Going Sane in a Crazy World

My journey through life and the lessons I learn to help me grow spiritually.

Sane Friends

Talk to the Back of the Hand

Talking with Server guy last night about relationships had me thinking about the Planner this morning when I awoke. I realized I'm still looking to give my heart to someone. While I know that in itself isn't a bad thing I think I try to move things a long to fast. I want to get to that safe point. It wasn't safe growing up so I'm still looking for it.

I tell you I want to give the back of my hand to the person who said life would be easy. I don't know who told it to me when I was young, but I know I believe it in some sense. So someone had to tell me and that person deserves an ass kicking. I'll start interviewing people tomorrow to find out who it was.

It's a quite day here today. I did my usual get up, read the paper, have a cup of tea, and then go back to bed. So I feel nice and rested today for the week. So today has been a day of errands and now I'm at Starbucks getting all my pregnancy stuff done for the office. Since I don't use my extra room much for massage I'm going to add some stuff so new mom's can breast feed in there or change there baby. It won't be so hard so why not. It'll be a nice addition to the office.

Lastly, in this economy I can't believe how restaurants react when I walk in and want to schedule a happy hour for 20 people. I would think they would be getting me a blow job in the back room. It's a lot of people that will be spending money. It's earlier in the evening before the bigger crowds come in. Like my coach always say, "I don't know how businesses stay in business."

Picnics & BBQs

I had some more awareness today of what my business coach points out to me. Since this was the end of the month I finished up my stats and May was the 2nd busiest month of this year which is really good. However it didn't feel that way since my collections were not where I wanted them to be. Last month was a crap month for visits, but collections were excellent so I felt like it was a good month. My emotions drive me and all the work that I did this month that paid off I'm not feeling it. So it's easier for me to lag off and then I start on the up and down roller coaster again.
My weight loss patient came back today which I was happy to see. I was also happy to be able to use all my addiction training to help her with her stuff to help get her back on her wagon. It's a good feeling.
Then I was off to our annual BNI picnic. It was a lot of fun. I got to be on the radio again and they gave me a hat for all my hard work which was nice. It's kind of funny. Everyone knows me as this big networking person, however I'm a shy guy. Let me tell you I don't like these events with talking to everyone. I'm good with all the people I know and I know I do very well with the people I don't, but boy is it just a lot of work. The best person I met today was this old guy I thought of looked like Santa. Turns out that's who he is. He's a professional Santa Claus. It was pretty funny. A few people asked about Mt. Trashmore. Yes it was a city dump which they turned into a park. The big mound there is the big pile of trash.
Afterwards I headed over to Server guy's place for a BBQ. We hung out by the pool talking then cooked up some burgers. We talked about life and the different women in the singles group.
Now I'm home and I'm just beat. All the sun and fresh air has relaxed me and I'm ready to drop

Mmmmm BBQ

Well I'm trying to get my dream team going at work. What that would be is people/businesses that would refer to me. When looking over my book of everyone I know I didn't really have anyone which is usually my problem. So I had to dig around today. I found two midwives in the area that want to work together and will meet with the Monday. I need to rev up new patients coming in to get to higher levels with the office. In other words have a paycheck which would be awesome. I'm soooo tired of struggling.

I watched Shrek last night again. I always forget how much I like that movie. It was sort of Eric's first movie. He was 5 months old for Phantom Menace. This at least was something he could enjoy. I remember he really liked the Jimmy Neutron trailer. There were so many of them that he was ready to go by the time the movie started. We never made it that far into the movie. Anyway one of the reasons I forget about this movie is I still have it on VHS. Boy I shouldn't have said that to my friends. They were all over me to go DVD. I had to explain it so many times that I have many DVD's. I just didn't re-buy the stuff I had on VHS. Still have no reason to waste the money until it breaks.

Tomorrow is BBQ day. After work I have the BNI BBQ at Mt. Trashmore. I sold tickets for the event. They just gave me bracelets to give everyone I sold tickets to. Crap, what a pain. Now I have to haul ass after my last patient so people can get into the festivities. It should be fun and hey all you can eat hamburgers and hot dogs. Woohoo! Afterwards I'm off to Server guy's place for another BBQ. He's doing something more up scaled which will be a nice change.

Foot Prints in the Sand

Well the weather held out for L and me on our weekly hike. The clouds scarred most people away so the beach was wide open for us to walk on. Plus the tide had packed the sand down nice and hard which is a pleasure to walk on. We did get to watch a woman's dog try to get a sand crab. It was determined, but it seemed to know what would happen if his nose got too close to those claws. It was very funny to watch.

L is such a NSA woman. Now being on the other side of dating with her I see that. Especially when she talks about the men she sees. She doesn't want flowers or talking after sex. So I see where we parted years ago. I don't know why she still stays on Match. I would think there would be better places for her. As usual I find it interesting when she starts asking me my future plans of living, relationships, etc.

I was telling my friend Paul today that I can't believe I'm going to be writing to my ex tomorrow and sharing some of my struggles financially since it will affect me seeing Eric over the next few months until I finish paying my Mom's bill off. This the woman that would rake me over the coals with my sharing even though she wanted me to. So it's going to be strange. However she's been different for months now. My hope that this will go over well and will help us work together for Eric. She doesn't share with me much of what goes on there end. I usually hear that second hand from Eric. I guess this will be the litmus test to see how much of this "new" her is real.

Thursday Stuff

Well I got the confirmation today from my ex that Eric wouldn't be flying this year. The consensus was that he wasn't ready. His anxiety is better, but still can be problematic. While I see some of it while we're together, I think the bigger problem is not doing it. It will usually happen once a visit or every other. Usually he won't feel good and want to leave whatever we're doing. Personally I take it from life's point of view. It doesn't stop just because you do. So we usually just sit and relax and wait till he feels better which happens in a few minutes. Then he's back off to the races. Fear and anxieties aren't overcome by not doing. For me that just reinforces them. However this change in plans will mean that it will be a weekend visit for me. The double trip of getting and returning him to NY is too much money for me to absorb now.

