Revelations in the Land

I just realized that Mother's day is next week. Since I've been taking care of my Mom with her dementia the day has lost all meaning. However this time around I'm actually dating someone who is a mother. I'm so holiday challenged. I'll get her a pair of ear rings for the occasion.

Dinner at Kitcat's was fun last nice. It was great seeing her. Her son was dragging his feet with doing homework so we never made it down to the pool or hot tub which worked out for me since I didn't have a suit. I'm going to have to pack a Kitcat bag to keep in my car for different scenarios since most of out get togethers are spur of the moments.

I'm working it hard today with the anxiety and its' much less. The usual with me. I need to be in enough pain with something before I make the decision to full commit to change no matter how much I may not like it.

I have to admit I'm really not looking forward to tomorrow and cleaning out my extra room for the MT1. I've pulled most of the important stuff out of there that will stay in there. Now the place looks like a demilitarized zone. I like my order. In truth the biggest problem will be the 3 trips down to storage to get rid of it all.

Home life is now like a trip to Oz. The landscaper is now in full swing and shrubs, white rocks, etc are not doting the property. You have to understand I've been here 5 years and any green was moss on the dirt. Now to see this well organized landscape is truly unreal.

Anxious Moments

I'm getting tired of my anxiety filled days. Having been off medication since September it's become a daily thing. While I was medicated this wasn't a problem and I didn't even know it. Now that I'm on my own its a workout. I'm not anxiety ridden all day, but I have to work at it to keep my serenity. I have to admit I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop even when things are going good. I'm the best person at taking away my own happiness. However since I know I can talk myself in off the ledge I can rid myself of this problem. The problem is just getting to point that I'm sick and tired of it and want to do something about it. Just being a problem isn't enough. Weird I know. However today the gauntlet has been thrown. What changed? Well before leaving the office last night, I had a bunch of things happen like dominoes, but they were all good things. However by the end I was anxious as hell most likely because I feel the loss of control like on a roller coaster. I was angry cause good stuff was happening and I was being negative about it. I know this will prevent it from happening again if I keep putting a negative connotation to these events and I work to hard to keep stopping myself.

The Photographer invited me to the Funny Bone last night. I hadn't planned on going since Kitcat couldn't make it, but since she had done all the work why not. It was a very interesting show. The MC had cerebral palsy and not lightly. However he was hilarious and had a quick wit. The second guy was okay and the headliner was good. They taped the show for the headliner and MC for their show coming on TV.

I finally broke down and made a Facebook page for my business. If you want daily health care tips on sleeping, stress, etc. Take a look.

Well this week is turning out to almost be descent. Now I'm getting ready for my weekly beach walk with L then Kitcat invited me over for sloppy joes with her son. I feel bad for her. That time in your life when you separate and divorce can be like you keep getting hit and never see a break. I remember it well and not to fondly.

Climb that Mountain

Well I got the notice that my ex's dad will be dead in the next few days. I've dreaded this time coming for years since I know it will devastate her and therefore affect Eric. I'm not quite sure how she'll handle it or be afterwards. As long as she doesn't come knocking on my door I'll be happy.

Well the office seems to have gotten a jump start as the phone has been ringing this week which is a blessing. I need to finish paying off the income tax for the business and with no extra income coming in its kind of hard which brings me to my next comment. I like the warm weather. Why you may ask? Well I'll tell you. Women seem to fall out of their clothes better. I'm in my business meeting this morning listening and taking notes from the woman next to me. It's then that I realize that I indeed just saw what I thought I saw. Her bra had done a poor job of lassoing her breast in and was hanging out in her shirt. Hey I'm a guy I like this stuff even though I'm an ass man. Remember the only reason your butt is in the back is so you don't look at it all day long.

Today has been rearranging my workspace for the coming massage therapist. Like all things, extra space soon gets filled with something. Right now I'm downsizing a filing cabinet, dresser, and storage cabinet down to a 2 x 3 foot area that not all together. Yeah that's my problem too. Actually its allowing me to stream line the area and get rid of stuff that's just sitting there. Now to do some touch ups on the paint and spruce up the office someway. I'll probably need to ask Kitcat for some help on that. I'm proud to admit I'm a guy and have very limited fashion ability.

On that note I was happy for Kitcat on getting a job offer while still finishing up her studies. I know having money coming in will help relieve her stress levels.

I went to see the Green Zone last night starring Matt Damon. It was a good movie, but bring a barf bag. Holy crap that camera needed a shock absorber. Most of the movie is bouncing around and half way through it I thought I was going to lose it. The other problem was that I got there late due to a patient. A newbie from the meetup group was suppose to be there, but I couldn't see him in the dark. Afterwards I thought I saw him and started talking to this guy who turned out not to be him. However was very happy to regale me with a long winded tale of his 25 years in the service.

Life of Riley

Well a milestone was hit today. Kitcat called me "honey". Hey it made my day and like I said before its the little things for me. We got to talk about where we both were in our lives. For me I had the fear of not being successful enough, but she was okay with where I was in pulling my life back together. I have to admit in all my relationships this is the first one that I feel like something is growing.

