Going Sane in a Crazy World

My journey through life and the lessons I learn to help me grow spiritually.

Sane Friends

Reasons to go Postal

After being cut off with my first call I'm on my second call to the insurance company. So after avoiding all the pitfalls of the automated system I finally get a living person.

Pain in Ass – I'm a Pain in the Ass. Who am I talking to today?
Me- Mike

Pain in Ass – Who?
Me- Mike

Pain in Ass – Who?
Me- Mike

Pain in Ass – Who?
Me- Do you want my name?

Pain in Ass – Yes
Me- It's Mike

Pain in Ass – .......
Me- Do you want the reference #?

Pain in Ass – Yes
Me- B87602767.....................

Pain in Ass – Just the last 4
Me- 2989

Pain in Ass – (After a few moments) It was denied since it's part of the patients deductible.
Me- We just received your EOB (explanation of benefits) and it doesn't say anything about that. Just that it's denied.

Pain in Ass – .... it needs a modifier since it's bundled together
Me- (I don't mention that this has never been a problem in 5 years) So would that be a -25 modifier?

Pain in Ass – I'm not a liberty to say what modifier it would be.
Me- Thanks (for nothing!!!)

This is how I spend my days.

It's a Major Award

It's always nice to open your mail and find that you won something. I want to thank That One Mom for the award.

So, the rules of this award are as follows:

~Answer the questions below using only one word
~Thank the blogger who gave it to you
~Pass it on to 6 of your favorite bloggers

So, on with the questions:

1. Where is your cell phone? desk

2.Your hair? black

3. Your mother? sick

4. Your father? unknown

5. Your favorite food? sushi

6. Your dream last night? standard

7. Your favorite drink? Coke

8. Your dream/goal? Happiness

9. What room are you in? office

10. Your hobby? reading

11. Your fear? poverty

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? secure

13. Where were you last night? Home

14. Something you aren't? vulgar

15. Muffins? pass

16. Wish list item? DVD

17. Where did you grow up? Babylon

18. Last thing you did? work

19. What are you wearing? clothes

20. Your TV? Off

21. Your pets? none

22. Your friends? scattered

23. Your life? lesson

24. Your mood? anxious

25. Missing someone? son

26. Vehicle? sebring

27. Something you're not wearing? tie

28. Your favorite store? thrift

29. Your favorite color? Blue

30. When was the last time you laughed? Today

31. Last time you cried? unknown

32. Your best friend? Paul

33. One place that I go over and over? Starbucks

34. One person who emails me regularly? L

35. Favorite place to eat? Sakuras

My nominations are:

Check them out and you won't be disappointed.

Dating to Marriage

Reading Single Mom Seeking tonight about moving in together with someone special and no she isn't yet. When I started to leave a comment I knew that I would like to be at that place again just not now. One of the biggest things I was surprised I would have to overcome after my divorce was the unconscious desire to be back in that type of relationship again. I'm not saying that's a bad thing in general, but it didn't allow me just to enjoy myself with dating. Hence my singledom now. I have a hard time being casual with dating. I think it's from dating my ex. I wasn't expecting anything serious when I asked her out. Next thing I knew we were dating and she wanted to be engaged. Even though I knew it was a bad thing I went along with the whole thing and we ended up being married. So I guess in the back of my mind I don't take things casual since I may end up married again. Hey I never said it was sane, but this is all the crazy wiring that is in my head. It takes a while to rip it all out so I can think straight.

Dinner for Two

If you had told me yesterday morning who I would be sitting next to that evening having dinner, just the two of us, I wouldn't of believed you. So I dinner with Inverse last night. I got home late and she came over to pick up her daughter. The landlord was trying to get rid of some left over food before his trip. Enigma and the landlord were going over the lay of the house while he was gone and Inverse's daughter was upstairs playing with the kids.

She had gained a few pounds, but still looks great. I asked about her new job. I tell you the woman goes through jobs faster than women go through rolls of toilet paper. She was pretty quick to ask if I was still on my woman fast. LOL. It's an inaccurate description, but a funny one never the less. I told her about MC and she told me about some fireman she was seeing. Inverse is like Megan Fox. Very attractive, but you can see the squirrels playing behind their eyes. I always have a hard time in this area. While part of me is saying sleep with like she wants. The other half is saying smash your hand with a hammer and be done with it. The hammer always wins cause the rational part of my mind knows that I'm not going to enjoy myself. However I can never shut the other part of my brain. It's like driving past a car accident. You have to look.

So for the next 3 weeks Enigma will be cooking. I saw her list of food items she wanted and I can feel my arteries clogging now. It's all kid based food. The landlord told me just to put any receipts I have to supplement my food in his basket.

The Bank of Dating Me

I was thinking I could be a bank today, but then I realized I wasn't holding any money just a lot of IOUs. The amount of time tracking down and correcting insurance company mistakes is growing, however that happens when volume increases. With it generally known that chiropractors don't fight for their money it makes it harder. I fight for every freakin' cent, but they keep trying. The one thing I have come to realize is that patients won't pay you the money owed until they see you. So if they never see you again, you're never getting the money again. I'm always amazed when a good patient just walks on a $20-30 bill. I can't believe how many of these I have and all I can do is scratch my head. What brings all this up. Well I have bills and they're late, because I have all this outstanding money. The amount of money I would have to pay someone to get it for me isn't worth it.

The landlord leaves tomorrow for his 3 weeks trip. Enigma is living up to her name on what she's doing for food. I'll work something out with the landlord tonight for myself. Since it's just me I can survive.

I did read something interesting on dating this morning. The point of the article was that as a guy and you've lost your job don't stop dating because of it. My belief was that without a job money would be tight plus your image as a provider is not there. Not that I'm looking to be a provider anymore, but it's a image. However they pointed out that women are more self sustaining nowadays and that as long as you weren't being a bum it wouldn't be a problem unless she was a gold digger. So what's your opinion?

I Hear Voices from Stones

I start every day with some prayer and meditation. This morning I was reminded of when 9 years ago I met other people who were happy and owning their lives. Up to that point I always felt like a leaf in the wind of fate. I wanted what they had and I have worked on that these past years. The realization that came this morning is that I'm here. I own my life and steer the course of my life. Jeez be careful what you wish for. Over the past two weeks I've been trying to become more accepting of this fact. Why? Cause it's stressing me out. I'm not ready to go postal, but this realization has been creeping into my conscious for the last few weeks. It's emotional growth since I'm finally letting go of that want in the back of my head to be taken care of. I didn't have it when I was a kid and it's one of those unfinished business things that can rule your life. It has stuck its ugly face around enough times in my life.

