The End of the Year

Asp sent me a picture of herself today. I had missed her and I felt it more so when I saw her pic. I was surprised she sent me one since she's not one to have her picture taken. She's still on the mend from her cold and I hope she doesn't have a rough time with flying.

New Years is not my holiday. It never has been. I'm not a partier or resolution person. I never liked paying 3x the amount for something just because of the holiday. For me when I find something I need to change I just do. Waiting for a certain time or bundling them up together is just asking for failure for me. So I'll just cook dinner and relax with a DVD or 2. I want to re watch Kung Fu Hustle so that will be on deck. The landlord's ex will return tomorrow with her daughter and grandson. The rest of the family will follow for his service over the weekend. So I'm going to stay at Asp's the weekend and come back home Sunday night. It'll be nice to have the extended stay and we're planning on hanging in bed most of the day Saturday. Her son will be there so I'm not quite sure what we'll be doing.

Today I find myself working again on my under earning. If I don't watch myself I undercut myself with the business. I'm tired of just getting by since the business does walk through my door, but I don't fully get what I need to from each person. I started again with enforcing this with myself and as always it works. Now I just need to keep doing it.

Whoop There it Ain't

Now I like treating families in my office. It's a nice wholesome feeling unless both parties hate each other. I had a couple in this week that just bad mouthed each other during their entire appointments with me. I think I might have to attach a bitching rider to the bill. I know it happens that people don't get along, but this was just toxic. I felt weird after each appointment. Hopefully things will calm down in their lives after the new year. Yeah right.

2 more days to Asp gets back. I have to admit I got use to regular sex again. While this year I've gone long stretches without any now I'm freaking craving it after only a few days. Oye I forgot how it is to be a slave to lust.

Today I started back into a regular cycle of going to the gym. Like everything else this month, my workouts got screwed up. I at least made it to the gym once a week and kept up my walking schedule with L, but I like to keep the gym at twice a week. Asp is complaining that she gained weight at her mom's and wants some help when she gets back. I told her I would be happy to work out with her. I would rather do that than try to motivate her to do so. An you can only do the Italian Chandelier so often before it becomes tiresome. Well mostly for the Asp than me.

I tell you sometimes I can't figure people out. Asp keeps hinting she wants me to tie her up. I had suggested padded cuffs so their would be no marks. She said no then suggested silk scarves. Asp doesn't wear them and I seem to be out of them in my scarf drawer. Since I have a ton of ties I think they'll get a second job for the weekend.

Conclusions

It's been a bit of a rough month here. The announcement of the landlord's terminal illness and his quick death has changed my home life. I'm happy that I'm still in the same place and I like that the care taking status is no longer mine. I'm just a tenant like I've always been. Mentioning problems as I see them. Like the landlord said you spotted the last 2 leaks. I know it's going to take some time for his family to sort through all his belongings. There's just so much stuff. However I'll be happy to have the place to mine again. It's taking some getting use to with 5 bedrooms in the place making some strange noises at night.

Asp's introduction into my life has opened a lot of things that have been closed for a while. The first is someone to spend the holidays with even though its modified. She was gone my birthday and Thanksgiving and will be gone New Years Eve. However holiday decorations and parties with someone is a big difference than I've had since my marriage 6 years ago. Even then it wasn't the best of situations. So this was a joyous holiday season for me.

Asp herself fact wise is a lot like my ex. The astigmatism, panic attacks, love of Elton John, etc. It was worrisome in the beginning, but I've found out that she is different which I do have to remind myself from time to time. My basis for women are my Mom and my ex which are two very toxic people however that's what I bring to the table. I've worked on a lot of that stuff over the years, but as I know some things you can only work on in. So I heal a lot with Asp since I expect these bad reactions that I use to get and when they don't I can let them go and move on. Realizations that I'm accepted for who I am and that fear can be let go of.

The last on the list is Asp's son and the landlord's grandson. I've had to deal a lot with these 2 kids. One is 11 and the other is almost 2. Opposite ends of the spectrum. Both of them have made me open that fatherhood door that I keep closed a lot so I don't lose my mind. I don't get to do any of it with Eric. It's a rare time when he comes to me with a problem so all the work and knowledge I've developed over the years just sits there. So it's nice to be able to use this information, but with it comes a great sadness that it's not with my son.

Moving Flirts

I haven't been around my usual Starbucks on a Sunday in a while. Since Asp had given me a gift card from there I figured I would relax with a soy chai. I grabbed a big comfy chair and relaxed with book. I was reading for a while when I felt something and I looked up. Through some people I noticed a woman looking right at me. While this is a nice thing, what struck me as noteworthy was that this is a woman I had the hots for. She meets a friend there every week it seems and the do some kind of paperwork I believe she is French. Anyway she has never paid me any kind of attention and she was never alone to try and start a conversation. I have given up on her a while back. Now to see her staring at me was a bit of a shock, more so that I just texted Asp that I missed her. I'm not going for her and I'm not dropping Asp, but was kind of a first for me. I've been married and have had women hit on me, but to actually want to meet someone and then get the interest after I'm with someone was a first.

It's the last week of the year and the last of the holidays. I can't wait for it to be over business wise. It's just so slow. I'm trying to nail down some group and cross marketing with other people, but like when you do anything with another person it's problematic.

I have this wonder if Asp wants to move out to Oklahoma with her mom. She brings it up from time to time since she could get a larger house than she has now. When asked she says she isn't doing it, but for the short time we've been together I've heard it enough times to wonder.

