Going Sane in a Crazy World

My journey through life and the lessons I learn to help me grow spiritually.

Sane Friends

Post Date Report

Well I picked up Law girl at her house and got to meet her very playful dog Buddy. We went for sushi and on the way in I held her hand which she liked. A lot of the night I would test patterns to see where I stood. Anyway Sakura's didn't let me down, the food was excellent. Law girl really enjoyed it and it was the right amount of food. I was glad I came prepared since we did finish early so I suggested Starbucks and the game.

The funny thing is that both times I've taken her to Starbucks they get whatever drink she wants wrong. Tonight was 4 shots of espresso in her mochiatto. Jeez I would of have to pull her off the ceiling.

The game was a nice way to learn about each other. I saw that she came from a normal family and she quickly picked up I had a colorful upbringing. I enjoyed talking to her, but there are a lot of lulls in the conversation. When we are talking it is great, but then it dies down and it's a little energy to get it in the air again. So it is here that I'm not quite sure if there is enough spark. Other than that I like her. She's attractive, witty, and smart. So I'll continue and see where it goes.

I did fully realize that I'm in the driver's seat here. The hand holding she liked, but I had to initiate. The arm around her the same thing. The kiss she still acts shy with and it will be something I will cross beyond the peck next time. I am always the advancing infantry if I'm not stopped.

Friday Night

Looking forward to my date with Law girl tonight. We're going for sushi, but one thing I learned from the Florist that can go by fast. So I been trying to think up some backup plans for afterwards. I can't get tickets to the Funny Bone till 10:30 which would be a long ways off. There is a pool place around the corner. I think I will suggest Starbucks and a game. I have Lifestories which is a good getting to know someone game. So we'll see. I'll pick up a flower and clean the car later on.

The totally weird thing is that L contacted me yesterday saying she dreamed she walked into Starbucks and I was on a date with someone from the legal profession. Whoa! Pretty freaky. She then went into us in a threesome, but L is always sexual.

OMG it feels so good to be just about over this cold.

Sales People

True sales people were grown in a vat somewhere. I see the sales women that come into my friend's liquor store. The reps that come in my shrinks office. Being a chiropractor I'm a little off the beam so I get a mix. However they still find me. Case in point this morning another telephone book rep made her way into my office. Boy did she know how to use her sex appeal. How great deals got to be skimpy outfits in a hot tub in my mind I'll never know, but I have no trouble saying no.


Not the book, but the year I gradulated from West Babylon High School. Anyway I was sitting here with free time since it is reschedule day and I started thinking about people from high school. So I figured I would take a gander on one of these sites to see what people are up to. Looking at the list, the first thing that came to mind was who the hell are these people? I was in class with all these people? I think 3-4 names looked familiar which is interesting since I went to a VERY Italian neighborhood high school. I mean Sopranos family picnic type.

Anyway as usual no brain cells were wasted in remembering any guy's names. The few women I remembered were married and hopefully happily. It didn't say much. Teenage years were not a fun time for me and I think the 5th high school I attended I didn't really care about meeting anyone else. However it was a nice school and people were overall nice to the new guy. When I left I never looked back and 24 years later I can't remember shit.

Ahhhh Haaaaa

Well with emailing back and forth today with Law girl I found out I had her wrong phone number. Guess that was the problem in talking with her. So we talked some tonight and I'll pick her up Friday to go get some sushi for dinner. She just lives down the road from me which we both found funny.

I pushed hard against my normal grain to keep contact with another potential. Don't know enough of her yet to give her a nickname. However I don't want to burn a bridge if Law girl and I don't work out. I'll know more after a real date. In the past I've dropped everything at this point and it leaves me high and dry if it doesn't workout. So I'm trying not to be so black and white. It's really difficult since I'm a focuser. I like the number one. You don't have to split yourself to deal with multiple objects.

Wine and Jazz and the Art museum went well tonight with the singles crowd. It was different. You take a group of people and place them together and their can be some awkward times. I really wanted to see the Gordon Parks travelling exhibit. I go to the museum often enough to know everything else. The other attendees were newbies to it all. The jazz group was very good and it was nice to walk through the museum hearing them play. Also the price is free on these nights so its something I'll do again. One thing I really wanted to know is how the Florist and this other guys date went. His name is Mike also and he emailed the Florist and gave her some compliments especially about her outfits, which is pretty much saying you like her cleavage. Ever outfit I've seen the Florist wear has had a plunging neck line that has shown off her ample breasts. Anyway she thought is was me and emailed me back then called to say sorry. Back to tonight. The Florist usually has her ex husband or ex fiance drive her to these events. Not a great thing if you are trying to meet someone, but I don't think she gets it. Anyway Mike seemed like he was still into her, but she was with the guy she's still living with. Yes way too much drama. So I'm just curious.

