Dating Profile

Since I had time today I sat down and charted out all the women I've dated since I separated from my ex. It was interesting to see. The biggest was Spa girl. I knew she was trouble, but DAMN was she hot and definite arm candy. Besides that my list is all negative traits. The other was the other end of the spectrum Law girl. While the most normal woman I've ever dated and all positive stuff, it was a small list. Chemistry was both low for us, but it was just such a new experience for both that we went out for a while.

The pattern I'm happy to see is less manipulative women than I use to be with. Aroma girl while a big positive in my life had a lot of unvoiced plans that she was trying to implement with me. L also fitted here with me being delegated to her boy toy.

I seem to jump back and forth from a non abused woman to an abused woman and back again. L, Spa girl, and the Photographer were all abused (physically/sexually). While the Photographer was the only one to recover healthy from it she still brought a lot of un-needed chaos into her life. I do relate to them the best, however whether that is a basis for attraction is beyond me. On attraction I have dated all different shapes and sizes, but I seem to be more attracted to an athletic build.

On of the biggest things I didn't want after my ex was a timid woman which I'm happy to say I've stayed on track with. Most of the women have had high initiative or were very socially active. L was the only one to buck this, but she made it up with a whole world of sex.

An interesting side note is that from Aroma girl who I dated 3 years ago to the Planner and the Photographer this year I didn't feel truly safe with the women I was with. I fell back to an old habit that I didn't even realize. I have to make sure I don't do that again. So I guess a list of things I'm looking for would be:

1. attractive
2. feel safe with
3. assertive
4. has goals
5. PDA's are big
6. sexual
7. good communication skills
8. fairness with paying

Riding the Waves

Its' been an up and down type day and as always it's my attitudes.

Yes pigs are flying here right now. After calling every month for the last 2 years Aetna insurance finally has an opening for a chiropractor. It's the only insurance I don't have in the area. I know a few of my patients will be very happy when I get on. Hey I know I'm excited as hell. I even had to ask the lady twice to make sure their was an opening for chiropractors. It was like a round peg in a square hole.

What other fun has happened today. Spa girl showed up for some treatment. I really didn't listen to a lot of what she had to say since it was just drama in her life that I've heard before. I gave her some advice that she asked for. Couple of things I realized today with her. One is that she has breasts implants. She's lost weight and those puppies actually look bigger now which I know is physically impossible. The other is that she doesn't get that I'm doing something out of the goodness of my heart and not looking for anything in return. She's a person with a problem that I can help with and if some point she can pass the gift onto someone else that will be great.

Dealing with a complaint with my business group with one member screwing over another. While I would rather not deal with this kind of crap I'm not shrinking away from it which is step in a good direction for me.

I had a huge wave of where the hell is the money with a few days left in the month. I need at least 1 of 4 checks to arrive which will pay most of my bills. I may need to pull a ougie board out to find out where they are.

The Manchurian Candidate

Well still working to reprogram myself for success. For the last 8 months I've been wanting to update my prayers, meditations, and affirmations. Well this week I finally got off my ass to update them for the times. Now I have different affirmations for each day dealing with different aspects. I almost had to laugh doing the wealth and prosperity one. I couldn't say a few, it was that difficult. So after a few repetions I was able to get them out, so at least I know I'm on the right track.

Today I'm working on changing my negative streak. While I can do an accomplish a lot for others since it is tied in with acceptance and love. I have a harder time with a longer time line with myself. So I'm trying to look at it in a different light. Since when doing it for others it's for love and acceptance why can't it be the same for me. I know I could use more self love here.

The rest is catching all the little negative phrases I spout out and repeating it with something positive. Years ago I remember it took me a while to get rid of "life's a bitch and then you (marry one and) die". It's usually my standard of myself if I slip and say it again. I know I'm on the wrong track.

On another note Spa girl fell off the face of the earth again. I expected as much, but I will still keep to my values.

You Must Remember This

Of all the office in the world she had to walk into mine. Since the afternoon was light I headed out to Barnes & Noble to do some more research on Poverty Mentality. How this is going I will make a separate entry. I wasn't planning on heading back to office, but I was getting hungry and still had time before I headed off to meet friends. So who just happens to walk in my door?