I see that this week is reschedule or no show week. I haven't had one of these in a while. I forgot how much they suck. Reschedules aren't my favorite, but they're better than just not showing up.

Well hopefully the weather will hold out for a few more hours. It's Thursday and L and mine weekly beach hike. I'm not quite sure our luck will hold out this week.

Sweet Sleep

It's weird. Usually when I sleep with someone I go into a deeper sleep and have "finishing business" dreams. Dreams that I'm back at some point in my life that I made a unhealthy decision or that I was too young to do so. I relive that time in my dreams with me reacting in a more healthy way. It's weird I know.

I say this because last night even though I was alone I was in a deep slumber. I mean Lazarus level. I processed a lot through it, but I'm still not awake today. All of it I think comes from me finally letting go of the Planner. I knew when I was doing it I was jumping to the Photographer to soon and then it was just a circus ride of women. I made the decision then even knowing I was buying a ticket for these fun house rides which I'll end up going from woman to woman.
On other notes I finally got my prize from Singlemommyhood.com. Yes I know it's for single mom's, but I enjoy reading it and I've always enjoyed women more then men. Anyway it's Sweet Seductions. Woohoo! Now I just need to find someone to try these out with.

A Year Later

Okay I know you women out there think you have the monopoly on this, but I'm sad to say you don't. In 3 days it'll be a year since I met the Planner. I have to admit I'm sad. While I know now that we weren't a perfect match and the problems we had. I'm not looking to be back together with her. However besides my ex wife the Planner holds the spot of longest relationship. I know at a measly 4 months it's not much compared to 16 years, but no one has really taken that spot in my heart in the last year. So while I miss her I also miss being in a relationship with someone. I have to admit over the last month I've stopped turning my head when I see a car like hers in the area even though she lives no where around here. So I'm surprised that I still have this sadness all this time later.

Surprised Myself

Eric called me for his school project on the family tree. He had to focus on one country on the tree. His mom's side is all Irish and can easily be tracked. So he asked a few things about my Dad's side which is Italian. I have that tree all written down for myself when I was curious a few years ago as everyone is starting to die off. My Mom's side which is Filipino is more obscure. Her parents were dead before any of us came along. My older brothers knew her half sisters and brother. They were just names that were occasionally mentioned in passing. Honestly I met my first Filipino person when I was in chiropractic college in my twenties.

Anyway Eric was focusing on the Philippines for his project. Jeez I was impressed on how much shit I was able to pull out of my ass on the subject. Since I've been a chiropractor I've met and dealt with a lot of Filipinos. Hey they pervade the medical field. Plus now being in Virginia Beach, I think we have the highest concentration on the east coast, Jersey may have more. So I knew there were over 7000 islands making it up, the Chocolate hills, government, food, etc. The biggest problem was that he wanted names of people which I didn't have. I knew my Mom was named after her grandmother and I believed her last name was Aguilar. However her parents were a blank which he kept asking about. I don't think he could fathom that we didn't know.

Memorial Day

I tell you I can just sleep. I've slept really late the last 2 mornings something I haven't done in a while and it felt good. Too many early meetings lately have left me wanting more. It's funny I may still get my 8 hours, but when I get up earlier than my normal time it leaves me tired. My body is just set for a certain time.

Last night the singles and I met for the Funny Bone comedy club. It was a nice group since most people had never been there and their were many newbies to the group. I have to admit that we had to military women in attendance. No offense to any military woman, but usually not the most feminine looking. However these two were extremely attractive. The comics were great and it's always funny when they get people from the audience that are hilarious. The last comic Steven Burn grabbed 5 guys from the audience to make a boy band named Sausage Factory. 4 of the guys were good, but one guy nicknamed Prison Fuck Toy was soo funny. I thought the comedian was going to fall off the stage from laughing.

With the weather mixed I decided to pick a cheap movie for today. So we're off to see Paul Blart, Mall Cop.

I've Got a Feeling, A Feeling I Can't Hide

Did I ever mention I hate feeling "bad" feelings. I went to visit my Mom today and it was an off day for her. They were going to give her a nap when I got there, but they were like no hurry. So I did her nails and tried calling my brother, but he wasn't around. My Mom was a lump on a log today and not very responsive. So I left there feeling sad which is an appropriate feeling, but I don't like it. I never do and I know that sounds childish, but it's been a life long battle. My psych profile says I'm too sensitive. When I was first told that I was like yeah right. However the explanation that it's because I'm too sensitive and don't know how to handle my feelings is why I avoid them like the plague. I'm better with them, but we're not best buds yet.

Clubbing 2

Okay I'm a little more awake today after spending most of the day outside in the sun. So I remember more of the fun stuff from last night's clubbing. One of the most funniest things was that my friend Anna was starting to yawn so she asked her friend for something. The women were still chattering, but all the guys were looking to what she was going to get to stop yawning. After a bag was completely emptied out a Green Tea energy drink was produced. A small thing which Anna downed with a nasty face. What was great about this? Well 10 minutes later she sat back down at the table after getting a drink from the bar. She was chattering away so fast with different accents that we just watched her and smiled. I don't even think she realized what the hell she was doing. It was too funny.

I tell you once the place became a club the men's bathroom became a beauty parlor. I never saw so many guys primping at once. I felt like I was in the wrong bathroom. It was really weird.

The last thing I noticed is that people don't really dance in clubs. Singles just bounce around, some with better bounce then others. While couples the woman grinds her ass against the guys crotch. That was it. I expected better dancing for some reason. I guess from my time doing salsa and talking to other people who dance that it can really become a great thing to watch. Not last night.