I don't know if this is also being amplified by what my coach said the other day. He said I'm not as sure of what I'm doing as I was a year ago. I've known that if I keep an open mind I'll continue to grow, but I had fallen in the trap of feeling like a know it all in business. That's gone now and I find myself on my familiar ground. Above the people I usually hang out with and not fully having what I need to hang out with the people above me. I see it as money, but I know that their are ways I can get around this to still tap into their brains. Lunch dates and Starbucks work well for conversation to pick each others brains. Like how I started this entry. I always need to see someone with something I want. For me it's never physical stuff. It's qualities, attitude, and knowledge. It's the 80/20 rule. That top 20% are the people that will be the most successful and they have a different perspective on everything. Without interacting with them I don't learn. This isn't where I was going with this entry, but I'll say it's tiredness getting to me.

The Five

Scarlet gave me 5 words that she wanted me to comment on. So thanks for buy a ticket to take a view into my mind. It's not that pretty. Watch out for the hamster droppings over by the wheel. I'm still trying to clean up a lifetime of mess. This may help you understand why I say or do the things that I do.

Luxury - is almost an unknown word to me. I've gotten use to a lifetime of practicality that I very rarely go to the far side of luxury. I do have to thank the Planner for helping me get to the mid line of not short changing myself. When I use to make good money I didn't think much of myself so I didn't indulge myself much. When I get there again I would like to think that I would indulge myself, but I think it will still be an exercise. It's one of the reasons I don't think I would win the lottery since I don't think I would appreciate it all.

Language - is something that is difficult for me. I've taken Spanish, Italian, and Japanese over the years. However like everything in my life. Book smarts just don't do it for me. It has to have a practical use. That's why my medical Spanish is the biggest thing I remember and was the easiest to learn. People are usually surprised by my accent when I talk with it. If I had someone around that was fluent and I could just learn as I went/needed I would pick it up quickly which would be something I would really like. Classes are just like a round peg in a square hole for me.

Lust - I was a slave to lust for years, if not decades. I could/can look/watch porn all day long. Most likely until I died of starvation since I probably wouldn't eat so I could watch more. It's the reason I haven't watched any in years much to many people's surprise. In my early relationships lust created a fantasy life in my head that played out in my relationships. It was something that damaged them all which didn't help when you add in that I choose damaged women. Having dealt with it over the years, allows me to quickly evaluate the women I meet. The problem is just listening to myself.

Weapon - For most of my teenage years I slept with a large knife within easy reach. Looking back now it seems strange, but then it was more and bigger. My teenage years were not fun ones and my life was at the whim of the adults. I believe having the weapons around me gave me some sort of feeling of power and therefore control. No one was ever hurt or were they ever used. Although I almost used them on myself.

Placer (Sp.) = Pleasure - I like the softer/gentler way. However this usually not the case when one is growing emotionally. I tried over-writing that in the dictionary, but it didn't seem to help. I've spent a lifetime avoiding pain and trying to just have pleasure. I like to go on the record saying that it doesn't work even though I kept on trying for most of my life. I still remember after my psych exam the doctor told me I was too emotional. I laughed in her face since it seemed so ludicrous to me. I wanted to be like Teflon and have everything just roll off of me. However she said I was just very sensitive and never learned as a child to deal and handle it. It made sense when I thought about it. I still didn't like it though. Nor do I like being in my 40's learning stuff I should when I was in kindergarten.
Never said I was normal or sane.

G20 You sunk my Battleship!

It's a slow end to a slow week. I was able to catch up things around the office though. However I was very surprised that the G20 summit blocked me of getting satisfaction from an insurance company. When I called a rarely used insurance company in Pittsburgh I found out they were closed due to the G20 summit. Wow, a G20 summit vacation day or days. I may have to write the president and ask him to tack on me getting paid with the whole nuclear disarmament thing. I think it's reasonable. If I don't die in some nuclear holocaust, I would like to have some money.

My last patient of the day is a freebie. I miss counted his treatments, but since I made the appointment for him what the hey. However he is a chronic re scheduler. I'll treat him tonight, but since I'm not coming in tomorrow that's it for him. It's now or never.

For the second year in a row the Neptune Festival weekend is a washout. Actually last year their was some dry periods. Not this year. The rain already started and it's not suppose to stop for a while. So my planned event at the festival is off and I have us going to Jillian's for pool. They have a flat rate special from 11-4 of $6 or a table. You can't beat that. I'm use to paying $5/hr.

2 Day Post

My presentation went well last night even though we had some last minute cancellations. So I had a cast of 9 to talk to. Everyone enjoyed themselves and having food really helped. My patients were funny about asking if they could pay for their own alcoholic drinks. I told them I was picking up the tab, but for the hard stuff they were on their own.

*** this is what happens when you post while you work. *** 9/25

My missing sponsor did email me and apologized for falling off the planet. He offered to pay his share. I wasn't quite sure so I asked my business coach. He didn't even blink, he just said take the money. His point was valid. I did my part and I would of had someone else fill his if he didn't reserve the spot. So at least the event didn't cost me anything now. It did what it was suppose to do which was bond me more to my patients. A few have now have stepped up to the plate to help spread the word about me to the world at large.

I'm feeling like a putz right now. I paid my malpractice online last week like I always do. I've done it often enough I didn't look for the confirmation email. So I emptied my account out today paying bills. Then I get the message from them about where's the money. Examining the whole thing I see that the payment never went through. Now the bill will be late which I hate, especially when I had it paid on time.

Well the landlord announced that he will be gone for 21 days. Now if it was just me that would be no problem. However with Enigma and kids who the hell knows. She's still deciding how she wants to handle meals during that time. The landlord knows that I'll survive on anything so he's not worried about me. My hope is that if Enigma is not cooking that he'll just leave me the usual microwave meals.

L found out last night that her tenant is leaving at the end of October. I talked to her about raising her price since it's 2 blocks from the beach and that something under 800 was way too cheap. If it was anyone else I might even thing about it since it's a 2 bedroom, but with L being below me it wouldn't work.

