Going Sane in a Crazy World

My journey through life and the lessons I learn to help me grow spiritually.

Sane Friends

Yes It's Me

It was funny today. One of my friends from across the way wanted to stop by with a friend. I figured it was either business or a possible date. Anyway she showed up with a woman who looked familiar. She said she had met me a couple of weeks ago when she stopped by to hand me something about her business. I informed her that I did my own billing, but I had given her information out. I asked if she wanted m chiropractic directory and she took it like I gave her the crown jewels. Then she turned and saw my wall. She asked if I was Dr. V which I answered yes. She said that she was told to talk to Dr. V who would be able to help her. However she couldn't find any Dr. V in the phone book. Well she found me in a round about way.


Well the ex's father has sepsis and a fever so we they are treating him for it. Hopefully they are able to get it all under control.
It's been way too hot today. Eric and I tried to play basketball, but we wilted after about 20 minutes. So he's been playing computer games most of the day while I treated patients. The phone started ringing today which is good so hopefully it will continue to do so. The funny thing was that it was my second busiest month this year, but it just died so fast after the first 2 weeks being really good. What's killing me is all the extra money I had to pay out this month and I'm flat broke now to pay the new bills.
Well tomorrow is so far dead in the office so Eric and I will go down to the beach. L has offered her driveway to park so we can get close.

The Tide Turns

I hate bumps in the road. The ex called my tonight upset. Her dad has taken a turn for the worse in a very fast way. He went from okay health to seeing and talking to people not there. I'm thinking probably a stroke if there has been no medicine changes. They admitted him to the hospital today to run test to get to the bottom of the problem. The bigger problem is that I know my ex and her dad are very tight and she has always stated that when he goes she will be a basket case. Oye. So Eric maybe flying back on his own Friday.

I'm happy to report that as Eric gets older he is sleeping later and longer which is great for me since it's usually sleep deprivation. We did find a bike today at the thrift store for $8 which we cleaned up. Catch was the big thing for the day. Learning how to ride went very rough. I was honest with Eric about his frustration level when he doesn't get things easy. He's been that way since he was born. Mentally he's very intelligent and that comes easy. The physical stuff comes normal for everyone, but to him is seems harder since it's not as easy. Frustration sets in pretty fast and it makes it hard for him to learn.

I was hoping patients would call in like they do on Mondays to come in. However this week is was to cancel and already slow week.

Fly Like an Eagle

Well I just got the official announcement that Dancer has given up. She dropped her singles membership with my group before I would do it next week. She stated that she still wanted to be friends, but was getting the message that I didn't. Hopefully she won't be like Lazarus coming back from the grave.

My flight to NY yesterday went very smooth and it's great since it's under and hour to get there. I can see why it's a cheap airline since only poor people could fit in the seats. I'm not a big guy and it felt tight to me. If you have a few extra pounds for get about it.

It's an eye opener when you walk into NY. I always feel the age and decay. This time it was like were are all the white people. I don't think I ran into a single white employee there and I'd say that about 60% English was a second language. I almost felt like I was in another country. Anyway the ex wasn't feeling well and I had to take a taxi to pick Eric up. It was a smooth trip and no problems. I was going to pick him up a little later, but the ex said he was ready.

I did find out why he has some of his anxieties. His remembered airport trips have been been with his mom and she's notorious for getting loss. She does use him as a copilot when she's loss so he gets brought into it all. After sitting in the airport for 6 hours, the place loss any anxiety provoking attributes and just became a big boring place. We had fun for about the first 3-4 hours though.

Eric really enjoyed the flight and was very excited. I've used every opportunity to push that when he can do it by himself we can see each other more often. Now I'll just see what happens.

Still Crazy After All These Years

Even after 2 unreturned phone calls, one of which she was angry that I didn't pick it up, Dancer texted me today. She tried to make a joke about seeing her chiropractor today while she was back home visiting her parents. Oye, I might have to drive a stake through her heart to make her stay down.

I was hoping to get to be early tonight, but it will probably be normal time since I'm not feeling sleepy. The day was too slow for me to burn that much energy off.

Across the hall from me is a florist. Like I've mentioned before I'm not on the main drag which works against me to a point. However for a florist, no through traffic really sucks and they really don't run it very well. Anyway they've hired Punk girl to work there. She's a very nice person I just have a hard time looking at her without staring at all the piercings she has in her face let alone ears. I think the round one hanging out of her nose draws the most attention. If she's there next week I wonder what Eric will say. Hopefully she will be able to work out all the problems with the owners since she is good for networking and cross marketing businesses which can help me.

Now my two prayers are that I don't have to go pick Eric up and that my patient that owes me several thousand dollars was actually telling me the truth and will have the insurance money for me in 2 weeks.

Bucking Bronco

I awoke to "It's my life and I'll do what I want" by the Kinks playing in my head. In 24 hours I go from zero to full time dad for 6 days. It's always a big shock to my system. I do enjoy my time with Eric, but the big transition is hard on me. Since he's starving for time with me it's hard for me to get a little alone time during the day to myself that I need. I deal with this with my patients all the time and for me I know I get stressed from it. Since Eric's visits aren't real life I rarely have a support system to help out with this.

I won't know till I'm in NY whether my ex is dropping Eric off or I'm taking a taxi to pick him up. I'm packing for spending 7-9 hours in the airport till our flight back.

The office has slammed on the breaks which I hate since it means money dries up real fast. I know I had many extra bills this month so there is no cushion at the moment. I just don't like not having one when I'm traveling and dealing with Eric.

Blogging may be sporadic over the next week, but I promise to take many pictures.

