Boomerang Women

It seems its old flame week here in my region.  Don't think its a full moon so I'm not quite sure what's causing it all.  Maybe it's all the rain in the area and people are thinking Noah's ark and need to shack up with someone in the end.

My ex called me the other night an emotional mess.  I didn't pick up since I always want to evaluate where she's at before I go putting my hand in that food processor.  She wanted to talk to someone who would understand why her father's death would be so great to her.  Her best friend and myself seem to be it since the rest of the family doesn't care as much.  Like the old days, I gave her some options on different grief groups that she could look into since the one she went for her mom worked well.  It just wasn't available anymore.  It was a very weird conversation to say the least.  The best part of it was I got to find out how Eric was doing through all this from someone else.  She said he was still angry over the death and that he was trying to make her happy.  He's so my son.  She did end with apologizing for everything she "might" have done over the years. I love the term might.  Takes the whole responsibility right out of there. 


Saturday morning I awoke with a voice mail done at 7:40 am.  Who the hell are these people that are awake this early?  I know it's not me.  Anyway I listen and its a woman named Karen who knows me from a while ago and wants to know if I'm working that day.  I don't know any Karen's except for a patient that was just in the night before.  Plus she called me Mike.  So I'm trying to think through my dating history.  It takes several listen throughs before I realize its Kitcat.  She kept my number?  Then she text the same question.  After a while I just text her back that no I wasn't working and to call the office Monday for an appointment.  After her acknowledgment she asked how I was doing. I didn't answer that part.  I'll be happy to take her money, but that is it.  So we'll see.  I probably should pass her on to someone else. 

Fun Stuff for Free

The Comic informed me last night that she does more with me than she's done with anyone.  I reminded her that's what I said in my profile.  I don't want to talk about doing stuff, I want to do it.  She wasn't complaining.  She was very happy and wish she knew someone like me when she was younger.  To my friends I'm the master of the cheap activity.  I may bristle at this even though they mean it as a compliment.  I know they go out with others and it can be a strain on their wallets.  You can go out with me all weekend long, have fun, see plenty, and not break the bank.  I'm trying to be more grateful for my ability to do this. 

When I was with Asp and Kitcat going out to do stuff was not happening.  It's a lifestyle I don't enjoy.  The funny thing is that I'm not a social butterfly, but I do enjoy enjoying life.  I didn't do it for most of my early adult life.  So now I'm making up for it.

A bit of codependency going on today.  One of the members of my business group dropped out.  He made a rational decision since he wasn't benefiting to much from it.  However he wasn't doing much to get anything.  I knew if he applied himself more it would work out, but that's not my responsibility.  I just have to remember that.  

Still silence from Eric.  

In a Funk

I seem to have found myself in a funk and not quite sure how I got here. If I had to pick the top two reasons I would say that one would be the Comics drunken texting. While nothing was weird or abusive. I got song lyrics and how much she cares about me all with a drunken flavor. While friends and loved ones drinking in front of me no longer bother me, drunken behavior still sets something off in me. It's an old tape of when I was young with my Dad. Just needing to separate the past from the present.

The other is one of my friends made some bad decisions over the last few days and he wonders how it's going to affect his wife. This has been coming on for a while and we talked about it. While I know I handled myself well in talking with him I feel a bit affected by it. Whether it again is accessing old tapes or not I can't tell.

Last night was my saying goodbye to a few things. The place where I've been living for the last 5 years and my Mom. I imagined the house like it use to be when the landlord was alive. I'm happy that so much has changed since it really forces me to realize that it will never be the same again. Even with his passing, the want to hold on to the past was still strong. My Mom was easier. I mostly just had a normal conversation, although one sided, with her while I took care of my laundry. The biggest thing I had realized over the last week and vocalized last night is that now with my Mom gone that desire for someone to take care of me is gone. I always knew it was a childhood desire still to be taken care of since I kind of grew up like a feral child taking care of myself. That desire to be taken cared of has lead me down many a bad roads. Hopefully it's fully gone now.

I have to admit I really enjoyed the night by myself and will set up Sunday, Monday, and Thursday as my nights by myself. It was good and refreshing. I'll talk to the Comic about it. I know she'll understand, but not like it. While she has many great qualities, fusion isn't one of them. I know she would be happy for us to be together 24/7. I like her being part of my life, not my life. We've had this conversation before so it will be nothing new.