Spa girl walked in. I wasn't to surprised since I knew at some point she would walk in. It was interesting seeing her and catching up. I see her differently than I did 6 months ago. Jeez has it been that long since we kissed and she fell off the face of the earth. She had hurt her back a while ago so I offered to help. Most likely this was all orchestrated, but I did it to help another person. So I'll keep it friends this time if she can keep up with that.

Motivation

I want to thank everyone for their views on my little experiment. It gave me a lot to think on and about why I do the things I do. Over the past 8 years I've come to realize that it doesn't matter what I do, but the motivation behind it that defines me.

I get a lot of compliments on my kissing ability. It's always been a surprise to me. My answer that I give when I'm asked is that the thoughts and intentions of my heart are behind it. I'm always working towards the best situation and I take the relationship as far it will go.

So back to my little experiment. I'm never into it just for a fun time or booty call. Something special is what I'm always looking for. It's what guides all my actions while I'm in a relationship and all the women I've been out with have enjoyed that.

Over the years I've heard and read enough about keeping women on a string like pearls. When one doesn't work the next is right behind her so that it keeps the anxiety level down. Going out with Spa girl I lost most of my insane anxiety. Anything that is left is normal. If I felt nothing then I know that I don't really care which is never a good place to start a relationship.

So I have my date with Charming tonight and I'll see how it goes. I left it off with Tax girl to contact me when she was free. So I don't have to do anything until I've gone out with Charming. I will not write Tax girl off to soon. I've done that in the past and that didn't work out well for me. So I'll keep making adjustments as more information comes in. All the way down on the scale is Army girl. She was the one from left field that would just be fun. Not holding my breath, but she is my last choice since I know it would be a limited relationship.

Fridays Come

I still haven't fully integrated my life with my new shoes yet. Case in point I walk into the gym this morning and I realized I don't have sneakers on, but my shoes. I'm considering it still when I realize I don't even have any white socks. I'm not working out in black socks. Way to high on the geek-o-meter and I have flashbacks to childhood and gym class. So I had to reschedule till tomorrow.

I do have to thank Annie for helping me get back on the positive side with the Florist. I soak up negativity like a sponge I've been told and I had dropped back into that feeling yesterday. She helped me remember all the positive points.

I tell you Spa girl and I are like gasoline and a match. One call and I'm trying to reign my mind in. I've forced myself to keep to the one return phone call back. She's very unreliable and I don't want my role as the moth and her the flame in this picture.

On my way over to salsa last night I drove by the BOA building and it was nice not to be working valet there anymore even thought that was a year ago. Also it's been about a month since I quit pizza and it's nice to have a life without a second job. No bags of money yet, but enough to squeak by on.

When it's Raining

I have to admit I'm not looking too forward to my sushi and drinks with the Florist tomorrow night. Lot of money and energy for just a friend. I know she wants more and I don't feel like putting my hand in a bee hive just to see if I'm going to get stung. She's a nice person and I'm happy to have a friend. So we'll see how it goes. I know she's passive with thing so I know I can steer it.

So the magnet is still in overdrive at attracting crazy shit. I got a call from Spa girl today. I couldn't talk because 2 new patients walked in the door. I told her I would call her back. I did and left a message. We'll see what happens.

Besides that it was busy as hell in the office. 3 new patients called or just showed up. With my normally scheduled patients it was a record day. So that was great, but I'm needing some slow time. I think I'll hit Starbucks before salsa tonight just to quiet my mind.

The only other thing is that my landlord decided to wait until he gets back from his trip to lease one of the rooms in the house. So I get the place all to myself for 2 weeks.

Tuesday Afternoon

I have to thank my friend Dawn. She owns a online toy store that sells toys to kids to help them think. I was wondering what to get Eric for his birthday next month when I met her. After looking at all her stuff I found the Techno Gear Marble Mania. Oh Eric is going to love it. Hey I love it. It's going to be really fun to give it to him.

When I was separated I never met another separated women. Most divorced women don't want to touch you with a 10 foot pole if your separated even for years. Now that I am divorced all I seem to meet are separated women. What's up with that? After dealing with Spa girl I don't want to touch them either. So where did all the divorced women go?

Well I've made tonight's salsa dancing into my next singles event. So far 5 people are coming. If none show up I still have my normal group, but if they show it will be great. Since I do this every week anyway I'll make it a weekly event.

Saturday

Wow! No more treadmill for me. I wanted to do some cardio since I really haven't done a lot since I stopped doing valet almost a year ago. I was happy that my endurance was good, but oh did my right shin hurt. Next time its the bike.