A new housemate will be arriving Saturday. I'll call her Friday. I already joked about her real name which is the same as an actress's. I was surprised that my Landlord went for it with her. She's a smoker and there is no smoking in the house. He said he has no problem kicking her out if she breaks the rule. He told me how my life would be affected. The washroom probably would smell like smoke since her day stuff would be there. Also her 2 year old when visiting would use my tub for bathing so I might have a rubber duckie left in there. Let me tell you. If a rubber duckie being left in my bathroom was the total of my problems I would count my blessings.


Well after 12 hours sleep I seem to be on the mend. I feel a little off since I missed half the day, but it feels great to feel better. Now if I can keep moving in this direction.

Between each of us taking trips my Landlord and myself haven't really gotten a chance to sit down for dinner in a while. We're from 2 different generations completely, but it works for me. Father figures were never positive ones for me and while we disagree on several things he does have a good heart in helping out people and kids in problem situations. Anyway it was nice to catch up. It will be something I will miss if I ever moved out. While it would be nice to have my own place. Being completely by myself would be a drag after a while.

With Law girl I don't think I'm giving her more power than I should. My gut tells me it's reality intruding on my mind. If she likes me there must be something good about me. Years ago my therapist use to point this out to me as I was growing emotionally. It still hits ever once and a while. I'm better at this. Last weekend with Eric I was able to point out all the good stuff to myself that I was doing which was big since I usually can stay in the negative zone. My worry is that it hits when we are together like it did last week. Let me tell you getting her phone number, walking her to her car, a kiss and a hug with my head spinning was really surreal.

There's Something About Law Girl

I had tried to call Law Girl last night and no luck. I emailed her today telling her what time I would call back tonight. Still nothing. So I was giving up. However I just got an email from her stating that she can't read her email during the day and wasn't home for the call. She wants to get together tomorrow. I can't do that, but hopefully Thursday or Friday. Just like last Thursday when I realized she liked me, boy do I get dizzy. WTF? I've never had this problem before and I'm not quite sure what to do about it.

On a side note I'm still sick. I hate being sick and for some reason I haven't been able to sleep well at home. Without a good night sleep I'm having a hard time shaking it.

Talking to my Landlord about Eric and the weekend and he wondered if his outburst are his ways of saying he wants to be with me instead of his mom. I might have to poke around to find that answer out.

The Weekend Part 3

I was really surprised that Eric slept late again. He never does this. I was surprised to hear him say that he slept better when he is not home. When we talked about it he has bugs in his room. Some spiders and the such. I gave him some hints. One would be to keep his room clean. The other would be to use a broom to get rid of the critters. It was hard to hear the squalor that he is probably living in. I know I don't make much, but it's good quality. The life must be like the inside of my ex's head.

Anyway Eric was doing better today and he wanted to see the white beach. The snow was still evident on the sand and it was a cool thing. Afterwards we grabbed some lunch and then back to the Children's museum. We had a lot of fun and he got the usual sadness when I dropped him off.

I hammered it on the way home last night. I've done the trip enough I know the cop areas and usually shadow someone else. However after 20 years my luck ran out and I got a speeding ticket last night. It was a new spot. I had to admit I was okay with it. In the past I would usually drop back to some taking it personal and I was a bad person. I didn't go there and I was grateful for it. So even with the ticket I made the run in under 6 hours which usually takes 6.5. Not bad.

The Weekend Part 2

Saturday was the worse of sick days for me. I was dizzy and feverish. What was great was that Eric slept late which never happens. We got a late start, but Eric was off. At McDonald's and at the Children's museum. We ended up leaving after 15-30 minutes. He was too upset. We ended going right back home and relaxing. It lead to the talk about attitudes. I told him I didn't want to be cruel, but it's almost 4 years and the family is not getting back together. I was sad that we didn't see each other more, but I really worked to enjoy the time we did have together. Not focusing on how much I missed him when we were together. I pointed out how the day really became not fun and he agreed. I told him I really didn't know how to help him with it. When I was in his spot I didn't want to see my Dad and I was always waiting for it to end.