I'll leave you today with a WTF moment. I got a friend request on Facebook this morning from guess who? Yep Kitcat. 2 months nothing and now this, oye. I ignored it. If we had spoken and then ended it I would have no problem, but now ? I don't think so. My guess is that she wants someone to do stuff with again and I was a nice guy. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Her loss.

The Game of Life

I want to thank everyone for the kind words. Doing well just tired. I'm good for about half the day before I start pooping out. If I get a nap I'm good to go. I also grabbed a massage yesterday to help with my muscles after all the travelling.

I pretty much finished everything up with my Mom yesterday for now. It's the waiting game now for the death certificates which will allow me to talk to her insurance agent. I need to check to see if their is anything I need to do with her social security. Although I'm sure her facility will take care of that. I finished informing everyone that I'm going to inform.

It was nice to have the Comic come over last night and go over pictures, mine and my Mom's. It was nice to be proud of how beautiful my Mom was. The Comic was good to fill in blanks that I've had on why certain decisions my Mom made. She has been good in that respect for a lot of things which has made it easier to put things to bed.

It's slow as molasses here at the office this week. The Comic is going to come by tomorrow and help me develop some marketing for the office since its what she does. I have to be thankful to Kitcat for helping me be open to asking for help again. It had been a long time coming.

I think I may have to go out and buy a bunch of toggle switches. Going to all the museums with Eric, we hit a bunch of exhibits with knobs, switches, etc. I tell you it's such a guy thing I know, but that stuff gives me a hard on (not really). I could stand there all day flipping them since it gives me so much pleasure.

I tell you I'm happy that I don't have to pack much up for my move cause I'm not in the mood to do it. Besides some books and games everything else will go as is.

I was happy to see the website for Eric's new school. It's for the gifted and talented. Like I informed Eric last week I was always worried that he wasn't being pushed enough in school. I'm happy than now he will. Also they are part of the ARIS system so I can follow Eric's school work on like since my ex is about as useful as tits on a bull with filling me in on him. Now I can just skip the middle person.

A Personal Best

I had a personal best yesterday at work. I had 10 appointments on the book and by the end of the day I had a total of 5 "no shows". Yeah I was pretty fucking livid. Especially since they were my cash patients and that really hurt in my wallet for the week. It took me a long time not to take it personal like till this morning. I only talked to 2 of them and one asked to be charged a "no show" fee. Since I treat and collect the money I don't enforce the rule to much. Psychologically you need 2 different people to do it so you're not connected to it.

I was able to get an extra free ticket to the concert tomorrow night so I'll have the Comic come with me to enjoy. It's suppose to be humid so that always brings out the scattered thunderstorms in this area so hopefully we are spared since we'll be sitting on the lawn.

Today we're off to the Oceanfront for the Boardwalk Art show which is always fun. I'm very happy that the temperature is within reason. A couple of things will be interesting. The Comic and I will most likely walk right past Kitcat's apartment since free parking is always down at that end of the beach. The other is that the Comic is fair skinned and I don't know how she is going to protect herself. On a side note I think she might be anemic cause she is bruising way too easy. You can track our fun from the marks on her body.

Changes are starting to happen in the house. I like coming back into my room and closing the door to have some serenity. My bathroom is still in a bit of a mess. Not quite sure if it's being put back together or not. I'm trying to smooth it out, but it's becoming difficult.

You Sunk My Battleship

Well it was supposed to be a record day for the office. However with the first 2 patients being no shows it wasn't happening. Kind of like trying to get a something from a movie concession stand for under $5. At least the second person said charge them a no show fee which I was like no problem. I use to feel bad, but I see those days are long gone.

I saw the Comic again last night. During the afternoon I got free tickets to the Funny Bone so I asked. It's great to have someone that is as spontaneous as myself. I didn't realize that I was unable to do that with Asp and Kitcat. The Comic and myself had talked about dating people with kids. At times its like you jump right into married life. Asp was the biggest example of that. Going out was like Big foot. You heard about it, but never seen it yourself.

Anyway it was a great time. All 3 comedians were hilarious. The one thing I realized when I was paying the check was I'm blowing through my budget too fast. I'm going to need to pace myself better with the Comic. I expect to spend when starting dating, but so much at once is starting to have affects. We both had talked about how we handle finances. Not spending what we don't have. So now I just need to put it into effect.

