The Long and Winding Day

I'm tired. I spent the first half of my day in meetings. First up was my usual Tuesday BNI meeting. It went well. Do you remember the character Pat from the old SNL bits. Well "Pat" walked into our meeting today. I held this comment in, but I had to share it before I had an aneurysm with it.

Right afterwards I had to zoom over to another meeting across the city. It was a seminar on Constant Contact which I use with my patients and associates. The interesting thing about being a chiropractor or maybe its just me is that I know people from there backs. Hey it's what I have conversations with during treatment. I mention this since as I was walking in I spotted one of my business neighbors from the back of her head. The bigger surprise was when I'm sitting down during the seminar and I notice up a few rows the back of the head of Aroma girl. I'm not quite sure if she ever noticed me, but I did notice her. I had to admit I felt a little uncomfortable. Although after I talked to someone about it I realized I didn't have anything to feel uncomfortable about.

Aroma girl was the first woman I dated for short period of time after my separation from my ex. She ended up dumping me since I wanted to wait on having sex. Yes I know me. Actually I think this is why sometimes I move fast nowadays.

Anyway I ended up leaving early so I could pick up a physician's scale for $20. It was a steal and I was happy. I then raced back to the office to see a new patient who had forgotten there appointment. She works in a doctor's office so I had hoped this wouldn't happen, but it did. I was able to reschedule her later in the day. However then all my patients were back to back and I couldn't get to eat. What made it worse was my last patient was late.

So I ended up hurrying out of the office to meet the singles for Gran Torino. I've been wanting to see this movie for a while and it was great. Even old Clint Eastwood still packs a wallop. It may have been a $1 movie, but boy did they screw me over on food. With tip I ended up spending $15 for a coke and wings. WTF.

Anyway there was no 3rd letter for Phili or cops banging on the door for her. I was surprised that she left as many clothes here as she did. Besides some personal affects.

Lets Talk About Sex

Every Monday I get together with the guys and we talk about relationships and other things bothering us. Yes we guys talk about this stuff. However it does take some work to get them to open up and it has become another thing I run. I don't mind since it's healthy for me.

After finishing Rachel Sara's book last night I got to thinking about my own dating life after divorce. While it will take 3 years and about 40 dates before I end up having sex with another woman besides my ex. I'm reminded by many comments from you all that I move fast in the sexual arena which reminds me of a story from one of the guys on Monday night.

His first major love in his life he worked very hard to make it happen. He worked long hours so that financially they would be set. She would cheat on him and break his heart. The major thing that came from this relationship was that he was never faithful to another woman again. He always struck first so that he wouldn't be hurt again. A pattern had been put in place.

Aroma girl was my first major relationship after my ex. At the time I thought she was the opposite of my ex, but looking back they had some similar qualities even though she was a step up. Anyway in that time I really wanted to wait for sex to build the relationship since we both had talked about how the relationship does change once sex has happened and agreed to wait. Next date she's dragging me into her bedroom. I stopped us and talked about us having agreed to wait. She dumped me the next day.

Even though it would be another 2 years before I meet L and have sex. She's very sexual and I toss out any pretense of waiting. I think a pattern has emerged in me.

The Planner stops me from kissing her on the first date with a very strong boundary. Looking back it broke my pattern which was good. Except that it was re-established when she came to my place on our third date under the pretense to play a game. She never brought it and made herself comfortable on my bed very quickly.

Tech girl and I would have had sex on our second date if I had protection. We were naked in her bed doing everything else.

So now I sit here wondering how to break this pattern. I've gotten much better knowing what I want in a woman. I have boundaries of things I will accept and not. However when it comes to sex I don't know. I know the benefits of waiting, but I allow my emotions to run this part of my life. Not the greatest choice since it's controlled by my hormones.

What's your general rule?

In the Name of Love

I was going to text my ex, but I think I'll write a letter instead. Most would probably think it's "let me talk to my son" letter, but it's not. Eric is like me, physical touch means love. When we're together he wants to wrestle, a massage, or just to lie against me on the couch. I think that's what made my teenage years even more horrible. I was moved down to the bottom of the totem pole when my Mom's BF came into the picture.

