Future Wedding Bells

If you don't know me than know that I think a lot. Some will say that I think too much which may be the case since I use to not think at all. So I'm still trying to get my sea legs in life. Looking at the incident with Kitcat I'll still mention special dates in the future with women. For me, recognizing and celebrating special times helps me to enjoy life. I know if I don't celebrate the fun times, I'm sure to focus on the bad times which is no fun at all.

Yesterday Secret Agent man asked if any people had found someone special in the group. I informed him 3 of my friends had. Savant and Saturn girl just moved in together and Server guy is moving in with someone else from the group in June. After saying that I had to admit that I had that feeling you get when you realize all your friends got invited to a party and you didn't. Most of my closest friends from the group are or soon will be living with someone. Holy crap when did this happen? Is permanent bachelor tattooed on my ass somewhere? I'm happy for my friends, but wow the realization stings. The group was my connection to other singles since all my friends at the time were married. Is this slowly happening again?

On the flip side of this is my fear with engagement and marriage. While I want to one day have a ring on my finger again with someone special. The last time I did it, I truly didn't take responsibility for everything and it was a miserable time. I know that I'm a completely different person than I was then, but until I talk about all this. I'm not going to purge it from my system.

I've mention this before with my dating in the south. Women down here are Amazons. When I was in NY I would say the average height for a woman was 5'2". Down here I would say 5'6" which is my limit. Since it allows the woman to wear 3" heels and still not be taller than me.

My activity online has gotten me some emails which I'm happy to see women taking the initiative. However they haven't been matches since I know I'm not what they are looking for. So it's a quick email telling them this. I know I like to know if it's not a connection and if I can't do it, I can't expect someone else to do it. I have a few nibbles from my own emails and I'll let you know how it goes.

On a side note. Still no word from my ex about Eric's trip.

Glass Half Full or Empty of Girlfriends

Asp asked me last night if I was a creature of habit which I answered a big yes. I was complaining that the landlord's family had tossed my glass out. She said there were others, but I said it was mine. Yes I'm 3. Over the years we each had are own cup so we didn't keep getting new ones every time we got something to drink. So mine is missing now as well as other things. As you are well aware of Mike doesn't like change. It's not a big thing, but it does bother me as does a few missing food items. Now I'm happy to eat the food there. Justification I love it.

A few people said I should have said something to my ex. This is one of the reasons I like Asp. She can state her complaints although I probably shouldn't date women like this so I don't have to listen to them. Anyway I have a hard time stating my displeasure to people. Always have. I'm better at saying something now instead of pushing it down, but it takes time and work. At the moment I need to write a letter with my next rent check about the absent bathroom cleaning and supplies for the last month. I'm happy it's only myself and my patients now instead of all the other businesses, but it does add up over time. I have to gear up for something like this. It never comes naturally. The funny thing is that this ability attracts me to women who can do it. On my first date with Asp it was okay until she showed this trait and then it all changed. Hey I'm strange I admit it.

I was happy to talk to Server guy last night at the museum before everyone else got there. We got to talk about out girlfriends. He's looking to moving in together in the summer if he's still going strong with his. We both agree there are little things that remind us of our exes. However the day to day stuff that comes up and we wait for the familiar reaction to occur and it doesn't and it's just nice.

I'm happy the temperature has creeped up to 40 degrees for my hike with L tonight. I brought all my deep cold gear, but I don't think I'll need it all, but I'm not quite sure how it will be once the sun goes down. There is even talk of snow here tonight, oh my.

Guy's Night

Well Server guy and I finally got together. We'd been trying for the last two weeks, but he's been the busiest I've ever seen him at work. I wish he had picked a less smokey spot, but I think he's use to the place from when he smoked. We played pool and talked about women, kids, and our friends.

Since he has older twin boys I was actually thankful for his advice on keeping the connection with Eric. The biggest was the reminder that Eric is 10 and doesn't know to to fully work the conversation. He's just emotionally driven by excitement. Some of the ideas he had were more computer game playing which I wasn't that happy about even though Eric does love it. Most things would involve my ex's involvement to get it set up which I'm never happy about.

I know on my end I'm getting a bit shy calling Eric at the moment since I know I'm going to have to push back our November visit since I didn't get my money last week. Since my ex wouldn't bring him to the airport in August it's been a since July and I don't like the length of time.

We both agreed that the singles group has a new flavor with many of the older members rarely coming and new people showing up. Not that this is a bad thing, but that we need to keep the older members we're friends with in touch. So we're trying to have a party of five with Saturn girl, Savant, and Asp since we all get along very well.