Moving a lot as a child and having many of my possessions tossed has made me either hoard stuff of just be blase and toss its ass to the road. In an attempt to break this habit I started getting rid of books today. I like keeping what I read, but in the last 6 months I've increased my library usage to save money and space. Now there are many books I want to keep, but there are some I know I will never read again. So hopefully someone else will enjoy them.

My singles events are filling up slowly. Roller skating is the funniest. No one has said yes. Most everyone is saying maybe with the same comment. Sounds like a lot of fun. If the turn out is good I'll come. Well duh, if no one says yes I guess no one is coming. Salsa is doing nicely and game night is all women which is no problem to me. Now I need to start thinking about what to do next month.

Well I think I scared Spa girl off for good. I haven't heard from her in over a week. I don't think I mention it here that we did a bunch of kissing about 2 weeks ago. I wasn't planning or expecting it. However I knew she was in the mood and what the hey. It was good for me and I think too good for her since it really showed her she wasn't ready for a person like me. If she wasn't working right across the way from me I don't think I would think about her, but she does so it is a reminder. Plus to me she reminds me of Nicole Kidman with her eyes and smirky smile and with all everyone putting her picture up since she is pregnant it's another reminder. Mostly it's just an issue without a close and I hate that.

Sounds of Salsa

Boy it's been 3 weeks since I've been out dancing. I kept saying I was going to practice and boy that never materialized. It came back to me, but I could have been sharper. On the way to class I was like I can take or leave this. It's kind of dried up for me. LOL. Couple of hours later I'm so back into it. Class was good, but the club was better. Mostly because we had more women then men tonight. Yes all the planets have aligned. For most of them it was their first night which wasn't great, but it was a lot of new faces which was fun. Since it was only me and one other guy we were on the dance floor constantly. I have to admit it is interesting how dancing brings people together. I might have to go back to the old Tropicana one Thursday to dance and meet someone. That atmosphere is more for that and the places I frequent it's more about dancing.

Quiet guy has given notice and he will move out of the house at the end of the month. I know my landlord is interviewing now for both rooms. I was happy when he wanted my to stay were I was. I like my room and didn't want to change. However I got so use to never having Port girl around it was like living by myself on my side. Since I work banker hours I'm hoping I don't get an early riser on my side.

Getting a little bummed since Spa girl has not returned my phone call on getting a haircut. I have to admit I got really spoiled with her. She does a great haircut and all the cleanup were awesome. If I don't hear from her by Thursday I'll go back to my old barber.

Post Date Report

Sorry to say not much to report. Their wasn't much of a spark. She was a nice person, but the litmus test failed and it didn't go anywhere from there. We talked for awhile then I said I had to go.

Since the office has been slow today I agreed to see one more patient. Then I'll do some organizing since I told Spa girl she could put her small refrigerator in my spare room till she has space for it.

Oh well back to the bathroom walls to find another phone number.

Tired Tuesday

OMG I'm exhausted tonight. Actually I don't even know why I'm blogging instead of sleeping. Guess I feel I need a real entry for Tuesday instead of just a Meme. My instructor was funny since I was breaking protocol by stopping a dance in the middle, but my brain was just getting too fuzzy to think and lead. Not to mention the music breaks which were driving me insane. Salsa songs have this notorious habit of breaking then coming back with a different timing. It's like going out on a date and throughout the night different women keep being your date. WTF? If your going to start something finish with it.

Very weird, but Spa girl has fallen off the face of the earth. Bizarre behavior since we work across the street from each other. If we never saw each other she could probably get away with it, but I'll see her Friday at the block party. Whatever.

No response from Aroma girl so life continues on. May still get something, but I sort of put things on hold since I gave her a higher priority. So now life goes on.

Office life is good and staying level. I picked up the last of the chairs today so now I have nice waiting room chairs. I also picked up a file shelf that I'll set up once I finish cleaning up my extra room. I can't believe I have pizza tomorrow night. It feels so long ago that I did it. I can't wait for it to be over.

Saturday with Me, Myself & I

Well for the forseeable future I will have a patient appointment at 9 every Saturday. I wish she could make it a little later, but I don't really mind since she is a good patient. Not like the fart knocker who didn't show up at noon. I really didn't think he would. So I moved most everything I wanted to over to storage this morning. The big stuff I'll leave in the room in the corner. Tomorrow I'll go back and organize the room so I can have the landlord come fix the light in the room so I can see.