In Sickness and at Concerts

The concert last night was a lot of fun. It was Saturn girl, her date the Savant, and his friend Asp. We all know each other from the singles group. It's a fun group. Savant is very funny, but also very weird and crazy. He was the one that won tickets to the concert, but it was Asp that asked if I wanted to go. I wasn't quite sure if it was her was of getting us together or not. While I find her attractive and funny in a group, she has a sharp tongue. Asp is good for whittling you down, but I don't know about positive stuff. I believe she is good with her son though. Her problem she confessed is that she never meets anyone. It was during the concert, so I couldn't reply that she never goes out. It's work and home with her son. She rarely comes to events with us. Hopefully with her son gone till August, Asp will get the bug to get out more.

Dancer called and left me a message during the concert last night. I still haven't listened to it and I doubt I will. L said that I'm too nice and just cut the crazy lady off. I've heard that from a few people and since I've already let her know how I've felt I think I'm just going to let it die.

I talked to the ex last night for a while and her health is still declining. Besides the cyst on her ovaries that is causing problems she also has one on her pancreas and has colitis. She's falling apart like I knew would happen when we were married. I knew in the future I would be taking care of her for a long time. I worry how it will all affect Eric. She hasn't told him much, but kids sense everything. All this may upset Saturday's pick up. I may have to take a taxi to get Eric. At least the ex said she would pay for it. I'm hoping she can drop him off.

I was trying to decide if I should bring Eric to see my Mom while he is here. I wasn't sure about showing him her decline. He knows about it verbally, but seeing is a totally different thing. Also I was worried with him just getting over a cold since you need a strong immune system there. However I got the call today saying that my Mom has a head cold and that they were giving her medicine for it. So that made my mind up for me.

Crazy is as Crazy Does

Forget the title I'm going crazy in a crazy world. The Landlord has been doing jigsaw puzzles for the last few weeks downstairs. It's been giving my a little bit of a bug to do one. Well I was in the thrift store today and I saw a fantasy one that looked like Disney world threw up. It was 58 cents so I figured why the hell not. My only worry was that it would have all 1000 pieces. My usual strategy is to do the outside first. While doing this I remember that I've never done one this big before and finished. Oh well there's always a first. So I get the outside done, but one side is short and I've got extra pieces. No problem right? Wrong. They don't fit anywhere. WTF? So instead of having a rectangle I have a trapezoid which is strange since it's rectangular on the box. However it is a fantasy puzzle so anything can go. For a lack of sanity now I'm trying to do the inside in hopes that it will somehow all work out. I'll be in a rubber room in a couple of days.

I have not contacted Dancer back yet and I'm deciding still if I'm going to call back. Each time I do it seems to stir everything back up again. One thing I realized again when she left me the message today is that every time I break away from my standards on dating I end up with a crazy chick. One day I think I'll learn.

The good think that happened tonight is that some singles friends invited me to the Doobie Brothers/Bad Company concert tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to it.

Little of This and a Little of That

Usually I buy a cheap lunch, but about once a week I up for a decent lunch and I'll save half because I know I'm not going to be home to eat dinner till late. What I truly hate is when I forget it in the car for a few hours on a hot, sunny, June day. Jeez what a waste.

I actually had to call the state police last night do to a drunk driver on the road. The biggest problem was getting his license plate number since he was speeding and no one wanted to get near him. I had to get off the exit, but hopefully they got the guy before he hurt someone.

I think Dancer and I are coming to an end. She had texted me that she went to the movies the other night which I got this morning. So I texted back a question on the road and didn't hear the phone ring. She was upset that I hadn't answered since I just texted. So she wanted to know if I didn't want her to call anymore. Okay this is getting way out of control now. I wonder if it will all just go away on it's own or will I have to call her to stop it all.

Thank You Miss, Can I Have Another

I'm always amazed at how short a skirt a woman thinks she can get away with, not that I mind. I stopped by Starbucks today since I'm pretty burned out today and feel like doing nothing. If Eric wasn't coming next week I would be all for it, but I need to make sure everything is done to the utmost this week so that I have very little to do next week. Anyway I'm sitting there when an attractive young woman comes in 3-4 inch heels and a really short mini skirt. So she got her order and went to do whatever one does to a coffee. She then went to get something low down and she bent over slightly. I do want to thank her for the great shot of her ass. It had to make me laugh.
I can't begin to say how shot I feel today. My mind is a blank and all I want to do is goof off. I'm going to try and work with some light weight stuff to get back into the swing of things. However beyond patients I don't think I'm going to get much done today.

Schools Out for Summer

While I enjoy being outside in the warm weather I have to admit I hate when school gets out. From a business stand point everyone goes on vacation which means lower numbers. The gym is packet with rug rats and driving is like something out of the Road Warrior with kids darting across streets on anything with wheels. I guess this officially makes me old. Turn down that music!!!

It was interesting in the series I'm reading now by Shanna Swendson. The heroine can't wait to be in comfortable part of the relationship as she dates so she doesn't have to be so anxious. I was starting to be judgemental on this attitude of hers, but I realized I'm the same way. I always want to be in that comfort zone, however in thinking about it I see it's an old friend of mine. Being comfortable means being complacent. That I won't have to work so hard again. Whether I would drop back to that old habit I don't know. I haven't done it in any of the dating I've done over the year even though they were short term. I didn't do it in the last years of my marriage. So I have no idea if it's just an old fear of something I've overcome and just haven't had the chance yet to see it in real life or is it still a legitimate fear.

The Weekends Over

Father's day is the biggest unholiday for me. Eric and I have not been together on this day in 5 years. Although I have to admit this is the first time in a long while that I remembered it. Mostly since I called or texted my friends to wish them a Happy Father's Day. Hey it's not all about me. I think this will be the first year that we'll be together so close to it.

