Going Sane in a Crazy World

My journey through life and the lessons I learn to help me grow spiritually.

Sane Friends

The Storm that Could

Well it wasn't so much of a threat. It was the real deal and we got snow. Around 6 inches here. The biggest thing of the snow storm is getting use to how the south handles it. Well one thing is they close the city down. The other since they aren't many plows only the interstate and some of the main roads are plowed. Residential roads are untouched. I'm so far off the main road that I might as well be in Alaska. My next problem was that I didn't have a shovel. Nothing was in the garage and I didn't have any keys to the barn where it might be. So I asked my neighbor to borrow his and I shoveled the driveway which was something I though I gave up when I left NY. It was really coming down and my work was pretty much covered up soon enough. Many neighbors walking the street were nice enough to point that out. I know from many years of shovelling to stay on top of it so that it doesn't get ahead of you and especially since it wasn't getting out of the 20's that it would freeze there. The good thing about no plows was that I didn't have to worry about them re-blocking my driveway which was always a fear.
Since everything was closed I cancelled my bowling event with the singles. However knowing I wasn't going to have any social interaction was driving me batty. So I hoped in the car to hit the Home Depot and super market at the entrance to the neighborhood. The roads weren't that bad even though there was a layer of ice under it all. Home Depot was happy to display $32 shovels at their entrance. I walked past them since I was mostly just browsing. I did get a dustpan and broom since I'm still waiting for cleaning services to start back up in my suite hallway. Afterwards I crossed the street to rent District 9 from Redbox and buy some snacks. While I enjoyed the movie I didn't get all the hype that it had.

I understood that Asp wanted some alone time last night since she hadn't had any since October, but this would have been a perfect weekend for some alone time for us. Since her son was staying at a friends. We talked about me coming over today, but she was too worried about me driving. I have another singles event tomorrow so I should be able to convince her it's okay to drive out there even though there really won't be any change in the roads since the temperature will still be below zero.

The Threat

We have the threat of a snow storm here and they are actually calling for a decent amount. Now being a native NYer, the threat of 4-7 inches of snow is like "that's nice." However here in the south it's the coming of the apocalypse. Events were being cancelled yesterday. A single flake hasn't even fell as normal, but everyone become Chicken Little and starts running that the sky is falling. The city wide school/parent event was cancelled. Don't we have a snow alert system to cancel school in the event of bad weather. The coliseum cancelled its Winter Festival Concert which I find ironic and very weird. That's just a loss of money and if it doesn't snow which is the norm down here you'll be kicking yourself. Asp is already asking if I'm cancelling my bowling event tomorrow. My motto is I'll believe it when I see it.

This afternoon has become remover the clutter from the office. It's time for that review of everything around my desk to see if its really necessary. Two garbage bags out to the dumpster later and I can feel a little lighter sitting here. I'll need to do my drawers another day.

Back in the High Life Again

Well it was nice to see the old Asp last night when I got to her place. We hung for a little while before trying to finish up her homework so we could hang out. She apologized for acting weird and started to explain when we interrupted by her son. So she asked if we could talk about it later when we had privacy.

Later when I sensed it wasn't coming back up I started prodding her about it. She would say it was hard to explain and try to let it die again. About the fourth or fifth time she opened up. If you don't know I'm tenacious with stuff you don't know me. Anyway she said she's been single for a long time now changing has been hard and she's been feeling closed in. Because of all of this she's been taking what I've been doing the wrong way. She went on to say she had been talking to her mom who pointed that out. Her mom has been my biggest supporter. The example was a few weeks ago she had put a few bags of laundry by the washing machine. I noticed the cats were upset and when I checked on them I saw that they couldn't get to their food because of the bags. I informed her of the problem and I asked if she mind me moving the bags. Asp took it as that I needed someone to tell me what to do. Her mom informed her that I was respecting her stuff. This has come up often as I ask to use stuff around her house. Usually it's followed by her telling me not to ask just do it. However until I get that green light with stuff I treat it as it's not mine to touch. Hey my Mom taught me well. So it was a nice night of letting the energy start to flow again with us.

Today has been a slow start. I had two meetings in the morning that both were rescheduled. So I'm biding my time until my patients come in. Tonight I have game night with the singles which will be fun. It's mostly a new crowd which will be fun.


It was a day of surprises today. My first patient owns a cupcake bakery and he brought me one which was very nice. I can't have it because of the dairy, but its one big mother of a cupcake.

My second patient told me I had destroyed him which I was surprised since he always has some kind of praise for me. When he clarified what he meant I got it. As many patients have stated I explain what I'm doing and what's going on. I avoid the ad nauseum part, but patients are very grateful not to go through the experience with blinders on. So he likes that he has his questions answered by me and wants the same from his other doctors. The problem is that isn't happening and their giving him attitude when he asks to understand.