He does have an ungodly amount of anxiety when he is with me and I'm not quite sure why.

The Weekend Part 1

Well I didn't realize how cold I was sitting there with Law girl until I got home. So when I went to bed I through on some PJ's. I know losing some cool points, but I was cold. Anyway 2 hours later I was sweating and had to take them off, but the damage was done. I couldn't fall back to sleep. So the only way I get sick is not to get enough sleep. So I was sick for the weekend. Since I wasn't sleeping I left early in hopes of having more time for the bad weather. It wasn't needed. No one was on the road. It was sleeting and freezing rain, but it was nice to be on the Jersey Turnpike and look around and not see another car.

I picked Eric up early and he was happy about that. Every other time I see him he is in an awkward phase. This was one of those times. The gangly kid. All over sized limbs and such. I almost wanted to laugh. My ex started with all her complaints when the door opened. Part of my mind was almost about to say I would do something to help, but the route to my mouth has been forever severed. So I just stood there.

I was extremely bummed that the major present for Eric the marble mania was missing pieces. We couldn't really play it. I'll call later today to get the parts so he can play. He did enjoy the book and the Robots movie.

Post Date Report

I know some of you don't go to bed until I post these so here it is.

I'll actually start at the end then go back to the begining. I wasn't nervous the whole date. Then she needed to go so I asked if she wanted to do it again. She said yes and then it hit me. The anxiety slammed into my like a frieght train. I tell you I was light headed. After a kiss and a hug I got in my car and LMAO. I was just trying not to stumble I was so light headed. After a few minutes I was better and finally stopped laughing.

I got thier early as normal. The usual Starbucks crew was there. I threw them though by sitting down. They were all ready to make my drink and me not asking for it was throwing them off. I told them I was waiting for someone and that calmed them down. So it was freezing in there since it was like 30 degrees outside. Law girl was a few minutes late and I was getting ready to order something cause I was cold.

First off I wasn't totally sure it was her. She looked a lot better than her pictures. Soon as I walked to the counter the crew went to work on my drink an it was done quick while her basic drink to a while. It was a fun time. She's very funny and almost had me choking a couple of times which became a running joke throughout the evening.

So I'm looking forward to seeing her again. However my next week is pretty busy with stuff already planned. I'll call her and fnd out what nights are good for her and schedule from there.

Go North Young Man

Well I'm preparing for my trip to see my son this weekend. As always gas prices have rose when I do this. Only this time they shot up 30 cents in the last 3 days. We just blew past the $3 mark like it wasn't even there. Unfuckingbelievable! I have a few worries this time. It's suppose to sleet tonight and then warm up tomorrow. However I'll be out of here before the warm up. So I'm hoping the Bay bridge tunnel will be okay. I have my reservations driving 20 miles across open water after a sleet storm. NY itself is suppose to get 1-3 inches which in itself is nothing, but will probably make the Jersey Turnpike a nightmare. Not that it needs a reason to screw with you. Other than that I'm really looking forward to seeing Eric. I feel bad for him. Usually he has school to occupy him when I come visit him, but tomorrow he'll be home on vacation. He's going to be bouncing off the walls all day long.

Game Night went really well last night and a core group seems to be forming for it. Everyone looks forward to it and to the next one. We did find out the Buck Naked's wife's name is Mona Lot.

Tonight I have my date with Law Girl. I'm looking forward to it. I did realize that dating Spa girl did help me out. In dating a woman that I was totally not nervous about I've seen how it all flows with out the anxiety. So it really decreased any anxiety in any date since then. So we'll see.

The Teacher and I still talk, but my interest is waining. Nice person to talk to, but there's no spark of vitality that I like. The Florist still hints at dating and she can keep hinting if she wants, but it ain't happening. L is still emailing me little snippets to arouse my interest and other things. Jeez when did I get this list of women.


Okay I got this email from a woman I'm talking to from a dating site. I kind of had a hint she was weird, but I wasn't quite sure so I been asking questions to feel her out. I think she is dropping acid or something. What do you guys think?