I met up with my friend Anna tonight on her visit from Colorado. It's been 2 years since I've seen her. Most people there I didn't know or only met once 2 years ago. While Anna and I are friends it's a strange mix and it gets weirder with her friends. They're not bad people just we're different. Almost everyone smoked at the table and listened to black and death metal music. Not really my thing. It was interesting talking to the guys since we were just tourist at the party.
We all met at Guadalajara's which I knew from Happy Hour with the singles. They all wanted to stay until the place becomes a club at night. During the day and evening this is a normal restaurant, but at night it becomes a club. You know pay to get in velvet rope type deal. It was really freaking weird to watch them set this up and have people wait outside. It was very interesting to see women in there 50's hanging outside to get in. Can we say cougars? I did learn from one of the guys that read Cosmo that women in there 30's are termed Pumas and over 40 cougars. Hey who knew? This place just packed up. The owners got rid of all the tables and chairs and instant club.

Now I was never a club person growing up. So being 42 hasn't changed that or made it better. It's loud, hot, and an alien place to me. My ears are still ringing.

Sunny Saturday

It was a great morning in the office. If one patient hadn't cancelled I would have been booked solid which would have been a first. So number wise the week ended well, but collections were still down which sucks. Especially when I can almost see the surface and break through the debt wall when another debt comes due and pulls me back down. Getting tired of it and at times feel like curling in a ball about it. I just need a little more each week to start balancing out. I was looking around for a part time job, but the economy must really suck cause there isn't much there. We're a tourist city and for the last few weeks there has been no tourist jobs and we just went in to the summer season. WTF?
Today was the annual Strawberry festival. Each year I'm asked the same question of "why do you go to a strawberry festival if you don't like strawberries." Well there is plenty else to do. I've been going for 4 years now and this year they added a lot more. The dog show was one of them as was many more crafts. The usual pig races, food, and bands were all there. The singles and I had a blast, although I think I got sunburned on my neck. A spot I forget a lot until it's too late.
Tonight I'm meeting up with an old friend that is visiting from Colorado. A bunch of her friends, me being one of them are meeting for drinks. I don't know anyone which I never really like doing even though I handle myself in these situations every week. Just an old tape playing that I don't seem to get rid of.

Hello I Must Be Going

My first weight loss patient is doing well. 2 pounds in 3 days with one slip. The bigger change though is how she was dressed today and how she presented herself. How she was feeling about herself was much improved which was great. It was nice to help someone in a new way.
I have to tell you I'm really sick of Bluetooths. While they may make schizophrenics feel better that others are talking to themselves. It sucks for the rest of us. I can't believe that the users forget how loud they are talking and that having a conversation about someone standing right next to you is probably not a good idea. I stopped by Subway for lunch today and got stuck behind a lady with a Bluetooth if you're wondering. Besides her too loud conversation her comments about everything around her was really rude.

Surprising for a holiday weekend this was I think my busiest day and it's very busy tomorrow in the office. Sad to say it already looks slow next week.

What Friday Brings

Since I had game night with the singles, L and I cut our hike short. It was still a good walk and she was in good form. I'm not quite sure what the other night's sharing was all about. One thing I did learn is not to sit for a few hours after a hike. Yeow!

Game night was good. Half the group cancelled at the last minute, but we had a good size crowd. A lot of new faces so the chemistry was a lot different with people getting to know each other. I guess I would say most everyone had a very strong personality which kept swinging around the table.

I'm happy today is a busy day in the office, but I do have a complaint. Originally one patient switched her appointment late which was no big deal until all the late appointments switched to earlier ones. Now I have a 5 hour opening. Oye! I have somethings to get done, but I don't know how many businesses are going to give me the answers I want the day before a 3 day weekend.

Someone to Love

I see with the economy in the toilet everyone is trying to hook up or appear like they've hooked up. I found this over on List of the Day and I had to admit it was an interesting idea. It's the Imaginary Girlfriend. Women get paid to be an imaginary girlfriend. At the end of the paid period you two love birds break up. Now I'm really surprised they don't have this for women who get a lot more flack then guys on this. I did see an ad yesterday for guys for escorts for women and I see you ladies like your guys young cause I was way out of the age limit. I guess people's priorities are still sex and recreation.

Today is phone calls which I truly hate. The insurance ones are okay, but my lead generation ones are not. While I'm only on for 20 seconds unless they want to talk I'm just following up on people I met in person. I know it's a low self esteem problem. That I'm bothering them or imposing. I know most people don't care and some are happy to chat.

Tonight is a busy one with my weekly hike with L then I'm off to game night with the singles.

Knock Three Times

I did my weekly walk around of the neighborhood to meet more of the businesses and sign them up for our neighborhood group. My coach asked if I had went to all the medical places. I said yes, but found a big one that I didn't know existed. It was a very strange place. Half of the doctor's offices were closed and the rest said no to being listed in the community for free. It was kind of weird for them to do that. I drive past the building for 5 years now and didn't know what it was. Oh well to each there own. Everyone else I met was very nice.

So when I got back to the office it was thank you cards for everyone I met plus putting all there information in the appropriate places. It was a good time for me to do it since I had no one schedule. So someone had to walk in then. I was surprised it was the Destroyer and friend. She walked around my desk to hug me, but I shook her hand. They were cold calling businesses and saw mine so she stopped by. We talked for a little while before they hit the road again. However now my mind is running with her stopping by. She's an attractive woman, but my gut says trouble for me. I'm not saying she's a nut case, but I have the feeling we'll be oil and water. I'm very happy I nicknamed her the Destroyer since it keeps my mind in a better place.

Whip it, Whip it Good

Woohoo! I've got a 75% payment of all the members in the single group. There will always be people in there first 30 days that haven't paid, but much of the dead weight is gone. People still try to do it for free for some strange reason, but I guess that's just how they are.

I started my first weight loss client yesterday and it went well. I just feel very weird with it since I've always had a hard time gaining weight, never losing it. However I've dealt with enough people with addictions and personal problems to do this. The patient was very happy and excited. So we'll see how it goes.