All Our Yesterdays

Well the structuring of my storage unit went faster than I thought it would. While most everything is on a shelf I still have a few boxes on the floor, but the bikes fit in nicely and I can get most anything with relative ease. I still need to organize all the office decoration boxes, but I'll do that after I switch to the winter theme in the office tomorrow. I was happy to find my cook books and my high school year book.

Now you might ask why my HS year book. Well being on FB I get a lot of request from people from my HS who I have no freaking clue who they are. They look totally different than they did in school 25 years ago so I need the original picture to even have a clue. I forgot HS was like an episode of the Sopranos. It was a VERY Italian village so at least 90% of every one's name ended in a vowel. We had 5 black kids in the whole school. So looking through the book is like a funny blast from the past.

I moved around to much as a kid especially in HS school so I didn't know many people besides by name and face. However it did all come back just looking at it all. So I'm going to take sometime of FB seeing how people changed.

Asp isn't doing to well on her trip to visit her mom. We can't tell if its a nerve in her tooth or a bad sinus attack. So far with decreasing her sinus pressure her tooth pain is receding. For me all of this puts me on edge. This is so something that would happen to my ex. From this she would spiral down and it would always get ugly with me having a target on my head. So I've been a bit edgy all today. However Asp is handling it well and is okay with me. I see that someone caring about her is new and she doesn't quite know how to handle my caring. Her mother informed her that I was a keeper.

Well tonight I broke out the pots and pans and started cooking in the kitchen. Tonight was chili which I haven't made in many years. It was nice to cook again. I don't like having all my stuff stuck on the side of the kitchen, but once the landlord's food supplies dwindle down, room will appear.

I'm making a few changes in my room to give myself a bit more useful space. I have a desk in there which I'm not quite sure if I'm going to keep in there. I have a big shelf in storage, but it's totally the wrong color for the room. I really don't want to buy another one. So I'm restructuring the hutch on top for now for my books. If I can find something in one of the thrift stores that I like I'll get it, but if not I'll make due for now.

Habits

Driving down the highway today it hit me that I was starting to feel normal again. I'm a creature of habit. Not saying that I have to wake up on the same side of the bed every morning at the same time although it does help. Gym, meditation, eating, prayer, etc. It's all been disrupted this last month since the landlord was diagnosed as terminal. Having Asp in the mix only increased it. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I do many things to keep myself healthy physically, mentally/emotionally, and spiritually. These last 30 days have been a bit of a disruption for me. It was nice to feel my old self coming back into place.

So to keep this up I've downloaded some of my stuff to my Blackberry so when I'm at Asp I have access to my prayers, affirmations, and meditations. I need to go back to scheduling the gym again so that it's happening. Today I started buying more food for the house and more balanced diet. With the landlord's ex still coming back for an extended period I have to make sure to get certain places in the refrigerator for myself. I tell you it was nice to make pasta again tonight. I haven't made it just for myself in years. Usually when I'm with Eric I make it since it reminds him of when we all use to live together. So every time we're together I make it.

The pool game with the singles was excellent. It was nice to have so many people I'm close with together to have fun with. Also to catch up and joke with each other. It did a lot for me.

So my shelves are in my car and it will be a trip to my storage unit tomorrow to straighten it up. I'm hoping to be able to get the shelves up and at least half the place straightened up. I know after a while of being there I get tired of it all. The problem is that I can't walk away with everything all over the place like I would do at home where I could take a break and go back to it. Wish me luck.

The Gift List

Whoops I see I made a social mistake. Sooz pointed out that I forgot to mention what Asp got me for the holidays. Since she knows I'm starting to cook again she got me 2 cook books. One was a dairy free one which was awesome since I do cut out a lot of recipes with dairy ingredients. Yes I've become highly lactose intolerant in my older age. What I did find out is that Filipinos are the most lactose intolerant people in the world. Thanks Mom. She also got me a cookbook with a bunch of recipes with few ingredients so I can cook with ease. Something I like since I'm only doing it for myself. The other two were gift cards to Barnes & Noble and Starbucks. If she didn't buy so much for everyone else I would be worried. I do see her codependent parts starting to leak out everywhere. Part of my comfort with her is this since my Mom and Ex were this way and they're the biggest female influences in my life. The other is that I know I feel safe with her and I can say what I need to without retribution. I just have to make sure to do this.

It's surprisingly warm here today; almost 60. I'm taking care of a few things in the office this morning before I head over to OVDC to get some treatment. This afternoon I'm spending it with the singles playing pool. On the way home I'll stop and pickup my shelves I ordered at Walmart so I can work in my storage unit tomorrow. Also I want to pick up food for the week so I don't have to keep stopping at the store every few days which is starting to suck. It's such a waste of time and energy.

Eric called me last night. I was surprised that extended family didn't come over and visit like they usually do. He had a quiet Christmas and I didn't ask what he got from his mom like usual. However I do wonder if my ex can't get him the airport did she get him anything for Christmas. He did really like the new Wimpy Kid book I sent him and the new Indiana Jones DS game. So at least on that end he was happy.

The Holiday Withdrawl

I only worked a half day yesterday and then went over to Asp's place. We celebrated Christmas with her son so he could play with his stuff before we went out. Her son liked the Wimpy Kid book I got him and Asp liked Lied to Me season 1. She went over board with presents for me, but as she explained and I saw she likes people to have a lot of stuff to open. I'm a quality over quantity person myself, but I did find out other things she does like.

