Saying Goodbye

Since I've been on this kick of doing stuff no matter how much it bothers me. Pretty much what would I do if I wasn't scared. So I finally took care of my Mom's ashes. Since it was pretty cool here last night there was no need for me to change into my shorts. I might have looked out of place in my work clothes, a discman, and a kid's pail and shovel. Hey don't judge me. I was a bit anxious with the few beach goers that were around, but most didn't give me a second look. I played Neil Diamond's "Holly Holy" which just worked for me. I made a small ditch below the water line and spread her ashes there so that water could spread them out. I also took a bit and tossed it into the wind since its traditional. It was a beautiful night for it. I had a nice full moon on my right side and a beautiful sunset on the left. I didn't really have much to say as I listened to the music. So I wrote, "I love you Mom" in the sand. In the beginning I was a bit sad, but that was quickly washed away with just a nice clean feeling. A bit hard to explain. It felt good to get it done and close another chapter in my life.

Still no contact with Eric. I'll try again tonight since there was no pick up on his end, plus my ex still hasn't finalized his voice mail. On the other end I still haven't heard any response to my 2 texts I sent her for information about Eric for his health insurance. I guess it wasn't that important.

Since I had a large window this morning of free time I went to the Starbucks that is suppose to be the replacement for my old one. OMG I hate that place. It was always a unorganized mess in there. Too many tables and chairs for the space. Now with the extra business it was a nightmare of noise and disjointed seating arrangements.

Goodbye to You Too

Since it was a dead morning at work I decided to stop at my Starbucks. Yes the one that is closing this weekend. I didn't think I would get a chance to enjoy it again and if I did it would be with the Comic. I wanted to enjoy it by myself since I've spent enough hours in it over the years. It became my reward and guilty pleasure a few years ago. I didn't have much money as I started over, but I had learned that I needed to be good to myself. So the compromise was Starbucks. Not too much money spent and I got to spend sometime relaxing inside it's 4 walls of plaster and glass. Who knew I would become an addict with the stuff for the first year. Actually I wasn't that bad with only 2 visits per week. However over the years I've spent many hours reading or working on my laptop there when I needed an escape from the office. I've had many business meetings there as well as a lot of coffee dates. The Comic and I had our first meeting there. The whole experienced just added another car to my seeing things go bye bye. While like everything else it's a major emotional event it does do something to me. So I find myself a bit melancholy today.

I'm also taking back my trunk today. Over the last few months or is it years it's become a storage for a lot of stuff, most of it junk. Well that's not right. It's stuff that needs to be organized and put someplace else. So I picked up a milk crate and magazine holder to put in there to hold my meeting books, car fluids, and Eric stuff (balls and the such) so I can have some organization in there.

Last night I got to enjoy more of my new place by sitting in the enclosed patio and enjoying dinner with a book. It was nice and peaceful. It could have been a little less humid, but it was well worth it.

The Comic is helping me with a bunch of stuff with Eric. She's going to help me decoupage a box so I can hold all of Eric's stuff that I've kept. Since he was a baby I've kept every single scrap of paper or craft that he has made for me. I've been keeping it in a folder, but want to make a better holding place. She also had a great idea for making him a bookmark since he reads a lot like me. Now I just need to find a good picture and poem.

End of an Era

I was hit with horrible news this morning. My favorite Starbucks will close after this month. I was really shocked when Mike gave me the news this morning as I got the second of my free drinks this week. It was the first in the town center area and now there are 2 others in a 5 block area. The great thing about it is it's big. Plenty of room for people to sit and relax. Most of the others in the area don't have the sitting room and fill up fast. I've spent countless hours relaxing in this one. Many coffee dates as well as business meetings. I'll miss the people there who know me and what I drink. The other, like getting a new person to take care of your hair, will be finding a new place to relax and make my own.

The law enforcement lady who I wasn't expecting much turned about to be a bit more and less than what I thought. She wanted my number the other night to put a voice with my face. She called me from work and honestly I think she only wanted to hear my voice and not talk cause she was ready to get off pretty quickly. I was ready to talk for a bit, but that didn't happen. I guess I didn't pass the voice test since it seems to have died on the telephone line.

Yesterday while L and I were walking we spotted a very attractive woman watering her garden. Ten feet later we found a lost dog. L went down the street to a person she thought was the owner and possible date for her. Garden lady said she would grab her cell phone. She wasn't that chatty with me even with a few comments. Oh well just keeping my hand in it all.

I'll be happy that Tone is going home today. I have to admit having someone around the house is bothersome. Also that she has every light on in the place when she is around. I don't get it.

