Growing up through grade school and junior high I had infatuation on a girl named Robin. How it started was a few dreams about her and it just took on a life of it's own. Now as a guy I wasn't making little hearts with are initials in it or such. However she stood in my mind. Also since we both have our last names starting with "V" meant we sat together a lot. She never gave me the time of day, but I am happy to look back and remember having asked her out to a dance of two. How I did it back then is a mystery. I don't remember any help from my Mom or bro on the subject. Although I do remember my Mom joking that I had a thing for blonds which was untrue then as it is today. When I moved out of the area I wrote a letter professing my love or something to that affect. It's one of those things you regret for your entire life. Although I never saw her again I always felt like a fool for it. That shame was like a large rock in my back pocket. Not killing me, but I always knew it was there and I would just shove it in another pocket when it came up. It's funny how I can keep things alive for decades when the other person involved probably forgot them long ago.
Well I popped that bubble years ago removing that annoying rock. However her name came to memory two nights ago since my friend Robin came to visit. A little twist of the soul came with it. When I pulled out my pockets again I saw that some residue was still there. That old feeling is that insanity of what didn't I do to make them love me? What could I have done more? It's an old tape. Very interesting to see it so far in the past and how it has colored my life. Even though I still can struggle with it, I'm happy that it doesn't dominate my life.
2 days ago