We then went over Saturn girl's daughter's house for dinner. We all brought stuff and it was a nice time. Saturn girl and her daughter are very bossy people I found out. It's been a long time since I've had Christmas with a lot of people I know. Afterwards it was back to Asp's place to help her finish packing for her trip.

A few things came up that we talked about. The first thing was physical punishment with her son. I was never a fan of it and we talked of other ways to help make him a responsible adult. She was on board with it, but it will mean change for her which in the long run will help us. Since how she handles her relationship with her son will tell how she handles ours.

We talked about relationships in general and ours. I stated that we people are attracted to others who have something we lack. Those people are of the same coin, just opposite sides. She asked what I was attracted to her about. For me it's an age old attraction. Asp has things she's passionate about and she stands up and fights for them. I'm laid back with my beliefs and my passions are mostly moderate.

The last thing was that Asp has anxiety which is brought on by negative self talk. My Mom and ex had it and I wondered when I first met Asp if my high comfort with her was similarities to them. With the anxiety comes some grumpiness which she apologized for. I answered in my old way of "no problem" which I don't like. I don't want to condone the behavior even though I understand where it comes from. So I have to find another response.

Like always I measure what positive things each relationship brings to me against the negative. I have to make sure I stay aware and voice my concerns as they come up. First to myself and then to Asp if they are appropriate.

Today has been a quiet one. I grabbed 4 more hours of sleep after I dropped Asp off at the airport. Then I went for a hike with L and then off to visit my Mom. I left a message for Eric and was sad that I didn't talk to him. Hopefully he will call later tonight. Having a lot of people around to almost no one is taking a little getting use to today. I was planning on continuing the Landlord's tradition of us going to Chinese buffet tonight, but I have so many leftovers from last night that I'm good. With the rain tonight I'm happy of it.

Happy Holidays to everyone.

Blessed Silence

So I had the house all to myself last night and it was great. Somethings were moved around and I know the landlord's ex will be here for awhile when she comes back. I'll need to come up with a nickname for her since she will probably be gracing these pages for a while. The landlord has a lot of stuff that needs to be processed. He was very organized which was good, but a lot of the stuff is expensive like all the Hummels. So it's going to take a while. The week long vacation from anyone in the house corresponds to Asp's trip so I'm going to fully enjoy it.

The office today will be a joke probably, but I'm here for a few hours to see if anyone needs any last minute treatment before the go away which is the norm. At the least I'll get a few more things done around here.

With the extra space I'm getting back to my normal state. I scheduled several events for the singles over the next month. It had gotten a little sparse over the holidays which I don't like. I've always kept the group very active and I schedule the most events. As the old saying go, "since I'm the one in charge, I'm the one that steers the ship."

The most interesting thing that differs this year is that so many more people care about my life and well-being which is new and nice. It's something I've never had so it's a great feeling.

For the Love of Cats

So no Asp never did mention anything about my "I love you" comment and I was happy for it. Honestly not a single woman I've ever dated and said those words has commented on them. Usually it takes a few times mostly because I'm never looking for anything in return. I'm usually just sharing how I feel. However in this instance I wasn't trying to do anything. I know it's way to early for love to have developed and we're still in the "lust" phase. On the other hand sex was pretty freaking awesome yesterday. Not having to worry about her son and being someplace else than the bed was great.

The landlord's family is going back north for the holidays. So it will be nice to have the house to myself for a week. The weekend after New Years will be a zoo since most of the family will be coming for his funeral on the 4th.

Not having Eric in my physical presence and my ex not keeping me in the loop with him I miss out on a lot of parenting. All those years of learning and thinking things out is kind of going to waste. So I'm happy when Asp ask me for advice when she's having a problem with her son. A lot of it is just boy stuff, but some I think is me. Her son has been use to having Asp at his disposal whenever he wanted her. Now he has to take turns. I've seen it at the house over the years with the mixture of families. Kids start acting out more to get the attention they feel is loss.

The funny thing is that Asp's cat Elliot who doesn't get along with her son and is okay with her has taken a shine to me. Every time I'm over there I awake to him wedged up against me in bed. The good thing is that he's not looking for someone to shake his food bowl on those mornings.

Fretting

So I pretty much fretted the whole night with the "I love you" statement. I wasn't planning on having this be a concern for a while now. So I texted Asp this morning with normal stuff since I wasn't touching this white elephant. You know what my answer was? Silence. That's when I freaked since she's good on responding. Asp did respond later apologizing for not responding since she had her audit today. She's in a very happy mood as well as very frisky so I guess my worrying was for nothing. Hopefully I'll be able to get out of bed in the morning.

I did find out some interesting history on the landlord this morning. His ex was married to his best friend and they had 2 girls. Then she married the landlord so the girls are his step daughters. He had no kids of his own. So I guess I should drop "your father" from my vocabulary when talking with them.

I treated myself yesterday. I stopped by Sears to pick up some new dress pants and ended up buying a new jacket which was dirt cheap. My winter jacket is 10 years old and my leathor jacket needs to be retired again since it's lining needs to be replaced. I remember when I got my winter jacket. I was thinking of getting a new one and then Eric puked all over it which made the decision for me. Since one of my patients gave me a gift card to Applebees I decided to treat myself for dinner. It was a nice time. Asp said she couldn't do all the things that I do alone like eating out and movies. I've done them all my single life before and after marriage so it's no big thing to me.

What Did I Just Say?