(Me) Looking back on your life, of what are you most proud?
(Her) I am going to step out on a limb with this one only because I believe you will understand what I am saying given the type of work you do. (I am going to change the question to make it more in line with how I think) Looking back on my life, what has been your most profound experience? My entire body vibrated for three straight days and as a result, shifted me into a more expanded consciousness changing my awareness in a major way. This opened a myriad of new experiences that previously were unavailable, completely changing who I was, how I thought and how I choose to live my life on a daily basis. It is the journey...not the outcome.

My guess is she was captured by aliens and given an anal probe or that was one hell of an orgasm.

A New Meme by Gypsy

Gypsy started a new blog. Asking questions for people to anwer.

Was there one person in your past (or present) who opened sexual doors for you? How?

I would say it was the Latina. I started have sex with my ex and throughout all our years I learned the basics. However with the Latina it was on a different field of play. We never had sex in a bed or at either of our places. We were a couple who if we wanted sex we pretty much had it. At work, in bathrooms, in stores (got locked in after it closed - not fun dealing with police), behind curtains with people around. I always said it was my porno relationship since it was just like being in a movie.

New Blog Starts

Well since I'm loving "I Can't Believe He's Still Single" I decided to make it's sister blog. Go here. Since I find so many gems out there while I'm looking for myself. Enjoy.

TMI Tuesday

Okay this week is going to be a boring one for me.

1. Which one turns you on more Ink or piercing? Why? Neither and more of a turn off.

2. What ink do you have? If none, what would you get and and where? None and I don't think so.

3. What piercing do you have? If none, what would you get and and where? None and HELL NO!

4. Any other adornments you like to do for your lover or have then do for you? Not really.

5. Of all of the above is there anything that is an immediate Turn-Off? Tattoos really don't do it for me. The low back one is okay, but anything else on a woman not turning me on. Piercings? The more you have the less I like.

Bonus (as in optional): If money/work place rules/your life/whatever what ALL would you do to your body in the name of sexual or just general adornment? Besides Lasik nothing. I'm very happy with myself.

For All You Women

I'm bored and I've been strolling from blog to blog across the internet universe. I never made it to the rim, but I did find many sink holes. Anway I found this gem. It has all these great guy online dating profiles. If you think Craig's List is funny you'll enjoy this. Here's a taste:

Looking for virtuous woman

Age: 41

Location: Kentucky

Hi!Im looking for an awsome christian woman who is on fire for God.Im currently married and want out.I know nothing is impossible for God.Last time i prayed for a woman that liked sex as much as me now im praying for one who is virtuous.If you are the one let me know.If you know anyone who needs an awsome Christian man let me know.I also like to felloowship.Thanks for reading this. Have an awsome day!Lift Jesus higher!

On a side note I have a date Thursday evening with Law Girl. I wasn't quite sure about her when we started talking, but she has a funny personality that gels with mine. We're just both hoping for chemistry.

Some More Pics

Mary & Me doing Bachata

Teaching April how to salsa

Listening to something?
Analisa teaching us to bachata

The Day After

7 hours of sasla dancing not good. Boy am I sore.

Dancing Fool

Well that was a lot of dancing and I know I'm going to be sore tomorrow. 3 hours in the afternoon at the workshop and 4 more tonight at the jam. It was a good turn out. I danced with a lot of different women. I didn't go too high above me with the dancers. I did teach a lot of beginners how to be better. What truly surprised me was hearing any time you want to dance let me know. This from seasoned dancers. My repitiore may not be large, but what I know is very good.

I got ribbed a lot by my fellow classmates since I usually don't stay out this late. Hey I remember how it was when I was in my 20's. I don't think they realize how old I am. In the room I am the oldest or one of the oldest there of the men. Again another surprise is them wanting me to stay. Hey it's a lot of fun, but staying out to all hours one night messes with the rest of the week. One that will end with me going to NY. However they are funny when they say you can't leave. I feel like I'm dealing with a little kid.

The only problems I had tonight were: 1 is the usual they are twenty-something females and I sometimes forget their age and they are totally misreading mine. Going out. Been there done that. Really not worth it. 2 is Salsera. She is the organizer of many of the salsa events in the area. Very attractive woman in her 30's. I can never tell if she likes me or not. It always seems to go up and down. On the other hand I don't think we are a good match, but I would like to know there things.