I've been getting a lot of praise the last few days which has been nice. As usual for me it doesn't last long in my mind. Paper boy stated yesterday he still works to get to my networking ability level which everyone does recognize. It's not that hard to achieve just work and I think most people just don't want to do that last little "umph". The second one ties right into this. My business coach this morning stated that I was the only one really engaging the activities that we have all been setting up. So with that I was making a lot of contacts. I'm still waiting for this to turn into cash, but I know it's a process. One that if I can keep up will hopefully bring in a constant flow of patients.

I know in this economy everyone is happy that I'm doing the same as last year. I just need to do better to not be struggling so much financially and boy is it hard getting that extra inch or two.

Witchey Women

I don't know if I can set boundaries for a woman with none. While I enjoy hiking with L, I'm finding I don't need to know about the 3 different guys she's had sex with this week. Hey I'm happy for her, but I don't need to know. Gratefully she hasn't gone into any details. So I'm trying to figure out where I need to draw the line. It does bother me somewhat. While I'm not looking to hear stories from either sex, with us having a history I especially don't want to hear about it. I'm happy to hear about life and dating, but I'll skip the juicy parts.

I'm feeling sad for Inverse's daughter. She needs to do summer school for kindergarten. Inverse is totally not supporting her daughter with her school work. Things aren't being checked, corrected, or reviewed. Not saying that she has the ability to do it anyway. Plus the Mommy and me days need to stop since she's only in school half a day. The Landlord said he was going to have a harsh talk with in hopes that the cycle will be broken with her daughter of this ignorance.

It's So Logical

It was nice to be talking to a office manager for a medical office today. To hear they are struggling to in this economy. We both know ways to increase that, but don't want to be taking advantage of our patients. The newest stats are that 45% of Americans are cutting back on seeing the doctor. Oh happy days.

I tell you I miss having a woman in the house. There's just a different feel. I remember when I was in college and one of our suite mates fiance was staying with us for 2 months. Hey the place was clean and smelled nice. The Landlord does well with keeping the place clean and smelling good. However now with 3 guys in the house, we're just pissing all over the place (not literally) to mark our territory. Everything now has hard edges and there is no softness to balance it out. On a side note. Inverse's daughter was with us last night for some reason and the Landlord dropped her off at school today. On the weekend's with Inverse working and school and I know he sometimes covers. However she doesn't have class on Monday. He just stated last night he had no idea why he had her. Hopefully I'll get the full story tonight.

The Start of the Week

I want to know who made the torture device known as the word verifier for posting. Holy shit is that a pain. I mean forget it if you mess up the first time with its 6 letter. The next set is 12 letters using the LSD flashback font. I may have to choke someone with a biscotti.

I got to see OVDC today before she heads out Thursday for her honeymoon. I think it's smart to wait a few days before your honeymoon. I remember when I got married. I was so emotionally drained the next day I didn't want to do shit. It was funny talking to her as she asked questions about stuff. I remember that. There is so much going on that you can't take it all in. The funny thing was that she asked if the single women hit on me or not cause she heard that happened a lot Saturday. I told her that I was pretty much younger than all the single women. The women that were my age were there with someone.

It's been a slow start to the workweek today. The rest of the week is slowly filling up. I learned when doing my last flier that make the sale big to get people in since I have the room. So far its working. The other thing is that I totally forgot that the silent auction for Hospice care was yesterday and I gave away free stuff. So I was a bit confused when a lady walked in today with one. We had a good talk and she's scheduled for tomorrow. My first person for my weight loss program. Hopefully she won't be the last.

It's weird. It was a weekend of relationships and talking about relationships. I'm not hankering for one. I'm just wanting sex. I must have a screw loose somewhere.

Soggy Sunday

Well it was a wash with the singles and the art festival. It's been a wall of water out there all day. So I changed the event to indoors and we played pool. Well only Server guy showed which worked out really well. He's normal and one of the few other guys in the group who is outgoing like myself. So it was nice to talk to someone about the different women in the group who actually knows them. We both said WTF to the Photographer kissing us both at the last Happy hour. He likes her and may ask her out. So we talked about that for awhile. I gave my two cents without revealing anything she told me in confidence. We talked about dating in general and it was nice to talk face to face with another guy about this stuff. I talk to friends on the phone about this, but don't really have anyone local to do this.

Here Comes the Bride

It's been a while since I was to a wedding. A real long time that I knew the wedding party. A few years ago a friend asked me to go with her so she wouldn't be going alone. However I knew no one and I didn't go to the service. Knowing OVDC made it more personal and I've known her since she was married, divorced, and now getting married again. So I know the relationship history. It was a good and fun event. It was an older crowd and OVDC and her new hubby met performing blue grass music. So it was more of a country type wedding with people bringing covered dishes instead of presents to the event. It was nice and homey.
(This is her husband to be's grandson giving he away. She's not a cougar)

Many women I date ask me if I would get married again. I always say "yes", but not having been around a married couple for a while. It reminded me of the full flavor of being in love and being married. I know they always don't go hand in hand so humor me. It made a lot of things more real for me, like things that I've missed in relationships. I'm not going out and finding a woman right now, but I was reminded of things long forgotten.

The other thing that came out of today's wedding was that OVDC had invited her long standing patients there. Over the years I have softened my stand on separating patients from my life. All ask and depending on our relationship I tell them. However if I realized if I was getting married I would probably invite some which was a new belief.

My Adoring Fans

It's funny some people on Meetup sign up for so many different groups they forget what one they join. My memory is better than that. So when an old member tries to join again they get the message that it has been declined and that they need to pay there dues to be reinstated. This happened yesterday. His response:

"your a fuckin jerk buddy!!!!!!! I havent even been to one of your meetups buddy!!!!!!! All of the other meetups let a person try it out first!!!!! I wouldnt join your meetup if it was the last meetup left!!!!!! Your a tightwad prick who doesnt know how to run a meetup!!!!!!!"

