Future Wedding Bells

If you don't know me than know that I think a lot. Some will say that I think too much which may be the case since I use to not think at all. So I'm still trying to get my sea legs in life. Looking at the incident with Kitcat I'll still mention special dates in the future with women. For me, recognizing and celebrating special times helps me to enjoy life. I know if I don't celebrate the fun times, I'm sure to focus on the bad times which is no fun at all.

Yesterday Secret Agent man asked if any people had found someone special in the group. I informed him 3 of my friends had. Savant and Saturn girl just moved in together and Server guy is moving in with someone else from the group in June. After saying that I had to admit that I had that feeling you get when you realize all your friends got invited to a party and you didn't. Most of my closest friends from the group are or soon will be living with someone. Holy crap when did this happen? Is permanent bachelor tattooed on my ass somewhere? I'm happy for my friends, but wow the realization stings. The group was my connection to other singles since all my friends at the time were married. Is this slowly happening again?

On the flip side of this is my fear with engagement and marriage. While I want to one day have a ring on my finger again with someone special. The last time I did it, I truly didn't take responsibility for everything and it was a miserable time. I know that I'm a completely different person than I was then, but until I talk about all this. I'm not going to purge it from my system.

I've mention this before with my dating in the south. Women down here are Amazons. When I was in NY I would say the average height for a woman was 5'2". Down here I would say 5'6" which is my limit. Since it allows the woman to wear 3" heels and still not be taller than me.

My activity online has gotten me some emails which I'm happy to see women taking the initiative. However they haven't been matches since I know I'm not what they are looking for. So it's a quick email telling them this. I know I like to know if it's not a connection and if I can't do it, I can't expect someone else to do it. I have a few nibbles from my own emails and I'll let you know how it goes.

On a side note. Still no word from my ex about Eric's trip.

Shiny Isn't It?

As I'm the events person for one of my business groups, I still can't believe I'm the person involved in social activities. Anyway it went well with myself having the most guests come. I was happy that others had people come to because I would have went ape shit if I was the only one working this. The funny thing is that many of the people who came knew people in the room already. It's not rocket science people. I met all these people for the first time this morning so it wasn't any easier for me to invite guest that others wanted.

The girl friend was enchanted with Savant's old engagement ring last night. She had helped him pick it out years ago when he was dating her friend. They broke up and he wants to sell it since he paid a lot for it. I'm hearing it was over 10K. No offense ladies I can't see spending that much on a piece of jewelry when the money could be used for better investment. Anyway she kept going on and on about I had to see it which was a good segway into me asking when we were getting together again. She said she didn't know since her accounting class was going to kick her ass. Since she didn't give me anything on when she would know or a possibility of when it would be. Last week I have to admit I had a fuck you attitude when this came up. This week I'm better with it. I made plans to keep myself occupied with openings Friday and Sunday night which just fell that way. I'm not going to ask her like last week. It's her stuff that's dictating our schedule so I'll wait to see when she wants to get together.

I couldn't believe when I talked to Eric last night. I knew he wasn't sick, but his voice was deeper. Another step in my son getting older. As always there is a lot of pain that goes with it. I miss so much of his life and I grieve it. Here again is another step.

My mini fridge in the office died today and services will be help later this afternoon. I was going to get another one from Walmart, but they didn't have anymore in 100 miles of me. WTF? So I looked on Craig's list and found someone looking to get rid of one cheap. Like he said its just clutter for him and wants it gone. Got to love these people.

The Monday Run

It's been a busy day today. Mostly the meetings outside the office make it seem that way, but people continue to call to come in which is fine by me. Since I had one of my meetings down by my Mom is changed my visit to today. I think she is deteriorating more mentally. She's not answering me anymore nor is she really talking to my brother on the phone. She would at least talk to him. Today I could see her breathing change as he asked her questions and I'm guessing she wants to answer, but doesn't know what to say. For a person not doing anything she is still good physically which means she'll probably last a long time.