Tonight Asp and I did our usual talk on the phone. It was lighter and funnier than usual which is probably from a weekend getting closer to each other. There is always a pregnant pause after we say goodnight to each other and say that we'll talk the next day. Today there wasn't one. It flew out of my mouth faster than thought. "I love you a lot." I couldn't believe it came out of my mouth so I just got off the phone after I said it. I would like to hope she didn't hear it, but I know she did.

In the past I've always flown on the high emotion of the early relationship which is lust and said, "I love you." Not that I didn't mean it, but I've come to learn it's just too early to say it. So this time around I was feeling good. I had no want to say it. So where the hell it came from tonight is beyond me. My hope is that it doesn't negatively affect the relationship since I really do like Asp. Oye.

Up Next

Well I learned today that the owner of my business property died and the daughters have hired a property manager to run the place. Nothing official has been stated, but I would expect something before lease renewal happens. Hopefully everything stays the way it is.

The weekend with Asp went well. She was sick and a bit cranky from it. More from having to keep her son doing his stuff and the house being dirty. She apologized for it. I didn't take it personally since I knew it had nothing to do with me. I did have a dream that night with her becoming my ex. I had to work it through when I woke up during the night that they weren't the same person. We did talk about it the next day.

I'm enjoying being part of something this holiday season and it's making it special for me. I thanked Asp for having me be part of all her family stuff. Cookie making was on board yesterday. I organized her cabinets for her. Asp is short and her cabinets are tall and I think the construction guy played a sick joke on her. She can only reach the bottom of the cabinet and her son the second one. The next 3 have to be ladder accessible. So I moved shelves and while there helped get rid of a lot of stuff.

The landlord's second daughter arrived sometime this weekend. So it's now a house full of women. The grandson likes me a lot so that works out. The ladies are very nice, but it's a different feel in the house. Besides that every freaking light is on in the place. I'm not quite sure what their plans are yet and I'm not quite sure if they know yet.

Dealing with my Mom Saturday was a little rough. She was lying down when I got there, but still awake which I was grateful for. However when she's lying down she doesn't want me to do anything and since I can't wheel her around there is little for me to do. She's not very responsive so I puttered around her room and checked her clothes. I felt like a round peg in a square hole since I feel I can only do for her.

I'm still enjoying my time with Asp. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with Christmas Eve plans. We're getting together with Savant and I believe his kids and Saturn girl and her kids. So from no one to a gaggle of people. I do like intimate present time than this whole big ordeal, but we'll see.

Sick, Sad World

My sadness still bounces up and down today. I make sure not to fall into any pits, but I try not to suppress any feelings which is an old habit. I asked if my help was needed with anything at the house, but the ladies said everything was good for now. The only good thing with my landlord's passing was that I was able to turn the heat down last night. It was up to 78 and I was dying. I had closed the vent in my room to be able to survive. I'll be back there tomorrow for 2 nights and see how everything is going. This is a picture of the landlord from Easter this year.

I was wondering what to tell Eric with the landlord's death. He knows him and usually wants me to say hi. I worry with so much else going on in his life, but I'm not one for avoiding these events. So I'll talk to him about it. It won't be his first death and won't be his last.

Asp had gotten her son's cold. However the Christmas spirit has gotten her. So she went out with Saturn girl to finish up Christmas shopping. We were suppose to go to a Christmas party tonight, but I doubt that will happen. So I'll most likely make dinner for both of them. Not quite sure what it'll be yet.

I do want to thank everyone for their kind words.

In Passing

I got home tonight to a lot of lights on and vehicles in the driveway. The weird thing was that no one was home. It was like a horror movie. Stuff was all around, lights on, and no people. While I was making my dinner a basketball rolled pass my feet. It was freaking weird. After eating I relaxed in my room watching some Two & a Half Men to relax. My landlord's daughter knocked on my door to inform me that he died this morning. I was pretty shocked since they had said 6-10 weeks which would give him 4-8 more. He died sometime after 2 this morning. His ex said it was for the best since he was really getting weak.

I'm pretty sad right now. I guess I've pre-grieved since I'm not fully grief stricken, but it still has hit me. They won't do any services until after Christmas so that everyone can attend.

It's Party Time

Well my Christmas party went well last night. As usual a few people who RSVP'd didn't show. We all had fun and I was happy that Asp had a fun time since she was the odd person out. It was fun introducing my girlfriend around. I get enough positive responses from my FB admission. Asp is reluctant to announce that she is the person I'm in a relationship with. It's all personal preference and I'm okay with it. Her son did well on his own and I had to comfort Asp that she wasn't a bad mom. We talked that this will probably happen more in the future. Whether she goes out or he does as he gets older. One more Holiday party to go.

I tell you part. Part of me just wants to curl up in a ball alone somewhere. Home life is a changing everyday so it's hard to get settled. Sleep overs at Asp are great, but I just like my alone time. So I'm trying to find a balance in there for me.

I think at some point I'll mention to Asp the "put downs". She worries about her son being emotionally/mentally healthy. One thing Asp will do is when things get stressful she can put herself down. Over time that will wear down any one's self-esteem. Children pick up on our coping mechanism whether they be healthy or not. I haven't said anything yet, but I can feel it coming soon.

I seem to have been accepted into Asp's household. Her son talks with me now about different things which is great. Her male cat Elliot has bonded to me it seems. I've been told he doesn't like many people. So I was surprised to find him most nights wedged up against my back. I know most kids and animals bond to me pretty easily. Now if I can just get him some socks to cover those claws of his.