The last was the biggest. Asp said she really wants to see me, but has a lot of reading to do. So we worked out for me to go over to see her tonight after work. Whether it's an all night thing or not I'm not sure yet. I am seeing where I have to keep my energy level with her. I know I can be an intense person and I can venture over the line in the street quite often. So this is easier for me. Also I'll use the cupcake to motivate her to do her homework.

Today I got the dreaded paperwork to fill out for my Mom's Medicaid. The best part was that it was due yesterday. I called her case worker to explain the dilemma and she was okay with it. Since my Mom's facility takes care of all her financial stuff now I had to shoot over there for them to fill out most of it. This was a lot easier than the large amounts of time I have to use to gather all the information. So while they filled it out I visited my Mom. She was doing well today and a bit talkative for her. I asked if she wanted to talk to my brother, but she said she already talked to him. I asked if she wanted to talk again and she said yes. I hung with her for a while since she wanted me to. I'll need to start bringing a book to read so I can just sit there. Like she use to be, she relaxes with family around.

Shiny Isn't It?

As I'm the events person for one of my business groups, I still can't believe I'm the person involved in social activities. Anyway it went well with myself having the most guests come. I was happy that others had people come to because I would have went ape shit if I was the only one working this. The funny thing is that many of the people who came knew people in the room already. It's not rocket science people. I met all these people for the first time this morning so it wasn't any easier for me to invite guest that others wanted.

The girl friend was enchanted with Savant's old engagement ring last night. She had helped him pick it out years ago when he was dating her friend. They broke up and he wants to sell it since he paid a lot for it. I'm hearing it was over 10K. No offense ladies I can't see spending that much on a piece of jewelry when the money could be used for better investment. Anyway she kept going on and on about I had to see it which was a good segway into me asking when we were getting together again. She said she didn't know since her accounting class was going to kick her ass. Since she didn't give me anything on when she would know or a possibility of when it would be. Last week I have to admit I had a fuck you attitude when this came up. This week I'm better with it. I made plans to keep myself occupied with openings Friday and Sunday night which just fell that way. I'm not going to ask her like last week. It's her stuff that's dictating our schedule so I'll wait to see when she wants to get together.

I couldn't believe when I talked to Eric last night. I knew he wasn't sick, but his voice was deeper. Another step in my son getting older. As always there is a lot of pain that goes with it. I miss so much of his life and I grieve it. Here again is another step.

My mini fridge in the office died today and services will be help later this afternoon. I was going to get another one from Walmart, but they didn't have anymore in 100 miles of me. WTF? So I looked on Craig's list and found someone looking to get rid of one cheap. Like he said its just clutter for him and wants it gone. Got to love these people.

Heads Will Roll

Wow I only have about 40 people paid for their Meetup membership. While I usually have a lot of dead weight to get rid each year. I usually end up with 80 people left after the dust settles. I have to admit many people are paying today which is why I looked. Even though its only $5 people still wait till the last minute to pay or pay to get back in. We'll see what the next 7 days brings.

I finally got to watch the Hurt Locker the other night. It was a good movie. They way its shot is what really gives the movie its credit. I was pretty tense through the film which succeeds in getting you to feel how it is to be over in Iraq. It's not a bloody violent movie, but very suspenseful and tense.

Tonight I'll get Asp itinerary so we can plan on when we're getting together since she's working Saturday night at a concert.

Wild Weather

I awoke to the weather gone wild today. Here it is January and it's just shy of 70 degrees. This morning the wind was howling and the rain was coming down. Now for a few short hours the sun is out in all it's glory before the next front comes in and cools us back to normal.

Asp and I had a fun time together last night. Since I got there in the evening we didn't do much. She quickly finished her school work and we had dinner. Then we relaxed watching TV before she passed out in my arms. She seemed back to her normal self. We'll see what last over time which is the true test. I know as the weather gets warmer I'm going to want to go out and do more stuff. This winter homebody GF of mine will hopefully come along for the ride. If not it will really be a problem for me. I like being part of life and just sitting around with it passing me by is no longer an option for me. So we'll see.

Work seems to be stuck in neutral. While patients come in, new patients are down and it's hard to grow without them. So I'm not happy about that.

I got my new orthotics today. Since they were free for me I got all the bells and whistles. Comfort control, magnets, extra stabilization, etc. They sent me notice that I had severe pronation of my feet which means they roll inward. Believe me I know since I have really flat feet. With these new ones I can feel how my old ones had worn down.

Fierysaggirl pointed out that I hate grey areas which is so right. I'm totally okay with an answer which throws most people. You want to go out with me great. You don't want to see me anymore. Not happy, but I'm okay with it. However not knowing is always anxiety generating for me. Just like pre-activity is the same for me. When I'm in the thick of it, I do okay. This is what creates my problems with Asp. I enjoy being with her, but I'm not head over heels. I can't tell if she falls into the same category as Law girl did. She was an abnormality for me as I was for her. Law girl was the only normal woman I ever dated for any length of time. I was the nice guy she never had. It never fully got off the ground cause they wasn't a lot of excitement there, but exotic characteristics attracted us to each other. Like I've said before time will tell.