I visited Asp last night for birthday cake with her son and his friends. Savant and Saturn girl had already passed through. She had been hoping for a relaxing night, but with 6 boys in the house that wasn't happening. Stopping the physical interchanges and conversations about STDs topped the list. When we texted this morning she was happy to send them outside to burn off some of that extra energy.

Having the house to myself is starting to normalize. The days I spent at Asp disrupt my natural habits, but I'm settling in to a routine. Long term food preparation and cleaning the place have commenced.

Running to much today to delve into my feelings.

Here Comes the Sun

Well it was nice to see Asp all normal again Friday night. She was even happy about it, but really didn't have an answer. We spent a nice night together. Saturday we took her son and some friends paint balling. We met up with Saturn girl and Savant with his kids. It was fun to watch them all go in and shoot it up. We had to prod the little kids to be more assertive in the game than just standing there in a group. They were just getting killed way to easy. Asp tried a few shots on the practice range. It was fun to watch her. She said she got marksman and shooting awards/badges in the Coast Guard. With her long jacket she looked pretty serious.

While we were there a guy came to play. He had a large suitcase of gear. He has sponsors to play. His gun has a microchip in it and cost somewhere around $1300. Holy shit someone takes paint ball very serious. His gun was like an Uzi with paint balls flying out of it.

I did find something out about myself. One thing that the GF complains about is that I say things and she takes it that I think she's stupid. What happens is that she gets in her zone. Like when we're food shopping and I'll say something is on this aisle. She'll say she knows since she always shops there. For me I start to feel left out when she's in that zone and I try to get back into it with being helpful. It's an old coping mechanism of being helpful to be loved. In this situation I'm going to have to be more active than responsive to get through it all.

After a long day yesterday Asp was a bit tired and irritable. She didn't pull away which was good, but things just bother her. I'm trying to figure her patterns out, but it's taking time.

Today is her son's birthday so I left early this morning so that they could hang and prepare for his sleep over tonight. I'll head back over later for when they serve cake.

I was going to see the Fantastic Mr. Fox today since it got rave reviews, but due to a power outage it was cancelled. I'll try to see it later on before I head over to the GF's house.

Let's Talk About Sex

It was an interesting weekend. Game night went great and we had a lot of people show up. Savant and Saturn girl got there late so they were at the other table. I wondered how Asp would do with that since she is always with them at Game night. It went well. When we left her son wanted to sleep at his friend's house so Asp came back to my place to spend the night. I was happy to share my place and stuff with her. She didn't do to well on my firmer bed, but it was nice waking at my place with her at my side. Then I made breakfast for us. It was fun. The only bump in the road which has come up before is that when we've been sexually active throughout the night. At some point I'm on empty. So we'll have sex, but I'm not going to orgasm which is okay by me. However Asp takes it very personal. We've had the talk that it's all me, but it's not sinking in. She's starting to get resistant to having sex if I'm not going to orgasm. Besides the first time I have no guarantees. My body recharges differently day to day. I'm starting to feel a little anxiety about this so I'm going have to talk to her about this.

Our pool plans got sidetracked with her son's soccer clinic so we pushed it off. The rest of the day Asp was a little off. I think with her house fitting in my garage as she states got to her for some reason. It did make me a little skittish , but I get off too so it did pass.

I was going to get Asp a gift certificate to Victoria's Secret for Valentine's day, but she fell in love with my water pillow so I think I'll get her that instead. Now I just have to wait for all the silver jewelry I ordered from China to arrive.

Unwanted Visitors

Since my first appointment forgot that it was today I had some extra time before my next appointment. So over the past month my other blog has been slowly been over run with spam comments and this one started yesterday. With the extra time I did some house cleaning of them all. What a freaking pain and a bit violating. It's like someone breaking into your place and wrecking the joint.

Last night Savant and Saturn girl came over Asp for all of us to play some games and hang out. They finished off a bottle of sangria which didn't sit well with Asp. Her head was bothering her the entire night. She sleeps the sleep of the dead, but even last night she was beyond that. It was weird leaving her sleeping in bed this morning.