This morning was a little work out for me. When I got home last night I saw that they had started to take the wallpaper down in my bathroom. So it was in shambles. I figured with the shower hose I probably could do the shower this morning with little mess. However when I got up this morning I was like there are 2 other showers in the house. I'm not doing my usual contortion to make things work. I just asked my Tone to use her shower. She had forgotten my place was a mess which is a future worry. In her attempts to get stuff done will my living be affected and to how much.

Is it Friday Yet?

Shhh I have two invisible followers and I wonder who they are. Actually I do since I'm noisy that way. It's just like the other 30 or so who my stat thingy picks up. Hey I have free time today and I'm wondering. Free time and me don't get along to well. I get all squirrely.

Anyway, never again will I keep a phone number of someone I break up with. I held on to Kitcat's number for 2 weeks out of people pleasing. Having a cell phone means I know who calls. If that information is gone I wouldn't know who was calling. I don't want them to think bad of me. Yes it's a madness all its own. They dump me and I'm still worrying that I make them feel good. I remember when that broke with my ex about a year after we separated. We didn't talk for over a year. Anyway I'm having to go through the whole freaking grieving process all over again. I didn't enjoy it much the first time around. I certainly didn't want to take another trip. Never again.

While business is up from what it was it's still a far cry from what I need it to be. I have too many low paying insurances right now. It always surprises me when this happens. I'm seeing more and doing more and hardly making any more money. Will wonders never cease?

At the moment I'm bouncing back and forth with dating. Deep down I know I could use a small break, but the impatient me isn't buying that.

The Balancing Carrot

German girl made a point that I had been thinking about over the last few weeks. Am I picking too independent women? When I was younger my Dad was always my bad example. The smoking, drinking, and other personality defects were things that I steered as far away as I could. However as I got older I mellowed my hard line stance with things. People drinking around me no longer bother me for example. When I divorced my ex I wanted nothing to do with her dependant ways. So I think I did the same thing with going to the other extreme. Independence and assertiveness have become very attractive to me. So like many things in my life I need to install a dimmer switch so I can modify how I do things. Not too bright, not too dim. As always a work in progress.

I do want to thank everyone for their views on me talking to Eric about dating. In the past I've not done it since no one ever pasted the 6 month point. However as he does get older he should know for many reasons. One as many you pointed out, he will be dating. The other is that he always has a curiosity when there is a female connection to me. So I will start the conversation up when he visits in a few weeks to lay the ground work. Then I can keep him updated as things happen.

I tell you the one thing I do miss about Kitcat. No it's not sex, but I do miss that too. It's the carrot to do better. When I was with her it was the first time in a long time I wanted to have things better in my life so I could have more time with her. Everyone needs a carrot to motivate them to do things. I tell you I can't do it for myself beyond mediocrity. Eric is not with me anymore and the distance doesn't help. So I now find myself back in the quandary of what do I use as a motivation. A better life for myself just doesn't do it for some reason. Most likely it's my sub standards for myself. Any suggestions? What do you use to motivate yourself to better things?

The Stashed Bottle

In recovery, alcoholics talk about having stashed bottles around. While they are not used, they are still around and a connection is still maintained. With the weekend temperatures being around 100 here I've stayed mostly indoors. My Battlestar Galactica holds came in and I've been enjoying them. The character Caprica 6 for some reason always reminds me of Kitcat. This has brought on a bit of melancholy feeling which has brought me to my phone. Kitcat's number and all my info on her is there. While I know it's over and I don't really want it anymore. It remains a connection. A whisper of a bitter sweet dream. So I made the decision to delete it and I have to admit it was hard. An admission that it's over deep inside of me. Let the healing begin.

I was supposed to have a date with a woman yesterday. A new one that I haven't blogged about yet. However her ex never picked up their son so the date never happened. All has been quiet today so I think that boat has sailed. One thing I have noticed is that in the world of online dating you run a gauntlet and any deviation ends it. Not really caring about it this time. I didn't think it would work, but I do like to keep my hand in the dating game.

The downstairs AC died yesterday. I 'm so happy the upstairs one died last year so it's running nicely. I live in my room with the bed and TV there. So all I need to use downstairs is the kitchen which can be rough cooking. Since half the house is cool I worry about my perceptions which were always subjected to abuse growing up and in my marriage. Destruction of your perceptions is the way to manipulate people. So even with checking the unit outside and seeing it not work I worry if I'm wrong. I left Tone a message about the problem and we'll see how it goes.