Say Hello to My Little Friend

Dear Ball Busting Insurance company;

I like when I've been treating a patient for several visits, using the same treatment code, and usually getting paid. However what I truly love is when at some random time you decide that same code is no longer a covered service. What makes it even sweeter is that you've removed part of the code to make it invalid.

This all is so comforting to me. Since this is the usual delay tactics that I've grown fond of over the years. Your new tactic of feigning gross incompetence which left me blameless was too much for me to take.

To make sure we stay close in the ensuing years I've put you in my speed dial of my phone so I don't have to waste precious minutes of anger looking up your number.


PS Your new 4-5 questions to make sure I am who I say I am really gives me a nice acidic, burning feeling in the pit of my stomach. My upper GI tract thanks you.

The Little Things

You know, sometimes it's the little things. Today something in my glove compartment lock broke. I'll have to take it apart to find out what it is. While it's a small thing. Let me tell you it's a pain the ass having your glove compartment door open. There's a reason to keep it locked. It keeps all my shit in one confined place. I would like to tale a look and see what the problem is, but since the humidity here is about 120% that's not happening.

Tonight is my talk and I'm down to 10 people which isn't too bad with me only having one sponsor. Definition I won't have to pay too much out of my own pocket. I swear I'm going to have to track a few people down with a baseball bat.

The Proposal last night was a lot of fun. We had a surprising 15 people show up for the movie. It was very funny and I have to admit I was brought under the spell of a romantic comedy. So for several hours last night I was under the spell of a relationship. Today I'm back to normal. Sandra Bullock still looks great. I remember my ex was very surprised that I found her attractive. She was under the belief that guys just like the bombshells.

This is a cash poor week which is a bad thing since I have several bills that need to be paid. I am getting really tired of the insurance companies apologizing for their mistakes and telling me they'll pay me in another 30 days. I swear I have stuff from the end of spring which they keep screwing up, admitting it, and saying they're going to fix it. I'm really hoping this electronic billing works out.

Batter Up

Well baseball has come to the office. I finally had my meeting over at Wesleyan college with the baseball team. It went well and the players were surprisingly very interested in getting treatment. We left it to the players on how many of them wanted treatment. If a bunch wanted treatment I would come to the college and treat them once a week. If it was only a few they could drive the 2-3 miles to my office.
On the other side of town, one of the private schools wants me to come out there and talk to there softball team about the same thing. It's high school, so I'll need parental consent and payment information. However I'm going to need to brush up on my baseball.

Well Hello There

I had a cancellation this morning so I went to the gym to do some cardio. My hike with L is one, but I would like to have a second one so that it's 2 days of weights and 2 days of cardio. This time I remembered to bring a book to read. Usually I forget and that makes for a long ride without a scenery change. So I'm riding and reading. A woman comes and works out on the machine in front of me then starts stretching. I can sense I'm suppose to notice her. So I look up and it's MC. We talked for a little while, but the conversation is still forced. It doesn't flow. We chatted a little more as we ran into each other. I'm not quite sure where she is when it comes to me. I know where she is though even though I haven't said anything.

Talking with my coach, I decided to go with 3 sponsors next event since I got screwed on this one. The whole point was not for me to pay anything out of pocket. Guess what? I still have no clue what happened to the lawyer who said he wanted to do it. Still haven't found a replacement.
Today I'm back to Virginia Wesleyan to talk to the baseball team. Hopefully it will happen this time.

Blast from the Past

I got a postcard in the mail the other day for my high school alumni to update my information. I figured they were going to try and sell me something. After all the banter they tried to sell me a book and CD. No offense, but for 1-2 people I could give a rat's ass about my high school alumni. It's been 25 years. If I haven't keep in touch there's probably a reason. It's funny since MC and I were talking about this yesterday. Even people in chiropractic college I could care less, although if I did run into them I would catch up. We were a closer bunch of people so it did bond us. I didn't bond with anyone in high school.

What a freakin' dead week at work. Another chiropractor I talked to said the same. So I've turned it up a notch and making sure all my marketing is getting done. I've been working on the big things like the two major schools, but those are long term projects that will take time to get going. I have to remember to keep my eye on the short term stuff.

I tell you I'm always amazed how many people will show up for a movie. Tomorrow night I scheduled the Proposal and there's 11 people coming. Some of the bug blockbusters from the summer barely got a notice.

Premature ...

It's always a roller coaster ride with some of the residents at the house. Legal girl will not be joining us I found out this morning. We knew she had a 18 year old daughter who moved out since she graduated high school and we knew about her 4 year old son. What we didn't know was her 16 year old daughter. It seems this daughter is in some trouble for drunken disorderly and was going to spend time with her grandmother to straighten her out, but it seems Legal girl is going to get a place for them all and take care of it. What ride shall we go on next?

I was surprised to find myself a little bit emotional hearing my wedding song on the way to work this morning. It's Our Song by Elton John. It's not like I haven't heard it in the last 5 years, but I guess I'm letting more things in now. Who know?

I've always known not to quickly look for someone else to date once someone doesn't work out. I know myself I get a bit squirrely and switch from want to need mode. It's usually when I choose a crazy chick since I'm crazy myself at that moment.

Introducing ...

I met our new roomie tonight and her son. I had to pick my jaw off the floor. Usually the landlord will mention if a woman is particularly attractive. Holy shit was she attractive. Can I have her stay in my room? She's a mestiso like me. Mestiso means half breed in Filipino. Her other half is Hungarian. She does need a health dose of self esteem since her son has worn her down from what I hear. However with boundaries the little guy did well tonight. So Legal girl takes the stage in our little world. I tell you with 7 people around a table for dinner it's like the Walton's. Actually it's perfect timing since Enigma and her kids have all settled in and we've gotten our little rituals down. I'm not quite sure if Legal girl is moving in before or after my landlord leaves for his 10 day trip.

Post Date Report

I got up surprisingly early today. Even the landlord asked since I'm rarely seen before 10 am on Sundays. So I used the extra time to clean up the inside of my car. While I'd vacuumed the car not to long ago I really didn't get all the cracks where all the crumbs had collected. I figured I'd hit the gym before meeting MC and burn off any extra energy off. I've read that this was a good techniques and it did work out really well. That extra boost of endorphins to make you feel good really does a body well.