Anyway I want to make sure he's getting enough at home so he doesn't go looking for it any place else. My ex and her family are not a very physical family. With me she went up and down, but it was always work for her.

This brings me to Tech girl. We texted back and forth last night jokingly until she asked if I wanted to call to wish her goodnight. So we talked a while. It was funny we both realized during the day how much we had talked and on topics that we don't talk to other people about. We both agreed that we tone down our talking to match the people in our lives and it was nice to not have to. Tech girl likes that I'm very easy to talk to which I've heard many times before. I think she really loves the quality time we had together. The problem for me is that she wasn't physical with me like she was Saturday night. This made me realize why I felt so safe with Aroma girl, Planner, and the Photographer. They were all physical women. Touch was big for them like it is for me.

I'll take the lead with Tech girl Sunday when we get together. However I have to admit this is a problem for me. Spontaneous love happens for up the first 2 years of a relationship. After that it's work to keep it going and growing. If it's not natural for you in the beginning will it always be a problem. I don't have any answers, I'm just more conscious of what drives me. So I'll have to see what happens.

An interesting thing was the end of our phone call last night was not the way she wanted or expected. I could tell when I was getting off. I had already wished her a good night sleep and I would talk to her today, but there was a pause on her side. Like she was waiting for something. For the life of me I don't know what.

Dating Profile

Since I had time today I sat down and charted out all the women I've dated since I separated from my ex. It was interesting to see. The biggest was Spa girl. I knew she was trouble, but DAMN was she hot and definite arm candy. Besides that my list is all negative traits. The other was the other end of the spectrum Law girl. While the most normal woman I've ever dated and all positive stuff, it was a small list. Chemistry was both low for us, but it was just such a new experience for both that we went out for a while.

The pattern I'm happy to see is less manipulative women than I use to be with. Aroma girl while a big positive in my life had a lot of unvoiced plans that she was trying to implement with me. L also fitted here with me being delegated to her boy toy.

I seem to jump back and forth from a non abused woman to an abused woman and back again. L, Spa girl, and the Photographer were all abused (physically/sexually). While the Photographer was the only one to recover healthy from it she still brought a lot of un-needed chaos into her life. I do relate to them the best, however whether that is a basis for attraction is beyond me. On attraction I have dated all different shapes and sizes, but I seem to be more attracted to an athletic build.

On of the biggest things I didn't want after my ex was a timid woman which I'm happy to say I've stayed on track with. Most of the women have had high initiative or were very socially active. L was the only one to buck this, but she made it up with a whole world of sex.

An interesting side note is that from Aroma girl who I dated 3 years ago to the Planner and the Photographer this year I didn't feel truly safe with the women I was with. I fell back to an old habit that I didn't even realize. I have to make sure I don't do that again. So I guess a list of things I'm looking for would be:

1. attractive
2. feel safe with
3. assertive
4. has goals
5. PDA's are big
6. sexual
7. good communication skills
8. fairness with paying

The Mighty Undertoad

Bonus points if you know where the Undertoad is from.

Well today I've had an undercurrent of fear running through me. I felt it this morning while praying and meditating. As the day has gone on I've felt its light touch coming again and again. At first I couldn't see why, but I know when I talk things out that it then sorts its self out. So I called my friend Paul like I usually do to explain my feelings.

I may have dated like 50 women in the past 3 years, but the point I'm at with the Planner is the first since I was married. Aroma girl, L, and Law girl had their moments, but looking back they were never a well rounded relationship. Probably why they died out early on. However with the Planner I can see it's going to go on for a while. There is a lot of potential there.

So now I'm reaching territory that I've not had to deal with since my ex. The Planner was asking the other night after our misunderstanding. So I explained to her that in my marriage any change from the norm was an opening for an attack/abuse. The biggest thing that pushed me to get better was my ex wife. The reason was to be able to deal with her and all the abuse. For some reason I'm finding myself having that fear of not keeping a certain stability/status quo in the relationship. It was such a humongous problem when I was married. The work now is reminding myself that the Planner is not my ex (thank God!) and live in the present.