Tonight is game night for the singles. Asp is happy to have kids over her house, but feels bad about asking other parents to do the reverse. She has really put off finding someplace for her son tonight and I don't know if she is making it or not tonight. I'll see what's up when I return to her place after work and I visit my Mom.

Up Next

Well I learned today that the owner of my business property died and the daughters have hired a property manager to run the place. Nothing official has been stated, but I would expect something before lease renewal happens. Hopefully everything stays the way it is.

The weekend with Asp went well. She was sick and a bit cranky from it. More from having to keep her son doing his stuff and the house being dirty. She apologized for it. I didn't take it personally since I knew it had nothing to do with me. I did have a dream that night with her becoming my ex. I had to work it through when I woke up during the night that they weren't the same person. We did talk about it the next day.

I'm enjoying being part of something this holiday season and it's making it special for me. I thanked Asp for having me be part of all her family stuff. Cookie making was on board yesterday. I organized her cabinets for her. Asp is short and her cabinets are tall and I think the construction guy played a sick joke on her. She can only reach the bottom of the cabinet and her son the second one. The next 3 have to be ladder accessible. So I moved shelves and while there helped get rid of a lot of stuff.

The landlord's second daughter arrived sometime this weekend. So it's now a house full of women. The grandson likes me a lot so that works out. The ladies are very nice, but it's a different feel in the house. Besides that every freaking light is on in the place. I'm not quite sure what their plans are yet and I'm not quite sure if they know yet.

Dealing with my Mom Saturday was a little rough. She was lying down when I got there, but still awake which I was grateful for. However when she's lying down she doesn't want me to do anything and since I can't wheel her around there is little for me to do. She's not very responsive so I puttered around her room and checked her clothes. I felt like a round peg in a square hole since I feel I can only do for her.

I'm still enjoying my time with Asp. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with Christmas Eve plans. We're getting together with Savant and I believe his kids and Saturn girl and her kids. So from no one to a gaggle of people. I do like intimate present time than this whole big ordeal, but we'll see.

It's Official

Asp and I became BF and GF last night. It was funny Saturn girl asked her at the hockey game if we were. Asp said she thought we were so Saturn girl said to make sure. We've been joking around with the BF and GF titles ever since.



The Meet & Greet went well last night. About half the people showed that RSVP'd which kind of sucked, but a bunch of new people did come out which is good. Lubo's is a great place to be social at so it worked out. Afterwards we met up with Savant and Saturn girl at the hockey game. I learned many things there.

• The stereotype of fighting is real. While there weren't many fights that's what everyone demanded even the 5 year old in front of us. The guys next to us didn't care for the game just were waiting for someone to kick the shit out of someone.


• Sportsmanship was very high with the cheer of you suck when the home team scored.


• I have no clue why they change players every freaking 30 seconds.


• There seems to be no rules. I actually want to Google hockey rules today since penalties seem very arbitrary to me.
  

It was nice to have Asp's place all to ourselves. Her son was staying at a friends so nakedness was the uniform of the night and it was great. Sleep was at an all time low with a every 2 hour schedule. So I need a nap when I get out of the office today and before I go hiking.

We started sharing our secrets last night which was a fun new step. Up to this point I hadn't stated that I had dated the Photographer, but that came up last night. I was wondering if it would or not, but she asked if I had dated anyone in the group that was still in it.

I'm staying on course with not spending every night at her place even though she would like me to. I would too, but I know I need to keep my life still going. Also I'll be sleeping over Sunday night and staying with her most of the day Monday to celebrate our first month of being together.

Misery

I see misery loves company today. Asp is sick down in Florida. I feel bad that she drove 15 hours to be sick. Hopefully the over the counter stuff works. I told her the vitamin C method to get rid of the cold and she said she would do it later, but we'll see.

Asp and Saturn girl asked if I could call Savant to see how he's doing. His mother threatened suicide this morning and is in the hospital now. She does have schizophrenia so there are a lot of underlying issues. I know he wanted to put her some place since it's gotten to hard for him to keep her at his house. Having dealt with suicide and my ex over 16 years I guess I have the experience.