On a side note I think my mini-refrig just died today. I have no reason why since it's only a few years old.


I've done a lot of running around today. I went to play pool for awhile. No one else from the Meetup group came. A few people commented afterwards that they would have liked some forewarning. I did find out that I pull my cue back too far and I lose control. If I keep it in a 6 inch range I can do a lot.

Afterwards I headed over to see my Mom. She's gotten this bad habit of chewing on her finger which at times makes it pretty freaking red. She was okay in the response department today. I did find out she was hungry so I got some juice and cookies from the staff. She downed 2 cookies and some apple juice before she let me know she was good. So I made sure she had a pillow behind her head and left the bed tilted up so that she was comfortable.

It has been interesting today. With my limiting my texting, Asp has done pretty well in keeping in contact with me. Following her activities she just did normal stuff today. I'm okay with the time apart, I just want to know when its happening so I'm not left out to dry.

Since I no longer live in my sneakers I haven't purchased a pair in a years. So I found a great pair today for $12 and couldn't say no. All the beach walking will probably tear through them, but they should be more comfortable than what I'm using. Besides dinner for the week my other major purchase was Eric's last birthday present which was a Star Wars Lego set. I'm thinking he has about a year or two left with playing with them before he moves on.

My brother has been given his own parenting column up in New Jersey. He's looking for comments so stop and by and take a look.
While I've enjoyed my day and I still have the Hurt Locker to finally see tonight I see that I've become a much more social person than I ever was. I can't believe how much pleasure I get from a good conversation with people. I think I'm going to see if the landlord's TV setup is still downstairs. If it is I think I might have a weekly geek night there and watch some Sci-fi TV show. Lastly what the hell is going on with the Sci-fi network using Ebonics. Do people not know how to spell sci-fi?

Cross Roads

I have to admit I have no idea where Asp and I are going. To be honest I'm starting not to care whether is sinks or swims. When we talked Thursday she said she would email me Friday and let me know about last night and the weekend. We texted through the day like normal. I consciously made the choice not to say ask what the deal was. So last night I called her like normal and we had a very fun talk for about 20 minutes before she got off the phone when the pizza man arrived. I never heard what we were doing for the weekend. So I texted her back about tonight and she asked if we could do Sunday which was clarified after her son's soccer game. Whether Asp needs time to do stuff or not is moot to me. I seem to be out of the loop of what's going on and that's my quandary. I'm a big believer in that we are given things to learn lessons so we can move on. One of my biggest problems is talking about problems. I would rather they just fixed themselves, but I know they won't. It's also not the emotionally mature thing to do. Also if I don't mention a problem none really exist for the other person and the opportunity to fix it is lost. So I need to talk to Asp about the missing email and what's behind that. Cause at this moment I feel that I'm in charge of making things happen in this relationship which is someplace I don't like to be. If I don't mention us getting together or initiate communication I don't feel it will happen. I'm actually holding off texting her this morning to later to see if I hear anything. In the beginning I would have heard something as I would have request to come over to see her.

My hike with L got pushed back till tomorrow which means I have a free open day which is something I avoid on the weekends. I'm a planner and now I'm trying to pull something together at the last minute with the singles, but I don't see it getting off the ground.

Last but not least it's been over a week without talking to Eric. I've left several messages for him during the week, but nothing returned. I don't know if it's because a date has been set to see each other and the last 2 were cancelled at the last minute because him mom couldn't get him to the airport.
On a nicer note. My new patient was a referral from another patient of mine. It was nice to hear that they have been to many other chiropractors and they think I'm one of the best. Always good to have some praise.

My Way

Yesterday was a big day in "letting go". My mid-day meeting started it all and I'm happy I kept my mouth shut with most of what I wanted to say, but I should have made some suggestions to help things move along. However trying to get everyone to do it my way wouldn't have helped anything.

Last night I had my presentation with two other fellow business people. It was designed to be short with each of us talking for 10 minutes. The first person talked for 30. I had to admit I was pretty good with it, but I knew she was way over her time by boredom slipping into my mind. It wasn't that her information was bad it's just natural to have people drift after a while. The second person went for 20 with lots of interruptions. I've run a lot of meetings over the years and I've gotten use to regular group meetings following rules. Like not butting in your 2 cents when you have a speaker talking. I was comfortable doing my part until I got there. People had asked me to talk about things they can do at work to stay healthy so I had gotten a few exercises for people to do. Someone had invited a personal trainer and I could feel my insecurity hit me. I was able to work through it without panicking, but it was a workout for a while. I did my 10 minutes and I was worried my closing was weak, but didn't have to worry since someone butted in and then everyone just started talking so I just left it with thanking everyone for coming out since I was the last person.

I had planned a late night movie afterwards with the singles to see Men Who Stare at Goats, but the website was wrong and they didn't have it playing. Nothing else was remotely interesting so it was good to get home.