I don't miss Asp, but I'm starting to see how I needed that relationship to have the one I have with Kitcat. They're both different women than I'm use to dating. A lot more assertive. Faced with adversity I'll back off and learn to adapt to the situation. Kitcat stands her ground and fights for what she wants. I know its why we probably like each other with each wanting a piece of the other. The other point is that sex is a little rougher with these two. I don't mind it, but having the practice with Asp kept my options open with Kitcat.

Robyn reminded me yesterday of my friends comment about my life when I moved down here to Virginia Beach. He always use to refer to me living the life of Riley. Honestly if I was making a decent salary I wouldn't have any real complaints. My life down here has been the best in my life even though I've been through some of the worst events in my adult life. One of the reasons I moved down here was to enjoy everything that the area had to offer and I try to do that on a regular basis. My next mission is to barter with a personal trainer to get a little more muscle and tone.

Now on the other end of the spectrum. My attempts at really putting my nose to the grindstone is getting some resistance. I really need to go back to really blocking my day out again so that I'm not all over the place. Even though I may not be seeing patients I need to have specific time to do all my admin and marketing stuff. I have too many extra stuff to suck my time up. The business people that I know that really soar have it really regimented and I need that better. So I have to start making a time and place for everything.

Well one more patient today and then off to see the Green Zone with the singles. It seems to be new guy night so I'm hoping they show.

Don't Touch my Wookie

Do you know why I like Kitcat? Well I'll tell you. I went over to her place late last night after she had been napping from her camping trip. Now the funny thing is when I get there I have to call her to wake up to let me in. Yes this has happened more than once. Seeing how tired she was, I adjusted her first so if she conked back out she would at least feel better. After talking, sex, and dinner we found ourselves back on the couch. Only this time I was the one conking out. So I asked if she minded me going to bed. Kitcat said we didn't have to go to bed at the same time. Yeah its the little things for me.

My life lesson for today is that never get a haircut following a massage. MT1 will be the nickname for the new massage therapist in the office since she'll be around for a while hopefully. Anyway I had her give me a massage today to see if she was any good. I tell you getting a massage first thing in the office makes it hard to put your nose to the grindstone with work. While I was very relaxed, I was also covered in massage oil. Let me tell you cut hair likes to stick to oil. I've learned how to get rid of all the hair that is usually still on me. However today none of that is working and I'm feeling like a wookie as I keep wiping something and a bunch of cut hair is there.

Anyway now I have to clean out my extra room for the massage therapist. Not quite sure where I'm going to store all the stuff I have in there in the office. I might be making more trips to the storage unit than I would like.

I was pissed today that my license renewal seminar was cancelled and all the other ones in the state have already passed. So the next closest is Philadelphia which I'll probably be going to in June. I was happier with the one hour drive instead of 5.

The office phone is starting to be active again which is nice. I was talking to a friend this morning and said I know there is a lesson here for me somewhere. Since when I get stuck like this, I know its a strong nudge to get moving. Most likely its getting out of my comfort zone. So tomorrow I'll be calling the DCs a little away from me to talk to them.

Taste of Heritage

Today was the Taste of India event with my singles group. The turn out for my group was small since many of my members went with another eating out group. So we combined to walk around. Secret Agent man is in both groups and I've known him for years. He was trying to get me to joining their group. His jaw dropped when I told him I really didn't care that much for food. "You're shitting me," was his response. Eating out and drinking events rarely happen on my watch because of that. I always choose doing something besides eating events.

Anyway the food was good as was the entertainment. The colorful costumes were very attractive and I'm shocked at the difference to most European colors which are more bland. While I enjoyed myself, the event made me sad. I'm Italian and Filipino, but have no heritage. At some point my Mom made the decision to sterilize everything. It started with my older brother and continued down to me. They had a bit more than me growing up in Brooklyn neighborhoods that were culture controlled. For me I never met another Filipino person until I was in chiropractic college. I always had contact with the Italian side of the family, but it was never strong.

Seeing everyone proud of their heritage today and when I talk to Kitcat about all her family events I feel sad at what I missed out on. When I was growing up it was fun not to be dragged to all the family events that my friends dreaded going to. However as an adult I see I missed out on some important things of feeling apart of something bigger than feeling apart from.

Movie Watching

I seem to be in a slump of bad movies. Since Kitcat is camping with her son this weekend I knew I would have free nights. So I rented out some movies from the library to keep myself occupied. Whew I picked some snooze fest winners with the Curse of the Golden Flower, Lymelife, Protector, and Pirates of Caribbean 3 movie.

My presentation went well today. It was a small crowd which the church was apologetic for. However I know how it goes when trying to get people to any kind of event. Speaking of that tomorrow is Taste of India event for the singles. The funny thing is that many people wanted to do it and now that its on the schedule very few people are coming. However I had some Indian food yesterday when my neighbor at work invited me over to their pot luck lunch. It was so good that I can't wait for tomorrow's event.

Overall it was a slow and relaxing day. I was suppose to get together with friends in the early evening, but with that being cancelled I've had more free time than I wanted today. I'm hoping that doesn't happen tomorrow. It does remind me that I need to call my friend for that free dance lesson to see if I can learn timing.

