The Time Paradox

I was chatting with German girl today and she asked how everything with Kitcat was going. I told her everything was going well, but I hadn't seen her in over a week and any alone time was now in the 2 week zone. Saying it made me realize it wasn't that long of a time even though feeling wise it feels like ages. Liking Kitcat a lot and it being the beginning of a relationship, I don't enjoy having week long periods of time not seeing her. It's probably why I don't like long distance relationships. The extended periods of not seeing each other don't make me happy nor do I like sucking it up on a regular basis. Why some people do like it, I know it's not for me. The extra rub is that out of most of the women I've dated she's one of the closest. Law girl holds the record with a mile down the road which was very sweet.

Kitcat didn't say what she was doing today when I wished her happiness this morning. She was enjoying time with her youngest. I would guess her oldest was taking her out or doing something. I wanted to know so if nothing was being done I would cook for her. Since her youngest doesn't know we are dating we still play it cool and my visits when he is there they are infrequent at best.

Today is a hanging day for me. I visited my Mom for Mother's day this morning and now I'm hanging at Starbucks. I'll do a little shopping before heading back home to do the weekly clean up.

Wild Weather

I awoke to the weather gone wild today. Here it is January and it's just shy of 70 degrees. This morning the wind was howling and the rain was coming down. Now for a few short hours the sun is out in all it's glory before the next front comes in and cools us back to normal.

Asp and I had a fun time together last night. Since I got there in the evening we didn't do much. She quickly finished her school work and we had dinner. Then we relaxed watching TV before she passed out in my arms. She seemed back to her normal self. We'll see what last over time which is the true test. I know as the weather gets warmer I'm going to want to go out and do more stuff. This winter homebody GF of mine will hopefully come along for the ride. If not it will really be a problem for me. I like being part of life and just sitting around with it passing me by is no longer an option for me. So we'll see.

Work seems to be stuck in neutral. While patients come in, new patients are down and it's hard to grow without them. So I'm not happy about that.

I got my new orthotics today. Since they were free for me I got all the bells and whistles. Comfort control, magnets, extra stabilization, etc. They sent me notice that I had severe pronation of my feet which means they roll inward. Believe me I know since I have really flat feet. With these new ones I can feel how my old ones had worn down.

Fierysaggirl pointed out that I hate grey areas which is so right. I'm totally okay with an answer which throws most people. You want to go out with me great. You don't want to see me anymore. Not happy, but I'm okay with it. However not knowing is always anxiety generating for me. Just like pre-activity is the same for me. When I'm in the thick of it, I do okay. This is what creates my problems with Asp. I enjoy being with her, but I'm not head over heels. I can't tell if she falls into the same category as Law girl did. She was an abnormality for me as I was for her. Law girl was the only normal woman I ever dated for any length of time. I was the nice guy she never had. It never fully got off the ground cause they wasn't a lot of excitement there, but exotic characteristics attracted us to each other. Like I've said before time will tell.

On a side note I think my mini-refrig just died today. I have no reason why since it's only a few years old.

It's a Small World

Looking through my Facebook homepage I see that L hand with the Woohoo Sistas. Looking through the pictures I saw Law girl. It said she was getting married which was nice to hear. She was a good person. It's funny how I just find people I've dated and learn how they are doing. Dancer asked if I meet a lot of Singles people when I'm out and about. It's weird, but I never do. Just like I almost never run into old girlfriends.

Hampton Roads Singles

What do you do when you're bored? Me I just plan an event with the singles. It's funny, but my formula makes so many people happy. This weekend I had nothing to do and after scanning all the event calendars I still had nothing to do. So what do I do? I schedule a game of pool today. I figured I'd get a few people. At present we're up to 12.

It's always funny since the members always thank me for great activities and ask how do I come up with all of them. I'm usually perplexed on how to answer them. My honest answer is I pick something I want to do and hope someone comes along.

I think they'll be a riot the day I hand this group over to someone else. I know that day will be far off. It's part of my life now and most people don't know I was dating Law girl 2-3 months when I took the group over and my dating life hasn't affected my group activities. I'm always a big proponent on keeping your life when you're dating. It's one of my big bad indicators if I start giving up my healthy activities for a woman. I grew up doing that and it destroyed me so I know not to ever do it again.