Asp was a bit spent when I talked to her. Her son hadn't done a presentation due this week and had hid it from her through his birthday weekend. So she was pretty pissed and grounded him for the weekend. She wasn't quite sure if we were getting together tonight. I couldn't quite discern if it was this or something else causing this decision. I guess I'll find out later when she lets me know. Since I have to work in the morning and scheduled a beach walk with L tomorrow it's not too bad to not see her tonight, but the weekend will be a bit much.

Type A Cuddling

Okay I'm going to be like a drunk driver here and be all over the place. Keep your hands inside the vehicle at all times and everyone should be okay.

The GF got a haircut yesterday and it looked great. We had fun hanging out last night after we had her porcupine meatballs. Things seem to be stabilizing back out again. I was happy one of her cats didn't visit us too much through the night. For some reason he has taken a shine to me which he doesn't even do to Asp's son. So in the middle of the night he wants my attention like petting or something. Last night he got the message not to do that. The weird thing that happens during the night is that my ex and Asp interchange in my mind. It only happens while I'm half asleep. Thinking about it, she is the first woman that I've slept and cuddled with since my marriage. L like to cuddle a little when falling asleep, but not once asleep. The Planner you couldn't touch while she was sleeping. She didn't want anyone in the same bed as her while she was sleeping. So I can see this is going to take sometime to overwrite what's in my brain.

I had a big surprise when I went to my business lunch meeting. I was running it. My business coach who usually runs it was a no show which was weird and since I'm the other person that makes it happen. I had responsibility thrust on me. Over all it went well, but I don't think we moved forward any. I'm a type A personality and anal in a good way as my friend Paul would describe. So I walked out of there stressed since nothing was really accomplished. I know with out concrete goals nothing will happen.

Getting back to the office I found that I need to call Medicare to solve getting paid problems. This is the worse insurance company to call since its so hard to get to a human being to get an answer. Plus not all customer service people are created equal in their help. So to try to avoid a stroke or brain aneurysm I headed to Starbucks to relax. At the least I was able to finish up my talk for tonight's lecture. Hey better late than never.

Oh it be alright

It was nice last night with the GF checking to see if I would have my car all repaired before I headed to NY so that I would be safe. She's still not good at accepting gratitude from me when she does something nice. Asp isn't use to having nice things done for her.

We were chatting this morning about Aunt Flow being in town and what she was doing to feel better. I was explaining that I was changing decorations in the office. Even though its still cold outside, winter was over for the office and hearts had taken over. Valentine's had officially come to the office. The GF really made my jaw drop with her next statement. She didn't like hearts and thought the holiday was stupid. A girl thinking Valentine's day was stupid? I didn't think that was possible. She had some weird reason about it not being based on anything and just a commercial holiday. We passed it back and forth and I just let it go after a while. I kind of wanted to say, "so do you want me to take your presents back?" However I knew that was a wise ass remark so I passed. Again like the last paragraph I don't think she has any good memories of the holiday. I could be wrong and I'll see how it goes.

Paperwork, phone calls, and marketing are starting to get to me. I'm starting to get some bites on my cross marketing which is good, but it does make more work for myself. The big difference in the work load now is that it needs to be done today. I can push it off, but then nothing happens which makes all the previous work moot. I still need to prepare for a 10 minute talk tomorrow night. I already know what I want to say, but since it's brand spanking new I know I should have it outlined and practiced. However I don't want to. Hey I can be 3 when I want to.

Don't hate me, but I have a really hard time gaining weight. I can lose weight at the drop of the hat, but the other way is a uphill struggle. So I'm always amazed at how much people can gain in a week or two. I haven't seen MK lady for 2 weeks since she went away for training. Even when she was pregnant she didn't gain any excess weight. I saw her yesterday and I felt like saying, "are you having an allergic reaction to something?" Cause she had puffed up that fast. I've never seen her like that in the 3 years I've known her.

I'm really needing to schedule ever thing I do. From working out to dusting the house. As time gets tighter and tighter I have to make sure I use my free time to the best I can. On a side note it was funny when I got home last night. All the baby pines in the front yard were gone. I have to admit the landlord had the yard like a botany experiment with everything just growing wild. Sapling litter the yard and most of the green on the land is moss. What makes all this very strange is that this is a wealthy neighborhood and the yard really stands out. I was talking to the neighbor who is helping keep the place nice last night. He was so happy to have those pines gone. I agree the place looks a lot better with them gone.

Is it Me?

Is it just me? I've been catching up with all my blogs and I've been wanting to leave comments only to find I can't. I thought it was there blog in the beginning, but after a few of them I realized it's me. Not quite sure why, but hopefully the problem with resolve itself.

I chatted with the GF this morning to find out if this pull back or irritability is a normal thing. She said it wasn't, but didn't have a handle on why it was happening. As it stands now I'll see how it goes and how much of a life it takes on. The big thing I'm looking at now is that Asp started school again last night. So I'll see where I'm regulated to on the totem pole which will say a lot.
My ex couldn't guarantee anyone else to bring Eric to the airport so I'm going to drive up for his birthday next month. I was looking at rental car prices and the possibility of flying, but the NY cost is just too prohibited for doing so. I got his first present yesterday which was Big Bang Mini for the DS. The new Weenie book is on the way.