Ooo I think I let a good one get away.

OVDC is getting married today so I'll be driving up to Gloucester for the event. I've never been to that part of the Old Dominion which isn't saying much. As always I have some anxiety about it since I will know no one there.

Won't You Stay a Little Bit Longer

My hike with L last night went very well. It was low tide and we were able to walk on packed sand which is a hell of a lot easier than loose sand let me tell you. Trevor the dog got to be unleashed for a while which wasn't a good idea since he took a swim in the bay and would need a bath afterwards. I got to hear all about L's dates with guys. I was just happy that I was in a place of friendship that I was able to obtain last week.

Lawn boy is no longer landscaping so I have no idea if a new name is needed for him. I guess I'll see what he becomes. He's been out at church every night so I haven't seen him since Monday.
I tell you these early morning meetings are starting to be a drag. This morning was my neighborhood business meeting. While I'm tired from it, I am very happy to be part of something bigger than myself. This movement is picking up momentum so I'm happy. Whether anyone else besides my coach and myself will do any work still needs to be seen. Like most things people are talking, but no one is doing anything.
It was funny one of my friends from college is on Facebook with me. I posted my recent beach pics and she emailed me wanting to know what I was doing to myself since I looked the same as I did 15 years ago. I personally think I look better, but hey that's just me.

Feel the Wrath of My Fuzzy Slipper

Carey over at List of the Day said it all. "I must be getting old." He was referring to Maxim's 100 hottest women. I relate it to most media. Who the hell are these people? At times I can't believe how out of touch I am with who and what's popular. I guess not watching TV and only listening to the classic rock station will do that to you. I did take a gander at the list and knew very few. I was happy to know about 50% of the top 10. Also I know when I read WWTDD I'm again at a loss a lot of the time of who these people are. I fear that soon I'll be complaining about young people swearing and wondering where my social security check is.

What's Your Name?

I went to a Seniors Task force meeting this morning. It was enjoyable, although I don't know if I want to join or not. I know that's only $10 year, but the real thing is do I want to put the energy into it. If I start something I like to work it, but I saw everyone in the room. I already knew the people I need to know in the room. Everyone else would be a luck of the draw if it panned out for me. The truly interesting thing was that this month's meeting was at the Memory center. It's an Alzheimer's and Dementia place for the rich. The living arrangements were very nice and they have a town square in the middle of the facility which is like an old town with old movie posters and other things of a bygone era. They are also the only facility with a liquor license so residents can get alcohol if there doctor approves. I was impressed. Someone asked the price and it $8000 a month. Holy shit!!! No wonder it's so nice. I just don't know who's going to be able to afford it for any length of time.

The weather has been great here, yet Lawn boy's company seems to have less business. It's very strange since he's still at home when I leave. As many of you know I don't get up early so that's saying a lot. Hey it's the Landlord's problem.

Hopefully the nice weather will hold and I can hike with L tonight. I already worked out at the gym today so I won't have to worry about it tomorrow when I know I'm going to be dead from the beach walking.

The Specialist

Well today was my big day on the radio. I finally figured out what to say. It was a lot of fun and the host and I joked around a lot. They're behind in archiving do to problem with the server. When it becomes available I'll post it so you can listen if you like. Right now I'm trying to come down from the high of it. For me I'm always trying to regulate my energy since it can spike and valley with how I feel. The extremes are always a problem for me.

Besides all of this, it's a good day in the office. However I'm tired. I awoke early then fell back to sleep so when my alarm clock rang I was deep in sleep. I hate when that happens since I drag for the day.

I tell you it's weird having 3 assistant organizers for the singles. I'm so use to doing 3 events a week and now I can relax, but still plenty of events are happening. It was funny when I got a email from a lady wondering if we had any events going this week. I think we have like 10.

Free Falling

Well I have 24 more hours till I'm on the radio. It'll be an experience, but I still don't have what I'm going to talk about planned out. I had hoped to drive people to my website, but I'm having a hard time getting a email sign up button installed. I use to use the websites, but it's not worth the money. So I'm using another site, but for some reason they can't hook it up do to the flash. Whether this is true or it's sour grapes is beyond me. So I might just be talking about the office.

I'm teaming up with HHC lady to try and get more from the senior market in the area. While it's not a lot of money for me, it would help fill the holes in my day until I can install higher paying customers. For HHC lady it's her main business so she wants a doctor on her team. My problem is that I can sense she's codependent and as always I love a crazy chick. I'm happy to say that she's married so I have a natural barrier against asking her out.
Speaking of crazy chicks I do miss Phili. I realized this last night. While she was very wacky, we did get along very well and joking was big between us. So I miss that camaraderie at night.

Doing all this extra networking by going out to meet business people in the neighborhood had tired me out. So I think I'm going to leave work early to grab a Starbucks and veg out. So I can go home and think of my script for tomorrow.

Cold Rainy Monday

I jinxed myself today. I had a record day going I thought, but I wasn't quite sure. So I looked up my old stats to see if I was correct or not. While looking it up I thought to myself I'm jinxing myself by doing this. However everyone still coming was very solid. What happens? A couple that is always there didn't show. I was pissed. I couldn't believe it didn't happen.

I tell you I hate walking into doctor's offices that perpetuate the stereotypes. Over the last week I've walked into a lot of doctor's offices in my neighborhood in an attempt to have all the businesses work together. Since I'm the doctor I've been doing the medical side while my coach has been doing more of the retail side. I've met some very nice doctors and office managers. I've also met those that didn't really care. However my last stop was very different. It was a mill. Besides that I could smell the sickness in the air, it was just a depressing atmosphere. I talked to the front desk staff and I was told to wait. Then one came to me and told me to have a seat. I knew that was trouble so I stood next to the wall. Psychologically, sitting while the desk people stand puts them in the place of power and I wasn't giving it up. So I stood there and watched them and they avoided my eyes. I knew I was going to get pissed so I gave them 3-5 minutes for there office manager to get to me. Out of about 20 places this was the first one I was treated this way. When I had had it I just walked up and waited to be attended to which took sometime. I gave them my card and told them to call me. Some people just can't break out of the mold of being in control with people that walk in the door.