I picked up MC at her office since it was her turn to work the weekend. We chatted a little while she finished up. She asked what did I have in mind and I suggested since it was the last day of summer and a beautiful day that we play miniature golf. MC said she hadn't played in probably 20 years. I could see it was outside the box for her, but she agreed to try. She had about a 2 hour window.

It was gorgeous out today and the perfect time to be outside. We had fun talking and it didn't her to long to ask how old I was. She didn't mention her age to a while later. I really didn't care. At my age if I have to wonder if your legal or not it's probably a good thing to pass. MC really enjoyed herself and thanked me for getting her out of the office. While we have many activities we enjoy, chemistry was low. I enjoyed myself and I asked it she wanted to get together again sometime and go to the batting cage which was something she was eyeing the entire time we were at miniature golf.

My friend Paul seemed surprised that I was going the friend route since we jelled very well activity wise. For me it was too much of a push to get things going. Since things get harder I don't want to start there.

I can feel that the dating bug has bit me again, however I'm trying not to fall into my pattern of starting to hunt now. I'm trying to relax and just see what crosses my path. Since I meet a lot of people naturally it's the best way for me. It'll help me stay in the want zone instead of the need zone.

I had to remove my Facebook badge on the side of my page since it brought this blog from page 5 to page 2 on Google is you googled my name. Can't have that happening.

Italiana MC

I was just about to leave my office when the phone rang. It was MC. I didn't answer and just let her leave a message. Regis I'd like to phone a friend. Honestly since she didn't call back yesterday I had already figured it was not happening. So I had to talk to someone and process all the gremlins in my head. I tell you I feel like I'm walking into the wasteland entering the dating arena again. Haven't I done this too many times since my divorce to be going through this? Honestly I know that my time in the land of singles has really helped me be a better person as an individual, but in doing so has ripped out a lot of the faulty mechanisms that I learned growing up. So in relationships my mind goes straight to I did something wrong, which is a childhood thing, when something goes awry. It took some time in thought and journaling to squash all the gremlins that were digging holes in my consciousness. It was funny when I called my friend Paul to talk about it. He had to repeat a few time, "she called and you let it go on the machine."
Anyway I did call MC back and she was sorry she forgot to call me back yesterday. She said it was so busy at work that she didn't realize she hadn't called me till late at night. MC sounded a little nervous in the conversation. I made some small talk about Speak Like a Pirate Day before asking her again about tomorrow. She's working, but she's taking a few hours off to go out with me. Since the weather is nice I'm thinking miniature golf since she's sitting at a desk all day inside. MC thought the Neptune Festival was this week, but it's next weekend. So she left it in my lap and I'll pick her up at her office tomorrow. It'll be weird picking up someone on a first date, but I guess since it's not her house it doesn't really matter.
The Italian Festival was a lot of fun. I enjoyed the food and music. We actually walked around the whole area which allowed me to see a few tourist things I never look at. The truly funny thing was when 2 people left and 1 went to move his car which left me with Mike. He's an older guy that I like. I ended up teaching him how to chat up women since he said at events he was okay, but from a cold start he had trouble. It's funny cause he's at least 15 years my senior. So I went over some basics. Then the dancing troupe came in and was standing there. 8-10 women and 2 guys. So I asked a few questions and got them all talking. Then Mike entered the conversation and it went from there. The interesting thing was one dancer had both her daughters in the group. She didn't look that old. I pointed out to Mike how he could have been able to go out with them all if by saying a few things since they really liked the city. Actually I was pretty surprised at how much I had changed by doing it all.

Pirate Speak

Avast yee maties. It's National Talk Like a Pirate Day. I usually turn my language on Facebook to pirate for a day or two just to have some fun.

My car seems to be giving me problems still and I'm not quite sure why. That's one thing I don't like. I get kind of spooked when it gives me problems especially when I need the money to pay bills instead of keeping it on the road. So I'll do what I can over the weekend.

I was happy to hear from one of my patients that I helped him get better benefits for himself. I happened to be the person that wrote the problem down and now it's in his records and allowing him to get better treatment for his condition. Something that started about 15 years ago.

There's Something About Mary

If the video doesn't work click here. This is one of my most favorite movie bits an a classic about dating.

MC never called back and yes the M does stand for Mary. I would think at my age I could get a straight yes or no, but I guess I want too much. I'm very good with no. It's the yeses that never happen that get me.

So it was a day of getting my nuts stomped on. Not a single appointment today went as planned. Patients either forgot what time, never showed up, cancelled, or called in wanting an appointment. I have to admit it was very tiring to keep shoveling things around. Virginia Wesleyan rescheduled me till next Tuesday. I'm happy it's still happening, but some heads up would have been nice. I could of had a bunch of patients for that time slot.

I am a bit pissed at myself for letting the MC problem get to me today. I needed to refill that sponsorship spot so that I'm not paying out next Wednesday night. I asked one person, but the second person from what I'm told would do it. However it was a bit of envelope pushing and I just wasn't in the mood. I'll try Monday which is cutting it very close.

Damn that Gopher

I can't believe how one thing can screw with my serenity so much. Like a gopher digging and digging at the foundations of my mind. Yes I'm talking about asking MC out for drinks. When I called today we chatted for a little while, but when I asked her is she was free Sunday for drinks she asked if she could call me back since she was with someone. In all other parts of my life I'm okay with this. With dating I'm not. Who knew? I'm grateful to be working through it all, but I really don't want to. Part of me doesn't want to deal with any of this. Hey I can be childish when I want. So I'll see what happens since the ball is in her court.

Little of This, Little of That

The sea was angry last night during my weekly beach hike. At some times we had to walk the streets since the water was completely covering the beach. So that combined with the strong head wind,having to walk in the soft sand, and a work out at the gym yesterday that included my legs. I'm sore today.

I was able to pick L's brain for a few places to take MC for drinks. I'm glad I asked her since Kokoamos had already closed for the season and that had been my first choice. This is the last weekend of the summer so I figured a spot on the water would be nice. Hey enjoy it while we got it. I'll give MC a call during lunch to see what her availability is.

I'm trying to stay in the perspective of how she is making me feel rather than me filling in the blanks which I have found out to be my old MO. It was funny cause I was reading one of my journals last night and there thing was you want to be in a good place and have your mindset when you start a relationship. It causes a lot of problems when you have to backpedal.

