German girl made a point that I had been thinking about over the last few weeks. Am I picking too independent women? When I was younger my Dad was always my bad example. The smoking, drinking, and other personality defects were things that I steered as far away as I could. However as I got older I mellowed my hard line stance with things. People drinking around me no longer bother me for example. When I divorced my ex I wanted nothing to do with her dependant ways. So I think I did the same thing with going to the other extreme. Independence and assertiveness have become very attractive to me. So like many things in my life I need to install a dimmer switch so I can modify how I do things. Not too bright, not too dim. As always a work in progress.
I do want to thank everyone for their views on me talking to Eric about dating. In the past I've not done it since no one ever pasted the 6 month point. However as he does get older he should know for many reasons. One as many you pointed out, he will be dating. The other is that he always has a curiosity when there is a female connection to me. So I will start the conversation up when he visits in a few weeks to lay the ground work. Then I can keep him updated as things happen.
I tell you the one thing I do miss about Kitcat. No it's not sex, but I do miss that too. It's the carrot to do better. When I was with her it was the first time in a long time I wanted to have things better in my life so I could have more time with her. Everyone needs a carrot to motivate them to do things. I tell you I can't do it for myself beyond mediocrity. Eric is not with me anymore and the distance doesn't help. So I now find myself back in the quandary of what do I use as a motivation. A better life for myself just doesn't do it for some reason. Most likely it's my sub standards for myself. Any suggestions? What do you use to motivate yourself to better things?