Lawn boy seems to be settling in. It's a different dynamic in the house will all guys. It's been a long time since I've lived in this kind of situation. Actually it was 15 year ago when I was in college. I tell you I find myself feeling like a pack animal and the need to prove my alpha maleness. It's weird and I don't know how to express it. Women just seem to slip into there separate track. They probably are jockeying amongst themselves. However now I find myself in that position and it's a bit of an eye opener.

Mother's Day

It was finally a completely dry day here in Virginia Beach which was a nice change. I went over to visit my Mom for Mother's day. Like an old car I see she still needs to warm up to before she's communicative. Once I got her outside she answered my questions about whether she wanted to sit in the sun or shade. Did she want sunglasses or not? Did she want me to do her nails first or call my brother? So it was nice. I did something I haven't done in a long time with her and that was take a picture. I don't know why I went back upstairs today to get my camera. She's changed so much in the last few years, I like not having hard proof of it. It's probably why I never ask if she knows who I am. In my Mom's usual fashion she fell asleep when I was working on her nails and trying to stretch out her fingers.
As many of you know I'm on Facebook. The newest sensation is Living Social which asks for your Top 5 pick of stuff ie. music, movies, books, etc. One thing I keep getting asked is what are my Top 5 things I would buy if I won the lottery. I have to really admit I'm pretty stumped. I'm not a materialist guy and having objects really doesn't do it for me. Besides a place to live a good DVD is the only thing I can think of. My friends are like cars? I only want a car that doesn't break down and is reliable. So this may take some thought.

Well in 3 days I'll be in the radio and I still have no idea what to say. Since it has no shelf life I have to focus everyone to my website to hopefully capitalize on it.

What's Been Happening

I tell you it's funny, just like dating sites, members sometimes use pictures that are probably from the 80's. So when they show up to an event they say who they are and I'm like "who". At least try to stay in the same decade so you look kind of the same. This happened at Friday's Happy hour. I'm the face of the group and everyone just looks for me. I look like my picture. This woman introduced her and I went through my mental inventory of faces and came up blank. Then she said her name and my brain came up with "can't compute" since a lot of time had passed since her picture and reality.
Yesterday it was off to see the new Star Trek movie. It was good, not great. The biggest problem I had with the movie was there was no camaraderie between characters. They were all just a bunch of individuals doing there shtick. While that worked 40 years ago the new writers were trying to scrub all the old stuff clean to start afresh. I think the scrubbed to much.

Today Lawn boy moves in with us. More to follow.

I've been finding myself biting my tongue not to ask women out. Since money is really tight and I'm focused on business and Eric visiting this summer, dating has been moved to a lower priority in my intelligent mind. However everything else is going through dating withdrawal. In a way I know it's good for me. At the moment dating isn't optional and I want it to be when I'm in dating mode. I make less mistakes and get a better class of woman.

Playing Those Mind Games

I swear my ex girlfriends are fucking with my mind. While I've come to a point of serenity with L she still does and say things to make me wonder if she wants to get back together again. Like I've stated before I think she doesn't want me, but doesn't want anyone else to have me.
At our Happy Hour tonight the Photographer was there. She hung out next to me and wondered what was up with this L. I told her our history and what was going on. The Photographer said that she comments on everything of mine like she's dating me. So I told her my theory and in her usual way she told me to tell L to back off. Throughout the evening I'm trying to pick up hints if her and Game boy are still together. It's just a theory of mine and I was looking for confirmation. I never really got it. All the information would fit on both sides of the chart. The really weird thing is that she leaned over and kissed me on the check out of the blue. Not once, but twice. WTF? Again I'm not looking to date her, but I wasn't the instigator in the breakups so I still have a torch for her too.
Who else is going to start sending me mixed messages next? I know it won't be Inverse who I saw there tonight since she works there. The interesting thing is I know what she wants and I'm truly not interested in her. It's weird. She's very attractive, but it doesn't do anything for me.


I think I need to plan my week out better. While I enjoy hiking with L, beach hiking is rough on the body especially my legs. I was planning on going to the gym this morning like usual, but when I awoke I knew that it would be a waste. I'm just too sore to get a good work out. I was happy to fully shift L into a friend last night in my mind. It took some work. Like usual, every time I become reactive I have problems. While I didn't want to date her again, I was waiting for some kind of conformation which way she was going. What I always have to remember it doesn't matter what she wants. I have to be firm with what I want.

Yesterday was another day of walking into doctor's offices and introducing myself and getting people on board for our neighborhood business group. My skills are increasing and it went better than the day before.

I'm excited to see the new Star Trek movie tomorrow. The weird thing is that many women in the singles group have RSVP'd no. I expect that. Most said they were already busy or it wasn't there kind of movie. However no guys have RSVP'd. It's really weird. I have no idea what's up with that. I'll ask around tonight at our monthly Happy Hour.

Phili Exposed

In cleaning up her room the Landlord found Phili's expired registration for her car. When I had asked what her last name was a while ago he couldn't fully remember and I never followed up. So seeing the registration I saw her last name and Googled it. I was surprised how much stuff had her name. I know she did a bunch of plays, but she did some kind of movie in Philly so her name is on every movie site out there. I even found little videos of her acting. Boy was she young looking then which wasn't that long ago. What I did find that was interesting that I didn't know about, but the Landlord knew some was when she took her son to Florida. I guess the custody agreement said the child couldn't be taken out of state. She was arrested by the FBI and given 5 years probation. From what I could get is in that time she wasn't able to see her son. It's also what started her moving around. Interesting stuff.