So with the New Year I was able to jazz the site up so we look very professional now and stand out. Also with the New Year means collecting $5 annual dues from everyone. While you may think $5 is nothing I tell you getting it from some is like getting a pound of flesh. It's the standard bell curve. A bunch of people will just fork it over without a second thought. The next group will wait till the last second and probably be kicked out and repay to get back in. The last will try their damnest not to pay, but stay in the group. I really might start banning these people since if this is your MO I don't want you in the group.

This is also the time of year of exodus from members that just never come. So by the end of the month the group will have been cleansed of dead beats, loss about 35% of it's membership, and ready for more fun in the new year.

Now if I can just get someone to help host events regularly we can get beyond 2 events a week. Hey I love these people, but hosting 2-3 events a week is my limit.

I'm Back

You know I'm finding my dating life funnier and funnier. The reason is that I go out with so many women I forget what the hell their nicknames are. Anyway do you guys remember Charming? She was in the singles group. I met her when I was dating Law girl (Now it's all coming back to me). So after I was dumped I asked Charming out. We had a fun Starbucks date. I'm thinking we had a fun time since I asked her out for dinner. Anyway we were suppose to go out. It was scheduled and I texted her that day that I was looking forward to seeing her. She texted me back hours later saying her son was sick and she needed to cancel. No biggie. I know how it goes. However that was it. I never saw or spoke to her again. I texted and left a message and never got a response until today. (cue dramatic music)

Charming signed back up for the singles group. Saying hi to me, that she was back, and to drop her a line. Do I swing from woman to woman or what? I wish I could get lotto numbers as easy. Not saying I'm going back out with Charming since I really can't remember much about her since it was like 7 months ago.

2008 Dating Round Up

The other day, okay it was yesterday, I commented on how I've noticed changes in myself business wise. Well today I'm reflecting on dating this year since it was a big year for me.

Law girl started it out for me. She was the first "normal" woman I ever dated. While our chemistry level wasn't super it was a real kick being with someone who was "normal". No dram, problems, etc. It was very weird and totally virgin territory for me. On the other hand she strung me along for a while since I was such a nice guy that she waned. However guilt finally got the best of her and we broke up since she knew it wasn't fair to me to tie me down to someone that was not going to deepen the relationship with. I should of learned then to require chemistry.

The Planner was next and my longest relationship besides my ex. She will always have a special place in my heart since there was so much I liked about her: the goal setting, her physical side, silliness, looks, etc. However there was always some strong issues on the opposite side. The biggest was always the sleeping arrangement. She never wanted to sleep in the same bed together which was always a deal breaker for me and she knew it. I don't do Lucy and Ricky. The other was her controlling attitude. However I got more of my sexual mojo back with her and saw again how long term relationships really are great with how they grow.

The Photographer was a surprise for me. I knew she was a chaos type girl, but I never thought I would feel as attracted to her as I did once we dated. What I had knocked back into me was that when you date chaos there's always problems. While I wouldn't date her I would probably have sex with her for some reason.

Tech girl taught me firmly that a spark is needed to make things work. Also she was the first women for me to break up with since my marriage.

There were a lot of screwed up women mixed in there that never really got off the ground. Like Army girl who was so drunk the night I met she didn't remember me or our conversation. I didn't even think she was that drunk. There was Red who said she was separated, but then introduced me to her husband. The Florist with her bizarre home life and arrangements. Lastly the VP who was emailing me pornographic pictures of her after 3 minutes on the phone.

It was a very good year.

Dating Profile

Since I had time today I sat down and charted out all the women I've dated since I separated from my ex. It was interesting to see. The biggest was Spa girl. I knew she was trouble, but DAMN was she hot and definite arm candy. Besides that my list is all negative traits. The other was the other end of the spectrum Law girl. While the most normal woman I've ever dated and all positive stuff, it was a small list. Chemistry was both low for us, but it was just such a new experience for both that we went out for a while.

The pattern I'm happy to see is less manipulative women than I use to be with. Aroma girl while a big positive in my life had a lot of unvoiced plans that she was trying to implement with me. L also fitted here with me being delegated to her boy toy.

I seem to jump back and forth from a non abused woman to an abused woman and back again. L, Spa girl, and the Photographer were all abused (physically/sexually). While the Photographer was the only one to recover healthy from it she still brought a lot of un-needed chaos into her life. I do relate to them the best, however whether that is a basis for attraction is beyond me. On attraction I have dated all different shapes and sizes, but I seem to be more attracted to an athletic build.