The Wonderful World of Dating

So is it officially hump day when there is only 4 days in the week? Well my date for tonight died in flames. I didn't have high hopes for it or for the woman since I could tell she was not one for saying "no". She would hint and make excuses, but never come out and say I don't want to do this. The funny thing is that when I sense this I'll push. Why? Cause I have nothing to lose. The woman will either say she doesn't want to go out or just disappear which is the usual. We never end up going out so that point becomes moot. The fun of online dating. Truly I always compare it to bomb dismantling. One wrong move and it's over. And your left wondering should I have cut the red or black wire instead? Honestly if that's all it takes to stop the process, good riddance.

Anyway with that being said I think I have a date for the weekend. The woman is in law enforcement so handcuffs maybe involved. I may have to sign a waiver or something. She asked me for my number and will call tonight. Now on the Seinfeld side of life she does one thing that is really weird. She never answers my emails in one email. It's always in two which is really weird. The first one answers my question in a Tweeter type fashion that is part cryptic. The second one ask me a question. This could have train wreck written all over it. But hey I have time over the weekend and I do enjoy meeting women.

OVDC was the last friend I had to tell about Kitcat and I. Her mouth just dropped when I told her the story. She likes my stories and tries to pass them on to her ex who complains about dating. This from a man who's been on 10 dates in his whole life at age 58. I think I did 10 dates last year alone and I took the year off from dating.

Tone is back in town for a few days. With her here it brings to the forefront of my mind that I'll be moving in the next few months. So my anxiety levels have kicked back up even though things are okay. Until things are in the works I know that this is the way it will be. Pre-anxiety jitters are the worse for me. Doing is never a problem.

My Day Down the Rabbit Hole

While the weekend turned out with very few things done, I have to admit its been the most restful in a long time. For the past several weeks I've been waking early which I never enjoy and I know I'm stressing about something. It was either Kitcat or money since I ended last week feeling good about both. So getting at least 8 hours sleep the last 2 days has been a blessing. It's nice to be working on all cylinders again.

In the online dating world I seem to be the catch for the fifty-something set since they're a contacting me. I really don't mind, but they are falling for one of the big online dating mistakes. I know it since I fall for it too at times. Great, awesome picture blinds you to what is being said in the profile. I maybe very spiritual, but I'm not religious or a church goer. Both women were and that's what they were looking for in a guy. I'm not against the age difference, but at least read my profile so I don't feel cheap. Lol. On my side I'm hoping to have a date Wednesday night.

It's freaking hot as hell here today. In the 90's and a bit humid. I was going to see Iron Man 2, but I figured another week or two and it would be at the bargain house. So I went to see Alice in Wonderland there. Even though it did have some interesting moments it wasn't that great of a movie.

Still no word from my ex on Eric's visit. Tomorrow will be the reminder text or email. This is always the pain part. However as I'm always reminded. If we had good communication we'd probably still be together.

Future Wedding Bells

If you don't know me than know that I think a lot. Some will say that I think too much which may be the case since I use to not think at all. So I'm still trying to get my sea legs in life. Looking at the incident with Kitcat I'll still mention special dates in the future with women. For me, recognizing and celebrating special times helps me to enjoy life. I know if I don't celebrate the fun times, I'm sure to focus on the bad times which is no fun at all.

Yesterday Secret Agent man asked if any people had found someone special in the group. I informed him 3 of my friends had. Savant and Saturn girl just moved in together and Server guy is moving in with someone else from the group in June. After saying that I had to admit that I had that feeling you get when you realize all your friends got invited to a party and you didn't. Most of my closest friends from the group are or soon will be living with someone. Holy crap when did this happen? Is permanent bachelor tattooed on my ass somewhere? I'm happy for my friends, but wow the realization stings. The group was my connection to other singles since all my friends at the time were married. Is this slowly happening again?

On the flip side of this is my fear with engagement and marriage. While I want to one day have a ring on my finger again with someone special. The last time I did it, I truly didn't take responsibility for everything and it was a miserable time. I know that I'm a completely different person than I was then, but until I talk about all this. I'm not going to purge it from my system.