I was happy to hear Server guy say that I seemed a much happier single person these days which was my goal for this year. He also said I should sleep with Inverse since it's just sex she's looking for. I know she wants whats in my pants, my wallet which isn't happening. So we'll see. If she keeps smoking like a chimney it won't be happening.

What's Happening Wednesday

Still no check which doesn't make me happy and no response from the message I left. This coupled with 1 patient rescheduling on this slow day has really brought me down. I don't like being so easy to knock of balance. Again I know it's perspective. I've had a lot more people call this week to come in than to reschedule which is always a good thing. However I know when I'm in a sour mood I will focus on the bad instead of the good.

It looks to be about the same amount of people as last month for my talk tonight. It was interesting that a person from last time wanted to come again. I wanted to make a job about the free meal, but refrained. Hey I can be good.

Server guy wants to get together this weekend to catch up on gossip since he missed belly dancing with me. I honestly don't have any gossip. What I had was I was wondering if he had split from his GF, but she just went on vacation with her daughter. Hopefully he has more for me. I'm betting he has questions on the increase activity of some of the women from the group with me on Facebook.

I tell you I am tired of this scab on the back of my hand and have totally given up on it ever freaking healing. I cut back into it over the weekend when I was working on my car. Every single time I remove the band aid I catch it on something and rip the scab some. I'm about to just cast the hand to get it over with.

Cold and Damp

What a freakin' cold and damp day it was today. It didn't matter if you were inside our out it sucked. It even sucked more since I needed to work on a few things on my car. Simple stuff like a new air filter and headlight. While the air filter isn't bad the light is a pain in the ass. I have to loosen half of my bumper to get to the freakin' thing. I don't know whose idea of a joke this was, but making simple stuff hard to get to was not a smart thing.

My victory today was finding a nice navy blue suit jacket to wear to work. I now have several colors to rotate through. The rest of my day was mostly relaxing watching DVD's and doing puzzles until tonight.

I had a funny feeling server guy wasn't going to show up to belly dancing tonight. I could of checked, but I just wanted to get out of the house. I don't really care if I'm by myself or not. However one of the other members did show up for a while. It was small show tonight with only 2 girls dancing. One was someone I hadn't seen before and the other I had seem many times. You can see the confidence difference. While I do enjoy the sword dance a lot I do like the finger cymbals better.

Tomorrow I'm suppose to get one of my big insurance checks. If I do the week goes well. If they screw me around then I'm screwed.

Dating

Server guy stopped by Panera bread to hang with me for a while. He asked what I was up to and what I had been doing with myself since I'm scarce these days. The rumor has it that I'm dating. I told him I was just enjoying myself being single and since now that I have assistants I can relax more with the group. Then it came out that people think I need to find a woman. I guess I have become the poster child for dating.

We talked about everyone in the group, who's dating who and so on. Since I'm the organizer people will ask others about certain things. Mostly about dating inside the group. My rule is I don't care, just be adults about it and don't cause any problems. If I have to deal with the problems I'm not going to be happy.

I'm touched that so many people worry about me and it is a new thing for me. When they start sacrificing women to me then I know I'll have to start dating again.

Visualizations at the Pool

Well today went a little different than I planned it to, so there was no gym. I did spend some time visualizing how I want my office to be in the next 6-12 months. I have to admit it's a bit nerve wracking and it's the withdrawal feelings I've been dealing with all week. It's a bit strange for me to be anxious about this since it's just a pile of clay and I can mold it anyway I like. However it's truly a grown up thing to be doing. No one else is involved with it. It's all me. So I'm feeling some pressure that I'm creating for myself. So I've planned in my daily goals to spend 15 minutes a day working on this. Just enough to get somewhere, but not enough to freak me out.

I went over to Server guy's pool party today. Asp, Saturn girl, Savant, and 2 girls from Server guy's other group were there. It was fun. The other 2 girls were too reserved for me since the other 3 and myself are not. It was a fun way to spend the afternoon and have some good food. The sights were also good. There were many twenty something girls in bikini's frolicking around. Most of us were really surprised at the mouths on these girls. They could make sailors blush. We weren't the only ones at the pool so I was even more surprised.

Relationship Balance

Asp's party last night was fun, although it was a fly nightmare when we had the food out. Later on we brought out the fire pit and had a nice fire going. The weather really cooperated with a nice blue sky.

The interesting thing is that Server guy wants to ask Asp out. Because of the party he held off, but it was interesting watch him. We had the talk during the week. He was telling me you have to help women out which came up after talking to the pair of women last week at Panera. He offered to carry their bags when the went shopping. Afterwards I told him I don't carry bags. That's not entirely true. If I'm dating someone I have no problem helping out. However my point with him was that starting and basing a relationship on helping was a bad thing. It starts a power imbalance which will define the relationship. I can help you so I'm better and stronger while you need help and are weaker. Played out it goes in dismal directions. Either the person always needs help which gives you purpose, but there won't be any help for you. If they get better, you'll lose your purpose and may resent that they don't need you anymore.