Today was day 2 of no fever for Eric. He was still feeling pretty sick though. His doctor thought he would be better by Wednesday. I'm just hoping by Friday so he can fly Saturday.

Dancer had left a message for me to call her back and she sounded pretty bad. I had no idea why, but I had hoped it wasn't bad news about her friend's son. His appendix had ruptured while they were visiting and her ex didn't take know what was wrong with him and took him to the hospital several days after it had happened. He had been to sick to operate, but they finally did it Friday. Dancer had a migraine which is why she sounded so bad. The phone call was very funny for me since I made it from when I left Starbucks till I got home. She was surprised I was getting off the phone which I found surprising. Since she had talked non-stop for 12 minutes even when we loss connection she had kept on going. I just needed to make some sound every once in a while. I have no idea what's going on in her head.

Surprising to me is that my sunburn feels worse today than yesterday. I get it so rarely that I forget how it goes. I will say that I'm not in the mood to date at this time even though my eye is roving for some reason. I did get a few hits while on the boardwalk yesterday with some attractive women, but I'm just not into it for whatever reason. So I'm enjoying some single time and next week some fathering time.

There Be Dragons

I'm beat. 2 days in the great outdoors will do that to you. Today we headed over to one of the historical houses, the Adam Thoroughgood house. They had a summer celebration and did it with a medieval festival. The grounds themselves were very nice. They had blacksmith making bottle openers out of metal which he stylized with a face. The wizard did a show for the kids with more jokes than any magic. The human chessboard was interesting to watch. The warriors showed us the trechnut as they launched water balloons in to the air. There were plenty of weapon displays with talks of history like the viking raids. The last thing we watched was the joust. All father's were free which I enjoyed. I tell you all those years of playing Dungeons & Dragons paid off with having to explain it to one of the singles from Japan.
Dancer is really starting to get on my nerves. I think Mary is correct that she is obsessed with me. If we can't talk only once a week I may have to end it. German girl said that the more contact we have the more that she's thinking that things are working out.

Baked Goods

Whew it was a scorcher today. It was in the 90's and very humid. Work this morning was a lot slower than I wanted with 2 cancellations. So this was the slowest week I've had in 6 weeks. I'm worried since next week doesn't look busy either and I'm not around next Saturday. My big hope is that my deadbeat patient actually pays me the money she owes me in 3 weeks when she gets it from the insurance company. We'll see.

Eric is doing better with no more fever. He's still coughing and tired, but is on the mend. The doctor is saying he should be back to normal by Wednesday.
It was the annual Boardwalk Art Show down by the oceanfront today. So the singles and I met up to stroll around and look at the artwork. Whoa boy and I fried from all the heat, sun, and walking. I'm really tired tonight. It was a lot of fun and I have to admit the 6-7 hours I was down there went really fast. Having fun people with me helped.
One thing I realized in dealing with Dancer is that I've picked again a woman that dismisses my feelings. Everything I've said and down which everyone else listening has picked up loud and clear has been deflected with her. Talking once a week and I'll be good. She might not like it, but I have my life and since I'm not trying to build anything else than a friendship here I really don't care.

Rocky Road

I was alarmed when my ex called me to tell me Eric was sick. Kids and colds go together. So when I called her back she told me that he had the swine flu. He's doing well and getting treatment. He'll be home from school till next Wednesday. I asked if it would affect him graduating, but was informed that it wouldn't. My next worry is that if he's not well enough to fly next Saturday he's going to be heartbroken to miss the visit.

It was Dancer's birthday and I didn't want to reiterate what I said about no spark again if I didn't have to. However with her starting the day with an email wanting a letter from me telling her how I feel for her special day. Then when we were on the phone she was saying how the relationship is so one sided so I had to tell her. She didn't take it well. Dancer wants to keep trying since we've not been together long. However I know I how I feel and it's not happening. I know that chemistry feeling isn't going to change. I'm happy to be friends with her and any further communication and interaction be under that. She even offered friends with benefits. Jeez can I pick them. Now I know why people just go cold turkey in these instances. We left off that I want to be friends and that she hopes that it will grow to be more. If it gets too intense I'll have to pull the plug.

Fathers & Fear

Since it's Father's Day this weekend, the Internet is a buzz with stuff for guys. Now this little gizmo I found was just too interesting to pass up. I have no need for it, but it's so cool. I'm not quite sure how it opens doors when they won't open. My guess would be to use the chrome plated body like a rock. It's a guy think what can I say.

Swiss+Tech 81550 BodyGard 7-in1 Platinum Series, Chrome Plated BodyGuard is made to help you escape from a vehicle when windows or doors fail to operate due to vehicle damage, fire, or submersion in water. Use the built-in alarm and lights to ward off attackers or signal for help when walking, biking, or hiking, too! Swiss+Tech 81550 BodyGard 7-in1 Platinum Series, Chrome Plated Features: 3 x 1¾ x ¾ weighing only 1.5 oz. Automatic Glass Breaker Safety-Blade Seat Belt Cutter Sonic Alarm LED Flashlight w/ High and Low Beam Flashing Red Emergency Flasher Thermometer Digital... Tire Gauge Made In: China

The latest book I'm reading asked if I wasn't afraid, how would I act? Now that was an interesting question since I knew I would act a lot different. I would be a lot more outgoing if not what I would consider brazen with marketing and talking to people. Right now I'm working on getting rid of the little whispers in the back of my mind that always come up with a worse case scenario. So I'm working on acting like I'm not afraid. How about you? How would you act if your weren't afraid?