I see it's going to be feast and famine weekends. This weekend I have nothing going on and I need to find something to keep me occupied so I don't squirrely. Next weekend is pretty nicely scheduled with game night and I'm volunteering to help a friend raise money for diabetes.

Moving Flirts

I haven't been around my usual Starbucks on a Sunday in a while. Since Asp had given me a gift card from there I figured I would relax with a soy chai. I grabbed a big comfy chair and relaxed with book. I was reading for a while when I felt something and I looked up. Through some people I noticed a woman looking right at me. While this is a nice thing, what struck me as noteworthy was that this is a woman I had the hots for. She meets a friend there every week it seems and the do some kind of paperwork I believe she is French. Anyway she has never paid me any kind of attention and she was never alone to try and start a conversation. I have given up on her a while back. Now to see her staring at me was a bit of a shock, more so that I just texted Asp that I missed her. I'm not going for her and I'm not dropping Asp, but was kind of a first for me. I've been married and have had women hit on me, but to actually want to meet someone and then get the interest after I'm with someone was a first.

It's the last week of the year and the last of the holidays. I can't wait for it to be over business wise. It's just so slow. I'm trying to nail down some group and cross marketing with other people, but like when you do anything with another person it's problematic.

I have this wonder if Asp wants to move out to Oklahoma with her mom. She brings it up from time to time since she could get a larger house than she has now. When asked she says she isn't doing it, but for the short time we've been together I've heard it enough times to wonder.

Raindrops Keep Falling

Well in typical Virginia Beach fashion the beautiful sunny 70 degree whether quickly changed to rainy 40 degree weather. It sucked. However it did make for enjoying a hot beverage at Starbucks better. We had 3 newbies which were all female and the old members were us guys. I think that was why one of the guys came since it was a high concentration of women. Anyway it was a fun time. The girl sitting next to me had to keep stopping herself from reaching over and touching me. She was attractive although it took some getting use to her not being a blond. Her membership pics are all blond. She's a very physical woman which I like and a good sense of humor. So she's on my radar, but I do want to hold off on dating.

Phili never made it to game night. Actually she got home from the same time I did. She had went to see a play instead. We got to talk some during dinner. Phili has been divorced for 11 years although something doesn't add up. The story of a great guy, great marriage, to we divorced when there son was 6 is missing a mighty big chunk. So while I think Phili is attractive my gut knows there is something wrong here. There's some deep dark secret with her.

I do have this feeling that my dating sabbatical will be ending soon. However that feeling could be gone tomorrow.

A New Chapter Begins

So I'll nickname this girl D since nothing really pops out for me. I'm use to meeting a date at Starbucks, but D wanted to meet inside of a Barnes & Noble Starbucks which if you don't know is a totally different animal. All Starbucks stuff doesn't work at these which sucks. I did something with D that I never do. I looked at her face then at her breasts. She's not big, but her shirt was so low cut it just drew my eye. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.One of my strong points is I can listen to anyone. By that I mean I can get people to talk usually. D was almost embarrassed that she was talking so much. She said that she usually didn't know what to say, but I was so easy to talk to. D is a strange mix like me being German and Puerto Rican.

Usually I sit there and try to figure if there is enough chemistry for a relationship which puts a lot a pressure on the date. However I used what I learned in my business meeting this week. We had fun for the 2 hours we talked. I enjoyed my time and had enough information to want to do a second date. With talking she liked museums so we're going to get together Wednesday to go to the Chrysler Jazz & Wine event. I tell you I do so many first dates there it's strange. A museum? Who knew?

Why?

Okay why didn't anyone tell me about the Starbucks Gold card? I had another business meeting there today and the barista asked my why I didn't have a Gold card since I'm in there more than once a week. I think that was a nice way of saying either buy a card or they have to start charging me rent. I've combined two great things into one this year. Since I like Starbucks, which you may not know. I have all my business meetings there and have a business card to bill it all to. While for tax purposes it's not dollar for dollar it does absorb some of the cost. Now with a gold card I can decrease that expense some more. Woohoo!

Success!

I stopped by AC Moore today to pick up winter decorations for the office. You know something to last me a few weeks before I put up Valentines decorations. My color blindness must of kicked in since I went for the snow effect. While the giant snow flakes look cool hanging from the lights. The snow garland just blends in with the white trim around the doors. Oh well.

The turn out for pool was great. The usual no shows and a few surprises. We ran 4 tables with everyone trading in and out after each game. I was surprised that I did so well or that everyone else sucks so bad. We have one member that only has one arm and he was kicking some ass there. The funny thing was the outfits they had the waitresses wear. Can we say we work for tips. They were some interesting/revealing outfits.

