Going Sane in a Crazy World

My journey through life and the lessons I learn to help me grow spiritually.

Sane Friends

Dating & Money

Janice asked if I could expound on fairness in my dating world. I though I had talked about this before than I realized I've only commented on it on every one elses blogs. Usually the person who ask pays is generally accepted out there. I'm always asking out so I always pay on the first date. I do like when a woman offers to pay. If I like her and she offers I'll say she can pay next time so she knows I'm interested.

The official ruling on paying that I've read is 3:1. The man pays 3 times for every once the woman pays. I don't really keep tabs. The fairness of dating is a mindset that really comes across fast. Will the women drive to see me, offer to pay or make dinner for me. I've dated shortly, women that have stated that they expected me to pay for everything. That just flies in the face of equality of both parties.

L was very tab oriented in a weird good way. She always wanted to keep it very equal. What was really weird is I met a taller clone of her Wednesday. I saw the woman sitting at the meeting and I had to take a triple take. I didn't think it was her, but definitely knew it when she stood up and showed that she was an Amazon.

The most interesting thing I ever heard was from a bunch of women from the singles group. They said if a woman doesn't start chipping in by the third date with paying or driving they said dump her. I remember being very surprised hearing this from a group of women. It's also what made me date the Planner and her being a distance. I tell you I'm really going to try and find a woman on the south side next time. This 50 minute to see each other sucks. Even though we only went on a few dates. It was awesome to drive the 10 minutes to see the Photographer.

So what's your beliefs on paying with dating?

6 people had cathartic therapy:

OH boy, you asked the right question. I agree that the asker pays...male or female. I find it offensive when someone asks me to split the first tab - and I won't see them a second time.
3:1 sounds about right. I usually offer to cook a wonderful dinner on date #3 to reciprocate.


I don't pay for dinner. I can't think of a single time that I have. But I'll make your favorite dessert to have at my place after dinner. I'll wash your car and fill up the tank. I'll give you the best back and head massage you've ever had in your life. I'll bring you lunch when you're too swamped to leave the office. You pay for the date, I'll take care of you in a million other ways.


I like what Melain said, maybe I'm old-fashioned.

Thanks Mike


That works Melain. Like I said being fair is a state of mind. As long as I know it's balanced in whatever way we make it work I'm happy.


I do not like to pay for dinners or activities on dates. I do carry money in case he asks me to chip in or if he complains that the bill is too much. But if he wants to go dutch or complains, then I am not interested in another date. I want the man to cover that, since he asked me out. Him paying for our dates shows that he is generous and isn't a tightwad.

On the other hand, I am financially independent and don't expect him to spend money on gifts for me. I would never expect him to take me on vacations. Nor would I ever go to him and ask for financial help. (I've known women that do this).

But like Melain said, I would chip in other ways. I would drive to see the guy. I would plan the date. I would take care if him if he got sick. I would babysit his pets.

Just another girl opinion.


I'm with you on the rule that whoever asks - pays. But I'm a little weird about it. If it's a really nice restaurant (more than one fork at the place setting) I won't grab the check with the waiter there. I will pay the bill and nudge the check folder so it's further on my date's side of the table. I didn't realize I did this until I got called on it a few years ago. I want my date to look chivalrous. I want him to open doors for me, pull out my chair, walk on the traffic side of the sidewalk, but I'm not going to make him pay for a date I asked him to, especially if I order more than three courses and two wines.

BTW: if he's a stingy tipper, three dates tops.

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