The Morning Bumps

I know a few people didn't want me to talk to Dancer on her birthday and I'm for that. However she's just moving at 100 mph and not looking to see if I'm with her or not. Today I get a email asking me to write a long letter telling her how I feel about her, how much she misses me, she's sending me a video later. Whoa! I guess I can pick them huh? So I'll apply the brakes to her today when I call her later. Oye.

I'm waiting to see if I get a response from my deadbeat patient. I have all her information from when I gave it to collections. I've let her know that I know that she was paid already by the insurance company. If I don't hear back from her by the end of the day I'll just email her about making monthly payments.

The Midnight Hour

The rest of my day has been a bit interesting after my radio offer and both have to do with Facebook. Before I get to that, it's interesting when I first heard the offer I was like how much is this going to cost me. Everyone else thinks its for free. I guess it's the business person in me and that nothing is free.

Anyway I got a friend request from someone I went to high school with. They also sent me a email saying hi. Who the hell this person is, is beyond me. I can only remember a few people in high school. I moved around a lot so I was only there for a couple of years. She neither looks familiar or sounds familiar. I guess I should dig out my old yearbook one of these days. It might be my mission for tomorrow, although I have I have no idea where it is in my storage unit.

The women who owes me money and wants to be my Facebook friend responded to my email about her paying the outstanding debt. She lied and told me that the insurance company hadn't settled yet which they already told me it was settled back in December. She wanted my to try and get money from her health insurance company. When I thought about answering her back it was so strange cause I felt like the bad person. I have no idea why, but I get this way often with this misplaced guilt. I didn't do anything wrong and I wasn't the thief. So I replied that they wouldn't pay since they had already settled. So I'll see if she falls of the face of the Earth now.

I was going to make sure Dancer knows that I only want this to be a friendship since she is still going gun-ho with us. However she was out with friends tonight for her birthday tomorrow. So I told her I'd talk to her tomorrow so she could be with her friends. I'm hoping I don't have to put a stake in her heart for her to get it.

I'm Listening

I tell you that I'm always surprised how my life goes. Last month or so I was interviewed on the radio and I had seen the host once since then and he let me do a fast radio spot. I was surprised when he called me again today. It seems he's looking to fill up an hour of radio time a week and he's looking for someone to take that time spot, that person being me. He had asked what I thought and I told him the truth that I had never thought about it before.

I've called a few people to talk to them about the opportunity. What I'm hearing is that its a good opportunity, but a rough time to try and find sponsorship to pay for it. Also that I would need to become a sales person to sell the show as well as design to the show to get a listener ship to make it profitable to me. All of which is a lot of work to get done in a different direction from my practice. It has the ability to help my practice, but the time, effort, and money to get it off the ground are too much for me. I'll ask a few more people and think about it till tomorrow, but I think I'll pass. Thinking about this opportunity all I can think of is the show Fraser.

Hittin' the Brakes

One thing that I have learned being a chiropractor is matching people's energy levels. If someone comes in feeling very low I can't talk to him like I'm high on crack and visa versa. For people to relate to you I've found that I need to be close to where they are. Afterwards I can move to a higher level. Why am I talking about this? Dancer of course. I need to talk to her again that there is no spark for me and that friends is it. She is constantly coming at me at 100% high and I'm down around 10-20%. Hey if I was interested in her she would be a great person as she is talking date nights and such on the phone which is awesome. However I'm just not that in to her to quote a catch phrase.

Eric and I got a chance to talk for a while last night and he's excited to see me and fly in the plane. I'm hoping he gets use to flying soon so he can do it himself since then I could see him every other month if not every month if prices stay the way they are.

It's a slow day in the office today so I'm catching up on paperwork and doing some marketing. I've gotten some new patients for later in the week and a pregnancy fair for August so it's been worth it. This morning was the first time in a while that I awoke rested. I'm conking out a little now, but it's better than it has been. I'm still fighting a minor cold. Tonight's hike is going to be a rough one since there is going to be a good wind. While I'm good for a normal hike the windy ones still take some getting use to.

On the home front we have a female doctor who hasn't passed her boards yet coming to check the place out. We believe she was trained outside the US which is very difficult to get licensed here nowadays. She's teaching at one of the hospitals until she can get fully accredited. We'll see if she works out. It will be interesting to have another professional in the house.


I want to thank Rachel Sara over at Single Mom Seeking for recognizing me this Father's Day. Just click on her blog to read my interview. Reading the interview I remembered a book I had ordered years ago when I first separated. Since it was a whole new experience for me being a long distance dad I read everything I could on what I could do, how it would affect Eric, etc. So I pulled the book out again Dad's at a Distance. They cover everything for dad, but they have stuff for moms and couples. When I first got the book Eric was a bit young for everything, but having rediscovered the book there are plenty of things Eric and I can do now. Check it out and hopefully it helps with any distance relationship you have.

Tuesday's Here

It was nice to sleep a full night sleep. When the alarm clock went off this morning I had to hit the snooze and it was a blink on an eye when it went off again. It didn't matter to me that I was alone in the bed just that no one was waking me up early. I have to admit that was getting on my nerves with Dancer waking me up early to hang out. She texted me this morning telling me how much she misses me next to her in bed. I'm thinking I need to tell her again that I'm not having any spark between us to build a relationship on. Friend wise will be great. So we'll see.

I'm getting many questions on what Eric and I are doing when he gets here. I have no clue honestly. His taste keep changing so there is no reason for me to even plan. For both of us, just doing something, anything together is the best. I'll have to work while he is here which is no big deal since Eric has been coming to work with me since he was in an infant carrier. I actually have a few small jobs he could help me out with.