Tonight will find me back home and the last night for awhile of peace and quiet in the house. Children and grandchildren arrive Sunday and the noise will begin.

The Ambitious Mouse

Well it was nice to have the house quiet last night. The landlord's brother and sister left, but not before putting up the Christmas tree and some decorations outside. It looks very nice. We now have a break until all the grandchildren arrive Sunday. For me I have to try not to feel like a mouse in the house. I'm not in sync with the house anymore and I almost feel like I'm sneaking around behind my parents back. No one really cares, but this is the shit that's in my head. It will take a little while of this change for me to get use to it.

Tonight is my Business group's Holiday party that I put together. The turn out is about 50-50 which I'm happy for. Asp will be coming with me which will be fun. She's leaving her son home tonight which will be a first. Usually when he's sick he may stay home by himself, but this is the first time for her to just go out somewhere and she's feeling weird. Like all new skills it will take time. However it will be a good thing so we can get out more.

I was informed that I'm ambitious today. The people saying it had fear in their eyes since it was a major undertaking. A neighborhood scavenger hunt was my idea. I don't really care if it flies or dies. I suggested it so I agreed to chair it. I think everyone will run for the hills, but it will let people know what I'm all about.

I Said What?

I went to my storage unit to dig out my cookbooks yesterday. While there I grabbed my brief case since I thought it would be a good way to carry all my networking stuff. Opening it was like opening a time capsule. I haven't used it in 6 years when I was having my child custody case and fighting my ex's accusations of child abuse. I even had little pieces of paper with room and docket numbers scribbled on it. Anyway I was talking to Asp last night about it since it was major happenings. Afterwards she said did I know that I didn't mention "ex" I said "wife". WTF? I was truly taken back and didn't know what to say. I have no inclination as to why I did that. Because of that I'm scared that I'll do so again. I don't know if it's because I don't say ex really anyplace. My closest friends knew me when I was married so I just say her name. I'm perplexed.

At the moment home is not sanctuary for me and it probably won't be for a while. While it doesn't really stress me, it's not a place of full relaxation anymore.

The Big Stir

I changed my relationship status on Facebook today. It was nice to get the big response that I did. Asp didn't get home yet to update on her end. I thought it would just be an email, but I guess there is something else to be done.

I dug out my cookbooks from storage today. I'm still missing two of them, but I didn't feeling like doing the big job. I really need to get some shelving in there so I can find stuff easily. I think that has moved up on my list of to do things. What really is happening is that I have so many pokers in so many fires that stuff is just being forgotten. I'm use to updating the singles group daily, but that might be every other day or something.

The landlord's brother and sister were at the house last night. His brother doesn't want to accept that this is happening. I may suggest to his ex that they make the house a little more festive with music or something. I went down this morning on my way out and they were all at the table in the dim light. All the kids are coming down for Christmas week and the place will be bursting with activity. We'll see how he handles it. The hospice people are all set up and I'm happy that one part of the medical branch works fast. They were like we can have a hospital bed here in 4 hours. Like holy shit. I wish everything else in the field worked that well.

Well tonight I'll be cooking for Asp and her son. Since I'm working late I changed the menu to sloppy joes since it will be fast.

Dribs and Drabs

It was a rainy Sunday here. It's kind of strange in the house right now. While the landlord's daughters grew up in the house it's probably been 20 years since they were there. I feel like and intruder in their home and they act like they're a intruder in mine. It's kind of funny. Everyone has been very nice so their has been no problems. I believe the one daughter left last night. My landlord's brother should be down during this week. I'm not quite sure if the landlord will stay until the end or start travelling around. It seems to change every time I talk to him.

To enjoy some me time I ran some errands and scored the Kung Fu Panda DVD for $4. I was stoked. Hey it doesn't take much. It was a bad Starbucks day. I stopped by my usual one and got a grande to relax and read with. It wasn't made well. Later that evening I took Asp and her son to one for drinks and got another badly made one.

Asp and I spent the rainy afternoon in bed together since her son was visiting his half brother. It was a nice way to pass the time. She opened up more about the abuse in her life and I did the same. We are progressing along very well. Due to a computer problem are day hanging out today didn't fully work out. She had to go in to work in the early afternoon. However we got to sleep in and enjoy each other's company with the house empty which is always a joy. Tomorrow night I'll be making dinner for all of us.

Work today has been a bit of a chaos fest. I finally got all my diagnostic equipment delivered today. It's been coming in dribs and drabs for the last few days. My massage room is a freaking mess with the stuff. I'm not quite sure where I'm going to put it Wednesday when there is a massage. I think I'm going to shut the room down for massage since I'm make no money with it. For the pennies I get it's just not worth the hassle. Now I just need to get my training done on it over the next 2 days.

Strange Turn of Events

Tonight was Game Night for the singles. Due to the holidays and other events it was a very low turnout for the event and I didn't know what to expect. We had a few unexpected people stop by. Besides myself everyone else was over 45. We had lots of fun as usual and two of the women were very loud with their laughs. We were actually told to please be quiet.

When I got home I was surprised to find that landlord home. John Hopkins reviewed his case and told him 6-10 weeks of life left. Also not to waste his time getting a second opinion since no one would go against their prognosis. So he's come back home to die. His ex, one daughter, and grandson are here. He said that the rest of his family will filter in and out in the coming weeks. I was very say to hear. It's been such a fast turn around of events. I'm trying to get him hospice care right now. I just got use to being alone and now I'll have to get use to a lot of changes in the coming weeks.

