When the Planner brought up my Dad and how cut and dry I am with it. She also stated how harsh I can be with the memories and that's why she thinks their is unfinished business there. If I was over it the harshness would be smoothed over. Meditating on it over the weekend I agreed with her.
Not quite sure how I will work it all, but I have to start somewhere. I haven't seen my Dad in 17 years. He never met my ex or Eric. 17 years ago my Dad had brought up that we should spend some time apart again. I was 24 and it was the fourth time in my life my Father was telling me that we should spend sometime apart. My answer was whatever. However in my mind I was like fuck this. I wanted a Father when I was a kid now it just didn't matter anymore and this was more effort than it was worth.
The Planner will agree that he is a asshole and a jerk. What I have in mind is to leave a day early when I go to see Eric in November and stop by his place. He shouldn't have left for Puerto Rico yet for the winter. If he has I'll leave a note. This plan might change between now and then. The biggest thing is losing a day of work for this kind of shit. On the other hand I'm not giving up time with Eric for him either. So we'll see.
It took a while for my ex not to take it personal that she never met him. However I know no good could ever come from their meeting. So the thought of bringing Eric over for the reunion is definitely out of the question.
I use to send him Christmas cards after I divorced since I felt some connection. The second Christmas he shut his mail down and the letter was returned to me. He changed his number years ago when his estranged mother contacted him after about 20 years. The next day the number was changed. So face to face will have to be done.
Posts
Too Much Swag and Sadness
4 months ago
1 people had cathartic therapy:
Hey Mike,
This was a very interesting entry. First, I am sorry that your Dad is less ( an understatement there ) than he should have been as a father. I cannot, for any reason, imagine cutting myself off from my kids. Oh, we can be miles apart in our opinions on things, and I don't always agree with their actions, but they are my kids, and I love and accept them ... period.
You mentioned the fact that your father has been estranged from his mother. It seems that there is a pattern there. I am glad to know that this method of avoidance will stop with you. I can not imagine you having that same behavior toward Eric, no matter what the situation, which means that you will have a much richer and more loving relationship with your son.
The loser in all this is your father, who is missing out on time spent with both his son and grandson. A shame, to be sure.
Having said that, I don't think it would hurt for you to contact your Dad, just to see how things go between the two of you now. He must be getting on in age, and this might be your chance to have something in the way of a relationship, or at least get some closure on your feelings toward him. He won't be here forever, and I would like to think that when he passes on, you do not feel burdened with any regrets about what you might have done. After this, you could leave the ball in his corner, and however it goes, it goes. You have done your best. Just my thoughts. xx Tina
Post a Comment