It's Tony Montoya

Tony Montoya taught us salsa today. I kid you not. Right down to the scar. It was freakin' weird. He was a good dancer, but an okay teacher. Bite size was not his middle name. It was like stuffing down a six foot hero. Oye! I did get it by the time we were finished, but it is slowly leaking out of my ear like guacamole. Couples dancing was a little rougher. I'm use to all the girls I know, but there were some really good dancers there and I felt like a numbskull trying to get it all. Hey if I'm not going to be hard on myself who else will? One of the good dancer's kepy holding my hand in a way that I felt like saying are we dating? I'm by far not a prude, but I believe somethings are appropriate when you are involved with someone. If not then their nothing really special is there?

Also I found it very interesting that the guys studio had no AC. Let me tell you we were all dripping when we came out of there.

So now I'm resting before I go back later for just normal dancing. Trying to leave my intimidation of the better female dancers at the door. I'm good with what I know and I have to remember that. My teacher drills it into my head every week. Better to be able to do a few thing really well than a lot poorly. Photos to follow.

Salsa Coming Out of My Ears

I signed up for this month's Salsa Jam. This is pretty much an all day event of workshops and then dancing into the wee hours of the morning. I missed last month's and I figured what the hey this time around. For some reason the workshops are more geared for the women, but I hope to learn some cool things tomorrow. However I know I'm goinng to hear it from the youngins' when I want to cut out before 2 am. Let me tell you besides sex it's hard to do one thing all day long. I get tired of it. I believe the Florist is coming at night. I'm not quite sure if us just being friends has fully sunk into her brain yet. However since she is still sleeping in the same bed with her ex fiance she might never get it.

I Surprise Myself

I got home from work last night and worked out some and then it happened. I didn't feel like being alone last night. I could have drove the 30 minutes to dance with everyone. The problem was that even though I like everyone, being around a group of twenty somethings just wasn't going to do it. I really wanted to be around someone my own age. Looking online I saw that L was online. So I figured she's emailing me every two months hinting to get back together. I don't want to get back together, but she's a great person to go out to eat with. I've never gelled with a person before with food, but with her I do. So I figured some sushi. She never responded back. I knew she was on and off all night so I know she wasn't doing anything else. With L it's that power struggle thing. She can be the one pulling the strings, but she's not comfortable the other way around. It's one of the reasons were not together.

Valentines Day

I don't think I've ever had a white Valentine's day. At least not in the south. I was surprise to awake this morning to a dusting of snow covering my world. I tell you when I'm single Valentine's day falls into the category of Columbus Day, President's Day, etc. It's a non-holiday that I have no reference to. When Eric use to live with me all those small holidays are evident due to school. Now they just mark my life by all the car sales. Even when I'm with someone I have to admit that I'm not a big fan of Valentine's day. I mean if you need a holiday to celebrate that you love someone than something's wrong.

Don't Ever ...

I had a Health Fair today. It was fun and since I know everyone at the rec center I got top billing. It's good to know people. Anyway it's almost over and I suddenly realize I haven't talked to one crazy person the whole show. Now someone nuts always stops by and talks my ear off. Normally I have the power to turn invisible and I avoid these squirrel chow people like a crack whore looking for a job. Not 10 seconds after I made this realization than this 84 year old lady comes up and starts talking to me. I'm sitting, it's a noisy room, and she's a low talker. Now I know she's not saying anything important at least I hope so since I'm saying "that's good" and laughing. I don't think she was saying her children died horribly be being burned alive while they were vomitting from food poisoning. This goes on for a few minutes. I'm sitting really don't have to say anything so I'm good. Anyway her husband (90)finally shows up telling her that as soon as he leaves her alone she's talking to all the good looking men. She answers, "well he is." I laughed my ass off. I got to see their wedding pictures and we called it a day.

The only other thing was this chiropractic assistant that was there for the doctor. She didn't look very thrilled to be there. But when she walked across the room I had to literally hold my jaw from hitting the floor. She was tits and ass on legs. It was like some surgeon said guys like T & A so lets make them mobile so more men can see them and enjoy.

I can't remember who had a meme on the Ten Commandments. However one of them should be DON"T EVER park six inches from my car when it's pouring out and I don't have an umbrella. If it hadn't taken me 5 minutes to climb into my car I would of banged on your window about learning how to park, jerk wad.

Tuesday Thoughts

Well I graduated from my second salsa class. Looking forward to starting the next in 2 weeks. Since I'm in town this week I'll hit the seminar and jam to learn some more moves and have some fun. I really like to see some of the guest guys dance so I can see what they do.