With this emotional wave, my hike, and lack of sleep last night with Asp I'm beat tonight. I'm hoping Asp will be home sometime soon so we can talk and I can go to bed. I'll see her tomorrow and spend half the day Monday with her.

It's Official

Asp and I became BF and GF last night. It was funny Saturn girl asked her at the hockey game if we were. Asp said she thought we were so Saturn girl said to make sure. We've been joking around with the BF and GF titles ever since.



The Meet & Greet went well last night. About half the people showed that RSVP'd which kind of sucked, but a bunch of new people did come out which is good. Lubo's is a great place to be social at so it worked out. Afterwards we met up with Savant and Saturn girl at the hockey game. I learned many things there.

• The stereotype of fighting is real. While there weren't many fights that's what everyone demanded even the 5 year old in front of us. The guys next to us didn't care for the game just were waiting for someone to kick the shit out of someone.


• Sportsmanship was very high with the cheer of you suck when the home team scored.


• I have no clue why they change players every freaking 30 seconds.


• There seems to be no rules. I actually want to Google hockey rules today since penalties seem very arbitrary to me.
  

It was nice to have Asp's place all to ourselves. Her son was staying at a friends so nakedness was the uniform of the night and it was great. Sleep was at an all time low with a every 2 hour schedule. So I need a nap when I get out of the office today and before I go hiking.

We started sharing our secrets last night which was a fun new step. Up to this point I hadn't stated that I had dated the Photographer, but that came up last night. I was wondering if it would or not, but she asked if I had dated anyone in the group that was still in it.

I'm staying on course with not spending every night at her place even though she would like me to. I would too, but I know I need to keep my life still going. Also I'll be sleeping over Sunday night and staying with her most of the day Monday to celebrate our first month of being together.

Size Does Matter

Asp sent this over to me. It shows how small things really are from a coffee bean down to a carbon atom. It freaked her out since she doesn't like to know that there are all these small little things out there. For me its way cool science stuff.

Asp wants to go to a hockey game with some of our friends tonight after the Meet & Greet. She wanted to know what I thought. I told her between a couple of guys beating the crap out of each other and spending quiet time with her. I would choose her. She's never been to a hockey game so she wanted to go and I'm okay with it. I've never been to one either. However it was nice talking it through with her. I thanked her for it. She was a bit confused. I'm always working through stuff and I've been accused of over thinking, but it's how I become healthier. Working all the crap of the past out. She then knew I had crap in my past which really hasn't been talked about. I told her that it wasn't always nice and that I don't take these common niceties for granted.

I spend the first official night alone in the house last night. I can't believe how fast dust accumulates there. So I did my cleaning and laundry. I'm also working on having a buffer of stuff in place. You know food, ironed clothes, etc. Just so I can run in the house if I've spent a night at Asp's and not go crazy.

That Holiday Feeling

While lying together the other day Asp stated that she liked me because I didn't play games. It was nice to have it recognized. I told her I liked that about her too and that she's a good partner. In every thing we've done together she's been considerate and we've put our heads together to solve problems. Last night I helped her put up lights on her house. It was fun and the first time I every did outdoor lights. I have to admit that this has been a nice holiday season with Asp. For the last 6 years, holidays have been a null thing since I haven't been with anyone through them. So it's nice to have something awaken in my again. While at times there is a lot of processing since the last time holiday festivities were celebrated I was married.

Tomorrow night is my Holiday Meet & Greet with the singles. We have a record number of people signed up for it. Now we'll see how many show up. It'll be nice to go out with Asp even though I will be floating around mingling with all the new people. The great thing is that her son is spending the night over a friends so we'll have the place to ourselves which will be a first. The only bad thing is that I'll need to leave early to treat patients in the morning.

I did hear from the landlord and he's in John Hopkins hospital. When I called him back he was tired so I didn't get an update. I just gave him the information he needed.

Is there something you're not telling me?

I'm a red blooded American. Although I wouldn't mind meeting an American with different colored blood, but that's for another Craig's List Ad. Anyway I'm use to getting the standard erection problems, blue pill, etc ads clogging my spam box. I actually think I had it down to about 1-2 a week. However since the holidays have started it's like 2-3 a day in there. Is everyone scared they're going to have a Blue Balls Christmas or something? Or has Asp put me on some unknown list and hasn't told me? Since her son will be home tonight I don't think any Italian Chandelier will be happening. I think we'll have to wait for the weekend. She'll have him somewhere Friday night since it's our monthly Meet & Greet for the singles group. We should have the place to ourselves afterwards hopefully.

I went home early last night and the landlord was still there so we were able to go over a few more things. Boy he looked 15 years older than last Monday. He lost a lot of weight. They left last night on their way to John Hopkins and depending on how all that goes will depend on if I'll see him again. If all goes well he'll come back to the house for a while. If not he'll stay up in Northern Virginia near to his family. So the place is now mine for the moment. I'll know in a few weeks if he's coming back and if not I'll reorganize the refrigerator and pantry for my use.

I'll be happy when the holidays are over. While I have to admit Christmas is my favorite holiday followed by Halloween. Everyones focus is on the holidays and their health takes a back seat and it's dead here in the office. Money will be tight for awhile. I'm happy that I'll be cooking at the house so I can bring lunch to the office to help off set the slowness.