I had wanted to go see the Cecil Beaton exhibit at the Chrysler Museum of Art. Spa girl was suppose to go with me a few weeks ago. Since that didn't happen and the exhibit was leaving in 3 weeks I figured I would go myself. It was good. There were pictures of Monroe, Hepburn, Taylor, and Leigh. Famous people like Chuchill, Jackie O, and even Prince Charles first picture as a baby. I really enjoyed just not having to worry about working pizza and having a few bucks in my pocket.

Over the past few days I've been realizing I share my problems very well, but my accomplishments and good stuff I don't say much about. I knew it was something I needed to change to start being happier. Then my reading this morning stated it again. If I don't share it then all I'm doing is keeping a secret and there is no reason to keep good stuff to myself. With that realization I was able to enjoy my day better.

The biggest good thing was that I have money now. Not that I really have any extra, but everything is paid. I was pulling out of the storage place and a cop passed by and I remembered a few years ago being in the exact same place, but worried since I was months past car inspection and not having the money to get it all done.

Well I see the holiday season has gone in to full swing. Trying to get into Barnes & Noble today to stroll around became a bit of a chore. Even Starbucks had a line through the whole store. As I know what I am making each week now I've put myself on a Starbucks budget with getting one of their cards. Being able to give myself a paycheck will put everything in a more orderly situation.

Interestingly enough I have heard from Spa girl since Tuesday when she stopped by for a few seconds. I had a patient then. I called her later if she wanted to stop by for treatment what her window was. I also did so the next night. No response so I said no more calls on my end. No loss or regrets.

To Boldly Go ...

Annie left an interesting comment. Why not contact Brenda again? I didn't really have an answer for that. Usually I just don't go back, but I wasn't the one to end it and it was a fond relationship that still is in my mind. The funny thing is that I found her business card a week or so ago and I tossed it out. However I know where she lives. So I asked my friend Tina what she thought and she suggested since it was the holiday season a Christmas card would be okay. So it's in the mail and we'll see what happens.

I know Spa girl can not give what I want and she is becoming Ms. Right Now. I enjoy her as a friend, but it will be a long while before she is where I would like a SO to be if she ever makes it. This is a big lesson for me of being complacent and settling which I don't want to do.

Comedy Night

Well Spa girl was able to make it tonight and I finally got to meet her dog Zoey when I picked her up. Improv was great as always and boy did I get swag tonight. For sitting in the front row which I enjoy we got fish lollipops. I got picked for one of the games and got a bag of goodies. Last but not least I got 2 tickets for dinner and pictures since I'm always there and bring so many people with me. It was nice to have a "normal" time with Spa girl and put my arm around her while we watched the show. The weird part of the night was April. She's the MC I dated earlier in the year. She ended it with me before I would have since there really wasn't much chemistry. I remember the first 2 show after that incident were awkward and this was like that. Other than that it was a fun night.

Sorry Ladies

I see the opinion of you ladies out there is just to jump Spa girl. Jeez you're worse than the guys. Well its Sunday and here are my musings and happenings.

Spa girl and I got to talk a while this morning and more in depth into her. It was nice to learn more about her background. She was sad that she most likely couldn't make the comedy show tonight or see me. Her room mate dropped a bunch of stuff on her and she hopes to get it done by tonight. I see why I can relate to her so easy. She's me in many ways years ago as I worked on making myself a better person.

I'm reminded of Brenda who was the first person I officially dated after my ex and I split. She was a great person, upfront, assertive, and honest with how she felt and what she wanted. It was a great relationship while it lasted. The killer was all the drama I was still dragging around with me in a U-haul from my marriage.

You might ask why I bring this up. Well over the years I've worked to get over my Wounded Bird Syndrome. This is pretty much you find an injured person (emotionally or whatever) and you help them back up with the unconscious motivation that this person will love you and never hurt or leave you. I've done pretty well with this over the last few years. Since I can spot one a mile away.

Now back to Spa girl. I make sure I'm not saving her or taking on her problems. However I have to wonder am I doing the Wounded Bird in a round about manner. Being patient on my side with the unconscious want of the same results. I don't know yet.

Anyways it was a beautiful day here. Thursday might have been in the 30's but it has been in the 60's since and tomorrow is suppose to bring the 70's. So I enjoyed myself outdoors today with a walk around one of our lakes. Now I'm relaxing until the show.