Still no problems with medication stopping. I really didn't have any problems yesterday. I'm putting myself under a microscope to see if there are any changes that indicate my depression is coming back on.

Ja Booty!!!

Our monthly meet & greet went very well last night. Most everyone showed up that said they would which was great. I saw Smile girl there. I didn't say anything, even though we left off okay many months ago. Our waitress was jaw dropping attractive and I remembered my brother's comment about all the hot looking waitresses down here.

The place was awesome. It was right on the water so the breeze kept us cool from the summer heat. The place has 4-5 bars and 2 stages so it was a happening place. We told Asp and Saturn girl that they were good girls. Saturn girl was okay with it after being raised Irish Catholic, but Asp didn't take it so well for some reason. So that brought about sexual truth questions between all of us with Server guy and Savant. We did it for many hours and it was pretty damn funny with all the jokes.

I have to admit I'm enjoying how the Photographer looks at my muscles now. A couple of months ago she went to poke me and she found out that I'm more solid than when we went out. So every time we're out either she's looking at my arms or poking me.

Today I'm heading over to my storage unit to find my Spanish CD's to refresh myself. I'm trying to break everything down into bite sized pieces. If I can do 15 minutes a day I'll be very happy.

Sorry Rabbit

Silly me, I thought I could call the IRS, wait on hold for 15 minutes, and find out what's going on with my Mom's stimulus check she was suppose to get last year. However I was informed that I couldn't do that since there were forms involved. They wanted me to mail them in, but I kept pushing for a fax number so I could move this up from weeks to days.

Went to see Wolverine with the singles last night. I would think it would be a fan boy movie, but there was a lot of women there. In our group it was just Server guy, myself, and 5 women. Seeing Hugh Jackman either flexing his muscles or running around bare ass naked I found out why all the women were paying their dollar to see.

My brother and family are in town. Since I'm hiking with L tonight I'll see them afterwards and we'll do dinner tomorrow night. I see that German girl is still trying to fix me up with one her friends. She's putting their pictures up on her MySpace page so I can check them out. I feel like I'm ordering a mail order bride. She admits that she enjoys the crazy stories too.

Hang On Its Going to Be a Wild Ride

WTF would be the expression that describes this week. Earlier this week my old massage therapist that still owes me money emailed me a unemployment letter to be filled out for her. I'm not quite sure why since I last saw her 6 months ago. Ballsy, but low on the scale. Who takes the grand kahunas would be an old patient that I knew from a business group that left the state with her settlement money and owing me several thousand dollars. I get a request today for a her to become my Facebook friend. Truly WTF?

I was happy to get a nice size check from the insurance company today. I've been praying for money so I could fly Eric down here. However when I had it in my hand I was like I wouldn't have to sweat over the next 10 days, but I got what I prayed for so I'm going on that faith. I emailed my ex the cost for each of us. So as soon as I here an okay from her I'll buy the tickets.

So last night was an interesting night. Since it rained I changed the singles event to pool. Saturn girl and Server guy were able to come out and meet Dancer and her friends from New Mexico. The one thing I noticed was that Dancer liked me and was flirting with me. So while I was processing all this and if I wanted to start something with a woman who would be gone in a few days, Dancer made sure I knew she liked me. As I've learned women never touch you by accident and with her breasts keep bumping into me I knew where she was coming from. So we walked the beach after everything had died down and got to talk. Dancer is straight forward like I am so it was nice. However this was something very different for me since I usually work on building something long term and this wasn't going to be it. However I've been trying to stretch myself so that I'm not so rigid. Yada yada yada it was a very nice view of the sunrise from her window.

Talk to the Back of the Hand

Talking with Server guy last night about relationships had me thinking about the Planner this morning when I awoke. I realized I'm still looking to give my heart to someone. While I know that in itself isn't a bad thing I think I try to move things a long to fast. I want to get to that safe point. It wasn't safe growing up so I'm still looking for it.

I tell you I want to give the back of my hand to the person who said life would be easy. I don't know who told it to me when I was young, but I know I believe it in some sense. So someone had to tell me and that person deserves an ass kicking. I'll start interviewing people tomorrow to find out who it was.

It's a quite day here today. I did my usual get up, read the paper, have a cup of tea, and then go back to bed. So I feel nice and rested today for the week. So today has been a day of errands and now I'm at Starbucks getting all my pregnancy stuff done for the office. Since I don't use my extra room much for massage I'm going to add some stuff so new mom's can breast feed in there or change there baby. It won't be so hard so why not. It'll be a nice addition to the office.