Getting In Shape

Asp was bummed that the Curves she was going to go to by her place closed. So she's looking for another place that's close by. She wants to get into better shape and is trying to figure different ways to burn calories. So I sent her the sexual activites calorie chart.

On it, it mentions that

• Missionary 12 Calories


• 69 lying down 78 Calories


• 69 standing up 112 Calories


• Wheelbarrow 216 Calories


• Doggy Style 326 Calories


• Italian Chandelier 912 Calories

She wanted to know the Italian Chandelier was since it was so many calories. I thought it was a joke since most of the last ones were, but I looked it up and there was a lot on it. If you want the picture it's here. A complete break down is here on Christian Nymphos. Hey I don't make this shit up. Why? Because there is no reason too. Most stuff out there is beyond what I could think up know a days. Anyway I'm really surprised that the Wheelbarrow is so much less calorie burning than doggie style which more positional than work. Asp is texting me that tomorrow night is way too far away.

What Life Brings

Well I was surprised to find the landlord home last night. He checked himself out of the hospital. Up to yesterday the medical staff was telling him that they would get him in any hospital that he wanted. It would just be a phone call. Well that all changed yesterday when pathology stopped by to tell him his results. They told him to bring his beggar's hat when he went to John Hopkins which was a complete turn around. So him and his ex are leaving today to head north. I was surprised that he wouldn't be coming back. I figured with the change in life expectancy that he would stay around a bit or come back after treatment to take care of stuff. However this is the age of technology and things can be done from anyplace. So today I start being alone in the house. Tonight I'll see what I'm left with and start planning out meals. Since I'm cooking I'll start bringing my lunch to work more often again.

With these changes I think I'll try to make Wednesday a standing day with Asp and then the rest of the time would be over the weekend. That will give me enough time at the home to take care of anything plus not disrupt things that I need to get done. Plus not have to drive all over the city which is starting to take a toll on my gas tank. I'll know better once the utilities come in to better budget my meals. I'll need to make a journey into my storage unit for my cook books which are who knows where in there.

I did find out that Inverse has already blown it with her parents who spent their life savings to set her up down there. She's suppose to be coming back to the city. I thought she would have at least made it a few months. I feel really bad for lost who is just a ping pong ball being bounced around. I've lived that life and it's no fun.

Really!?

I've been wanting to check when was the first day that Asp and I went out. It was November 14th. Holy shit that was only 3 weeks ago this pass Saturday. I can't believe it's been such a short time. It feels longer, but in a good way. Especially since she was gone for a week.

Catch Up

Jeez it feels like I've been gone forever. Even more so when I walked in the house this morning. I haven't slept at the house since last Wednesday. Thursday was my last update from the landlord on how he was doing. His ex was sleeping this morning so I didn't get any new info. I'll be there tonight so hopefully I'll find out then. I feel very influx there since he's not there, but he's not dead so I'm not quite sure what is going on.

My seminar in Williamsburg went well. It was nice to get away although it was freezing cold up there. I didn't bring a winter jacket and I was shivering while deciding to eat Saturday night. It was even better when I came out Sunday morning to find my car under a sheet of ice. I thought I left NY so I wouldn't have to deal with this.

Friday night and Asp, her son, and myself went out and got a tree and some decorations. We did lights and she did the rest of the tree over the weekend. We did set up next Monday as a sleep in day. I'll come into work in the late afternoon, which will be when her son gets home from school, just to be lazy in bed. It's a first from me and I'm looking forward to it.

We put off me fixing her cabinets to do more decorations around her place. I will tell you going out with them is a bit rough on me. It's like when I get Eric. I go from no kid to 24/7 kid and it takes a while for me to acclimate. With this its single guy to family guy. Her son tries to come between us a lot when we're out too.

I'll talk to Asp about taking him out for Christmas. Saturn girl was suppose to do it yesterday, but forgot all about it. I told him if she never called let me know and I would take him out so he could get his mom a present.

It was very funny this morning when I told Asp I would be back over at her house Wednesday. I know she wanted me back over tonight, but I need to know what's going on with the landlord. Also I just need my time and my life. It's what makes me interesting and healthy and I want to keep it that way.

German girl has already picked up on how I talk about Asp different from anyone else I've dated. I know it's true since I feel different with her than I have with anyone else.

Tree Picking

Well I'm going out with Asp and her son tonight to help them get a Christmas tree. I'll get to see the ins and outs of buying a real Christmas tree. Tonight I'll spend it at her place and then head to my seminar tomorrow which will be helpful since her place is closer. On my way home Sunday I'm going to stop by to help her with some cabinets. She had them built and the guy never came back to put a shelf in for her, that was 5 years ago. Watching her go through so much to get a lid I told her it would be easy to put one in. So I grabbed my tool box and will take care of it then. I'm going to enjoy these two outings since this is what I feel is missing from our relationship. Being out and having different experiences hit us so that we can respond to them and grow together. While we do hit on things in the house, the world outside has more to offer. We have a few events that we are going together in the next few weeks so that will also help. On the 14th I'm taking most of the day off so we can spend it together. Her son will still be in school so it'll be nice. Also something I haven't done since I was married.

Molasses Thursday

Well I stopped off to see the landlord in the hospital today since I had a meeting right down the road. He looked better and he gave me their update. The doctor said 3 month minimum with a 50% chance at the one year mark. He said the liver would be what would do him in. It had like 30-35 lesions on it. He is suppose to transfer hospitals Monday for better treatment. My landlord is still the weird one, but he said they were still honoring their agreement with me care taking. He just asked for me to get renter's insurance which is no big deal.