On of the biggest things I didn't want after my ex was a timid woman which I'm happy to say I've stayed on track with. Most of the women have had high initiative or were very socially active. L was the only one to buck this, but she made it up with a whole world of sex.

An interesting side note is that from Aroma girl who I dated 3 years ago to the Planner and the Photographer this year I didn't feel truly safe with the women I was with. I fell back to an old habit that I didn't even realize. I have to make sure I don't do that again. So I guess a list of things I'm looking for would be:

1. attractive
2. feel safe with
3. assertive
4. has goals
5. PDA's are big
6. sexual
7. good communication skills
8. fairness with paying

Pants of Fire

Okay I'm a liar and I'll admit it. Writing that I thought the Photographer and I were over has made me very sad. I have free time until the afternoon so it's just me and my emotions. Right now there not the greatest companion since they're morose. As you may or may not know, emotions and I aren't fully acclimated yet. I know the basics of them, but all the fancy descriptions still escape me. Since for most of my life I've suppressed them and now dealing with them it's always a strange beast on my back.

So I wonder today if she will make contact or not. Will I get a Dear John email like L and Law girl or will it just be silence like the Planner. I thought she was a person to take things like this head on. Who knows I could be worrying for nothing, but this is how I feel now so I run with it.

Virginia Beach 23455

I talked to Eric today to find out how his Halloween was. You should of heard the sound in his voice at how much candy he must of collected. It was great. I was happy he fun and was able to go around with friends. I remember that from when I was young and it was a great feeling. Hopefully my ex won't all his candy on him.

Eric has moved on from Pokemon and Yu Gi Oh cards and onto Tops baseball cards. I was wondering if the day would come. Since I'm not a sports fan the previous two types were much more up my alley. So I'll start including baseball cards with my weekly letter.

When I first took over the organizer position of the Singles group I was dating Law girl. It was a move to take care of myself instead of catering to someone else which worked out well since she dumped me a few weeks later. I've always pushed it as an activities group instead of a dating pool although the Photographer is the third woman I've dated from our group. At times I feel like our group is becoming a Beverly Hills 90210. Never really watched the show, but my ex did. The thing that always stood out was the incestial like dating between them all. I bring this up since the first person I went out from the group was the Florist. She was a headcase and it was only one date.

Gameboy dated her for a while afterwards. Then afterwards dated the Stylist. Recently he started seeing the Photographer. It never really got off the ground because they didn't see each other that often. So the Photographer said last night that she needed to make sure the Gameboy knew it was over. I feel bad with this. I probably should feel good that I've been chosen over another, but I think its my low self esteem rearing its ugly head that I'm not worthy enough. It's all crap, but I need to say it all to make it go away.

The Age Old Question Answered

I'm not quite sure what your age old question is, but in my circles it's should you date a woman that had no issues growing up and is pretty healthy or someone that grew up with problems, but has overcame them to be a better person. Yes this is a back and forth question between my closest friends and myself since we are in the latter half. So after dating women in both ball parks plus talking to the Photographer last night I would say I choose the latter one myself. Their is just more to connect with and life views are closer. Dating Law Girl and Planner, both who had pretty normal childhoods I saw a large gap between us. While we had other things in common they both really couldn't grasp where I had came from or gone through. Not that I unload baggage on the table the first date, but as time goes on things come out. Usually they want to know stuff because I don't add up to them. I shouldn't be a doctor. I should be a factory worker, a convicted felon, or something.

I remember going out with this woman Kat a long time ago. She was attractive, funny, and great to talk to. However she wanted to know somethings of how I got here. So I told her and it was funny. She would have done the complete opposite of everything I would have done. The things that have defined me. So no there wasn't a second date.

God is it slow in the office this week for some strange reason. Something I really hate when it's the end of the month. The other thing is that the paint smell just ain't going away. The fumes are killing me.

The Mighty Undertoad

Bonus points if you know where the Undertoad is from.

Well today I've had an undercurrent of fear running through me. I felt it this morning while praying and meditating. As the day has gone on I've felt its light touch coming again and again. At first I couldn't see why, but I know when I talk things out that it then sorts its self out. So I called my friend Paul like I usually do to explain my feelings.