I've mention this before with my dating in the south. Women down here are Amazons. When I was in NY I would say the average height for a woman was 5'2". Down here I would say 5'6" which is my limit. Since it allows the woman to wear 3" heels and still not be taller than me.

My activity online has gotten me some emails which I'm happy to see women taking the initiative. However they haven't been matches since I know I'm not what they are looking for. So it's a quick email telling them this. I know I like to know if it's not a connection and if I can't do it, I can't expect someone else to do it. I have a few nibbles from my own emails and I'll let you know how it goes.

On a side note. Still no word from my ex about Eric's trip.

A Blip on the Radar

I'm being reminded that grieving is like a boomerang. Just when you think it's out of sight it comes back into view. I'm going through my day and every once in a while Kitcat will come to mind. It's really not that bad feeling wise, but it's a bump in the road. I did make myself go on the dating site where we met yesterday mostly to let go of this "what will she think" feeling. It's crap since I'm not the one that did anything wrong. Didn't contact anyone since I'm not in the mood to do that yet.

Well it's been a record week here in the office for which I'm grateful for. While I'm still in debt, my bills have all been paid and I still have my Eric vacation money intact. Now it just needs to stay that way for another month.

So this year I'm doing something for Father's day. Usually it's just another day for me since I don't see Eric to the following week or two. This year in the back of my mind I figure I'd have Kitcat to spend the day with since I knew she wouldn't have her son on that day. However since that's not to be. I got myself the concert ticket special today of $10 for the Lynyrd Skynyrd/Brett Michaels/38 Special concert on Father's day. I made it a singles event and we'll see what happens, but at least I'll be doing something special for me.

That Which Divides

I want to thank everyone for their kind words. Last night I did sleep better than the previous 3 nights which I was fuming a bit. I got some view points from L and Shah on my "happy 2 month" statement with Kitcat since they are polar opposites. Both agreed it could be a problematic statement since it would show where both of are at. Having dated L I knew she would have bolted to since she is a player and any form or relationship is terms for dumping. Shah likes to celebrate all the "moments" in a relationship. We both agreed it didn't have to be presents, but acknowledging it was big. So I was a little sad for having said it, but no regretting it. I know what really broke us up was lack of communication on Kitcat's part. I've seen it in the two months I've known her. Stuff connected to her survival she took care of with a ferocity. Other things that were important, but rough to deal with she pushed off. So I got to see where I stand. I've always known that it's not the fun time that defiance a relationship. It's the shortcomings that do. Communication and intimacy are huge with me and not having any willingness to work and use them doesn't do it for me. So with that it was easier to just let it go.

I will say that Kitcat did text me yesterday to let me know how she did on her test. I waited about an hour to congratulate her on it and that was it. When the text arrived I freaked out. I still drop back to the mindset that I don't know what to do. It's a strange place to be. I've survived so much through my life and I have to admit I didn't know what I was doing, but I got through it. Yet that fear still survives. Once I sat still for a moment I was able to get back to my senses and regain my serenity. However that was it of the communication. I have a funny feeling she'll text again when she is free and is looking for something to do.

Shah told me something many of my female friends have said before, "no more crazy women." I have to admit I still can pick them. My picker is still screwed up in finding someone wanting the same things.

I do have to admit I'm feeling awkward about starting my profile back up where I met Kitcat. It's the same old song and dance. It's not my fault, but I'm picking up the guilt and shame. Oye. I'll just have to do it and go with it.

On a good note. Holy crap is this a busy week at the office. It will be a record week with plenty to spare. Also tomorrow will be a record day if everyone shows. Now I'm just trying to catch up emotionally. I feel so busy in the back of my mind, but looking at the schedule I still have blocks of free time. So I'm just adjusting to this new level of activity because if I don't I'll sabotage myself into getting slow again and I've worked to hard to do that. However it's happened in the past and its a road that I want to avoid.