So in my attempt to deal with this I headed down to the beach. I haven't done it in a while to clean myself out. It was nice. The smells of suntan lotion, brine, and the Beach itself were awesome as was the rays of the sun. I got to see the kids playing in the water, fisherman trying to hook the big one, Black hawk helicopters practicing maneuvers, and one guy trying out his hand at casting a fishing net. It was a nice time and a good reminder of why I moved to the area.

Sex & Love

I'm not quite sure what a stripper smells like. I only met one at my bachelor party and I wasn't that impressed. All I remember was the giant face of Jesus on her shoulder which as every guy knows makes you hotter than the sun. However I can't remember what she smells like which is probably a good thing since I would only remember a bad smell after all these years.

One thing I was realizing last night was that I haven't gotten much love back from the women I've dated. My ex was good with it for the first year of dating, but it had decreased a lot by the time we married. Don't even ask. The only other woman was Aroma girl who helped me heal a lot after my divorce. Not quite sure where I'm going with this, but as I look out there for women to date I need to make sure this is in the mix. I can easily fall back into I'm use to not much so it's okay. However it's no longer okay with me. Also I have to watch out that I don't fall for just a pretty face.

Tale of Two Brendas

As most of you know I sent a Christmas card to Aroma girl (Brenda) who I had went out with a while ago. No still nothing, but not the point here. Anyway I met another girl over the weekend named Brenda. One door closes another opens. I asked her out for Starbucks and we'll get together later in the week. The interesting thing is that she is short about 5 feet. No problem for me, but different since I've been down here. When I was in NY most women were about 5'2" and I got use to it. When I started dating down here I was amazed that most women were about 5'5"-5'6". I felt like I was in the land of the Amazons. So it stood out when I met her. If we make it past Starbucks she'll earn a nickname.

Not much going on here. Usual day at work. Since it is a dead day for non retailers I want to see if I can get new tires on my car. They were dead on the way in so I'll hopefully drop it off later.

Tis the Season

Tis the season for a hard on I see. My spam box has been stuffed with Viagra and enlargement missives. Did everyone get randy on seeing all the Christmas balls hanging around? Or is it that with the coming holidays guys expect to get lucky as part of their holiday presents?

The weirdest thing here is that the radio voices of Santa and the Elf are done by the same two people. Now for most you wouldn't think this would be a problem when you hear these two talk about billiard tables. Not too bad when they then talk about chimney cleaners, but then they start talking about the Love Shack. Ho, ho, ho that's more than a candy cane stuck in your stocking.

Work wise the doctors across the street referred another patient which is great. Hopefully the other 4 doctors there will join in. Besides that it is nice to just pay bills and not be worrying if I have enough money to get a Happy Meal.

No response from Aroma girl yet. I'll give it till tomorrow before I let it go.

Sunday Movings

Well I finished moving all the big stuff over into storage. I was pissed that I broke one of my Franklin Mint James Bond plates. Happier that I caught the box and only one fell out. Sad that I can't find a replacement anywhere on the web. Over the next few days I'll organize the room into how I need it to be. I did make a purchase today of 3 waiting room chairs. I've been using nice folding chairs, but this was a good upgrade. The guy said they were light gray, but they look tan to me in the office. However I know I'm color blind so I'm not the best person to tell. He found one more which would work out really well, but I want to make sure they match with the room.


Tomorrow should be the day I get a response from Aroma girl, Tuesday will be the latest. After that I will let it go. So here's hoping.


Boy it was strange to budget money for a month. I know how much I'm making since tips are always all over the place. Boy I forgot how fast money goes. However now I'm no longer driving in the dark with my personal finances. I did that with my business a year ago and it worked out really well this year. So I'm going to continue growing in my financial maturity.



I don't know how Christmas sales are going this year, but sales suck. I was able to get Robots the movie for Eric cheap today. He likes the video game so I'll give it to him for his birthday. Yes I'm already stockpiling for next year. Hey what can I say.

Taking Care of Business

Well today I started making the changes in the office today. I rented a small storage unit down the block to put my boxes and decorations that I store in the office. This will allow me to open the other room for office stuff. I need more space to do everything. I always have one or two piles around my desk and I know it doesn't look the greatest. However it allows me to get everything done. So I will spend this weekend rearranging the office. I've also decided to get rid of some of my books. I've kept my paperbacks for a while now, but I will widdle the amount down.