An old associate has popped up since I asked MC out. It's the asshole that takes my happiness away. It took me a while to deal with him with my life, however I guess he's still hanging on to dating life. I knew MC liked me and wanted to go out with me. It was plain as day, however since then I keep getting these nagging little thoughts trying to disrupt my perspective of this. After a life time of abuse you no longer trust your instincts and it really bothers me that this still can get to me.

On the business plate today. One of my sponsors for my event next week is MIA. The bastard didn't even pay so I'm short money for this event and I'm trying to find a replacement. Tonight I have my appointment with the Virginia Wesleyan baseball team. I haven't heard from the coach all week after numerous phone calls, but I'll be there where ever that is.

Bored Minds Play

Did you ever get bored? Well after my phone calls today I've had a new patient no show. I did have there phone number, but it's someone else. So I have no idea what the hell is going on with them. So what do I do while I'm still on my "asking" high. It's nice to be more in control of situations that use to puzzle me more. Anyway I Googled MC to see what I would find out. Surprise, surprise, surprise ... I didn't find much except that she's 50. I had a feeling she was older, but wasn't quite sure. In a way her looks do remind me of the Planner, but there is a warmer feeling here. I have to say of all the time to ask someone out I picked a time that I'm really freakin' busy. So I'll call her tomorrow to see if Sunday in the afternoon is good for her. If it rains Saturday like it's suppose to I'll be free, but that's too short of notice.

I have to admit I'm Even Steven this week with every person cancelling another person is calling. Still no word back from the coach at Virginia Wesleyan, but we made an appointment for tomorrow and I'll be there. I have no idea where that will be, but I'll be there.

Back in the Pool Again

I have to admit all the work I've done in the past few months really did pay off. It was very obvious to me that MC wanted to go out with me. I thought so yesterday so today I stopped at her office to talk business. We chatted for a while and then I asked if she would like to go for drinks. She said yes. So I'll give her a call tomorrow if not tonight about something over the weekend. My answer to what it is I like about her, I would say that MC is warm and personable. However she is a one to one person. Being in a crowd yesterday was uncomfortable which I was surprised. More to follow.

Well we're getting some new roomies at the house. A 37 year old woman and her 4 year old son. Everyone else has met them except me. The problem is that the house is going to be like Thunder dome in a week. The landlord is going away for 10 days. The problem is that this time there is too many people in the house to do any type of food plan like last time. So it'll be survival of the fittest unless someone wants to step up to the plate to cook.

The Wind has Changed

Well I finally had to get a new battery today. When I left to go to my business meeting today I needed someone to jump me and since this made me late I knew I could get another jump at the meeting if need be and I needed it. This time when I had it checked out they brought out the big equipment which said the battery was bad. My problem was that to get to the battery you need to take the front driver's wheel off and then then the plastic covering in the wheel well. Way too much trouble for me without the right equipment. I was very happy to have my friend recommend a mechanic. They were great, but they are hidden let me tell you. It's like trying to find the entrance to the Bat cave.

So all this car trouble really took up my free time today to get all the calls I needed to do. The biggest is that one of my sponsors has fallen off the face of the earth. He said he wanted to do it and then he hasn't responded to emails. So I'll track him down tomorrow so this happens.

Two good things came out of my neighborhood lunch meeting, well a bunch did, but there was 2 big things. The first was the wife of one of the MD's I know in the area is working a second job after 10 years in practice. I know they do a piss poor job in marketing, but it was nice to know even MD's struggle.

The other was that I ran into a woman that I would like to date. My business coach had told me about MC and that I should talk to her at the meeting to possible run events together. Due to my battery problems I got there late and while I knew many of the attendees, their were a few I didn't know. I said hi to them and just before we sat down MC arrived. I said hi to here and like I always do I noticed she didn't have a ring on. As we sat down I realized I liked something about her. Throughout the meeting I caught her looking over at me. The problem was that she was the first one gone when we ended. This makes me think that she maybe shy, but as a broker and owner of a realty firm doesn't match up. There is something about her that I like and want to pursue. So I'll stop by her place tomorrow to talk business and see where it leads.

Women and Food

Today and tomorrow I'm trying to get people to come to a free Mexican dinner being held by yours truly. Like my business coach always say, "I'm surprised how many businesses actually stay in business." I'm always surprised how much you need to kick people in the ass to do anything. I've sent 2 RSVP's out already with minimal response. When I talk to people they reply that they haven't looked at their calender yet. It's been over a week since the first one went out. However when I get them to sit down and look at the calendar, they sign up. People it's free food!!!

Do you ever worry you'll call someone there nickname from here in real life? I just posted an event for the weekend. It's an Italian festival. Asp was all over me asking if they would have rice balls. You see her and Saturn girl went to NYC and while in Little Italy she had some rice balls. Now I personally think they were too close to China town cause of when I think rice balls I think Asian. However I'm a southern boy and northern Italy is more rice based so I could be wrong. Anyway I told I didn't know, but she could call the number I provided. In typical Asp fashion she was telling me it was my responsibility and bad mouthing my zeppolis. Afterwards I was thinking about it and I was saying Asp in my mind instead of her real name. This perked me up since I would feel like a big fool to call someone by there nickname. Has this happen to anyone?

Today I finally got a nice stainless steel waste basket for the office at the thrift store. So this afternoon I'm trying to figure out how to reorganize the room to make it work better now. Over the past few months I've been adding equipment to the room and now it needs to have some organization so that it doesn't look so haphazard.

Weekend Wrapup

Since I've had people on here and off, no I wasn't hit on this time at Panera. I did see some attractive women, but when I flipped it around and ask how are they making me feel it was completely different. I got to see women in a different light than my rose colored glasses can be. The night itself with the singles was hilarious. We mostly spent the night with one game, Loaded questions. I played it many years ago when I was married, but could never remember it's name. So when I found in the thrift store I was very happy. We laughed a whole lot. Mostly because we all know each other so we can joke better.