In an effort to help answer Eric's question about his family tree I made one for my Father's side and one for my Mom's side. Plus I copied the picture I had in the last entry for him.

In digging through my Mom's side of the family I'm feeling a better connection. My brother and I have talked on this before, but our Mom did not foster in us any sense of cultural heritage. We have no idea why. He thinks it's from many people thinking they were Puerto Rican during the big migration to NY in the 50's. I think it has more to do with Mom's own stuff of not connecting.

Until I was older did I realize how unconnected I felt in the world. Hey you could be Irish and never been to Ireland, but there is a connection with others who are Irish. I never met a Filipino person until I was in my 20's. If I had never worked with any I would have no idea about that side of my heritage. I've always known my Italian relatives, but since we were not close in distance that never got as strong as I seen in many of my other friends who were Italian. So with all this work it's nice to start to feel part of something bigger than apart from.

Old Pictures

Well with Eric asking many questions of the Filipino side of the family and then with interesting confirmation about my Mom's heritage. I grabbed the photo album I made my Mom when I went for my visit yesterday. I sent the pics to my brother who doesn't ever remember seeing them.

This is a picture of my grandmother on my Mom's side. I had forgotten her name was Minnie. I never knew it until recently. In my Mom's downward slide she had to answer questions and she just said it. It was something that was never mentioned in all my years.

This is a picture of my Mom's grandmother. I believe my Mom was named after her.

This is a picture of my Mom's dad and her step mom.

It's a Small World

Looking through my Facebook homepage I see that L hand with the Woohoo Sistas. Looking through the pictures I saw Law girl. It said she was getting married which was nice to hear. She was a good person. It's funny how I just find people I've dated and learn how they are doing. Dancer asked if I meet a lot of Singles people when I'm out and about. It's weird, but I never do. Just like I almost never run into old girlfriends.

Catch Up

OMG I'm exhausted today. I dropped Dancer off at the airport at 5 this morning. She always wakes up earlier than me and there is no more glaring reflection of us than at that time. Dancer wants to engage with me and I just want to sleep. Without that deeper chemistry connection the relationship is just not high on my list. I explained it in a better way to her, but since she has a better chemistry than me I think it was over looked by her. So I think with us apart it will better be understood by her.

However I'm a walking zombie today. I dragged my ass back out of bed to come to work for a patient that didn't show up. I'm happy to report others have called to come in today, but when I could have slept and it didn't happen. Oye I'm mad. As any woman that has every dated me knows that I like my sleep.

I took Dancer out to Carabas for our date Saturday night. The food there is always awesome and I had free gift certificates to the place so it worked out great. We then took a walk in the park and then stopped at Starbucks since it was raining. Most women look at me strange when I suggest Starbucks and a game of Lifestories for dessert in the night. However once we play they are pleasantly surprised. Dancer really enjoyed the game.

Yesterday we walked on the beach early in the morning and yes my ass was dragged outside to do this. We did some bike riding down the boardwalk and since she loves light houses I took her to one of ours here. Old Cape Henry lighthouse from 1791 which was the first construction job commissioned by the US.

Since I was exhausted Saturday I asked Dancer to come with me to see my Mom which as always was a short visit. We hooked up with the singles to see Sunshine Cleaning. It was a really good movie which I would recommend.

Inverse entered the picture last night and threw us a screwball. She showed up to drop off her daughter. I was like the Landlord said he would be gone the night. Inverse said he would be home shortly and could I just watch her for the few minutes until that happen since she and this guy had reservations. I was like okay, but I knew something was up. Her daughter was all wound up after a diet of Doritos and fruit rollups all day long. Dancer and I took her for a walk to try and get her to calm down. When the Landlord got home he was pissed. He's very big on hospitality and it was bad enough that it affected me, but to affect Dancer too was too much. Also I found out afterwards that he hadn't accepted to do it. He had told Inverse that he would call her when he was finished. Inverse also put the cherry on top by not saying anything, but her daughter stood the night and Landlord took her to school the next morning.

Two Tickets to Paradise

Believe me you aren't the only one surprised about that. It's just another extension of that there isn't a spark here with Dancer. I enjoy my time with her a lot, but when I'm not with her I don't even think about her. She has a lot of qualities that I like, but the chemistry isn't there for something more. Since this relationship is ass backwards in that we started having sex before we knew each other better, I'm finding it out now. If we had started dating normal like I would have picked up on it. Dancer's flight is on stand by so it looks like she'll spend a night at my place and leave Monday. I'm happy that sleep deprivation is starting to catch up with her since I'm ready to go psychotic here. I'm going to cut out of the office a little early today so I can run a few errands and get back home to do laundry and grab a nap. We planned a night out tonight since it was suppose to be her last night her. I'm taking her to Carabas and then miniature golfing. I might switch it around since we might not feel like doing anything after a good meal.
Our monthly Happy Hour went very well with a great amount of people showing up. Food, drinks, and conversation was very good. Afterwards we went to listen to music out in the town square.

Fire in the Sky

I need a caffeine IV or something. I'm so tired I actually turned down sex this morning. Something I never thought I'd do. However it was either suggest that we have it tonight or just sleep through it. I haven't been to sleep before 1 am all this week and with getting up early for work has caught up with me.

Dancer surprised me last night by asking if I wanted to continue this relationship long distance. I did give her my, "I don't like LTR." However I told her I would think about it since she had already processed it just like Tuesday when she wanted to go out with me. It's a complete change of how I'm looking at this. I do know she is having more chemistry with me then I am having with her which will probably be my answer. Dancer is a great person to have as a friend, but that special spark isn't there.