I've just returned from talking to the medical doctors across the street from me. This has been a major coup. Theirs 5 doctors their and they can refer a lot of business my way. They were happy to take my cards since I've helped one of their chronic patients out.

In a little while I'm going over Send Out Cards. It's a business that sends cards out for you. You do everything online and they do the work for you. Right now I have postcards to send out to everyone, but their getting low and my handwriting sucks. So this will save me from buying more, postage, etc. Plus I can keep changing it up with their large selection.

My friend Tina said to think positive with Aroma girl, but that is hard for me. Yes I'm a little kid with this stuff. If I think positive I started getting all these expectations and my hopes rise. So I don't do anything to protect myself. Not the greatest system, but still a work in progress.

The Word is Given

Patients keep referring patients. It's weird to have them come in and say you've been highly recommended. Wow who knew? So with the office going for a record week I went into pizza tonight and gave my notice that next Friday would be my last night. My manager was like usually you give 2 weeks notice. In my head this is 2 weeks. Wednesday starts my week and Friday ends it. If it really is a problem you can fire me now so I don't have to come back. However that didn't work.

So I picked up some pine garland, ornament, and dug out a string of lights to decorate my room. The one foot tree wasn't doing it for me. I need lights. I love sitting in the dark looking at them with the Christmas music on. Tomorrow I'll need to burn a Holiday music CD since all my music is in the office.

Well Aroma girl must have the card by now. I'm working on not having any expectations. Although a good breeze would quickly get a fire going. So I'm trying to keep my mind open.

Oh yeah I have one good pizza story for you. I'm inside and Car girl comes in with this large bag of trash. You know the ones that they use for a McDonalds garbage can. It's full! I ask her if that's from her car and she says yes. She has a tiny freakin' car. How can you sit in such filth. It reminds me of the time I hopped in the back of my friend Dan's car. You couldn't touch the floor for the amount of trash on it. I kid you not. It had a cup of half eaten ice cream sitting there on the floor. I feel bad when I have crumbs in my car. And yes I have seen Dan's bathroom and yes his toilet needs to be shaved.

Tales of Brenda

Since there seems to be a buzz about Brenda and I dated her before I ever started blogging I’ll go into some background to hopefully answer everyone’s questions. From now on I’ll call her Aroma girl.

In the summer of ’05 I was separated from my ex for a year. At that time I realized that I had reached all the emotional growth I was going to have on my own. Only in interacting with others would I have myself pushed and be able to better myself. I hadn’t dated in 16 years and I was extremely rusty also I was never a good dater before I had met my ex. Anyway I decided to try Match. It worked out well to get me back in the swing of things.

Aroma girl was the second women I officially went out on a date with. She had a great smile which I’m always a sucker for and the first woman I ever dated with short hair. Aroma girl was a massage therapist and a specialist in aromatherapy. Our relationship was like that Seinfeld episode because I gave more massages than I ever got. However I did get a lot of praise for my hands.

As I’m a feet first type of guy I asked her to go out a lot. She loved my spontaneous attitude of doing different things all the time old movie theaters, walks on the beach at night, thrift shops, yoga, etc. We did a lot. Aroma girl also liked that I was able to express my feelings which she never knew a guy to do.

It was a good relationship and she helped me heal some of the damage I had done in my marriage. The best thing we had was communication. We talked about anything and everything without fear. It was a beautiful thing.

We never had sex which was funny, well at least to me. We were making out in the car on our third date and she stopped to say that she wanted to take her time. I was all for it since I was still getting my dating legs. She was very happy about that. The funny thing was that she was dragging me into her bedroom on the next date. I was able to get enough blood to my brain (Imagine that) to say I really needed more time. We talked about it and agreed to wait some more.

That started our derail, but I had so much going on in my life at the time. I was having problems with my landlord in both business and home, divorce was still in the process, money shortages, etc. I see it now when I talk to Spa girl and all the drama. For me it was an everyday thing.

Out of the women I’ve gone out with only Aroma girl and another lady were able to talk to me about breaking up. Like I told Aroma girl I wasn’t happy, but I was okay. She asked why and I told her because I knew and didn’t have to try and figure anything out. It’s such a big thing in any break up.