Lastly, in this economy I can't believe how restaurants react when I walk in and want to schedule a happy hour for 20 people. I would think they would be getting me a blow job in the back room. It's a lot of people that will be spending money. It's earlier in the evening before the bigger crowds come in. Like my coach always say, "I don't know how businesses stay in business."

Picnics & BBQs

I had some more awareness today of what my business coach points out to me. Since this was the end of the month I finished up my stats and May was the 2nd busiest month of this year which is really good. However it didn't feel that way since my collections were not where I wanted them to be. Last month was a crap month for visits, but collections were excellent so I felt like it was a good month. My emotions drive me and all the work that I did this month that paid off I'm not feeling it. So it's easier for me to lag off and then I start on the up and down roller coaster again.

My weight loss patient came back today which I was happy to see. I was also happy to be able to use all my addiction training to help her with her stuff to help get her back on her wagon. It's a good feeling.

Then I was off to our annual BNI picnic. It was a lot of fun. I got to be on the radio again and they gave me a hat for all my hard work which was nice. It's kind of funny. Everyone knows me as this big networking person, however I'm a shy guy. Let me tell you I don't like these events with talking to everyone. I'm good with all the people I know and I know I do very well with the people I don't, but boy is it just a lot of work. The best person I met today was this old guy I thought of looked like Santa. Turns out that's who he is. He's a professional Santa Claus. It was pretty funny. A few people asked about Mt. Trashmore. Yes it was a city dump which they turned into a park. The big mound there is the big pile of trash.

Afterwards I headed over to Server guy's place for a BBQ. We hung out by the pool talking then cooked up some burgers. We talked about life and the different women in the singles group.

Now I'm home and I'm just beat. All the sun and fresh air has relaxed me and I'm ready to drop

Mmmmm BBQ

Well I'm trying to get my dream team going at work. What that would be is people/businesses that would refer to me. When looking over my book of everyone I know I didn't really have anyone which is usually my problem. So I had to dig around today. I found two midwives in the area that want to work together and will meet with the Monday. I need to rev up new patients coming in to get to higher levels with the office. In other words have a paycheck which would be awesome. I'm soooo tired of struggling.

I watched Shrek last night again. I always forget how much I like that movie. It was sort of Eric's first movie. He was 5 months old for Phantom Menace. This at least was something he could enjoy. I remember he really liked the Jimmy Neutron trailer. There were so many of them that he was ready to go by the time the movie started. We never made it that far into the movie. Anyway one of the reasons I forget about this movie is I still have it on VHS. Boy I shouldn't have said that to my friends. They were all over me to go DVD. I had to explain it so many times that I have many DVD's. I just didn't re-buy the stuff I had on VHS. Still have no reason to waste the money until it breaks.

Tomorrow is BBQ day. After work I have the BNI BBQ at Mt. Trashmore. I sold tickets for the event. They just gave me bracelets to give everyone I sold tickets to. Crap, what a pain. Now I have to haul ass after my last patient so people can get into the festivities. It should be fun and hey all you can eat hamburgers and hot dogs. Woohoo! Afterwards I'm off to Server guy's place for another BBQ. He's doing something more up scaled which will be a nice change.

Soggy Sunday

Well it was a wash with the singles and the art festival. It's been a wall of water out there all day. So I changed the event to indoors and we played pool. Well only Server guy showed which worked out really well. He's normal and one of the few other guys in the group who is outgoing like myself. So it was nice to talk to someone about the different women in the group who actually knows them. We both said WTF to the Photographer kissing us both at the last Happy hour. He likes her and may ask her out. So we talked about that for awhile. I gave my two cents without revealing anything she told me in confidence. We talked about dating in general and it was nice to talk face to face with another guy about this stuff. I talk to friends on the phone about this, but don't really have anyone local to do this.

Game Night

Woohoo. I finally got to play at the geek's table last night. Saturday game nights are usually very well attended so we have to split into groups. Usually its Game boy and myself heading the groups. However last night Server guy spoke up and took the group to another table. He took my normal traditional route of games. So I got to play some of Game Boy's games which are reminiscent of my gamer days. While the geek table is never the loud laughter table is was a lot of fun. Actually between Saturn girl and a new girl at the other table they were loud as hell and drawing a lot of stares. On a side note I think the Photographer and Game boy have broken up.

Today there having an Earth day celebration at the local park. So between the singles and my patients, we'll be attending the event. I heard it was a lot of fun last year. They keep saying it's going to rain, but still sunny. So we'll see.