I did get the report from my collector that the former patient who friended me on Facebook has gone bankrupt and I can kiss that money goodbye. He did suggest that I reply to the request asking if there is any chance of paying off the amount. Hey nothing to lose.

I was able to confirm some family rumors yesterday. One of my patients asked if she could visit my Mom. It's part of there job in the church to visit seniors in the different homes. So she went with a friend of hers. They're both Filipino and her friend is sharp with detecting Filipino information. Like if you were born here or not, what providence you're from, etc. She took one look at my Mom and said that she was part Japanese. My Mom's mom died after child birth and her Dad remarried. When he died her step mom said that her Dad wasn't really her father. A Japanese man was, but he never married her mom. However my Mom never got a long with her so she never knew if it was the truth or just something to hurt her. So my brother and I have been trying to put pieces together with the fragments we knew.

Pooping Out at Parties

With Dancer and friends here, every time I look at the clock it's midnight. It's wearing me down. I was happy that my hike with L yesterday was no problem which means my endurance is increasing. My legs aren't sore from hiking, but are sore from sex. It's funny my muscles can be in shape, but not use to certain movements. Oye do I feel it. Tonight it's the Funny Bone for both groups.

One thing I'm finding out which is really no surprise for me is that unless I'm working on building a relationship my real enjoyment of it all isn't there. At times I wish I could be more casual about it, but I guess I was made for better things.

Today I'm more excited about Eric coming in a few weeks. It'll be good to see him. So now I need to start planning what I can do to keep him occupied during the times I work. The times I'm busy in the office are shifting now so I can't even predict how it will be then.

Yeah Baby!

Woohoo I'm happy!!! I talked to my ex and we worked out for Eric to come down in a few weeks. I'll fly up on the 27th and she'll come get him on 7/3. I bought my tickets and I'll get hers when I receive her check. She said she can't afford a second one this summer. I told her we'll see what August brings. Flying is cheaper than driving and I'm hoping this will make Eric more okay with it.
My ex also wanted to state that she was having some health problems. Her back as usual and now she was having OBGYN problems. She was having it taken care of, but just in case some thing came up at the last minute. I was happy that I didn't freak with that since that was a big thing in our marriage. Something was always coming up and screwing things up. I'm running on faith here, but if everything is bought I believe I can make it all work out.

Hang On Its Going to Be a Wild Ride

WTF would be the expression that describes this week. Earlier this week my old massage therapist that still owes me money emailed me a unemployment letter to be filled out for her. I'm not quite sure why since I last saw her 6 months ago. Ballsy, but low on the scale. Who takes the grand kahunas would be an old patient that I knew from a business group that left the state with her settlement money and owing me several thousand dollars. I get a request today for a her to become my Facebook friend. Truly WTF?

I was happy to get a nice size check from the insurance company today. I've been praying for money so I could fly Eric down here. However when I had it in my hand I was like I wouldn't have to sweat over the next 10 days, but I got what I prayed for so I'm going on that faith. I emailed my ex the cost for each of us. So as soon as I here an okay from her I'll buy the tickets.
So last night was an interesting night. Since it rained I changed the singles event to pool. Saturn girl and Server guy were able to come out and meet Dancer and her friends from New Mexico. The one thing I noticed was that Dancer liked me and was flirting with me. So while I was processing all this and if I wanted to start something with a woman who would be gone in a few days, Dancer made sure I knew she liked me. As I've learned women never touch you by accident and with her breasts keep bumping into me I knew where she was coming from. So we walked the beach after everything had died down and got to talk. Dancer is straight forward like I am so it was nice. However this was something very different for me since I usually work on building something long term and this wasn't going to be it. However I've been trying to stretch myself so that I'm not so rigid. Yada yada yada it was a very nice view of the sunrise from her window.

Hugs Not Drugs

Virginia Satir (psychotherapist)

People need:
4 hugs/day to prevent depression
8 hug/day for psychological stability
12 hugs/day for emotional growth

Dancer from New Mexico stopped by for treatment. She was a big hugger like myself and it was nice to hug someone. Even though I'm a big hugger I refrain from it most of day at work. Since I have no female staff I don't want to end up in a big heap of legal trouble so I don't hug. It's funny because it spills into my personal life. Since I'm constantly restricting my natural instinct I find myself doing so in my personal life. Now that I'm not dating I really don't hug that often and I miss it. I'm a very physical person and deprivation causes a certain amount of stress in me. I think that's why I sleep so much better when I'm with someone. Physical touch just relaxes me. So with all this going through my mind I remembered Virginia Satir's statement about hugs and I think it's very true. So where do you fall?

Tuesday Outing

I have guest coming today. People from the Meetup in New Mexico are here for vacation. They wanted to know what we were doing this week. So they're coming to our Happy Hour Friday. However they wanted to meet me and go out. Since it's nice out today I think I'll suggest going miniature golfing tonight. Being out in the evening with great weather, with something fun to do usually gets everyone talking which will be great. Also one of them needs treatment so they're stopping in today. Cool.

My old massage therapist that owes me money sent me a form for her to be filled out for unemployment. WTF? I wasn't going to do it, but I filled it out for the time I saw her last year which I'm not quite sure what it will do.

I need good collections to come in this week if I'm to have Eric fly down this month. It dribbled in last week and hopefully it'll do better this week.

I Don't Mind

Well it's the end of a good day at the office. If I had a day like today everyday (patients, collections, etc.) I would be extremely happy. However the rest of the week is looking a little lean. This month I've instituted a $5 Starbuck gift card for those who refer to me. I didn't announce it and I won't. It'll just be a surprise when they get it in the mail. My coach was very interested in this since that's the legal limit in the medical field while the financial field it's $50.