I did get to see the Fantastic Mr. Fox the other day. After a power outage stopping the first viewing I got to see it a few hours later. It was a fun, enjoyable movie. The stop animation made it a quirky, fresh movie. A definite Redbox rental for all.

The Monday Run

It's been a busy day today. Mostly the meetings outside the office make it seem that way, but people continue to call to come in which is fine by me. Since I had one of my meetings down by my Mom is changed my visit to today. I think she is deteriorating more mentally. She's not answering me anymore nor is she really talking to my brother on the phone. She would at least talk to him. Today I could see her breathing change as he asked her questions and I'm guessing she wants to answer, but doesn't know what to say. For a person not doing anything she is still good physically which means she'll probably last a long time.

I visited Asp last night for birthday cake with her son and his friends. Savant and Saturn girl had already passed through. She had been hoping for a relaxing night, but with 6 boys in the house that wasn't happening. Stopping the physical interchanges and conversations about STDs topped the list. When we texted this morning she was happy to send them outside to burn off some of that extra energy.

Having the house to myself is starting to normalize. The days I spent at Asp disrupt my natural habits, but I'm settling in to a routine. Long term food preparation and cleaning the place have commenced.

Running to much today to delve into my feelings.

Here Comes the Sun

Well it was nice to see Asp all normal again Friday night. She was even happy about it, but really didn't have an answer. We spent a nice night together. Saturday we took her son and some friends paint balling. We met up with Saturn girl and Savant with his kids. It was fun to watch them all go in and shoot it up. We had to prod the little kids to be more assertive in the game than just standing there in a group. They were just getting killed way to easy. Asp tried a few shots on the practice range. It was fun to watch her. She said she got marksman and shooting awards/badges in the Coast Guard. With her long jacket she looked pretty serious.

While we were there a guy came to play. He had a large suitcase of gear. He has sponsors to play. His gun has a microchip in it and cost somewhere around $1300. Holy shit someone takes paint ball very serious. His gun was like an Uzi with paint balls flying out of it.

I did find something out about myself. One thing that the GF complains about is that I say things and she takes it that I think she's stupid. What happens is that she gets in her zone. Like when we're food shopping and I'll say something is on this aisle. She'll say she knows since she always shops there. For me I start to feel left out when she's in that zone and I try to get back into it with being helpful. It's an old coping mechanism of being helpful to be loved. In this situation I'm going to have to be more active than responsive to get through it all.

After a long day yesterday Asp was a bit tired and irritable. She didn't pull away which was good, but things just bother her. I'm trying to figure her patterns out, but it's taking time.

Today is her son's birthday so I left early this morning so that they could hang and prepare for his sleep over tonight. I'll head back over later for when they serve cake.

I was going to see the Fantastic Mr. Fox today since it got rave reviews, but due to a power outage it was cancelled. I'll try to see it later on before I head over to the GF's house.

The Uphill Ride

Well our nightly conversation went better than it has in a while which was nice. It was good to hear Asp joke around with me and be lighter than she had been. I'm doing chicken fajitas tonight for all of us to eat for dinner. It's her son's birthday Sunday, so I'm staying over tonight. Saturday is still up in the air and Sunday is out with all the kids there. Tomorrow she's taking him paint balling which I'll go along to watch.

I'm happy with all the ear rings I bought her for Valentine's day. Since I got them all from China for great discounts I had to order them early so that they would be here for the holiday. 3 of the 5 have arrived. I'm still not quite sure how I'm going to pack the up yet. Yes I get presents early for most everyone and yes I get bit in the ass with it sometimes. I still have a ankle bracelet I got for my ex and Tech girl's journal. Oh well. At some point they'll get re-gifted to someone else.

I would like to thank Microsoft for wasting many hours of my life over the last few days. It took many hours yesterday to get Business Contact Manager to finally work on my Outlook. However it just had the database, but not the ability to use it. So I took another few hours today to load another Business Contact Manager update to have it erase it from my computer and not allow me to reload it. I really can't freaking believe this.

I do want to thank everyone for their helpful comments during my time with Asp. Many have asked about my feelings for her. It's a weird answer since I've never felt like this with any other woman. So it's hard to compare. With any other woman I've ever been serious with, and a few who I wasn't, I've always rode the emotional high. Their hasn't been emotional high in this relationship. I've felt more comfortable and safe than I have ever though. I would be very sad if we broke up, but without that normal emotion ride I don't know how to grade this relationship. I've taken this to be a more conscious relationship than past ones, but hey I could be wrong.

The Process of the Heart

So I saw Asp last night. As she was making dinner she was still a bit distant, but we talked a little. However it wasn't till when we were watching TV and I tried to kiss her that I got her to open up and talk. Asp said that she had pulled back and she didn't know why. She didn't know if it was self preservation or what, but if I could be patient with her. I had no problem with that. I knew pushing the issue wouldn't help.