I'm a Bad Boy

Well I slept in this morning and through the mandatory pizza meeting. No loss, but I'm the consummate good guy so it bugs me. I did something bad, oh my! It just kicks up a lot of stuff that I still deal with. How I am defined as a person, what others think, the usual crap. Like always the more I talk about it the better I am. Keep it in my head and I'm dead.

This is a present from the florist from across the hall for my help in trying to get them established. Very simple, but very beautiful. Too bad it won't last.

Wow I don't have pizza to Wednesday, what will I do? LOL. I'm going to enjoy. After my patients today I want to try to find a used filing cabinet since mine are filling up with all the new patients. I would like to go and see the Christmas lights down on the boardwalk, but it's something I wouldn't do on my own. I'll see if Spa girl or someone else would like to go.

The Mandatory Pizza Experience

For a few weeks now I've been dreading this 9 am mandatory pizza meeting. However to get everyone in one place so early on Saturday I figured it would have to be something important or at least give out holiday bonuses. So I asked tonight what it was about. I couldn't believe the answer. So I had to ask several times to make sure they weren't pulling my leg. It's a bitching session. So everyone can clean the air. WTF! You make me come to a meeting at 9 am on a Saturday I'll have plenty to bitch about. Besides that I haven't anything to say and really don't want to hear all the teenagers bitch. My other option is to get written up. Since it not my life long dream to be a manager or do this job for more than the next 30-60 days that really doesn't mean much to me. The only thing that it does touch is that I'm being a rule breaker and I'm usually the nice guy. This goes against my grain, but so does subjecting myself to a LOAD of crap for who knows how long it will go on. So I'm getting some sleep in the morning.

On the Spa girl debate. I know I'm holding a hammer, I'm going to smash my thumb, and its going to hurt. I just don't know when I'm going to do it. I know the longer it goes on the better the chance that it won't.

The Big Question

German girl asked me this morning "would it be so bad to sleep with Spa girl?" This came up after we were talking about yesterday. Spa girl stopped by for some treatment and as a guy I immediately noticed that her pants were a little loose and when she laid down I saw that she had a nice thong on. (for my Australian readers I'm not talking about the foot wear). She said she was embarrassed that it was showing, but I doubt it. Anyway while I'm working on her I get the usual compliments of how strong I am and how good my hands are. She had one really bad muscle that I had to re-ask about pressure. Which like I said last entry she said the deeper you go the better it felt. Then she burst out laughing so hard I though she was going to fall off the table. Anyway after treatment we hugged and she pulled me hard against her. It was nice to run my hands on her back and through her hair. However as soon as I kissed her cheek she pulled away. I know this is new to her again, but at times I feel like I'm being played.

So back to the original question that I almost forgot. Would I think it bad? If we stayed the way we are I would say yes. It is not like me to be so casual with sex and I feel I would be using her as a sexual object. I don't know it's new territory for me also.

Body Work

Well Marlayna over at It's the Little Things wanted me to expand on my correlations between the treatment table and the bed. To start off with I'm a chameleon and a high sexual one at that. I readily adapt to my surroundings and others needs. It's how I survived growing up so I pick up all the nuances that people give off and use it in how I interact with them. So over the years I've formulated theories and seen the results with the women I've slept with.

Light or Forceful - Some women like it soft and the others rough. For me when I adjust them it is always finding what they are comfortable with. From what I have found most women like it a little on the rough side. The ones who like it really rough will have a big smile on their face when I come down hard on them.

Pressure - muscle work is also a part of my treatment and it gives over a LOT of information. The first is how do you like to be touched. Light or deep and as Spa girl announced yesterday the deeper you go the better it feels. This is an even split in the beginning, but more pressure is wanted as time goes on. The second piece of information is are they a sub or a dom. Some people will just lay there and suffer and not make a peep. While others will happily tell you want they want. The last thing is if they are a moaner or not. Let me tell you that you would be surprised at what comes out of women's mouths when your working on them. Hell some of them I could tape and make a fortune on a phone sex line. Actually I had a women start talking dirty years ago when I was working on her. It was very funny.

Dress - Let me tell you I've seen some interesting underwear to say the least over the years. The best was this rope thong. I REALLY wanted to ask was that comfortable. With this you see what the women feels like underneath. Is she sexy or practical and I'm not even going to touch the granny panties.