My friend the Doula volunteered to look over all my work for grammatical errors which was great. So I'll send her my weekly motivations each week so she can tweak them for me. I think she might be feeling bad that I do a lot and she's having a hard time keeping at my level.

I think I've solved my non-fully rested problem. I haven't been adjusted in a few weeks. OVDC got married, honeymooned, and then has been playing catch up so I'm suffering. I can't wait to see her Wednesday.

Funny bone with the singles last night was great. We saw Mark Eddie. It was the first time I've seen a comic come on stage with a guitar and really playing. The guy has done back ups with Browne, Etheridge, etc. So his entire routine revolved around music. It was awesome. He had the whole audience singing with him.

I've discovered how to fuck with the Fed Ex guy without even trying. I was doing paperwork in the office today and my open sign wasn't even there, but he walked in with 2 boxes. I thought it was a salesman so I told him I didn't want any and went back to work. He just looked at me like I had 3 heads.

Nautical Notes

Yesterday turned out to be a fun filled day. Even though patients had rescheduled I had a walk in and a married couple came in for some treatment unexpectedly so it became a great morning at work.
Then it was off to the Nauticus nautical museum. There were big crowds there with free admission. With the normal entrance fee being $11 I knew why I hadn't been back in 5 years. They had a special exhibit for Carl Brashear the person Cuba Gooding Jr. portrayed in Men of Honor. His sons were there and we got to meet them and hear more about the man. It was cool. Walking around the museum with the singles I realized how much information I've picked up over the years I've lived here since I was explaining a lot of nautical history. My history teacher's would have been proud.
Then it was game night which went off very well except that Panera keeps it like an ice box in there. Last time someone asked if they could turn it the AC down and they turned it up. So we didn't repeat that mistake this time. Afterwards we sat outside shooting the shit and laughing our asses off.

Hanging out and connecting with everyone I had the want for a relationship hit me hard. Whether it's just me wanting something in my life right now or me wanting more of what I was getting I couldn't tell. While I know to you this looks normal, but inside me I always look at my motivations to things. They will tell me the truth behind my actions which may look normal to the outside world, but can still be self-serving on the inside.

I tell you hiking every week is wearing me out a little. While it'll helps increase my endurance, my flat feet really cause me to be tired afterwards. In the last few weeks since we started I can feel myself wanting more sleep. Hopefully my body will acclimate soon.
Today I went to see Monsters vs Aliens. It was a enjoyable movie and a good way to spend some time. Tonight it's off to the Funny Bone.

Charlie's Angels

Well I feel like the Titanic. It was a good morning and then I hit something and now it's sucking. 50% of my patients this morning just called to reschedule. WTF? I know I should expect it. There is always a certain percentage of reschedules and no show and that number will increase as my numbers go up, but I still don't have to like it.

My weight loss patient seems to be stuck at her weight. She's happier and feeling healthier which is great, but I know she wants the weight to drop. We're still working on it.

It's a busy weekend with the singles. This afternoon we're heading off to one of the local maritime museums. It's there 15th birthday so it's free which I like. The funny thing is that I'm the only guy going. Everyone else is female which is interesting considering the venue. Although since this is a Navy town most guys may think it's like going to work. Tonight we have our weekend edition game night. My worry with that tonight is that my usual helpers will not be showing and I have a lot of people scheduled. Hey we'll muddle through it. It looks like I'm going to see Aliens & Monsters by myself tomorrow which I don't mind. Then tomorrow night we have the Funny Bone comedy club. (John I do this through Meetup.com)

It was funny Eric wanted me to text him an Adobo recipe for school. I'm so glad I have a full key pad to do it since they needed it to do it this weekend.

Sick Sad World

I almost feel like I'm juggling women today. It's Phili's birthday today so I texted her a greeting this morning. I got a thanks back, but who knows if she even knows who sent it. However I knew it was today and I still had her number in my phone so I figured I'd be nice since I know she usually is alone.
No claws came out at the meeting of L and the Photographer. The Photographer joked that we were strolling later on FB. L welcomed her on FB an mentioned the rain and to have a great weekend. Who the hell knows what it all means.

My ex called and left a message about did I want to try and do the flying this month or in August. I texted back that I would see what I could find out. With it being only a few weeks away it maybe hard to pull off. I'd rather text than talk. I know myself it's WAY too easy to fall into old habits that I don't want to do.

I'll be out of the house most of the weekend with 4 different singles events that I'm running. Yes I know I'm probably stretching myself thin on this one, but hey it'll be fun. Anyway Single's son and younger brother will be staying with us at the house while she works for extra money.

Hungry Heart

As most of you know or don't know I don't handle strong emotions very well. After the incident with my ex today going from toe curling fear to tear felt happiness was a roller coaster for me. Emotions at the extreme ends take a while to filter through me, like sand going through a small funnel. During this lag time I usually want to do something to calm me down faster than is happening normally. Today I hit Starbucks. With money tight I haven't been going that often, but felt like I owed it to myself today. It turned out to be my lucky day when they gave me a grande when I ordered a tall. While a good book and a hot drink was nice it didn't do the trick. So a few hours later when I was hugging L goodbye and she's giving me one of her full body hugs my mind clicked into, "hey sex would be nice." However I kept my sanity and hightailed it out of there like normal. I know L wouldn't turn down the offer for sex, but I enjoy our walks and it's not where I want the relationship to head. I will tell you a 4-5 mile walk in soft sand with a 15 mph headwind is freaking tiring. I'm ready to drop tonight.