I Even Surprise Myself

One of the things I realized after my hypno session Wednesday is that I spread things out to much. Since I don't confine my work, admin and marketing, to normal business hours I end up doing 7 days a week. While this means I don't have many crunch times, it does mean that I'm always working at some level. This realization slammed into me Wednesday and I've been reeling every since. I just want to relax. The problem is that the office is slow now so I can't. However I know the importance of rest since I preach it to my patients daily. So besides the presentation I have tomorrow I want to put down all work this weekend and relax. Then starting Monday have what I need to get done listed and stay until its finished. While I don't want to beat myself with a stick I believe I need more structure to get things done in a timely manner.

I have to admit that once a week I go through this phase that Kitcat is breaking up with me. It's nothing, just I'm sensitive to change in behavior. If we usually see each other, talk/text at a certain time, etc and it doesn't happen I start to worry. I'm starting to believe I was born to worry. While I enjoy my relationship with Kitcat and when I'm with her I'm cool as a cucumber. These little things pop up. With her I've found out that I have anxieties that I didn't know were there. Happy days. I try to look at it as a way to keep on growing, but I have to admit my first reaction is I can't believe myself. I do have to admit my biggest fear with her is that I'm not successful enough and she'll leave me. Like always its just an insane fear of mine.

I'll have the massage therapist come by Monday to give me a massage so I can see if she is any good. The contract I finished writing up today so that is done. The biggest thing I have to make sure she knows is not to depend on me for business. I don't want that stress. I'm sure my patients will use her, but if I have to feed her I want more money for it.

Snuggles & Massages

Kitcat enjoyed my thank you card very much. I find it interesting that she say, "you're a sweet man". I guess I'm use to something more sappy. No complaints, but its just different. She was not in the mood to study last night so I went over later in the evening. An hour hypnosis session is equal to 8 hours of sleep so I was still pretty awake. Kitcat wasn't. She fell asleep in my arms pretty quickly while we relaxed on the couch. When I pulled her to the bedroom since I wasn't sleeping on the couch. I could see she was concerned that I would be upset that we weren't having sex. I told her it was okay since I was very happy to snuggle with her. hey I'm the first to admit I'm a horn dog, but I really enjoy holding Kitcat. I'm not quite sure what it is, but I find it very pleasurable and relaxing.

The only bump in the road for us was that her alarm didn't go off for some reason. So after sex I was sprinting out the door which has colored my day today. It's Thursday and slow patient wise in the office so I usually make it meeting day. Oye! I feel like all I'm doing today is racing around. The good thing is that I'm still very relaxed from yesterday cause this kind or running around increases my anxiety levels.

The massage therapist that came in the other day in hopes of renting my empty room stopped by today and we got to settle some more things. I'll have her give me a massage Monday to see how she is. Today I'm surveying my patients to see if they want a massage therapist in the office. It could be a nice source of income for me if it works out.

Getting All Relaxed

Well I had my hypnotherapy session today, and let me tell you I'm the most relaxed I've ever been in my life. Great sex may tie it, but it's sort of different since this had no vigorous physical activity. I'm way more relaxed than any massage I ever had. Being hypnotized was different than I thought it would be. I really thought my mind would be all zen like, but it was hyperactive like a child on crack. I was happy she had informed me of this before we started or I would have been worried. I tell you when she had me visualize all my stress and anxiety draining away I thought I was going to be an empty tub with nothing left inside me. At least now I have a good resource for my stress filled patients.

So I'm feeling pretty good now which is a good thing since it was an anxiety filled morning. I was awoken this morning with the sounds of construction on the house. While my bedroom may be my sanctuary, rough sounds still make me anxious. It's still a old tape from my parents arguing when I went to bed when I was a young child. Hearing stuff at the edges just creates a low level of anxiety that I have a hard time relaxing with. Since I was young I've known that if I awake anxious it will color my whole day. So I've always worked on waking up in a relaxed state.

The other item was this massage therapist looking for a place. I'm crazy I know it. I want one in the office and now that I have one applying I'm anxious about it since I feel like I'm losing control since she wants a few concessions. Mostly she wants the room being spruced up since it doesn't get much use now so I don't do much with it. Talking with Kitcat today about it helped as we talked about different hiring plans. I agreed with her in that they fall under the beauty industry category since they are a flaky bunch. With the information I got and talking about the subjet helped calm me down. One of my bigger problems is that I'm a focuser. In some areas its a good thing and in others its a total liability. Here its a liability since I can already feel myself closing myself off to other possibilities. I quickly go to what's better for them than what's better for me. My classic mistake. So I'm trying not to leave myself hanging if this person doesn't work out.

When Kitcat drove me home last night I asked if she was picking me up in the morning or was I staying at her place. I had been wondering why we weren't seeing each other since she didn't have her son. I got my answer. Kitcat said she can't study most of her subjects when I'm around. I have to admit she does know what will lead us to having sex and can stay focused on how to avoid it when things need to get done. I was very surprised to find that the bar is very low.