Going Sane in a Crazy World

My journey through life and the lessons I learn to help me grow spiritually.

Sane Friends

The Empty Space

Today is like when someone passes away and you find yourself in that empty space. I had planned the whole day around Eric and now with him not here I find myself a bit lost. I'm still very sad and trying not to be a hard ass about it all. For me it's a workout to feel my feelings. While I'm angry with my ex as most of you can see I'm not ballistic. The reason for this is that it comes out her insanity instead of any malice. I can have compassion with the insanity with my anger. Over the years I've dealt enough with her malice like with the false allegations of abuse to child services.

Whoops I see I forgot to update you all. I called Eric later yesterday to see how he was and I got my ex. She apologized. Not for cancelling which is normal for her, but for not keeping me informed about her health. She had told me over the summer that she wasn't doing well. This is no surprise for me since she never took care of herself when we were married and I knew she would die a long time before I did and it would a long downward spiral. Hey when you live on coffee and Doritos this is what happens.

Mostly today I walk the fine line of calm/completely furious. Mostly because I worry about Eric. His grandfather has Alzheimer's and they live with him and now my ex is dealing with chronic illness. The stress levels for adults who deal with this stuff is through the roof. A child with two such individuals, I shudder to think about it. This is not a new scenario to play in my head since I knew some form of this would play out at some point.

So I find myself running errands today and getting a haircut. I always try for 3 months with one, but since I moved down here that has been very hard to do. Asp told me that 2 months was a long time. I'll run and see my Mom today and then probably watch DVDs. I had ordered season 5 of the Sopranos and Black Lagoon the complete series for my birthday. So its working out well to have something to do. I'm hoping to see Asp tomorrow if she catches up with her school work before she leaves for Florida. I do see the point of spreading out our dates since things can move faster in my head when we have back to back dates.

3 people had cathartic therapy:

Hi Mike,
I'm sorry to hear about your ex's chronic illness ... but suspect there are still plenty of options that would have allowed her to get Eric to the airport despite the illness. I feel badly for her, but she still sounds like a master manipulator.


I'm still incensed. Why do these people have your son? You're clearly unsure that it is the best environment for him.

Hope you get some playtime with Asp.


wish you could get your son full time??? what is the deal with that??? do what you can to manage the situation, sounds like he'd be better with you...

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