I may have dated like 50 women in the past 3 years, but the point I'm at with the Planner is the first since I was married. Aroma girl, L, and Law girl had their moments, but looking back they were never a well rounded relationship. Probably why they died out early on. However with the Planner I can see it's going to go on for a while. There is a lot of potential there.

So now I'm reaching territory that I've not had to deal with since my ex. The Planner was asking the other night after our misunderstanding. So I explained to her that in my marriage any change from the norm was an opening for an attack/abuse. The biggest thing that pushed me to get better was my ex wife. The reason was to be able to deal with her and all the abuse. For some reason I'm finding myself having that fear of not keeping a certain stability/status quo in the relationship. It was such a humongous problem when I was married. The work now is reminding myself that the Planner is not my ex (thank God!) and live in the present.

So in my attempt to deal with this I headed down to the beach. I haven't done it in a while to clean myself out. It was nice. The smells of suntan lotion, brine, and the Beach itself were awesome as was the rays of the sun. I got to see the kids playing in the water, fisherman trying to hook the big one, Black hawk helicopters practicing maneuvers, and one guy trying out his hand at casting a fishing net. It was a nice time and a good reminder of why I moved to the area.

The Lunch Date Minus Lunch

The Planner stopped by today after her meeting. It was good to see her and show her my office. She had a very good meeting so she was all hyped. I offered her therapy and I had to twist her arm to accept (heavy sarcasm there). I massaged her hands then she did mine while she was on therapy. She does a very good job.

One thing I had to thank her for was all the compliments she gives me. I forgot how nice it is to get them from someone you're seeing. Another little area of healing of mine. The Planner is still getting use to kissing someone again. Hugging is no problem and she's nice and huggable which I like. Our biggest problem so far is separating. We get very relaxed around each other and don't want it to end. Plus we already have our little inside jokes.

I will tell you I see the difference between her and Law girl. While I did like Law girl the chemistry level was low. So now seeing it on high is a big eye opener.

The Planner just called and said if I ever want to stop by her place to get away I could which was very nice of her. She said she was going to be busy tonight and I could use the night to relax. Besides I want to clean my place for Thursday when she comes over.

You Don't Talk About Fight Club

I see the police department is talking about me. How do I know this? Well the Sheriff's department calls me and this guy is new and tells me I'm on there referral list. After they tell me to calm down which I am. If there was a problem they would have probably kicked in my door and swarmed in here with a SWAT unit. Anyway they want money and since I give to the local police force they wanted there share. Sorry pal I got double reamed on that already since their really spreading the word this year.

On other news I do want to thank the Dating Goddess for her latest entry about relationship recovery time. I always know I need something between the women I date, but I never had a hard and fast number. I tried taking some time after Law girl, but it was not enough and I'm paying the price now. I feel like a Venus flytrap. I'm happy in my life just sitting there, but once a woman comes near, I'm lit. The countdown starts and my mind is already working on how to ask her out. It's not optional at the moment and I don't like being in that place. Hey I knew what I was doing and I thought I could play with fire and not get burnt. Well now I need to let the healing begin.

Tale of 3 Women

At times I may complain on problems meeting someone which usually gets me many jokes from my friends. They usually point out that I meet women and go out on a pretty regular basis for the amount of energy I put into it. So after this weekend I can't say anything for a while.

1) Tax girl - still waiting for the 16th to come around for her to have free time. I like her since she is like me, analytical with a artistic streak.

2) Army girl - you know I never met someone that didn't appear that drunk, but totally didn't know who I was the next day. She was very amusing Saturday night, but their was a whole new level of humor having the same conversation last night. Also throwing little tidbits like her breast size and her just shaking her head. She's a twenty something, but a lot of fun and speaks her mind which I like.

3) Charming - actually I have no idea what to nickname her so I'm going with her Match name. We met last month at my monthly comedy improv event. I was with Law girl so I didn't really notice her that much. Anyway we are both on Match and we chatted during the week. She's very outgoing which I really like. A little far for my taste, but at least on this side of the water. I figured I would see her last night at improv. She was lively and more attractive than I remembered. We'll go out sometime this week. Now I just need to learn the area she lives in.