Brush fires still run wild south of here and boy you can smell the smoke here. It's actually not bad. Kind of has that fireplace smell. It's way better from when they control fire some of the swamp each year, let me tell you.

I was bummed today to find out my OVDC's next door neighbor was already seeing someone. We chatted quickly last week and as my friend says she's really attractive. Yes I know. she made it clear that she was still looking out for me and I'm doing well with all her married friends. Doesn't do me any good, but it's a nice ego boost. Which is good since Match is getting really tired really fast.

Looking over my Wellness chart and feel good with everything except my finances. So I'm meeting with Loan Lady tomorrow about seeing what's in my future. Also I'm talking to the Advisor to see what I can do financially with everything I already have to see what I can sqeek out. I just want to cover all my bases as best I can. It's still hard with money tight, but I want to do the best I can and have a direction to be moving in.

In the Arms of Morpheus

I'm back home and younger. My Mom and her boyfriend Larry are there. I want to watch Godfather Part 3 on the TV (bad movie about family, violence, and other dysfunctions). I make a comment and their is a problem with Larry. My Mom as usual wants to placate everything and act as all is okay to keep stability (she's done this with violence, thefts, etc. and as her son have picked up the trait). I've always gone along with this even though it doesn't sit right with me. My words become more troublesome as they leave my lips (as I begin to choke on my own words). So I know I must do something. I'm older and I call Larry to talk. I'm bigger than him (now I'm the grown up in the situation and have no cringing fear). I ask him what the problem is. He responds that my comment was "insipid" (the first time I every had to look up a word after a dream. Insipid - lacking taste, dull. I see we are back to the big words and put downs). I cut in to his words and apologize for it. Then when it is my turn I tell him what is unacceptable to me. He says he must leave then. I'm good with that and he disappears.

I Be Gumby Dam It!

I see everyone wonders about me and yoga. It isn't like I never did it before. I did it for over a year. I tell you it's pretty interesting being in a room full of women contorting their bodies in skimpy outfits and being the only guy. Usually I have to pay for that. To set the record straight I'm pretty flexiable. I'm no Gumby, but I can do pretty well. All except my shoulders which for some strange reason just are always very tight. I think I'll try this Wednesday night. If it's good I can switch between morning and night on Wednesdays depending on my schedule.

One thing I did learn today is never go to the gym at 6 pm. What a fuckin' nightmare! I had to stand on line to hand my card over. Then everything is knee deep in bodies. I only had 30 minutes to spare and I spent most of that time waiting. I'll never say the morning is crowded again.

What I've Learned

One of the things I've learned on my journey is that if you don't want to smack into anything. You shouldn't run around with your eyes closed. Everyday I realize this a little bit more and expand it to new areas of my life. I would like to say it would be easier with more money, but when I had it I still ran with scissors. So now I have to manage my day to day affairs if I want things to turn out good. I know rocket science.

On another note I would like to take yoga again. I've been tossing around for a while, but Tara's class while has increased in size just doesn't do it for me anymore. The price is right, but I'm really tired of the basics. So I think I'll try and hit one of the studios in the area. I know of a good one, it's just time. Shit I can't believe I'm saying that when I'm not working a second job. However looking at their schedule it's hard to get to what I want unless I do an hour of yoga then head over to salsa. NOT!

Sunday Stories

Well I have found out that after living by myself for 3 days I no longer close the bathroom door when I'm in there. Also with the place empty I'm more apt to hang around then on the outside somewhere.

So after my talk with my bro the other day it helped put thing in perspective in my mind. So I'm now taking steps to not fly by the seat of my pants through life. It's gotten me this far, but I know it's on borrowed time. I've had the life insurance for a while so Eric would have something if I wasn't here. With all my driving I got a roadside policy to help me on those long drives to NY. Next month I will put a health plan back into effect. I really never go to the doctor except to my shrink to get my meds. So I really just want to be covered if I ever went into the hospital which would destroy me financially.

Next on the list is talking to my friend Tuesday about all the changes in the home loan front. When I separated from my ex I filed bankruptcy since I was left with all the marital debt. I want to know how long it will affect me on this front so I can decide if I'll shoot for an apartment soon or save for a place down the line.