Afterwards I suggested Starbucks since I had a bunch of card games in my car. The only thing we didn't prepare for was that the place was packed. I couldn't believe it. However I wasn't daunted. I swooped down on the first open table which was small, but we traded it to a single older gentleman that had a large table. So we were set.

Charming did show up. She had changed since I seen her last in that she had more of a confidence about her. She looked attractive. Throughout the day I paid her no extra attention than anyone else. I did catch her look at me when we were all talking about online dating and Match came up which was where we were communicating. The funny/ironic point was when we were playing Flux and I stole one of her cards -party. She said she was happy I didn't steal her love. I responded that I didn't want her love.

Anyway it was a great time with a lot of laughs especially at Starbucks. Charming gave my hand a little squeeze when I shook her hand goodnight. If she never blew me off I might ask her out. Now I have desire. She'll have to do something to light a fire under my ass.

Post Date Report

Well Facebook girl was at Starbucks when I got there. She was wearing an outfit she had on in one of her pictures and she pretty much looked the same. I was just wondering how long her hair would be. We grabbed some drinks and sat down to chat. NY'ers converse easily and I enjoyed that with her. I can't say I had super attraction nor was I bored so I figured I was right where I should be. My one concern was that in most of her pictures her cleavage is hanging out and it didn't disappoint today. However I was good and never dropped past her lips. Okay I grabbed a gander when she turned her head. My biggest concern with her is she's a tanning junkie and her skin is starting to show the symptoms of it.

Anyway I only had an hour so I asked if she wanted to get together again. She agreed. We talked about next weekend, but we may do New Year's Eve is she doesn't have her daughter. As I started this with nothing to lose. I'll continue to see if their is anything here. I have to admit she is different from any other woman I've dated before. I don't know how to describe it, but she is.

Afterwards I got treated at OVDC's who nicknamed me "Romeo" since I never seem to have any problem getting dates, unlike other people she knows. She had a good laugh with it.

Like a Virgin

I was reading one of my books on love this week. It said that when you find something great that there won't be any bells & whistles, but instead a quiet peaceful calm. Whether this is what I have with Tech girl I don't know, but let me tell you it's different. I'm use to having all these feelings to surf on and carry me along. However when I say that it brings up bad stuff. Before I started down this spiritual path 8 years ago I loved having the strong feelings just carry me along since I never had to take any responsibility for anything. Things just happened in my mind. Now everything is a conscious choice with Tech girl even sex. I'm calm and aware of all that is happening. I feel like a Jedi knight, lol.

However there are still little bumps in the road. I'm here in Starbucks and this woman was here. The bells and whistles type. I find myself looking over at her many times. She's just about to get up and come over by me to throw something out. I want to take a closer look, but before I look up I see my bookmark. "When you got something special, never forget it." It's always interesting were a gift will come from.

This relationship is virgin territory for me. I'm glad I'm calm cause this really could freak me out.

The Day After

I will always say that I think God has a great sense of humor. It was my birthday yesterday and I had 3 different opportunities to ask a woman out. None of them were what I wanted (for the few who asked about Saturn girl - I like a cuddly girl and she just doesn't give that off). So it was a lesson for me to see if I would keep to my decision to date. I have to admit there were times yesterday that I didn't know if I was coming or going. I don't seem to be having a problem meeting women just the right type.

The other incident I didn't share about was at the office. I don't have it happen much anymore like it use to do in NY. The inappropriate clothing for coming to a chiropractor's office. If you don't know I will bounce you around the table, twist you up like a pretzel, then most likely pounce on you. If you have to keep tucking things back in or keep adjusting so something doesn't pop out it's not appropriate for coming into see me. I'm not even going to talk about exercising. Well it was a fun 30 minutes.

No one ever got back to me on volunteering today so it's becoming a lazy day for me. Sleeping and napping have been the words of the day. Now I'm at Starbucks using there wi-fi while I relax and do some office work. Surprised to see that Walmart is open today so I'll head on over to pick up a few essentials.

We'll Always Have Starbucks

While the paint smell isn't as bad as last time which is really strange since this is a bigger room and it's the one I sit in. However I needed to get out of there because after a whole day it was getting to me.

So I can still do some work I came to my favorite Starbucks so I can access the Internet to get work done. I forgot to mention that Game night went very well the other night. We had a great turnout, but as it happens often I'm the only one bringing games. Since these are different games then the norm it's almost impossible to split the group into smaller groups to make game play more fun.