Lawn boy is suppose to be getting his key to the house today. I haven't met him yet, but he's 25 and from Massachusetts. He's given up on his business degree and is working landscaping now. He offered to work minimum wage on the yard to be taken off his rent. The Landlord said that was a big thing in deciding if he would be accepted or not. He'll be taken Phili's old room so I have a neighbor again.

People are Strange

I'm doing a walk about today. Actually inside the medical building around the corner. I'm doing it for 2 reasons. One for our neighborhood business group so that we can all band together and help each other out in these tough economic times. The other is to hopefully get patients at some point. We the group is offering is a free directory that we are having delivered to 2000 people in the surrounding neighborhoods. Plus the group disseminates any information that affects the neighborhood like the upcoming closing of the local hospital. Most people are happy to be a part, but some employees are just like I don't know. If you're not in charge that's okay, but have a way to get the information to that person. Don't look at me with the deer in the headlights look.

The second thing I'm doing is writing out "thank you" cards for everyone that met with me. Yes I said write. There's not much I hate in this world, but writing is one of them. My handwriting has gone down the shitter as a doctor and it's gotten worse in that I don't really write anything. Everything I do is typed. So a few cards and my hand is cramping up. I may have to find a high school kid and give them $10-20 to do a bunch for me.

The Long and Winding Day

I'm tired. I spent the first half of my day in meetings. First up was my usual Tuesday BNI meeting. It went well. Do you remember the character Pat from the old SNL bits. Well "Pat" walked into our meeting today. I held this comment in, but I had to share it before I had an aneurysm with it.

Right afterwards I had to zoom over to another meeting across the city. It was a seminar on Constant Contact which I use with my patients and associates. The interesting thing about being a chiropractor or maybe its just me is that I know people from there backs. Hey it's what I have conversations with during treatment. I mention this since as I was walking in I spotted one of my business neighbors from the back of her head. The bigger surprise was when I'm sitting down during the seminar and I notice up a few rows the back of the head of Aroma girl. I'm not quite sure if she ever noticed me, but I did notice her. I had to admit I felt a little uncomfortable. Although after I talked to someone about it I realized I didn't have anything to feel uncomfortable about.

Aroma girl was the first woman I dated for short period of time after my separation from my ex. She ended up dumping me since I wanted to wait on having sex. Yes I know me. Actually I think this is why sometimes I move fast nowadays.

Anyway I ended up leaving early so I could pick up a physician's scale for $20. It was a steal and I was happy. I then raced back to the office to see a new patient who had forgotten there appointment. She works in a doctor's office so I had hoped this wouldn't happen, but it did. I was able to reschedule her later in the day. However then all my patients were back to back and I couldn't get to eat. What made it worse was my last patient was late.

So I ended up hurrying out of the office to meet the singles for Gran Torino. I've been wanting to see this movie for a while and it was great. Even old Clint Eastwood still packs a wallop. It may have been a $1 movie, but boy did they screw me over on food. With tip I ended up spending $15 for a coke and wings. WTF.

Anyway there was no 3rd letter for Phili or cops banging on the door for her. I was surprised that she left as many clothes here as she did. Besides some personal affects.

Breaking News

Hmmm, let me think how should I state this.... should I relate how it played out or should I just get to the point? I'll go for the latter. Phili is gone. Shocked huh? Yeah I was. When I got home tonight I asked the Landlord if he had heard if had heard from her. So he pulled out two letters. Friday she had called and told the Landlord that she was going to McLean and wouldn't be back till Monday. She had called me and that same night asking if she left her hair dryer plugged in and asked a few questions about dinner. Anyway the first envelope had her key and was postmarked in Charolettesville on Friday which is no where near McLean. Oh yeah there was no note. However the second letter which was post marked Louisville, Kentucky on Saturday said that she wouldn't be back, that she would send the money owed, and that everything was okay. Yeah right, lol. The weird thing is that she left stuff here. While not much, she didn't have much to begin with.

So the Landlord is thinking of going only guys in the house again. However before that he's thinking of going to visit his family again. So that would give me the place to myself for a few weeks.

Well for me at least one problem has been solved.

Monday Changes

Since the ex and I have been doing well lately I texted her this morning on Eric flying down by himself. It would save me hundreds of dollars over the summer with bringing him back and forth not to mention the time. She said she would ask him and get back to me ASAP.

I'm on a mission to get my abs in better shape. While the rest of me is in good shape my abs have always been something I wanted better. With hiking with L every week and a bike ride another day I've covered my cardio which I knew needed work.

I seem to be getting better contacts this week. So I'm working on them as soon as I get all the contact information. I felt very popular this morning when I looked at the reports for my newsletter going out. Usually it takes 3 days for everyone to open them. I send out about 378 and 62 to get opened. However I'm already up to 55 on a Monday which was great. Hopefully new people will be opening them.

Other than that I'm trying to work on how to get the most out of my radio interview next week. Since there is no shelf life it's all or nothing.

What a Picture is Worth

Well welcome aboard my day in pictures. First off I head off to Mt. Trashmore for the Earth Day festival.

Black Bird Pond was playing there. They play original songs that are rock 'n roll. The lead singer sounds like Christine Hine from the Pretenders. I like them. I hadn't seen them in about 4 years.

The singles that were on time. Other joined us as we walked around.

Afterwards I met with L to go hiking on the beach. We're trying to hook up once a week to walk. She does it twice a day since she has Trevor the dog, but with me she'll do longer distances. As is normal its more fun to exercise with someone else.

It was a hot hike with intermittent rain. The beach was pretty empty of people except for an attractive woman that kept pacing up and down a stretch of sand.