On the dating front. I'm hearing more from the crickets. This time around on Match I'm finding all the stories people talk about. The biggest one being people just wasting your time. I have to wonder if the Painter and I will ever go out. I'm happy to keep talkng to her since she is a nice person, but the rest I don't know. Honestly I don't really care. I don't like the game playing, but I feel like I'm 10 years younger and this is my time. It's always weird to find yourself after you had a child, but hey better late than never. So I enjoy my time.

Anwyay on the dating front I had another of my singles events tonight, Comedy Improv. It seems April who I dated last year was usurped even though it was her baby and replaced. The show was still very good and it was nice to go with a nice size crowd. I did meet the Doctor there. Let me tell you her picture on her profile didn't do her justice. I actually had to ask her name twice since her pic wasn't that flattering. She's a pennisula girl and I'm not happy about that, but she was nice to talk to.

Can we remove the spellcheck button since it's totally worthless!

Dating Fool

Well yesterday I wasn't in the dating mood, but that was to be expected after all the fond memories I had going down memory lane with my Brother. However it all did help since today I feel better and my areas of feeling less than with finaces have diminished or disappeared. So with some patient reschedules (this is the week for them) I've spent time on Match sending out emails. At times I wish I was a girl and I could winks. As a guy I just can't do that. To me that sends the message "yes, I have no balls." Women wink. They do that in real life.

I'm looking forward to a weekend of rest. MT send this was the most sedate she has ever seen me. I do need to get back to the gym and will do so after work today.

The Painter and I continue to communicate, but she is just really busy with graduate school. I'm biting my tongue on asking why she would be on Match.

It's Coming

At some point I'm going to poop out. I went to bed way too late last night and I needed to be up at 6 this morning. Ugh. It was worth it thought. Yesterday was the last day my Brother and family were in town. Our Mom was good and the daily visits had her in good spirits, but she doesn't want to get better so it won't last.

My Brother and I talked about growing up with our psychotic Mom with my SIL asking questions and shaking her head. My Brother being older has a different perspective than I. So it was interesting hearing about how it is to grow up in poverty. How certain things just stay with you and there hard to lose. A lot of it only changes when you deal with people outside your zone. This last year with really expanding my circle of contacts do I see the world through different eyes, especially financially. It's hard moving past a survival mentality.

Some interesting things we did decide was that our oldest brother Mike since first born statistically had the best chances became the worse of us. Here is a guy who wrote his first book at 8, but just somewhere along the way lost it.

I was surprised to find out my middle Brother marries/relationships to move up socio-econmically. Me safety kind of drives me.
The best part of it was talking someone who went though it. I retell stories with people, but it's not the same. My Dad running across lawns trying to run people over, my Grandfather ready to kill his wife and kids with a gun, underage prostitutes in the house, etc. My SIL had the same face my therapist use to have of how are you guys not sociopaths. LOL.

TMI Tuesday

1. By what nickname(s) were you known as a child? Sorry no nicknames here.

2. Do you have a favorite poem and, if so, what is it? Recite it (or a snippet) here, please. "There once was a man from Nantucket ..." Really I'm not a poetry fan.

3. What is your greatest regret in life, something that you failed to do that you wish you did? I didn't go out with this girl Danielle when I was a teenager. She really liked me, but I was nervous and never got together with her.

4. You are tired and hungry, but it's too late to cook. If any snack food were available to you, what would you choose and why? Granola bar. Healthy, filling, and easy to eat.

5. What is the oldest item of clothing (not jewelry!) that you wear regularly and what do you love about it? My leather jacket. It's waaaay so comfortable.

Bonus (as in optional):Name a movie or TV show that changed your thinking or behavior. Episode One: The Phantom Menace. Yeah I'm surprised too. Qui Gong while fighting Darth Maul when he has moments of inactivity relaxes and calms himself. Helped firm up the need to quiet myself when things get crazy to better deal with it all.

Tired Tuesday

Having family around is churning up a few things for me. Bizarre dreams that I can't remember. Add to that staying up late and getting up early, I'm tired. However the weather is great. We took our Mom outside today to get some sun. She was a little more interactive. My Brother wanted to see how much she remembered. She remembered my Dad, and he friends. Didn't remember our other brother, her first husband or her last boyfriend. After a while she got tired of the questions. My SIL got blasted out of the water today. She was like I'm tired with a four year old. The volunteer she was talking to was like she does spinning classes and yoga and she was 80. She wasn't taking any excuses from her.

