Man Up

Today was another outing to drop off invites. I didn't feel like doing it. I know it comes from a feeling of less than and a lot of "unsaid" shit in the back of my head. However I know action produces action which has been working for the office over the last week. So I did it. As always there is no problems since I'm just dropping the invite off. However I know I can build it up in my head. Shah asked if I was going to follow up with the doctors. I had to laugh. I'd have better luck getting Obama on the phone than any of them.

Today has also been manning up getting answers over the phone for many things. The Comic offered to do it for me, but like I told her. It was my responsibility to do it or suffer for not doing it. So first up was Verizon and where was my phone service since the guy was here Friday, couldn't do the job and said he would be back Monday. Come to find out the job was classified as finished. WTF? No service, no contract signed, no dice.

The other was my credit card processing people. I've been using the phone to authorize the credit cards. However no money has been making its way to my account. So I called to make sure it was working. Come to find out I need to keep my patients credit card numbers. Hmm I thought that was against the law. Anyway I'm going to need to track down 2 patients to get their numbers so I can get the money. Like I told the Comic today, "I have a penis and I'm not afraid to use it."

Getting a little disturbed with Eric. I called him again last night. He was very tired and didn't want to talk. I think like last year, getting back in the swing with school is kicking his butt. While I understand this I don't enjoy the pull away. However I hear this from most parents.

Drinks

Bit sad this morning. I don't like the end of relationships as you might know. Last month my business coach missed our appointment. First time ever. A week later I got a text saying that he had been sick and he would call me. I didn't show for our next meeting since I never heard from him. However he showed for that one. So the score is even. I texted him that we would just do our next meeting which would be today. However he's a no show today. I know as accounts go I'm his smallest, although I have been the one to stick it out the longest with him since he returned to the area. With a no show this morning I take it that its over. It's a pity party in my mind to and I'll call and leave a message later since it's always hard to get to him.

What this does is I have to pull out everything I've learned in the last 1 1/2 years and keep up with everything. Accountability is going to be the rough part. While talking to Shah weekly is a help she's not one to be confrontational.

L has invited me to to meet one of her friends tomorrow night. I met her a while back when she was dating someone who was an alcoholic. I'm not quite sure if she has learned anything from that, but I'll see pretty quickly enough when all of us get together tomorrow night after my dance lesson. The weirdest thing is that she has the same name as my ex. Not saying its a deal breaker, but it will be a bit weird for me. I almost dates another woman with the same name, but it never happened.

I talked with the woman I was supposed to meet last Saturday. Again she seems to be fun to joke around with, but I get the sense that it's just not a match. Whether we'll meet or not is up in the air.

That Which Divides

I want to thank everyone for their kind words. Last night I did sleep better than the previous 3 nights which I was fuming a bit. I got some view points from L and Shah on my "happy 2 month" statement with Kitcat since they are polar opposites. Both agreed it could be a problematic statement since it would show where both of are at. Having dated L I knew she would have bolted to since she is a player and any form or relationship is terms for dumping. Shah likes to celebrate all the "moments" in a relationship. We both agreed it didn't have to be presents, but acknowledging it was big. So I was a little sad for having said it, but no regretting it. I know what really broke us up was lack of communication on Kitcat's part. I've seen it in the two months I've known her. Stuff connected to her survival she took care of with a ferocity. Other things that were important, but rough to deal with she pushed off. So I got to see where I stand. I've always known that it's not the fun time that defiance a relationship. It's the shortcomings that do. Communication and intimacy are huge with me and not having any willingness to work and use them doesn't do it for me. So with that it was easier to just let it go.

I will say that Kitcat did text me yesterday to let me know how she did on her test. I waited about an hour to congratulate her on it and that was it. When the text arrived I freaked out. I still drop back to the mindset that I don't know what to do. It's a strange place to be. I've survived so much through my life and I have to admit I didn't know what I was doing, but I got through it. Yet that fear still survives. Once I sat still for a moment I was able to get back to my senses and regain my serenity. However that was it of the communication. I have a funny feeling she'll text again when she is free and is looking for something to do.

Shah told me something many of my female friends have said before, "no more crazy women." I have to admit I still can pick them. My picker is still screwed up in finding someone wanting the same things.