Phone girl who I've met before was pretty touchy with me throughout the night. While a nice person to have at events being on the Peninsula like the Planner and hating her job really puts her off my list. I have a hard time with people who truly hate there job and are doing nothing to change it. It's like being in an abusive relationship and not doing anything. Hey I've been in both and I know it can take time to change your situation, but their is a mindset when you are working on it.

Gov't girl was surprisingly attractive. Her picture on the profile really doesn't do her any justice. Although her low cut blouse did her plenty of justice Saturday night. Twenty somethings can be fun, but not for me. My range is only 5-6 years above and below mine. Their is too much of a change of dreams and lifestyles beyond that point for me.

In reality I think everything is okay between the Photographer and myself. Eeeekkk! I hate putting myself out there in an avoidance of getting hurt. If I don't fully hope I can't be hurt as much. Childish I know, but it still works.

Just a Saturday Night

Well whatever screwed my stomach up really did a number on me. By the time Game night came around I felt like heaving. So I grabbed one of their big waters and downed the mother. I felt much better afterwards. While I still felt like I had some rocks in my stomach the feeling that I was going to upchuck was gone. Surprisingly everyone who signed up for Game night didn't show, however another woman did show since she was close by. So the night wasn't a complete loss we played a bunch of games. However Starbucks was a freezer and by the time I left I was frozen.

Both the Planner and I were tired last night. It was good to see her and she enjoyed the flowers I got her. We both just vegged until we went to sleep. It was funny when I got into bed I reached over and gave her a kiss which she responded she would kiss me in minute when she could move. That turned out to be this morning. While I felt better after sleeping I had almost fevered dreams and never really got a good rest.

The Planner is a workaholic which she is working to break the more she hangs with me. However their are times when she has to rationalize it when I'm just relaxing in bed with her and she wants to get up and go and I want to stay and relax. I told her Sunday mornings are my only time to sleep in and be lazy. If we had the whole day together we would have like 15 hours together. Holding and massaging each other for a few hours was a simple pleasure that I worked for. She seemed to get it.

Now I know my handwriting is atrocious since I took Doctor's Handwriting 101. However this is the first time someone handed me a check back saying they weren't sure about the written amount. Go figure.

Shake and a Haircut

I finally was able to get a haircut last night and it was long overdue. So I got to see the Stylist who I hadn't seen for a few months. We caught up on our dating lives and single's events. She was part of the original group that no longer exists. While I do miss the old faces it's nice to have many new faces at the events which has been my point. Getting more people involved instead of the same 10 people.

Game night last night had a slight monkey wrench in that they had a performer playing there. It was a hassle and we probably distracted him in his playing, but since we were the only ones there I didn't worry about it too much. The barrister there probably won't be working there for long. I ordered my soy chai latte and he made 2 since he said he couldn't just heat up 1 cup. Okay? Everyone else seems to do it, but I wasn't going to complain since I got a second one for free. He did that a few times last night. While I enjoyed my chai it was a little problematic falling asleep last night.

It was a fun crowd of new and old faces. It reminded me of why I enjoy the single's events so much.

Post Date Report

Well I picked up Law girl at her house and got to meet her very playful dog Buddy. We went for sushi and on the way in I held her hand which she liked. A lot of the night I would test patterns to see where I stood. Anyway Sakura's didn't let me down, the food was excellent. Law girl really enjoyed it and it was the right amount of food. I was glad I came prepared since we did finish early so I suggested Starbucks and the game.

The funny thing is that both times I've taken her to Starbucks they get whatever drink she wants wrong. Tonight was 4 shots of espresso in her mochiatto. Jeez I would of have to pull her off the ceiling.

The game was a nice way to learn about each other. I saw that she came from a normal family and she quickly picked up I had a colorful upbringing. I enjoyed talking to her, but there are a lot of lulls in the conversation. When we are talking it is great, but then it dies down and it's a little energy to get it in the air again. So it is here that I'm not quite sure if there is enough spark. Other than that I like her. She's attractive, witty, and smart. So I'll continue and see where it goes.

I did fully realize that I'm in the driver's seat here. The hand holding she liked, but I had to initiate. The arm around her the same thing. The kiss she still acts shy with and it will be something I will cross beyond the peck next time. I am always the advancing infantry if I'm not stopped.

Post Date Report

I know some of you don't go to bed until I post these so here it is.

I'll actually start at the end then go back to the begining. I wasn't nervous the whole date. Then she needed to go so I asked if she wanted to do it again. She said yes and then it hit me. The anxiety slammed into my like a frieght train. I tell you I was light headed. After a kiss and a hug I got in my car and LMAO. I was just trying not to stumble I was so light headed. After a few minutes I was better and finally stopped laughing.