I got to show off my office to them which was fun and then we headed over to the beach since I had a reschedule. It was nice to relax in the sun in February. It's in the mid 70's here for some reason. Let me tell you dance class is going to be difficult tonight.

Okay for all you die hard readers who made it this far here is all the juicy stuff. L emailed me again. Jeez lady. For someone who dumped me you keep contacting me. I have to admit she is persistent. It's a relationship that will never be what I want it to be. She made it just over a month this time. So we'll see how long it is to the next one. I guess it will probably be opportunity.

Then my affair patient called wanting an appointment since she was off. All I had was late in the afternoon since I already made plans with my family and she's never that bad off. She couldn't make that which was no biggie for me. Then she was like did I grab lunch? I'm going to need to talk to this lady.

Hmm I seem to be attracting women just not the right ones.
(I'm getting tired of no spell check)

Family Ties

My brother and family arrived yesterday to visit our Mom. I got to Mom's a little early to help prepare her since her coping skills are low. It was a quiet day for her, but she was excited to have them come. Actually she couldn't sit still while we waited. She wanted me to push her around to distract her. Towards the end she wanted to hold my hand to wait. I know my brother and family couldn't tell, but Mom was happy and she looked like she would cry. She was a little bit overwhelmed and upset since she couldn't interact as well as she would like. I had gotten the Shouts & Ladders game in a tin for my niece. I knew my Mom would like to get her something. She was happy to have something in hand. Afterwards we walked her to dinner, but she didn't eat. She was too upset. We tried to help, but it was like dealing with a 1 year old and not liking the food.

It was a little hard for me to deal with everyone else. My Mom's anxiousness and my Brother having to deal with our Mom. Since he sees her about once to twice a year it's hard for him.

We went out to a nice restaraunt down on the ocean. It worked out well since it was happy hour and everything was discounted. It was nice to see everyone again especially my niece who had grown.

This morning I met them for a visit to the Aquarium. They need to get better volunteers there. My SIL went back to the car to put jackets back in there since it is in the 60's today. We were being shown stuff by a volunteer. He told us about the next exhibit and would tell my SIL where we went. Well we go see it and wait and wait. So we figure what is going on she had to be back by then. So we go back out and the guy is gone. Thanks buddy. My SIL had wandered into a different part of the place.

24 Hour Wrap Up

I was hanging out last night. My first night actually all week being home to relax instead of doing something. Anyway I was kind of sad with the thought of how much of the little things I miss out of Eric's life. When we're together and something big happens he always wants to call his mom. I get some of them and I'm always grateful to get them. So I was surprised to get a mid day call from him today. He was feeling down cause he was having a run of bad luck. Not sure what the streak was since it wasn't affecting him in most ways. It seem like he was just down and in a negative mood. So we talked about how if you focus on bad things that's all that seems to happen. If he thought about all the good stuff it would probably change his luck. So he seemed good with it and I was happy with the phone call.

Boy I'm tired today from a week of fun. I really wanted to sleep in today, but I got up for a patient that didn't show. I hate it when that happens.

Well the Teacher didn't go for the friends thing. Her loss. In my search I'm surprised that many women still want to pop some more babies out. Since I don't I'm steering clear. Have to admit that it does cut into the herd though. Anyway onto the Painter. I actually went a little higher in age than I normally do (48). However she paints, dances, spiritual, high energy, big into music. So I had to make the connection. So far so good.

Tomorrow my Bro and family will be here for 5 days to visit our Mom. It will be good to see everyone. By the time they leave my Landlord will be gone for 10 days on his vacation. Woohoo the house to myself. The air guitar lives.

Post Date Report

Well I had my early morning date with the Teacher this morning. My friend joked with me since I called her a lady. He wanted to know how old she was and I said 46. I'm 41 so its not a stretch at all. What can I say she was nice, attractive, and returned maybe 30% of my serves. When I'm deal with people I'm knocking the ball into your court. How the ball is served back into my court tells me about you. While I felt she had a nice time and I had fun I was tired of carrying it all. The good thing was that any anxiety was pretty minimal when I was meeting her. I have to admit it went different than I thought. I figured it would be pretty black and white with us. Either there would be chemistry or not. There was some there, but I think she is still finding herself. I'll probably let here know that I would be happy to be friends cause she is really a nice person. Made some good friends that way so far.
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