An interesting side note was that I ran into the Photographer and her new BF on the beach hike. It was weird since I'm so use to people knowing L that someone kind of signalling me was weird.

Like most everyone that has heard my story about my ex today, I still have no explanation. I've done double takes with her new attitude over the last 6 months many times. I have no complaints mind you, but this is just such weird behavior from her. Yes this nice stuff towards me from her is very alien. And yes that's how our marriage was. So while you may be taking double takes I think I'm developing a tic with this about face of 16+ years of conditioning.

The Call

My cell phone rang before and it was Eric calling, but it was too early for him. So I knew it was my ex and my blood froze. Hey it's still a reflex. I knew by today she would have my letter. I had patients here so I had to work on keeping my positive outlook since I could feel fear's icy grip on me. When everyone cleared out I listened to it. It was my ex. However she was nice. She thanked me for the nice letter and the thank her with Eric meant a lot to her. Her talking about it almost brought a tear to my eye. Anyway she asked how much trips were with flying. So I told her they were $130 round trip which is half of what driving is. She might fly him down and then fly herself back. We'll see, but it was nice to have a conversation about working on things for Eric which is something I never thought would happen with our past.

Help a Friend Out

I went to see I Love You Man with the singles last night. It was a lot better than I thought it would be. I also could relate a lot to the movie since I've always had more women friends then male friends. The only exception was when I had my gaming group in college. Even now a days I hit it off much better with women than men. For dating and business it works well, however in male bonding it makes it a little rough. I do remember over a decade ago when I was trying to make new male friends since everyone I knew had moved out of the area. It was a very eye opening experience. I see why my singles group is so popular. Most people don't know how to foster new relationships once they're out of school where you are forced into tight groups. When left on there own most people just become lost.
On the same subject of friends. I'm looking through people I might know on Facebook. You know the friends of your friends. While I usually have no idea who these people are, on occasion I find someone I want to know. One woman who by the hyphen I take is married is a friend of 10 of my friends in the area. She's gorgeous and I've never met her. I've meet many of these people's friends. What the hell are they doing holding out on me. Do they have a free pass into the Forbidden City of Gorgeous Women? Her profile was private, but her friends weren't. Holy hell her friends are hotter than she is and there name isn't hyphened. I might have to start reassessing my friends if they are keeping these hot women from me.

I'd Like Some Wiiiiiinnnnneeee

So I'm becoming a marketing fiend this week. Hey it helps pay the bills. Anyway I've been trying to figure out what my next patient appreciation is for July. I still haven't found anything small for June yet. The funny thing is that even though most people don't come, many are asking what the next event will be. Anyway talking to my coach he suggested wine tasting. Now that works especially since I don't drink. Why this works is because I can focus on everyone and I know how I can get it down for free. I figured I could do it with Ar lady since her clientele and mine match up. They're mostly female and I know you ladies like your wine. My thought was that Blondie does the Traveling Vineyard and I could get her to do it. However since we no longer go out would this be advisable. I was waffling in indecision, but as soon as I typed one letter here I knew it would be a bad idea. Well not bad, but more chance of a problem happening. So I called someone else to find me someone.

Today will hopefully be the last day of the heatwave. It was only 2 days long, but 90+ degree heat is way too hot for me. I hate running the AC in my car when gas is high so I'm not a happy camper this week.

Work Ethic

I tell you the most common comment I get on Facebook is asking "if I ever work". It's quickly followed by all I seem to do on my hikes is stand around and take pictures. Hey everyone is a comedian. I guess not being tied down to a desk makes it seem like I never work. Although there are times when I play hokey for an hour or two. However when I'm out of the office, I'm marketing out in the field and if I can get it done at Starbucks all the better.

It's hot as hell here today and it would be the day I scheduled time for HHC lady and myself to go around meeting people. Today she knew everyone and was introducing me around while keeping herself fresh in there minds. I was able to look at her in a different light being out and about. While she is attractive she isn't drop dead gorgeous, but I know she has a codependent core. I can feel it and that's what I'm attracted to. My fangs always drop for these women. I married one so I know how it turns out so I avoid them. However I'm still amazed on how I can pick them out of a crowd.

What Monday Brings

I finally got the letter written to my ex today. In writing it I wanted to thank her for bringing up Eric. However the thought of doing so was really bothering me. I really had thought I forgiven her all the crap that she caused after we separated, but I found out that I still had a lot of unforgiving in my heart. It took some work and a few days to be able to write the letter today. Looking back it probably was too sterile, but I got out what I needed to say and the compliment was in there also. So we'll see how it goes over.

Like an athlete I have to keep myself in the right frame of mind when treating people. I lost it when I was treating a new patient today. For some reason I lost that confident appearance and I didn't pick it back up. I'm going to need to put something in place so that never happens again.

My meeting with the midwives went well today. A very nice pair of women. I think it will work out for all parties with us working together. They has said there use to be a holistic health network in the area years ago, but it was gone now. I was thinking of doing something like that fashioned after our neighborhood group. It would give me reason to meet a lot of people in the field. My problem with this is that most people in the holistic field are not business people, they're technicians. They do a good job, but the nut and bolts of business running is not in their manual. So I'm going to think about it for a while since I know I would be footing the bill and the man hours. I may get some payment for the work, but do I want to divert my energy to it. I need to make sure I can generate business from it.

Yes the restaurant finally got back to me today. I called this morning to talk to the person. They went to connect me and then told me she was busy. I could tell they weren't taking me seriously until I told them I had a party of 20 people. Then the lady made sure she had my name and number correct. Surprising still it was several hours before I heard anything. So all in all we are scheduled.
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