I do have to admit I'm feeling awkward about starting my profile back up where I met Kitcat. It's the same old song and dance. It's not my fault, but I'm picking up the guilt and shame. Oye. I'll just have to do it and go with it.

On a good note. Holy crap is this a busy week at the office. It will be a record week with plenty to spare. Also tomorrow will be a record day if everyone shows. Now I'm just trying to catch up emotionally. I feel so busy in the back of my mind, but looking at the schedule I still have blocks of free time. So I'm just adjusting to this new level of activity because if I don't I'll sabotage myself into getting slow again and I've worked to hard to do that. However it's happened in the past and its a road that I want to avoid.

Business Road Trip

My day started off nice with a phone call from Kitcat while I was still lying around bed. It was good to hear from her especially since we hadn't actually talked since Friday. She is still a chatty cathy and I got to hear everything in detail which I don't mind. I enjoy being brought into her life. I was hoping to see her tonight or tomorrow, but it won't be till the weekend. We talked about missing each other, but both of knew why it was happening. I'm okay with it, even though I may not like it.

My SIL was on the today show this morning. You can see it here. She's Karen. It was a pretty good piece on being in your 50's.

After many weeks of putting it off I hopped in the car today and drove up to the peninsula to meet some other chiropractors. I had been putting off calling for a long while now. However I liked Shah's idea of just stopping in. There were only 2 doctors close by with everyone else at least an hour. The first place I stopped in was very nice. The staff was very friendly, instantly remembered my name. After a few minutes I got to talk to the doctor who was a nice guy and we talked for about 5 minutes on little stuff. His office reminded me of many things we use to do when I was in NY. I have to review all that stuff in my mind to see what can be used here. The second place the staff blocked me from seeing the doctor. It wasn't as warm as the first place either. From what I hear he does a lot of business, but he may need to defrost his staff.

It was a nice ride up and back. I haven't been up there in a long while and I enjoyed the adventure. However I did have flashbacks of the long drive to see the Planner and Tech girl. Both of who were farther north than I travelled today. I'm very happy to have Kitcat close.

I knew I was berating myself at some level for not contacting the doctors before now. Since doing so today I'm ready for a nap. I forget how much energy goes into avoidance and rationalization no to do something. Now I'm relaxed and I'm feeling the toll.

The Long Hot Sun

In about 30 minutes I'm going to be on the beach walking with L. Not quite sure if I'm looking towards it since its 92 and humid out there. Yeah I know cry a river. Super hot heat and I don't get along well. I'm going to be a dripping mess when this is finished.

I was hoping to see Kitcat last night, but that never materialized as she tries to do the juggling act with all that is going on. I'm happy we've been talking. However I'm not quite sure if I should talk to her about this saying she'll do something and it never appears. Most of it is I'll call you when I finish xyz and it never happens. It came to my mind when she said she would stop by my office on the way to school to hang for a while. It never happened because she had to study which was okay. I think she has the intention to do these things and she just forgets when she gets really busy. Hard to tell what this is all about and if I should be worried or not. I guess time will tell.

It was one of those flux days of people stopping in, not showing, and rescheduling all day today. Not much I had in the books today happened like it should of. The one thing that did work was talking to Shah about business. We are making it a weekly thing and it was very helpful today. The funny thing is she reminded me of what I use to say to patients 9-10 years ago and it flowed out of my mouth like it was yesterday. I'll have to start using it nowadays cause it was very good.

I think I'm going with the everyday earrings for Kitcat. I'll try to remember to take a picture of them. Okay I'm off to enjoy my life of Riley.

Slow Ride

I finally got to catch up with Shah. We went to chiropractic college together and she's one of the few people I still keep in (semi-) regular contact with. Business and relationships are the usual menu of conversation. I was surprised at how much I've learned over the years about relationships when I gave her some advice with talking with her husband.

However the most interesting thing of the whole conversation was the last minute when she said that she understood everything I said. Since you know me from the written word and not the spoken one. I'm a bit of a fast talker. It was nice to hear someone I've known for a long time tell me I've slowed down. I still get that I'm talking fast when I'm stressed and running late, but for the most part I'm better. A couple of months ago an old patient said the same thing.