talk a little before. I'll text her when I leave the office to see. I know starting tomorrow she'll have her son through Sunday so it'll be hard to see her.

Speaking of Kitcat. I was in one of my business meetings and my text alert when off. MK lady asked who it was and I said my gf. She asked if it was Asp and I said no it was someone else. She gave me that face I see in a lot of my female friends. I think its somewhere between impressed and you're kidding me. That's what I think and I'm sticking to that. The meeting started then and I wasn't able to update her on my dating life. Since she met Asp and we didn't break up for 2 more months the MK lady curse was broken. For the last several years if I told her about who I was dating we broke up in the next 2 days. It was freaky.

Is it Hot in Here or Is it Me?

It was in the 90's and humid. While there was a nice breeze to be out in the park at Earth day. Working in a storage unit was sheer torture and I passed out nicely last night from heat exhaustion. I did put the dresser in storage since it helped with packing more stuff in it since it organized the items around it. Today I finished moving everything out of the room. The file cabinet is in the hallway to be dumped somewhere and MT1 signed the contract so the place is hers. She'll start moving her stuff in tomorrow and getting it straightened out. I'm still trying to figure out where to put a few items.

Earth day was a lot of fun. We got to see a lot of recycled stuff like clothes made from bottles. It was very cool. We learned about the local animals and the problems we have in the area. I finally got the animal stranding phone number in case I see any hurt or dead marine wildlife. One of the group blended up her own smoothie by powering up a blender with a bicycle. She wasn't too happy when she was finished since it was a lot of work.

Kitcat and I texted a little yesterday, but we didn't get to talk till today. With school and everything else in her life she's very busy. I asked when I would see her again and she promised this week, just not when. I'm very happy that I know she likes me and things are going well. I'm very sensitive to change in people around me. It's a survival skill from growing up in a insane household. You learn to know when someone is going to freak out.

I know need to find sometime to reset my engine light so I can get my car inspected. In a normal car that would be easy as unconnecting your negative ground from your battery. However with my car its housed in the wheel well which means a lot of bolts to be loosened before I can get to it. What a pain.

I've called Eric a few times but haven't gotten him. Not sure if his grandfather has died yet or not. It's so weird to call and leave messages. On one hand I don't want to be all cheery with this going on, but I don't want to be a downer either.

Earth Day

Yesterday was a weird day with Kitcat. It was the first day we didn't really communicate. I had texted her twice throughout the day and didn't get a response until last night. She stated that she had slept most of the day trying to recover from the week. Not much happening today. I got a morning earlier, but so far no response. I have to admit I have only texted and have fallen into the lazy text trap. I'm meeting the singles in a little while for Earth day and will call her afterwards to see how she's doing.

Today is day 2 of cleaning out the extra room. I was able to get the cabinet out yesterday and today I'm working on the dresser and file cabinet. I'm thinking of taking the dresser back home and using it instead of the landlord's. I know if I put the dresser in storage it's going to get wrecked. I do need some boxes to finish packing up some junk that will go in storage. I want to be finished with it by tomorrow.

I tell you I need to make a better system to stay on everything in the office. I keep falling into the trap of focusing on one aspect and then the other fall off the wagon.
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