Closing Another Chapter

Well after day number 3 of no call from Kitcat after I asked her to call me and she agreed, I'm closing this dating chapter. What's interesting is I started watching 500 Days of Summer the other night and I finished it last night. If you haven't seen it, I would highly recommend it. I really liked this movie when I saw it last year since there are plenty of relationship movies out there. However there are few from the guys point of view and even fewer good ones. Anyway one of the points of the movie is looking back at the relationship and seeing things differently. I can't say I see things differently, but I know where the derail happened. It was last Thursday after we had a nice night seeing other the day before. We were doing our usual texting back and forth. I wished Kitcat a happy 2 monthaversary. Yes I'm a guy that remembers all these little dates and likes to celebrate them. Anyway even texting I heard her stumble when I told her this. She became loss for words. While I'm hypersensitive to changes in a relationship I will rarely inquire about them which I probably should. I let the conversation just go on. Besides the blip of Kitcat calling me Saturday excited about being with both her boys on Sunday our communication has decreased.

What's really interesting is that what attracted me to Asp and Kitcat was their abilities to stand up for themselves. Kitcat more than Asp. However both of them just let the relationship just peter out. I'll never understand it. I'm having a hard time accepting being sad. I know its appropriate, but I just don't want to feel bad which is the norm for me.

No water again last night at the house which really sucked, but I did water the lawn myself. However I'm happy to report that it will be on this afternoon.

Do We Still Have a Pulse?

I'm not quite sure where I am with Kitcat which I find weird saying. Sunday she said she would call when she got home and I heard nothing. I had texted her twice throughout the day yesterday and got no response which doesn't really happen. Honestly I was a bit worried that she had an accident since we always have some level of communication. So I did call and text her that I was worried since I didn't hear from her and to let me know she was okay. She texted me back quickly that she was just getting home. She was going downstairs to get something to eat and would call me when she got back in. Nothing. All this makes me feel distraught and like I'm not initiating any more communication. Hey I can be 3 years old when I want to. So I realized this wasn't the emotionally mature thing to do. Today I texted her to see how her day was going and I got a response. Having struck something I went for the gold with asking if I could see her tonight. I got the list of reasons why she couldn't which were the same as last week. However then she was trying to squeeze me in for a little while. I wished her luck on her test today and to let me know how she did. Also to let me hear her voice when she had the chance.

In my natural state I bounce between polar opposites. Some of it is because I don't want to deal with unhappy feelings and the other is the way I grew up with both my parents being polar opposites. It was one of the things I was working on today in my hypnotherapy session. I wanted to work on my low self-esteem issues. So she helped me with my people pleasing and how I see everyone else as better than me. I tell you I walk out of there the most relaxed I've ever been. So far it's been easier to work with my patients without worrying if they're happy or not.

To add on to my mix of stuff. I went to wash the dishes last night and when I turned on the tap there was no water. So I had to get up extra early to hit the gym before my meeting this morning. It was actually even earlier since I needed to be there early this week. The closest gym I went to seems to not follow the same rules as the ones I usually go to in opening at 6-6:30. I was so pissed. Then I had to schlep across the city to the next closest to the meeting. I left work for Tone. We'll see what happens. The weird thing is that the sprinklers worked normally. If it was dark I could have just grabbed a shower out there.

Well if everyone keeps their appointments this week it will be a new record for the office which would be awesome. My worry is the second to last patients are a couple on Friday and they are known to reschedule 40% of the time. Either way it will be a great week and that's the way I'm going to try and look at it.

So far my off site appointment setting is working nicely. My patients are happier that I'm busier and I'm happy to have one less thing to worry about. My biggest thing is I'm trying to stay in my minutes plan for the month. I'm not using much up at the moment, but I just want to turn it on 24/7.

We're Live in 3 ... 2 ... 1

So I turned over the reins of control of my phone appointments to an outside company today. Let me tell you it took me a little while to do it. I'm into hour 4 of it and I love it and have no idea why I didn't do it sooner. I don't have to worry about answering the phone, I get a message letting me know when I did, and they make the appointment on the scheduler if it's a a patient. I forgot how good it is to have someone else do things. I tell you I never want to turn it off. The only bad thing is that while I'm forwarding my calls on my Blackberry, I don't get any emails on it. So occasionally I need to stop the forwarding to reconcile my email account to know if anyone has made an appointment.

I did make another appointment with my hypnotherapist to help out with my low self esteem. It worked well with my speaking fast which allowed me to work better on my anxieties. I'm hoping this next session will unlock a few more things for me.

Kitcat said she would call me when she got settled in last night, but nothing came of it. I figured when she texted me that it was late and she would probably pass out on the couch while her son got ready for bed. However I got no response so far today from my "good morning" text this morning. I'll try her again after my last patients and it calms down around here.