Asp is having a bad day at work and asked if I could come by tonight. So I'll stay the night there tonight to cheer her up. It's the usual interoffice crap that goes on in most companies the world over. So after my hike with L I'll head on over. I told I'm usually wiped from the hike, but she didn't mind. I'm happy to help since she's been very helpful with all my landlord stuff.

I can't believe how much of a shit week this is. I haven't even collected a $100. The office is generating income, but still not much. I know it's a full moon this week, but the number of reschedules and no shows is incredible.

The good thing is Christmas shopping is all done. I got my niece a gift certificate which my brother suggested yesterday. Everything is wrapped and Eric's present went out in the mail today. Now just Christmas cards. I'm happy Asp volunteered to help write them since I'm writing challenged.

It's Begining to ...

Asp was decorated at her job today so the conversation led to Christmas. After doing to trees at work she wasn't looking forward to doing all the decoration at her place. I offered to help. Besides my 6 inch Charlie Brown tree and the lighted garland I made for my headboard that's the extent of my Christmas decorations. I do stuff in the office, but that's different. I decorated my tree about 4 years ago the first year I was here. However besides that I haven't done any true decorating and tree stuff since I was married which would have been 6 years ago. Asp always gets a real tree which will be fun for me. I've only had a live tree once in my life. It was the year we were living in Florida and my Mom's BF went into the woods with an ax and got us one. It wasn't that big. I informed Asp that my early years of life we had a aluminum Christmas tree. Hey it was the 60's. I will tell you it was a bright tree with lights.

I'm going to dust my cooking skills off now that I'm going to have to be cooking for myself again. It's been about 5 years. Most people look at me like it will be a struggle, but I cooked through 10 years of marriage. I think in that time my ex cooked 5 times. So I just have to get back in the swing of planning meals which is a little harder when it's one person. It's usually I lot of left overs.

I hear the landlord is looking better with the blood transfusion. However no results yet from any of the test performed. They're having a hard time finding his hospital doctor. If that continues tomorrow they are going to ask for another one. I have a meeting down by there in the morning so I'll stop by and see how he's doing.

I know it's the full moon this week, but holy shit. People are rescheduling or no showing like crazy this week. It was already a crap week and it's only getting worse.

The Roller Coaster Ride

I slept better at Asp's place last night. I'm getting use to the noises in her place plus I helped her with her sinuses so she is snoring less. I see that I'm getting older since sex multiple times a night is getting more difficult. Some of my older friends have talked about it, but I thought I had a few more years. A Public Service Announcement to all is don't mix Listerine breath strips and oral sex. Yeowch that shit burns. We scheduled our next sleepover for Friday since we can sleep in before I need to head up to Williamsburg for my seminar. The good thing is that I'll be closer than I would be at home.

I tell you this knowing someone before you date them is completely weird. I think my extra comfortability with Asp is from knowing her for a while. Some I know is just our chemistry which we have. I guess the weird part is knowing certain things about her and then there are these wide open gaps. We'll fill them in as time goes by, but it's hard not to give in and dive into the coziness of the relationship. I know years ago I would just do that and lose myself in the good feeling. However I've learned enough over the years to take care of myself hence the limit on how often we see each other.

My landlord's ex called me this morning to tell me that they admitted him into the hospital yesterday. When they were scoping him they found out that he was bleeding internally and it was filling his stomach. So they are giving him a transfusion while they process the biopsies they took. She said she would take him back North when he gets out so he would be closer to family if they confirm that he has cancer. So I'll probably be alone faster than I thought.

With this change in plans I was almost going to tell Asp I would come over tonight, but I need to start changing my life around to start taking care of myself. So a change is coming.

I did get an email from my brother telling me my niece Lucy was going to be on the Today show on Thursday as part of the eye candy for some Christmas thing. Not a lot of specifics, but exciting none the less. I asked Asp to tape it for me.

The View

I was telling OVDC and German girl that I'm trying to slow things down with Asp. Not for any red flags, but just processing time. At this point I think Asp would have me at her place every night which for 3 weeks is a bit much. I think I'll max out at 3 nights at her place. I do like Asp, but I don't want to speed through this on sex and good feelings. OVDC was saying that Asp really did like me to have me over so much which I knew. However it's always good to hear it from someone else.

I met my landlord's ex last night and she was a nice person. I do something I do a lot with people that have money or positions of power. I put them on a high pedestal which makes me feel less than. It really causes me a lot of anxiety. Their was no need for it and for many parts of the evening my medical expertise was needed. I was happy that my attorney recommendation worked out for the landlord for his will, trusts, etc. It did focus him which gave him his sanity back. The guy is a very logical person and when it's outside the box like a lot of his health is now he can become insane. I was very happy for the night because it was pretty normal which helped me. We sorted out more of my care taker job. It could be for the long haul since the house is worth a lot. I learned the people across the street started selling their house at 1.2 million and are down to 750K and still can't sell it. So I could be here for a while. The good thing is that I have friends in the industry to get a heads up when things are starting to turn.

The Photographer called today to reschedule her appointment. Why? Because she was losing a pound a day. She's being tested up the wazoo to find out the problem. I felt like saying what is everyone dying around me.

I did my stats for the office and I'm up 13% for the year from last year. I'm happy it's up, but I had hoped it would be more. I still need to make 10k more a year to be making a normal salary again instead of the McDonald wages I earn now.