OVDC was telling me that a mutual friend, the acupuncturist, lost his place in the storm last week. I'll talk to the landlord tonight to see if he's interested in renting at the moment. Since he's battling whatever is ailing him I'm not quite sure he wants to do it. Although the acupuncturist is a quiet guy and would be no problem. Actually I think we would be more of a problem, well namely the kids. He just likes quietness and he's pretty shy. Other than that he's a stand up guy and would be drama free.

I'm relaxing today with the last day of me being 42. I have a HUGE window open today in the appointment book. Early morning and evening only. I hate the holidays when it comes to work. So you know if you ever want to do anything medically this is the time of year to do it. Every one's thoughts turns to the holidays and shopping. Procedures and exams that normally need weeks of scheduling become next or same day service. This was my public service announcement.

Snake Charming

Last night's Meet & Greet got cancelled due to lack of power at the place. My intention is to reschedule for next month and make it a holiday event. So Savant, Asp, Saturn girl, and I got together to play games and eat Chinese food. As always we had a blast. However I was trying to gauge Asp with what I thought of her and I wasn't getting a big chemistry vibe. So I didn't have any high hopes for today's date.

The storm had closed the museum we were going to go to so I suggested the place where we first me many months ago. We went to play pool. On the drive there the first thing I realized was how relaxed I felt around her. We both stunk at pool so we had a fun time, but conversation was low. Afterwards I asked if she was hungry and we grabbed some dinner. It was there when the conversation really took off. While I've hung out with Asp numerous times, this was the first one on one time. I liked that she had worked to come out of her social shell and didn't want to go back. She was working on her business degree and has plans to open her own business. Asp has strong values that she fights for in the community which I was very impressed with. On the flip side I had a moment that I joked with myself that I was dating my ex. Just a few random facts came up together like her past panic attacks, astigmatism, and I can't for the life of me remember what the cherry on the cake was.

Anyway after dinner I excused myself to go to the bathroom. While using the facilities I thought about what I wanted to do. Usually I go with that strong flood of emotion with someone which wasn't here with Asp. However their was a good calm feeling that I liked and never experienced before. So I decided to go forward with this relationship.

While I knew Asp liked me it was hard reading her body language and cues. So while we were hanging out at her place talking I didn't know how she would react if I kissed her. I took it slow since I've gotten many different responses over the years. I shouldn't have bothered. Boy did she kiss me back. Then she found out that I was ticklish which prompted her to tickle me. In retaliation I just kissed her more. This quickly escalated to me trying to restrain and kiss her at the same time she was trying to tickle and bite me. Good thing I don't bruise easy. Now I know why we joked about the handcuffs.

Guy's Night

Well Server guy and I finally got together. We'd been trying for the last two weeks, but he's been the busiest I've ever seen him at work. I wish he had picked a less smokey spot, but I think he's use to the place from when he smoked. We played pool and talked about women, kids, and our friends.

Since he has older twin boys I was actually thankful for his advice on keeping the connection with Eric. The biggest was the reminder that Eric is 10 and doesn't know to to fully work the conversation. He's just emotionally driven by excitement. Some of the ideas he had were more computer game playing which I wasn't that happy about even though Eric does love it. Most things would involve my ex's involvement to get it set up which I'm never happy about.

I know on my end I'm getting a bit shy calling Eric at the moment since I know I'm going to have to push back our November visit since I didn't get my money last week. Since my ex wouldn't bring him to the airport in August it's been a since July and I don't like the length of time.

We both agreed that the singles group has a new flavor with many of the older members rarely coming and new people showing up. Not that this is a bad thing, but that we need to keep the older members we're friends with in touch. So we're trying to have a party of five with Saturn girl, Savant, and Asp since we all get along very well.