It did remind me of a talk German girl and I had a few weeks back. I had said I still couldn't get the difference of women from when I was young to now, twenty years later. This having sex before feelings started was a different view of women for me. She had said older women could have sex without opening their heart therefore they were protected. I think this is where Asp is now. Does she open her heart to me and possibly get it hurt?

I don't think I mentioned it before, but I'll do so now. Asp's father tried to sexually molest her. The verbiage happened for a while, but when the physical tried to start she just ran from the house and went to live with a foster family. At the time her mother was an active drug user. So I see why it's hard for her to open her heart to anyone without fear. We've talked about this with announcing our relationship on Facebook. I was easily able to do it. Her reservation was if we broke up.

I was surprised to wake up to finding her wanting to have sex. I wasn't expecting that. Anyway I did ask her if there was anything I could do to help her with the pull back. She told me straight out not to help would be the best. At first this wrinkled me, but I did remember what I read yesterday about wanting to control. I would love to know the details so I can fix.

So I flipped it around since I've been in her spot before. I knew I would talk about the problem, but I would want to fix it on my own. So I can't say much if I would want the same. Today is 2 months since our first date and I've had to process a lot of stuff since we dated. Asp is doing the same. I'll see how it goes.

The Road Block

It's always interesting when things come together. My daily meditation talked about being attracted to people that have many personal problems. Why? Because I'm a people pleaser and a caretaker. It's how I grew up. I have to admit I've been good with avoiding these people in the past few years. I have to admit it's one of the reasons I keep Asp off the dating list and at times inter place her and my ex in my mind.

What brings all this up you say? Well in texting back and forth with Asp today I told her I was looking to seeing her tonight. She responded that there was nothing worthy of looking forward to seeing her. When I asked her what was wrong since this wasn't the "normal" response she said she didn't know how to respond to my kind words. I've known she's not use to the kind words that I've said in the past, but they've gone over okay. So I'm not quite sure what has happened in the last few days to kick her down this way. I want to know since I'm not signing up to bring her back up. I've gone that route before and it's a losing battle. I'm happy to offer support, but I don't want to do the work. Nor do I want to be stopped from crossing bridges to bigger and better things. So I'm starting to think that I've hit the limitations of this relationship. Time will tell.

I've Got a Feeling Deep Inside

Ever since Asp slept over at my place Saturday night I've felt like things have been a bit different. Like she's a little more distant. I have no definitive proof just little stuff. From not really caring if I stayed the night Sunday to her not remembering I usually come over on Tuesday night. I know I'm hypersensitive to changes in people. Whether what she's going through is connected to me is unknown. We're texting today, better than we did yesterday. However she hasn't really asked about my day and stuff like she usually does. I'll talk to her tonight to see if anything is up.

I did talk to Tone last night and found out that the landlord is having another service up in Chicago today which would explain the lack of family at the service here. She'll be back in a few weeks and we'll talk more then. She wants to make sure I'm not paying for all of the utilities and stuff.

I can't wait till the end of the week and warmer weather. It dropped back to being very frigid again today and I'm not liking it.

Let's Talk About Sex

It was an interesting weekend. Game night went great and we had a lot of people show up. Savant and Saturn girl got there late so they were at the other table. I wondered how Asp would do with that since she is always with them at Game night. It went well. When we left her son wanted to sleep at his friend's house so Asp came back to my place to spend the night. I was happy to share my place and stuff with her. She didn't do to well on my firmer bed, but it was nice waking at my place with her at my side. Then I made breakfast for us. It was fun. The only bump in the road which has come up before is that when we've been sexually active throughout the night. At some point I'm on empty. So we'll have sex, but I'm not going to orgasm which is okay by me. However Asp takes it very personal. We've had the talk that it's all me, but it's not sinking in. She's starting to get resistant to having sex if I'm not going to orgasm. Besides the first time I have no guarantees. My body recharges differently day to day. I'm starting to feel a little anxiety about this so I'm going have to talk to her about this.

Our pool plans got sidetracked with her son's soccer clinic so we pushed it off. The rest of the day Asp was a little off. I think with her house fitting in my garage as she states got to her for some reason. It did make me a little skittish , but I get off too so it did pass.

I was going to get Asp a gift certificate to Victoria's Secret for Valentine's day, but she fell in love with my water pillow so I think I'll get her that instead. Now I just have to wait for all the silver jewelry I ordered from China to arrive.

Unwanted Visitors

Since my first appointment forgot that it was today I had some extra time before my next appointment. So over the past month my other blog has been slowly been over run with spam comments and this one started yesterday. With the extra time I did some house cleaning of them all. What a freaking pain and a bit violating. It's like someone breaking into your place and wrecking the joint.