Sunday in the Park

Earth Day went very well. I got to watch all the model boaters with there remote control ships while everyone got there. It began to rain about 5 minutes after we started walking around. We ducked under a tent to wait it out. It only poured for a few minutes then it was back into the sun. A few members turned in there plastic bags for a free cloth shopping one. We looked at and got in the Smart cars. I was making too many jokes to remember to take pictures of them. A second little shower had us duck into one of the covered picnic areas. I talked to a very attractive lady at the MS table. I was thinking of asking her for her number, but finances are not where I want them and summer is coming up with Eric's visits which have priority. Afterwards we stopped to watch the band. It was Black Bird Pond who I like. There a local band that I saw years ago. I saw more dark clouds coming so I left before they arrived.

Now I'm just relaxing and cooling off at Starbucks before I meet L for a hike. I think L is falling into that category of I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you. She flirts with me a lot. When we went to see that band a couple weeks ago I pretty much got a lap dance standing up from her. I usually push her then to see her answer and she never follows through. I think she just likes keeping me enticed.

Game Night

Woohoo. I finally got to play at the geek's table last night. Saturday game nights are usually very well attended so we have to split into groups. Usually its Game boy and myself heading the groups. However last night Server guy spoke up and took the group to another table. He took my normal traditional route of games. So I got to play some of Game Boy's games which are reminiscent of my gamer days. While the geek table is never the loud laughter table is was a lot of fun. Actually between Saturn girl and a new girl at the other table they were loud as hell and drawing a lot of stares. On a side note I think the Photographer and Game boy have broken up.
Today there having an Earth day celebration at the local park. So between the singles and my patients, we'll be attending the event. I heard it was a lot of fun last year. They keep saying it's going to rain, but still sunny. So we'll see.


So I'm working on my pessimism today. What was funny was that I felt very pessimistic after I got the results of my tests yesterday. Anyway I started with saying how it was going to be a good day. Boy that was a wet bag of cement to lift. The tapestry of my subconscious quickly unraveled as I realized how before everything I have a negative thought. Whether the phone may ring, interaction with person, the mail arrives, etc. I have this feeling something bad is going to happen and it will have been my fault. So low self-esteem strikes again. I'm use to tackling this problem after it happens, but now I'm working on getting at it at the source so I start looking forward to things. I may enjoy everything, but it's such a waste of energy to go completely negative and then climb back up to being positive.

Phili Free

When I got home tonight the Landlord told me that Phili wasn't eating dinner with us, but Inverse's daughter would be. No biggie, but when I got upstairs I saw her toothbrush was gone. Could she be gone for the weekend? When I asked the Landlord, he confirmed that she went up to see her bf (?) in DC. So I thought I was free this weekend until she called me to see if she left her hair dryer plugged in her room. It was no where to be seen. I answered questions about dinner and the such and then she was gone. Even a couple of hundred miles away and we're still talking.
It was a relaxing night. I ended up chatting with L on FB most of the night. We set up a hike for next Thursday after work. I don't remember how it came up, but she thanked me for brushing her hair while we were dating. I remember she use to fall asleep in my arms while I was doing it. I was surprised that she thanked me. I offered to do it for her anytime since I love brushing hair. She offered her driveway for me to park anytime I went down to the beach.

Hey I'm Off the Chart

Usually when you're off the charts it means a good thing. Not with an Attributional Style Questionnaire which measure how optimistic and pessimistic you are. I'm at a -1 which isn't even on the chart or very pessimistic. I know that's my history, but I thought I would have come up. Although I have no idea what it would have been years ago. China here I come it would be so low. I took the test since it does correlate with how you do with sales. While I do have hope I know my knee jerk reaction is that something bad will happen. I guess something else to work on harder. Too many years of being trained like a monkey that the read and green buttons both zap your ass.

One thing I realized the other day is that I still really have few close friends. While I now know more people than I have ever in my life. Close friendships are still few and far between. 10-15 years ago when most of my close friendships ended either because they were toxic or physical distance just separated us I was left to my lonesome. Since then I haven't formed many deep friendships. While I have a few, most of them aren't local which I miss. I guess that's why I like the singles group so much since it does get me together with other people. While I now have some friends, I wouldn't classify any of them as deep friendships. I guess like my friend Paul and I always talk about. We have many healthy hobbies, but they are all singular. So all I bond with are crazy people or geeks. What can I say.
Bummed I was hoping to go hiking with L over the weekend since we couldn't hook up during the week, but it's not going to happen. So we'll have to try again next week. In an attempt to increase my cardiovascular work I think I'll go biking tomorrow instead. Just like doing this stuff better with people. I tell you deep down I have this funny feeling that L and I will be together again somewhere off in the far future. I don't know why. She doesn't have a nurturing bone in her body, but belief wise we are right on. Who knows?

Crazy Is

With all that's going on with Phili I've been asked many times what's my thing with crazy chicks. I forget that I've been blogging for years and many people haven't been reading that long. The thing is my Mom was nuts as was my ex wife. Dealing with crazy women is like a pacifier for me. While I'll end up with diaper rash from it, it is a comfortable place. When my ex and I broke up our marriage counselor told me that there would be no way I would go from my ex to a healthy relationship. I've lived by those words over the last 4-5 years and 60-70 women later. I can spot the craziness a mile away. It's still very attractive and probably always will. Just nowadays I have a choice if I want to enter that insane world again. It's how the Destroyer got her name. She's very attractive, active, and I know she's crazy as a loon. While I haven't seen anything super tangible, I've seen little things that set off alarms inside me. If I lived in the same space as her I would be talking about her everyday instead of Phili.

The funny thing is also how I perceive things. I'm attracted to nurturers even though I've never really dated one. I bring this up as I compare Inverse and Phili. Inverse had a very sexual body and pretty much offered to sleep with me. However knowing she just uses people didn't make her attractive to me. While Phili is unbalanced and a attractive athletic body she is also a caring person. So she is more attractive to me. Not quiet sure where I'm going with this now except that I'm starving and need food.
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