Going Sane in a Crazy World

My journey through life and the lessons I learn to help me grow spiritually.

Sane Friends

The Five

Scarlet gave me 5 words that she wanted me to comment on. So thanks for buy a ticket to take a view into my mind. It's not that pretty. Watch out for the hamster droppings over by the wheel. I'm still trying to clean up a lifetime of mess. This may help you understand why I say or do the things that I do.

Luxury - is almost an unknown word to me. I've gotten use to a lifetime of practicality that I very rarely go to the far side of luxury. I do have to thank the Planner for helping me get to the mid line of not short changing myself. When I use to make good money I didn't think much of myself so I didn't indulge myself much. When I get there again I would like to think that I would indulge myself, but I think it will still be an exercise. It's one of the reasons I don't think I would win the lottery since I don't think I would appreciate it all.

Language - is something that is difficult for me. I've taken Spanish, Italian, and Japanese over the years. However like everything in my life. Book smarts just don't do it for me. It has to have a practical use. That's why my medical Spanish is the biggest thing I remember and was the easiest to learn. People are usually surprised by my accent when I talk with it. If I had someone around that was fluent and I could just learn as I went/needed I would pick it up quickly which would be something I would really like. Classes are just like a round peg in a square hole for me.

Lust - I was a slave to lust for years, if not decades. I could/can look/watch porn all day long. Most likely until I died of starvation since I probably wouldn't eat so I could watch more. It's the reason I haven't watched any in years much to many people's surprise. In my early relationships lust created a fantasy life in my head that played out in my relationships. It was something that damaged them all which didn't help when you add in that I choose damaged women. Having dealt with it over the years, allows me to quickly evaluate the women I meet. The problem is just listening to myself.

Weapon - For most of my teenage years I slept with a large knife within easy reach. Looking back now it seems strange, but then it was more and bigger. My teenage years were not fun ones and my life was at the whim of the adults. I believe having the weapons around me gave me some sort of feeling of power and therefore control. No one was ever hurt or were they ever used. Although I almost used them on myself.

Placer (Sp.) = Pleasure - I like the softer/gentler way. However this usually not the case when one is growing emotionally. I tried over-writing that in the dictionary, but it didn't seem to help. I've spent a lifetime avoiding pain and trying to just have pleasure. I like to go on the record saying that it doesn't work even though I kept on trying for most of my life. I still remember after my psych exam the doctor told me I was too emotional. I laughed in her face since it seemed so ludicrous to me. I wanted to be like Teflon and have everything just roll off of me. However she said I was just very sensitive and never learned as a child to deal and handle it. It made sense when I thought about it. I still didn't like it though. Nor do I like being in my 40's learning stuff I should when I was in kindergarten.
Never said I was normal or sane.

1 people had cathartic therapy:

I don't know why I thought you knew Spanish. Maybe it's your look mixed with some other things you may have written here and there. Let me know if there's ever anything I can help you with in that department.

As for lust, you're on your own. I appreciate your honesty on this one and I know exactly how empty that kind of lifestyle can be as it's all physical. I'm hoping you find that balance that we all want.

What you wrote about weapons surprised and saddened me. There's nothing that bothers me more than hearing a child is living in fear.

I love all your answers! It was good seeing a side of you we rarely get to see and I feel as though I've learned a lot about you in just a few short paragraphs. We're more alike than I thought, actually.

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