Last night Savant and Saturn girl came over Asp for all of us to play some games and hang out. They finished off a bottle of sangria which didn't sit well with Asp. Her head was bothering her the entire night. She sleeps the sleep of the dead, but even last night she was beyond that. It was weird leaving her sleeping in bed this morning.

Tonight is game night for the singles. Asp is happy to have kids over her house, but feels bad about asking other parents to do the reverse. She has really put off finding someplace for her son tonight and I don't know if she is making it or not tonight. I'll see what's up when I return to her place after work and I visit my Mom.

Dog Gone Spirits

Well it was my annual reading day at the elementary school for the SPCA. I guess seniority has its privileges. They use to just give me a rabbit or guinea pig. Now they ask me what I want which is very cool. I go for the dogs. I was very surprised when they gave me this little cutie this morning. She was a 9 week old Jack Russel Terrier. Betsy didn't want to venture far from me nor did she want to leave my lap. The world was a very big place for her and all the happening tired her out quickly. I was hoping to play with her during the down time between readings, but she was just too young. The classes I had to read to were small this year. The biggest being 17 kids. I was surprised with this since I usually do 2-3 classes at a time. So I had a lot of free time between readings.

This will be the first time I'm going over to Asp that she won't cooking for me. They have a lot of pizza left over and since I can't eat it I told her I'd get something for myself. I was going to eat out, relax, and then go over. However she wants me to come over as soon as possible so I guess I'll get some Chipolte's to go.

Since it's Game night for the singles tomorrow night. I asked Asp if she was having her son sleep over someplace or just hang out while we were out. She said she didn't know. So I asked if she wanted she could sleep at my place to give her a change of scenery. I got a very weird answer that I would never have guessed in a million years. She said it would be too weird with the landlord just dying. Asp asked if I thought his spirit was still in the house since he died there. I told her I didn't feel anything. I really don't know if this was for real or is she like L who likes guys to come to there place so their is a level of control. Oh well time will tell. I would like her to see my place. Whether she sleeps over or not I'm okay with.

Cutting Ties

Well I did it today. After at least 12 years I stopped being a paying customer with AOL. It was easier than I thought it would be, but I guess since their aim nowadays isn't paying members. However as with everything else out there they wanted me to buy some useless crap. Theirs was customer service and then backup space. In all my years I only called customer service once since they closed my account since I sent too many emails out at once and thought I was a spammer. My account doesn't officially change over to their free on till the 10th. Not quite sure what will happen with all my favorite sites. My guess is I'll be looking for them.

Glass Half Full or Empty of Girlfriends

Asp asked me last night if I was a creature of habit which I answered a big yes. I was complaining that the landlord's family had tossed my glass out. She said there were others, but I said it was mine. Yes I'm 3. Over the years we each had are own cup so we didn't keep getting new ones every time we got something to drink. So mine is missing now as well as other things. As you are well aware of Mike doesn't like change. It's not a big thing, but it does bother me as does a few missing food items. Now I'm happy to eat the food there. Justification I love it.

A few people said I should have said something to my ex. This is one of the reasons I like Asp. She can state her complaints although I probably shouldn't date women like this so I don't have to listen to them. Anyway I have a hard time stating my displeasure to people. Always have. I'm better at saying something now instead of pushing it down, but it takes time and work. At the moment I need to write a letter with my next rent check about the absent bathroom cleaning and supplies for the last month. I'm happy it's only myself and my patients now instead of all the other businesses, but it does add up over time. I have to gear up for something like this. It never comes naturally. The funny thing is that this ability attracts me to women who can do it. On my first date with Asp it was okay until she showed this trait and then it all changed. Hey I'm strange I admit it.

I was happy to talk to Server guy last night at the museum before everyone else got there. We got to talk about out girlfriends. He's looking to moving in together in the summer if he's still going strong with his. We both agree there are little things that remind us of our exes. However the day to day stuff that comes up and we wait for the familiar reaction to occur and it doesn't and it's just nice.

I'm happy the temperature has creeped up to 40 degrees for my hike with L tonight. I brought all my deep cold gear, but I don't think I'll need it all, but I'm not quite sure how it will be once the sun goes down. There is even talk of snow here tonight, oh my.

Catching Up

Well as the New Year arrived I loss free Internet service at the office park. So I debated on whether to get just add it to my phone service or get a broadband card. I decided to go with the card so that I can now have hi-speed at the house instead of dial up. Yes, yes, I'm still a dinosaur is some areas. I do all my work at the office so I have no need for hi-speed at home especially since my Blackberry gets all my emails. Now I'll offset the price by getting rid of my paid AOL. So if you haven't seen me stop by your blog for a day or two you now know why.

I was the cook last night at Asp. I made stir fry ginger chicken and broccoli. It's been awhile since I made it. Everyone liked it which was good. Asp pointed out last night that since we started having sex we've always had it when we get together. I asked if that was a problem. She said no that it was just an observation and that we should continue.

