I am truly amazed at how a helpful suggestion pushed me into a 3 hour emotional spin. Last night the Comic and I were suppose to go on a Ghost walk in the next town over. They do it once a year just before Halloween. I had tickets in advance so their would be no troubles.
However yesterday the Comic's sister fell and hurt herself. She took her sister to Urgent care to get checked out since she was in a lot of pain and severely swollen. However it took a long while to get processed. So the Comic called to suggest that I go by myself so it wouldn't be a total waste of money. I was going to make the remark that I blew plenty in incidents like this when I was married, but I didn't. I told her that I would pass since I really wanted to go with her. We then made backup plans for when she was finished.
However I was in a funk after that and I couldn't put my finger on why. The Comic did call later and say that she was finished and we decided to try to get to a later walk. We decided to meet up and then go in one car. Since she had the distance to cover I was going to grab food for us.
Well the event wasn't meant to be for us. Both tunnels were congested for miles and we decided to just go home. Actually the Comic suggested on visiting a few places to browse, but I just wasn't in the mood. I dropped her off at her car so we could drive to my place. I tried to put names to how I felt. The biggest being I just wanted to lie down, shut my eyes, and be held. I felt like I wanted to cry. My mind felt very muddled.
When we got everything into my place and got into comfy clothes I just curled up on the bed and closed my eyes. The Comic and I started to talk and I said I didn't know why, but I had a tail end of it when this started. Then I remembered the remark I was going to say.
The remark reminded me of how my marriage had been. Their had been plenty of times when I had gotten tickets for us and my ex had decided not to go at the last minute. Tickets to the Broadway show Rent and a vacation to Cancun were on the top of the list. It was just the insanity that I lived in then since there was no rhyme or reason.
The Comic connected my behavior with my ex since she said I had been short with her on the phone with getting something to eat. She knew it wasn't my normal behavior. I was happy to have her take my apology in good spirits.
The weirdest thing was that as soon as I was finished talking about the event, the funk was gone. It was just an experience that I never fully dealt with emotionally. Like my old therapist use to say. You always bury your feelings alive and at some point they will come back to haunt you. Hey just in time for Halloween.
2 days ago