I was happy to hear Server guy say that I seemed a much happier single person these days which was my goal for this year. He also said I should sleep with Inverse since it's just sex she's looking for. I know she wants whats in my pants, my wallet which isn't happening. So we'll see. If she keeps smoking like a chimney it won't be happening.

Visualizations at the Pool

Well today went a little different than I planned it to, so there was no gym. I did spend some time visualizing how I want my office to be in the next 6-12 months. I have to admit it's a bit nerve wracking and it's the withdrawal feelings I've been dealing with all week. It's a bit strange for me to be anxious about this since it's just a pile of clay and I can mold it anyway I like. However it's truly a grown up thing to be doing. No one else is involved with it. It's all me. So I'm feeling some pressure that I'm creating for myself. So I've planned in my daily goals to spend 15 minutes a day working on this. Just enough to get somewhere, but not enough to freak me out.

I went over to Server guy's pool party today. Asp, Saturn girl, Savant, and 2 girls from Server guy's other group were there. It was fun. The other 2 girls were too reserved for me since the other 3 and myself are not. It was a fun way to spend the afternoon and have some good food. The sights were also good. There were many twenty something girls in bikini's frolicking around. Most of us were really surprised at the mouths on these girls. They could make sailors blush. We weren't the only ones at the pool so I was even more surprised.

Ja Booty!!!

Our monthly meet & greet went very well last night. Most everyone showed up that said they would which was great. I saw Smile girl there. I didn't say anything, even though we left off okay many months ago. Our waitress was jaw dropping attractive and I remembered my brother's comment about all the hot looking waitresses down here.

The place was awesome. It was right on the water so the breeze kept us cool from the summer heat. The place has 4-5 bars and 2 stages so it was a happening place. We told Asp and Saturn girl that they were good girls. Saturn girl was okay with it after being raised Irish Catholic, but Asp didn't take it so well for some reason. So that brought about sexual truth questions between all of us with Server guy and Savant. We did it for many hours and it was pretty damn funny with all the jokes.

I have to admit I'm enjoying how the Photographer looks at my muscles now. A couple of months ago she went to poke me and she found out that I'm more solid than when we went out. So every time we're out either she's looking at my arms or poking me.

Today I'm heading over to my storage unit to find my Spanish CD's to refresh myself. I'm trying to break everything down into bite sized pieces. If I can do 15 minutes a day I'll be very happy.

In Sickness and at Concerts

The concert last night was a lot of fun. It was Saturn girl, her date the Savant, and his friend Asp. We all know each other from the singles group. It's a fun group. Savant is very funny, but also very weird and crazy. He was the one that won tickets to the concert, but it was Asp that asked if I wanted to go. I wasn't quite sure if it was her was of getting us together or not. While I find her attractive and funny in a group, she has a sharp tongue. Asp is good for whittling you down, but I don't know about positive stuff. I believe she is good with her son though. Her problem she confessed is that she never meets anyone. It was during the concert, so I couldn't reply that she never goes out. It's work and home with her son. She rarely comes to events with us. Hopefully with her son gone till August, Asp will get the bug to get out more.

Dancer called and left me a message during the concert last night. I still haven't listened to it and I doubt I will. L said that I'm too nice and just cut the crazy lady off. I've heard that from a few people and since I've already let her know how I've felt I think I'm just going to let it die.

I talked to the ex last night for a while and her health is still declining. Besides the cyst on her ovaries that is causing problems she also has one on her pancreas and has colitis. She's falling apart like I knew would happen when we were married. I knew in the future I would be taking care of her for a long time. I worry how it will all affect Eric. She hasn't told him much, but kids sense everything. All this may upset Saturday's pick up. I may have to take a taxi to get Eric. At least the ex said she would pay for it. I'm hoping she can drop him off.

I was trying to decide if I should bring Eric to see my Mom while he is here. I wasn't sure about showing him her decline. He knows about it verbally, but seeing is a totally different thing. Also I was worried with him just getting over a cold since you need a strong immune system there. However I got the call today saying that my Mom has a head cold and that they were giving her medicine for it. So that made my mind up for me.