I'm tying for a record day again here. If my 11 month old patient was paying I would have said it was a record. However I let my patients bring in their infants up to 1 year of age for free. It was interesting to jump from an 11 month old to a 73 year old today. A little circle of life action going on.

I tell you that beach walk yesterday screwed me up something fierce. I awoke this morning so tense and stayed that way till I got adjusted a few hours ago. Then I wanted a nap, but I have that Mary Kay presentation tonight so it wasn't an option.

The New Porn

My beach hike with L today was on the brutal side. The tide was high so we were walking in the soft shifting sand. I have severe flat feet. As one of my patients said they're like duck feet. Distance walking always does a number on me and with the uneven surface today, I'm feeling it tonight. I tell you I don't know how I did valet for so long. The only thing I could say is that it was always a short run of about 2 blocks with a rest in between. I do remember the nights that I ran all night long that I could barely walk the next day. Tomorrow I know I'm going to be moaning and groaning as I move around.

Kitcat called me late last night. I originally thought she needed my help since she said she was stuck, but it turned out it was tunnel traffic. Being underground was messing with the reception. Her younger son was staying over her older son's place for the night. I had hoped that I would be able to see her, but it didn't happen. Kitcat apologized and knew we would get to bed quickly, but sleep would be a long while off. She was getting together with her boys early this morning to go to Busch Gardens. So I'm hoping to see her Tuesday night. Since she doesn't have her son next week I'm going to suggest going up to Colonial Williamsburg next Sunday. I know she's been wanting to go see it for a while. She use to work their years ago and wants to see the place again.

I'm still waiting to hear back from L's friend about the opening in her place. Hopefully I'll hear more mid-week.

Okay I haven't watched porn in a long time. I see their has been some changes in how they do things which is neither here nor there. The big thing which I've heard other people talk about is this spitting thing. WTF? Seriously WTF? Their is a whole industry of lubricants out there. So I can't see the reason for this when a woman is performing oral sex on a guy or when a guy is doing it to help in penetration. Is this some new fangle thing that gets all the young people hot and horny? Hey maybe I'm just getting old. Soon I'll be wondering where my social security check is and wondering why all the music is so loud.

Look and You Shall Find

I read about this all the time on other people's blogs and didn't think I would be in their shoes. I wanted to change my picture of Kitcat on her profile on my phone. I always mean to bring a camera to take a picture, but we seldom go out that it usually is a moot point. However I would like a better picture of her and maybe one of us together. Where is this leading you ask? Well I figured I'd go back to her profile and grab one of the others. There was a nice one, but she just wasn't looking at the camera. Anyhow I just searched her profile since I didn't want to log in and create activity for myself. It was easy to find her profile since it was active today. Yes I'm dating someone with an active profile. Not quite sure what to say on the matter really. I guess the biggest reason I say that is that I do trust her. Maybe sometime in the future I'll mention it. I'm not going to stalk the profile since that won't be good for me. Like all things I'll trust my instincts and go from there.

The Yin & Yang of Car Works

Yes finally after 2 years, and not really working on finding it, I've found the leaky hose that was causing my engine light to come on. Well at least I'm hoping so. It's been 24 hours and still nothing. With that I was extremely happy that I passed my car inspection without any trouble. While I do trust the place I bring my car to, I always worry since nothing is ever cheap. Hey you need a new Johnson rod, that will be $800.

I'm happy to report that it was another good week in the office and that I already have more appointment on the books for next week than this past week. Since there is always a conversation in my head here it is:

Positive me: alright a good week next week.

Negative me: yeah but 45% of that is Medicare which means not much money

Positive me: hey some money is better than no money.

Usually there is words about worry and keeping it at this level. However its not really saying anything.

So it's an improvement when positive me has the last word. I think I may call my friend the hypnotherapist for another session. This time focusing on my self esteem and confidence so I can have a better perspective on this stuff. While last sessions work on my anxiety wasn't a end all, be all. It did allow me to work on it better which is what she explained to me. The session would help me rewrite what I had learned when I was younger to make better decisions now.

Kitcat has been keeping me better in the loop with what is going on in her life when she has her son. We may not talk as much on the phone and even text are light. However I get the information that I need so I don't go all wonky. I hope she can work in a visit with me over the weekend like she said, but I'm not holding my breathe with it.