Boxes

God I hate moving. So what did I find myself doing today? Moving boxes. Boxes that I have moved so many freaking times since I separated from my ex. So today was the day I upgraded my storage unit to a bigger one so that I can start to use the extra room in my office. The owner of the facility was very surprised how much stuff I had in the smaller unit. Hey I get my money's worth out of it. This new one is like a mansion compared to the smaller one. So over the weekend I'll move what I need to out of the office to finish it up. I would like to start advertising for a massage therapist Monday.

On other news I asked out another CPA. What I'll call her if things work out is beyond me. I already have CPA girl from last summer so maybe Tax girl. Hopefully she has some glaring characteristic that I can use.

It's always interesting to hear what women think of Match. Law girl didn't say much other than it had been slow. A women I know from the singles group was telling me that most of the men on their want needy women. I really had no idea what the women on the site want. It seems if you don't meet someone pretty quickly you become pretty jaded fast. I could be wrong, but it's what comes across.

A Dead Day

I'm sad. Yeah I know I just got dumped so it's normal, but I don't want to be. Happily my heart wasn't fully committed to Law girl so the pain is minimal, but I need to go through the feelings. I really just want to take the crash course instead of having a dead day. It's dead in the office so keeping myself occupied to my last patient at 5 is really rough. I've been to the beach for lunch and Starbucks to read. I just want this day to end so I can move on with my feelings. See this is why I hate feeling them.

Anyway the weirdest thing is I keep running into L all day long. I know it's a test to see if I'll do the right thing. Even though I am sad I had a lot more with Law girl than I ever had with L and probably ever will so it's a finished chapter also. The good thing is that my Match account is still good for another month. Mostly the same women as before, but a few new ones. So we'll see.

Another Chapter Ends

Well I got the Dear John email from Law girl this morning. Well at least I know my senses are correct when I feel this stuff. With L and CPA girl I knew it was coming. I knew something was missing her and it was her not having such string feelings for me. It was one of the nicest emails I've gotten. She said I did everything right she's just not feeling the chemistry. I can live with that. May not be happy about it, but not being left in the dark is a good thing.

On a side note I did run into L at the gym this morning and I handled it no problem.

Ditto

I was texting with Law girl tonight. I know I've moved into the 21st Century. I mostly wanted to wish her a good night sleep. She joked back that I got her early enough which was my plan. So we ended up going back and forth a few times. I've said this before, but I said it again that I think she is special and I'm happy to have met her. I got back a smiley face and a "ditto". The ditto was a icy chill up my spine. The ditto response was what I got from my ex when I use to say, "I love you". It was always such a let down to hear it and I always wanted more. Never got it. So this puts a little fear in me. It's my own and I'll deal with it. If this becomes a problem with Law girl we'll have to talk about it.

Woohoo I'm Moving into Eastern Europe

I tell you it's like the game Risk. Every morning I check my Cluster Map to see where I have extended my influence to. The amount of pleasure it gives me is enormous, like a kid getting a present pleasure. I do have to thank SWF42 for the link.

Other than that I had my Mom's care meeting this morning. The big thing is my Mom is getting very picky with her eating. She's loss like 6 pounds in the last few months. It's part of the dementia, but we are trying to get around the problem. I know she still inhales chocolate chip cookies. Since the sweet taste buds are the last ones you have we're trying Ensure with ice cream to try and get the weight back on her. Also hopefully some therapy to get her walking better again.

It was good to talk to Law girl last night. I missed her and it was nice to hear her voice. I'm starting to think that she is good at showing her feelings, but verbally she maybe lacking. So far in the relationship she has done many big things, but expressing herself verbally has lacked. While I'm very happy I do miss this quality and I know it was a problem with my ex also. We had talked about this issue indirectly and Law girl said she was weak in this quality, but she was working on it.

Decisions ... decisions ...

The organizer for our Singles group emailed me last night wondering if I would like to take over the reigns since he needs to put more time in with his family. If I wasn't with Law girl I would be all over it, but now I have to think. While it is a lot of fun, it can be a bit of a time consumer. Since Law girl has other things going on during the week and is not a night owl I work on scheduling events on nights that I don't see her so I can give her my full attention. Like my friend Paul would say if I took over a group, "didn't see that coming" with a lot of sarcasm. I'm a leader in a lot of things. Ah shit what am I talking about. I like running things so I guess I'm taking the reigns. If it interferes with Law girl and myself I'll pass it onto someone else.