German girl has been on a tangent about L liking me a lot. As she will say that L pretty much says hands off on Facebook with all her comments. My friends will always ask what's up with us. I stick to my guns that L doesn't want me, but she doesn't want anyone else to have me. She's been that way since we broke up years ago. If I run into her somewhere, she's all full body hug and hanging off me. So I figured I'd try an experiment yesterday. L had been working with gravel in her yard all weekend and had developed calluses. After our walk I offered to massage lotion into them to help get rid of them. She turned me down. She did accept half my bagel though which is so here. Food and sex.

It was good to finally get the hike in. I really could of used it last week to deal with the week. There's just something to doing mindless physical work that helps your mental state. On that same venue, this is the first time in a long time that I didn't feel like doing work today. I'm feeling better with just scheduling 2 Saturdays a month. Having 2 days off is needed for my mental health especially as the business gets busier.

The Question

I met up with the singles last night for miniature golf which was lots of fun. I might have to take up golfing since I usually shoot par or 1 off. Everyone was joking that I sucked during practice cause I couldn't get the ball in the hole. For some reason they didn't get that I was shooting from 15 feet away instead of 3 like everyone else. Oh well. (insert evil laugh).
The Photographer was there and she's a physical gal. It's one thing I do like about her. So we'd talk throughout the night and she'll lean against me. Where am I going with this? I know I like her. I know what I like about her. However when I ask myself how she makes me feel I immediately hit a brick wall. That's my MO and problem. It's how I learned to deal with bad relationships. I just cut them out of it. I just go on what I think.
When I think of the Planner, Law girl, and L all of whom I dated for months at a time and ask the question of how they made me feel I really don't have an answer. I can write a report on what I liked though. So that's my homework at the moment. I'll start with my friends and associates on seeing how they make me feel. Then I'll work up my hierarchy of guinea pigs until I'll be able to access this in a relationship.
Tonight is game night and Panera bread. The last 2 times I've been there I've had women hit on my. Will third time be the same?

Good Day Sunshine

It was funny. Even OF said it was weird. Talking about ourselves after 38 years will do that you. Our moms kept in touch so we knew certain things about each other, but not a lot. So it was interesting if not a little awkward. However I was happy to do it. We'll keep our mom's connected which will be good. The funniest thing is that I'm trying to find out if her husband is related to a friend down here.

I was bummed last night that the rain never ended. I could have used the hike to burn of some of my stress. Well the sun came back out today, so I'll be able to go out with the singles tonight for miniature golf. Just standing out there in the sun and fresh air feels good to me.

I can't wait till the money catches up here at the office. It's really starting to get to me being very busy and still have to be behind on bills. Mike's getting angry.

Arriba! Arriba!

If I had to say who I'm most like I would say Speedy Gonzalez, because I can be quiet/relaxing then something comes up and “Arriba! Arriba! Andale! Andale! YEEHAH!" I’m off and running. I had my meeting with my business coach this morning. I'm the last man standing. Everyone else has dropped out over the last 9 months. It's amazing how many people don't want to do the work to grow a business. However now that I've doubled my business I'm stressing on where it should go and when I should do it. I have to admit that is one good thing about not taking any more medication, I know when I'm stressed. It's my warning sign that I'm pushing myself harder than I need to which is a common thing for me.

So my meeting last night with the Virginia Wesleyan baseball coach went well and I'll be there chiropractor which is awesome. Now I'm trying to get on all the teams there which will really solidify my business since it will be weekly patients all year round. I'll go to the campus and give the players a discount.

This morning my next marketing plan was to run a few health fairs at the local churches. I've attended enough, but running a few will get me closer to many people that could help my business. My problem is that I want to do it all today when there is no reason. Trying to take those small bites instead of gulping the whole thing down at once.

OF (old friend) dropped me a email last night with her phone number to give her a call to catch up. I don't know if she is still married or not. It's not announced on her Facebook page. I asked her to let me know when was a good time and I'll call and catch up with her. It's weird since we hung out when I was in kindergarten and first grade. We ran into each other maybe 10 years later. That's been like 30 years ago. So we really don't know each other, but it'll be interesting.

The weather today is not great so I don't know if I'll be hiking with L today. I'm hoping it will dry out later since I could use the exercise.

Days of Future Pass

Never enjoy NY minutes. During my last patient I got an email from my Mom's old friend and my baby sitter when I was young. I still call her Mrs. Z... I don't think I'll ever call her by her first name like everyone else does. It's just too much of a leap for me. Anyway they found me through Facebook which she has a page. So I had a few minutes and called and I got one of her daughters who I use to hang out with when we were younger. We talked for a few, but I haven't seen her in at least 30 years and her voice had changed some. Anyway I gave her the low down on my Mom since I though my bro was keeping her up to date. Just when I was finished I was going to catch up with her daughter, but my Mom's place called. Mom was okay, just the doctor's report on her.

What a difference a day makes? Yesterday the day never got started. My morning meeting never happened and I never launched. Today I had a presentation to give at another business meeting and I've been on track ever since. Shortly I have to meet with the athletic department at Virginia Wesleyan college to be their chiropractor. Could be the coup for me.

Silly Little Love Songs

I laid around last night thinking about dating since everyone is asking me about it. I tell you besides the sex I don't miss being in a relationship. At present I'm happy doing my own thing and not having to do the work in a relationship. Hey I know the payoffs are great, but the me time is too much fun for now.

Today it is raining cats and dogs. It's also the first day of school for the kids here. So it was a small crowd at my business group this morning. The leadership just small talked before we all left. I've run to many meetings over the years. The meeting is to increase your business, so no matter how many people show up you have the meeting. You don't shut your business down because it's slow or it's raining. Hey I'm a hard ass when it comes to these things.


Server guy stopped by Panera bread to hang with me for a while. He asked what I was up to and what I had been doing with myself since I'm scarce these days. The rumor has it that I'm dating. I told him I was just enjoying myself being single and since now that I have assistants I can relax more with the group. Then it came out that people think I need to find a woman. I guess I have become the poster child for dating.
We talked about everyone in the group, who's dating who and so on. Since I'm the organizer people will ask others about certain things. Mostly about dating inside the group. My rule is I don't care, just be adults about it and don't cause any problems. If I have to deal with the problems I'm not going to be happy.
I'm touched that so many people worry about me and it is a new thing for me. When they start sacrificing women to me then I know I'll have to start dating again.