I flipped her mattress the other day and oh what a difference. A lot less achy pain for both of us. I'm glad I awoke this morning since she forgot to set her alarm. We didn't get any snuggle time in the morning which was missed. Just running out of the house didn't sit well with either of us.

I see why the landlord's sister said eat the food. They bought so much cold cuts for the after service that I could feed and army. At least my breakfast and lunches will be covered for a while.

I called Eric last night and got my ex who was double parked for some reason. She said she would have Eric call me later. Afterwards I was pissed since she is obviously out and still can't get him to the airport to see me. I did inform Eric of the landlord's passing. He didn't say anything about it, but I expect questions later. However my ex did text to send her condolences plus to ask if I needed any help which she stated was weird. I really felt like saying to her to just get Eric to the airport and it'll be okay.

Tonight is Wine and Jazz at the Art museum with the singles.

Behind the Door

I wasn't quite sure who was still at the house when I got home last night. There weren't any cars in the driveway, but some lights were on in the house. Stuff was left around the place. Just before I fell asleep I heard someone come in. When I was leaving this morning I ran into the landlord's sister who was the only person there. We talked a little, but mostly she was like eat all the food since it would go to waste. It will be nice to have the place to myself for a while again. I'm not quite sure when Tone will be back in town. With the place back to mine again I have to make sure to go home after a night at Asp to grab the mail and check on things. I guess in this whole thing I feel like I was closer to the landlord than most of his family was over the years.

I was happy Asp went back to the doctor's today. Her sinus infection from last week was still hanging around and I didn't want it to get as bad as it was then. I was duly impressed that she did her 30 minutes last night on Wii fit. I had suggested it, but she had wanted to wait till I was there to motivate her. I then suggested she do it with her son who is at that competitive age. It would be a fun bonding thing, but she didn't want to. So I was happy when she told me that she had done so.

Tonight I'm cooking some chicken stir fry over at Asp which will be fun to make again. Over the next few nights I'll have to inventory what's at the place so that I can plan out my meals for when I'm home.

Tonight when I talk to Eric I'll tell him about the landlord's death. With everyone sick in his part of the world I didn't want to add to it, but I've never wanted to baby him. He knows the landlord and has sent "hellos" and stuff over the years.

Let's Spend the Night

Well it was 3 nights and 2 days over at Asp place. It went really well and it was good to see her again. Since we're both physical people it works very well. Our sexapades over the weekend were pretty vanilla, but still very enjoyable. One of the biggest reasons was trying to get her son back on a normal sleeping schedule. We took down all her holiday stuff and I did some home repairs for her. Some of the stuff Asp had done herself and it just needed some adjustments to make it stay better like shelves and holders. Asp was overjoyed with the shelving I put in her cabinets and the new thermostat. On her end she made some very good meals to eat. The only downside of the weekend was bringing my car to the mechanic. I don't have a high end car but jeez all the parts are expensive. I dropped 700 into it and still have another 8-900 to put into it. I knew it was all stuff I needed, but even he agreed that they couldn't just put new parts back in. They had to replace everything with my Chrysler. I'm happy to say it is driving better which I'm happy I can at least feel.

I had to call the landlord's ex who I'll nickname Tone over the weekend. I really didn't want to do it and it's because she's tied to his death in my mind. I got the service information and it brought a lot of the feelings of grief back up again. I was happy for the service today since it helped close a lot of things. I did meet some more of his family and friends. It was a nice service. I feel more closure now that it has happened.

Happy to say that the office is very busy today. I'm working on keeping it that way which is one of my resolutions. Other than that I'm working on Asp's Valentine's gifts. She likes silver and she has few earrings. So I'm buying her a bunch and I'll get her a gift certificate to Victoria Secret so she can get a few more bras that she wants.

The New Year is Blind

Happy New Years to one and all! Many people were surprised I wasn't doing something special and exciting for the holiday. I was happy to be relaxing at the house with some movies. I made a last minute decision to stop at Redbox to get Inglorious Bastards. What a mistake that was. The shopping centers were mob scenes like they probably were Christmas Eve. When I finally made it to visual distance I saw the there was a line for rentals that I said screw it.

Asp and I have made are sexual requests for tonight. I suggested ear plugs for her son, but she said that wouldn't work. Besides the blindfold and scarves to tie her up I may need to add a gag to keep the noise down. She just texted me that they are about to leave the airport now to fly to Detroit where they have a long delay.

I took down all my Christmas decorations around the house today and did some cleaning before I headed out on my errands. I was hoping to get my struts replaced on my car, but I wasn't the only one with the idea. With only one mechanic working today, hopefully sober, the line was many hours long. I decided to do it during the week. I can stand the squeaking for a couple of more days.

I had hoped that the rain here last night would prevent any fireworks at the midnight hour, but I was wrong. I was promptly awoken at 12 with a bunch of the neighbors shooting them off. I think I'll grab a nap today since I know I don't sleep for long periods of time at Asp place. I think I may stop by the Redbox to see what's left so I have something to keep me occupied until I need to pick her up from the airport.
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