I got thier early as normal. The usual Starbucks crew was there. I threw them though by sitting down. They were all ready to make my drink and me not asking for it was throwing them off. I told them I was waiting for someone and that calmed them down. So it was freezing in there since it was like 30 degrees outside. Law girl was a few minutes late and I was getting ready to order something cause I was cold.

First off I wasn't totally sure it was her. She looked a lot better than her pictures. Soon as I walked to the counter the crew went to work on my drink an it was done quick while her basic drink to a while. It was a fun time. She's very funny and almost had me choking a couple of times which became a running joke throughout the evening.

So I'm looking forward to seeing her again. However my next week is pretty busy with stuff already planned. I'll call her and fnd out what nights are good for her and schedule from there.

The Code Had Been Broken

Mandy is ecstatic at Starbucks since she deciphered my code without being told. Everyone else asked and I said. It's not hard. I get a grande on the weekends to celebrate and talls during the week just cause. I've been going there so long these little things are big.

It was a little interesting last night talking to Eric. I was asking about school and then his weekend. He asked why. I was surprised, but I told him cause I want to know what is going on in his life. The only way I find out is when we talk. I know in a lot of ways I don't think about how I am missing a lot of his young life.

One of my hurdles I was working on yesterday was that of money. Even though I am not out of the woods with my finances they are so much better than they were. However the few years of struggles and poverty living have left their scar on my. It really gave me a less than feeling. That's not totally true. What I had just jumped onto this. People that have money I feel less than. I had my bubble deflate a little with this. I got back a bill I sent a patient. She's in charge of one of the networking functions I attend. I've been to her house warming party when she got a large new house last year. Well I got the letter back yesterday with her having moved. So I guess the new place didn't work out. It made me feel a little more a part of the human race.

Kelly Clarkson Sucks

I have nothing against her personally it's just she and Reba were in Norfolk for a concert tonight at the Scope. See one might think that having two concert places next to each other in the downtown district of a city may be great. It starts to get sticky when neither place has parking. It gets worse when downtown is pretty tight for parking already. Now through me in trying to find parking to go to salsa. Yeah you get the picture. If I knew before I left I would have passed. Oye was it a pain in the ass.

Starbucks turned out great. I don't like to be on the cellphone when I place orders so I grabbed a seat while I finished my conversation. During this time they deliver me my drink on the house. It was great. I was even more happier that I already set my friend up to come in and give the girls roses on Valentines day.

Salsa went really well. Since we were ending early tonight everyone hit the dance floor when class ended. One woman who I haven't seen since I first started was like, "you've been taking lessons. I can tell." That was nice to hear. I don't know a ton of moves, but what I know I know how to do well. The worse thing was the temperature really dropped here and I walked out dripping wet with sweat from all the dancing. Oh boy did my head hurt.

When it's Raining

I have to admit I'm not looking too forward to my sushi and drinks with the Florist tomorrow night. Lot of money and energy for just a friend. I know she wants more and I don't feel like putting my hand in a bee hive just to see if I'm going to get stung. She's a nice person and I'm happy to have a friend. So we'll see how it goes. I know she's passive with thing so I know I can steer it.

So the magnet is still in overdrive at attracting crazy shit. I got a call from Spa girl today. I couldn't talk because 2 new patients walked in the door. I told her I would call her back. I did and left a message. We'll see what happens.

Besides that it was busy as hell in the office. 3 new patients called or just showed up. With my normally scheduled patients it was a record day. So that was great, but I'm needing some slow time. I think I'll hit Starbucks before salsa tonight just to quiet my mind.

The only other thing is that my landlord decided to wait until he gets back from his trip to lease one of the rooms in the house. So I get the place all to myself for 2 weeks.

Volunteer Reader

As always it's fun to go to the elementary schools and read to the kids and tell them about the animals. To see there eyes full of excitement at what I bring with me. This year I had Honey Bunny, a full sized rabbit. She was very well socialized and wasn't nervous or anything while I held her or the kids came up to pet her. While at the shelter waiting for what critter I would get I got to pet a few dogs and I forget how much I miss having an animal at home.

So with this in the middle of the day I decided to take the day off. If someone called and wanted to come in I would have, but since no one did. I figured what the hey. So I hit Starbucks twice today to celebrate. After the gym I had time before the dance studio opened to get my shoes back so I felt like it was worth it.

The Florist left me a message on my phone thanking me for inviting her last night to dancing. So that's a plus in her corner. I'll give her a call later tonight to schedule drinks. I think she wanted me to kiss her last night, but if I don't know how I feel about you. That's not going to happen. I hate having mixed signals giving to me so I'm definitely not going to do it on my end.