Non Labor Day

I'm thinking of changing my Saturday working hours. There either packed or dead. So I'm thinking of being open only twice a month to pack them in. This was kind of in the back of my mind, but two days completely off is really nice. I slept in really good this morning. I need one day to get in the groove and the second to really enjoy. Without medication I see that I need to take better care of myself. I feel when I push myself to hard or wait too long to eat. Again it's nothing major and it's probably what other people experience.

This reminds me of when I first started working on myself. Self care was a strange concept and the strange sensations that I had to listen to easily pointed me in the right direction if I listened. If I listened should be in quotes. Most everything I'm having to do now is all stuff that I talk to my patients everyday. I've always done them, but I'm having to knock it up a notch now until my body catches up with me.

L was also at the Funny Bone last night and it was weird interacting with her in a normal setting. She waved when she came in since they were all the way in the back of the room and we were next to the stage. Let me tell you it was weird to have the comedians walk on stage, walk over to you, and shake your hand. For some reason she followed us outside afterward to wave goodbye and that we'd see each other Thursday. I still think it's a marking your territory thing.

A big surprise was the band playing outside by the fountain. If they were 16 I would be surprised, but they could play hard rock cover songs from the 60's and 70's. Carbon Jam was there name.

I changed up today and came over to Panera Bread to eat and work on my computer. The lines at the house for the computer are screwed up with all the rain we've had over the past week. I think I might just pick up a wireless card. It would cost me the same as AOL and my phone service at the house would be.

What Dreams are These

I'm taking a break from work today. Well not actual work, but thinking of how I want the future to be with the office. However there is always a tinge of anxiety with it so I'm putting it down today to relax. In doing so I realized that I had put to the side my time of remembering good things in my life. I can easily recall all the bad stuff and abuse, but if that's all that is filling me then that can't be a good thing. So I'm using my Starbucks time to do that.

Enigma and her kids took off for the weekend to DC. Hey less people in the house is always a good thing to me. So I slept nice and late this morning and then did some lounging around while doing laundry. Afterwards I headed over to the gym to workout. I ran into a woman that use to start conversations with me. She's a nice lady, but I know it's not where I want to go. I have friends that ask me about my deep considerations when I date, not that I am now. For me a partner will affect my whole life. From how much I make to were life will lead me. Like hiring an important employee for a company it needs to be done with care. If my gut is telling me already that this isn't it I find no reason to just have some fun. This is a conversation my friend Paul and I have frequently. He has no visualization or long term plans. No delayed gratification for long term benefits. I know at times this sounds cold, but when you've been in a bad relationship it affects you immensely. I still believe in chemistry immensely, but I just don't shoot from the hit anymore with dating.

I stopped by my Mom to see how she was doing today. No real change. She didn't want me to do her nails today. She was more into resting so I let her be. Tonight I'm getting together with the singles for the Funny Bone. I've had to set some boundaries with this now. When I post the event I let people know how to get free tickets. What everyone is doing now is waiting to the last minute and hoping I have free tickets since they sell out fast. As of yesterday I had no one going with me. Now I have 9. I have a ticket and 3 extras. My phone and email box have been flooded with people panicking to get tickets. So I put on the event that I will no longer have extra tickets and that don't RSVP unless you have some from the Funny Bone.

All Things Come to an End

Walking into Barnes & Nobles today. I let this attractive woman pass. She gave me a great smile while she passed. I took another step before turning and watching her leave the building. As I continued down the aisle, I realized that my single days maybe coming to an end.

I had that re-enforced while I Server guys pool party. While verbal sparing with Asp, I could feel the dust being blown free from the dating crevices of my mind. I don't know when I'll take the plunge back into the dating world, but the clock is ticking.

Visualizations at the Pool

Well today went a little different than I planned it to, so there was no gym. I did spend some time visualizing how I want my office to be in the next 6-12 months. I have to admit it's a bit nerve wracking and it's the withdrawal feelings I've been dealing with all week. It's a bit strange for me to be anxious about this since it's just a pile of clay and I can mold it anyway I like. However it's truly a grown up thing to be doing. No one else is involved with it. It's all me. So I'm feeling some pressure that I'm creating for myself. So I've planned in my daily goals to spend 15 minutes a day working on this. Just enough to get somewhere, but not enough to freak me out.
I went over to Server guy's pool party today. Asp, Saturn girl, Savant, and 2 girls from Server guy's other group were there. It was fun. The other 2 girls were too reserved for me since the other 3 and myself are not. It was a fun way to spend the afternoon and have some good food. The sights were also good. There were many twenty something girls in bikini's frolicking around. Most of us were really surprised at the mouths on these girls. They could make sailors blush. We weren't the only ones at the pool so I was even more surprised.

What Stress Means to Me

On my way out to me L and her friends to watch a local band play last night I thought about my anxieties the last few days. I think the withdrawal from the medication has passed. I still seem to have little bouts of anxiety. They come from time to time. I know my Mom was always anxious about stuff and I finally was able to label myself when I went down to Florida a few years ago, after she got sick, to clean her house out in 24 hours. As always I never set too high of standards for myself. It probably would have been better to just shoot myself in the head. However like always I persevered and got the job done.

Anyway since the teleconference Thursday morning I've been very stressed. So during the drive last night I worked it out. At present my office is moving into areas that I hadn't dreamed of and it's picking up speed. All great stuff, but I am out of my comfort zone. Well the teleconference was how to use the president's wellness mandates to increase business. I was the oddball in the group. I'm getting the new patients which everyone else wasn't. I just didn't have the office visits like everyone else which is my decision. It was the first thing the guy hosting pointed out to me. He kept guaranteeing me that he could help me be a millionaire like many other chiropractors in the city he works with. I know how to do that already I just don't believe in the over treatment. I'm happy with my office and how it's developing into something that is not the norm, just like me.

However for me when I talk to people I see as experts or authority figures their words have a lot of power in my head. Mostly because I see myself as less than so their always bigger. So until my mind can process the whole thing and I grow in my mind to stop them I can feel very stressed which is where I've been for the last 2 days.

The night out was different than it was planned. All of L's friends had started drinking very early so she had left them at one of the other bars since they were becoming obnoxious. HK was packed like it usually was for a Friday night. Since I'm rarely in that kind of situation I was able to see which women I liked and which ones liked me. No reason falling back to old habits of trying to get the attention of women who aren't interested. The other was that looking around the room, it was nice to say I don't want to date. Hey that thought could change tomorrow, but for now it makes me happy.

The Suns Out

Well Smokey is gone and I'm bummed. After all that time trying to think up a nickname and she up and leaves. Oh well.

Today is following through on all the stuff I didn't do yesterday. I was happy to relax yesterday afternoon and the hike with L was great. The weather was the worse it was every for us and we actually had to walk on the streets since the surf had pretty much covered the beach. Anyway it was nice just to burn off the stress with some physical activity. L invited me with some of her friends to go see Grant Austin Taylor tonight at the bar near her. He's very good, but I'm not quite sure I feel like traipsing across town for a 10 pm show when I have to work in the morning. I'll see how I feel after dinner tonight.

I haven't heard from Eric all week. My messages haven't been returned which is no big deal. We sometimes go for periods without talking especially when we can't get together. The only thing in the back of my mind is that my ex wanted to take him to PA like she does every year. It's a 2-3 hour drive. If she went I'll be pissed since she complained she couldn't drive him to the airport. We'll see what happens.

I do see that the higher you go up in the ladder the easier it is. I got my appointment to meet with the coaches at Virgina Wesleyan University a lot easier than the private schools in the area.

I set up the dinner lectures at the restaurant today for the next 2 months. The don't have a catering menu so I'm going to have to work this out with how many tacos, burritos, and the such I'll need for the crowd.

Flame On!

I hit the wall today and I'm burned out. It started out that I awoke up early and didn't get enough sleep. My business group is having problems. Half the group is working it and the other half is not like most groups. To help jump start it I was asked to oversee some growth events. I'm already projecting kicking people's asses to do work. I'll tell you I'm already stressed out about it in less than 24 hours. So I'm trying to get out my director's chair and just do the job. I can only do so much and the group is going to have to do the rest. So in letting go off all that crap I'm feeling better.

Having a 2 hour phone conference this morning that went late didn't help. Patients rescheduled right after it and a new patient wanted to come in. All of which I have no complaints about except that shifting gears like that without a break really stresses me.

The last thing is just shifting money around to have some spending money over the weekend for things like food and gas. All of which pisses me off with the office doing the best it has ever done. The one best thing that made the whole conference this morning was an electronic billing company that was free for practitioner's like me. Insurance companies are paying for it so they don't have to pay people to process it. The good thing is that I can get my money faster.

Since my day ended early I used my gift card at Starbucks to relax and read. Doing any work right now is just giving me a headache. Like my coach said it's a good problem to have. Too much work to do. My search for sponsors is still working since my email box has more people wanting to be part of it. So I'm covered for a while if the people this time around don't do it again. I'm collecting their money up front and will refund any unused portions which will help the money situation next week.

Well Smokey was suppose to be moving out of the house this morning. She took offense to having to clean her clothes to get the smoke smell out, but hey 1 1/2 packs a day will do that. However I awoke this morning to find her doing laundry so I guess she's towing the line.

I can't wait to hike tonight with L to relax. I may be tired as hell, but some physical exercise will be good.

Take Me to the Limit

Well the new girl has a nickname, Smokey. Why you ask? Well she played down how much she smokes. The landlord doesn't tolerate it in the house and 1 cigarette and you're gone. Anyway back the nickname. She was out most of the day yesterday, but all her clothes and possessions set off the smoke detectors in her room. Not once, but twice! So the landlord was going to have her clean all her stuff today.

I did find out that I can't schedule meetings in between my appointments. I can be busy all day long and be okay, but if I need to shoot out and then come back I feel very rushed for the entire day. A feeling that I don't live very much.

In 2 weeks time I'm having my lecture dinner. Today I sent out emails to different people who I thought would like to sponsor the event. I got my 2 sponsors in record time. Wow it was a lot easier than I thought.

I'm playing catch up in the bank all this week. Every time I think I'm good something else comes in to pull me back. I tell you I'm seeing checks that I wrote clearing the same day in my account. How is this possible? There are plenty of times when I put money in the bank when I write a check knowing the money will be in the next day when the check clears. So WTF is this same day stuff?

I had a business meeting today. It was funny, she was told many things about me before I met since I've met most of the people she knows. She asked the same question I get from many people. When do you actually do chiropractic? She didn't even know all the stuff I do. I'm grateful to have learned how to run larger businesses. So running my place is easier. The E-Myth book and the 4 Hour Work Week books have helped fill in my gaps.

The Elixir of Life

In all my research on my withdrawal symptoms. The common statement was to take a lot of B vitamins. So when I was out last night at the store I picked up a bottle of sub lingual B complex. The stuff is working pretty well, let me tell you. I maybe swigging the stuff every 2-3 hours, but that lightheaded and dizziness are almost non-existent. Since B vitamins are water soluble I'm good.

OVDC will always say that she takes her hat off to me on my marketing skills since I'm always pounding the pavement. This week is hitting all the private school and college athletic coaches to treat the athletes. Their excited about it since no one else is doing it and I told them I would lecture for free and adjust the athletes for $25. So far two private schools down. I'm going after Virginia Wesleyan college tomorrow.

I tell you it's weird having a new family now at the house. No complaints mind you, just weird. I had one of the kids knock on my door to say goodnight last night. It's just been so long with me and the landlord that now to have all these people is weird. I'm hoping to have a nickname for the new woman tonight.

One of my friends from college who I've talked in the past about, but I'm surprised I never gave her a nickname. Jeez thinking up nicknames is getting harder and harder. Let's just call her Lee cause it was her maiden name. Anyway when we were in college I had to admit I had the hots for her. She was in a unhappy marriage and a bit nuts so hey she was perfect for me. No, nothing ever happened. Anyway as school went on she got crazier and crazier and I just pulled away more and more. Years ago she had contacted me to see if I every got married to my ex. When she learned that I had the communication died off quickly. Anyway she lives in the western part of the state and we see each other at seminars, plus Facebook. Lee is still a very attractive woman, but the insane streak is still there. We'll still talk a lot when we see each other, but this is no longer a deeper relationship connection for me. Anyway I was surprised to see a comment from her saying if I couldn't find a woman in VA. Beach I should come out and try women in her city. I guess I got put back on her menu again. My answer to her was that I hate to drive across the water which is where she has family. I didn't even mention driving 4 freaking hours. I've done long distance relationships before and I'll never do it again.
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