The Crushing Clutter

I tell you losing my Mom is nothing compared to the chaos of the house. I'm constantly knocking into stuff and it's tumbling to the floor. I feel like a rat in a maze in my room. I can't believe how the chaos is destroying my mental sanity when I'm there. The Comic is coming over tonight to help me finish up packing. She also wants to organize everything in my room so it's not so disruptive to me.

I was surprised to get the phone call to come pick up my Mom's ashes today. I had stopped by the thrift store on the way to the place. They had a nice antique box which I picked up to hopefully place in it. The cashier asked what I was doing with the box. I told her it was for my Mom's ashes. I don't think she'll be asking anyone ever again. I was surprised that their was a lot more remains than I thought.

I did get a great gift from one of my patients today. Where she does physical therapy, she met someone that works in my Mom's facility. She told this story: Your Mom hadn't been talking much, and one day Debbie was trying to get her to eat. Debbie told your Mom that you were paying her $20 an hour to see that she ate. Your Mom said, "He's being robbed." Because she hadn't talked in a while, everyone just cracked up! It made my day and gave me several hours of laughter.

The office is still slow this week. I can't believe how much a difference it is from the last 2 weeks.

A New Life

A lot is going on right now. The Comic and I spent the weekend getting stuff ready for my move Saturday. I'll pretty much have a lot of new furniture for my new place. I finished up the wrought iron headboard yesterday. The queen size bed has nice new linens and the Comic was over-joyed that I had 2 crappy pillows to use the shams for. I'm pretty much using all the furniture I got for my Mom. It's solid wood, who knew? I liked it which was why I got it. The Comic loves it also and was happy to see I have taste. Now it's just finishing up the packing. My room is slowly running out of room. The rest of the house is a disaster area. Tone had to push off the estate sale one week because they got into one of the other attics and it was packed full of stuff. I swear the house looks like a hoarders place. There is a tiny path through the house with objects with price tags on it all over the place. The only thing that it's antiques or good stuff instead of junk.

The time I'm on my own I have moments of melancholy. Nothing major, just processing everything. From my Mom's death to the upcoming move.

Today is the Comic and I's one monthaversary. It was nice to have both of us be excited about it. I like how she lets me know how she feels and what she find special about me on a daily basis. It's very different for me. I have to admit that I'm happier than I have ever been with a woman before.

The funny thing is how I just slipped into the Comic's family life. Not so much with her kids, but with her mom and older sister. We played cards yesterday and it was a fun thing. Not use to this family stuff.

The office is still slow this week. While I've been able to get some of my older patients to come in. The lack of new patients is hurting any growth. I pulled out my old notebook from with my business coach to see what I've done in the past to redo stuff.

Bedding

Well with the help of the Comic I now am the proud owner of a big boy bed. The bed guy didn't have any full size so I upped to a queen size bed. With the price being $125 I wasn't going to quibble. I should be picking up a frame off of Craig's list for it tomorrow morning. The Comic's SIL had a wrought iron headboard for it which she gave to me. Now I just need to create something to attach it to the bed since that part was thrown out. Due to my being color blind I had the Comic help me pick up out a bed set which she did great.

The interesting thing as she helps me pack is that she points out that I have the life of a person that has loss everything. She points this out since I have very little in the way of stuff. It's a true fact. When I was young with out moves I would lose friends all the time. During my teen years my possessions were always of low priority and were tossed with any move. My ex took everything else. So maybe my poverty mentality has a different twist on it. Never getting anything to prevent it being taken away by someone else. You know strike first before someone else does even though it is to my own detriment.

((Not a picture of my bed))

Moving the Fragile Calm

People keep saying I'm going to have this big episode about my Mom's death. I don't know if they're right or wrong, but I've been good with it. I have my moments of sadness, but that is about it. I realized this morning why that may be. Having her dead is easier on me then when she was alive. Yesterday 2 separate things came up that I needed to do concerning my Mom. Then my stress level shot from a 1 to a 10. I was very happy to say the Comic found solutions for me in a few seconds that made it all better.

The first hurdle was that the cremation place called asking for a picture of my Mom to verify her since it was a new state law as of July 1st. I knew I had one since I just packed it in a box to ship to my brother. However my place and the cremation place were in opposite directions in the city. The Comic asked if I had anything on my computer I could email. Happily I did and they were good with it. Crisis averted.

The second one was when my SIL called and left a message. She wanted to know since people had been asking her about donations for my Mom. She had a good idea about something for the people who took care of my Mom since we know they don't make that much money. However I didn't want to do the footwork. Honestly in my head I don't fucking want to do anything else. The Comic suggested that I have them do the work since it could be done on the phone while they were on vacation in Florida. It was bump in the road for my brother when I told him, but my SIL happily said she would take care of it. Again crisis averted.

So last night the Comic and I started packing up my stuff for my move. I will take Tone up on her offer to leave stuff in my room to be sold in the estate sale. Hey if I get $30 it's more than I would get from the thrift store. The Comic also knows someone who sells beds cheap. So I will update my mattress which is old.

It's 3 more days to the one month point for the Comic and I. We both feel like we've known each other longer since things are going very well. We both know that we both are attracted to each other as well as feeling safe with each other.

The Game of Life

I want to thank everyone for the kind words. Doing well just tired. I'm good for about half the day before I start pooping out. If I get a nap I'm good to go. I also grabbed a massage yesterday to help with my muscles after all the travelling.

I pretty much finished everything up with my Mom yesterday for now. It's the waiting game now for the death certificates which will allow me to talk to her insurance agent. I need to check to see if their is anything I need to do with her social security. Although I'm sure her facility will take care of that. I finished informing everyone that I'm going to inform.

It was nice to have the Comic come over last night and go over pictures, mine and my Mom's. It was nice to be proud of how beautiful my Mom was. The Comic was good to fill in blanks that I've had on why certain decisions my Mom made. She has been good in that respect for a lot of things which has made it easier to put things to bed.

It's slow as molasses here at the office this week. The Comic is going to come by tomorrow and help me develop some marketing for the office since its what she does. I have to be thankful to Kitcat for helping me be open to asking for help again. It had been a long time coming.

I think I may have to go out and buy a bunch of toggle switches. Going to all the museums with Eric, we hit a bunch of exhibits with knobs, switches, etc. I tell you it's such a guy thing I know, but that stuff gives me a hard on (not really). I could stand there all day flipping them since it gives me so much pleasure.

I tell you I'm happy that I don't have to pack much up for my move cause I'm not in the mood to do it. Besides some books and games everything else will go as is.

I was happy to see the website for Eric's new school. It's for the gifted and talented. Like I informed Eric last week I was always worried that he wasn't being pushed enough in school. I'm happy than now he will. Also they are part of the ARIS system so I can follow Eric's school work on like since my ex is about as useful as tits on a bull with filling me in on him. Now I can just skip the middle person.

Saying Goodbye

Well I finally got the call yesterday that my Mom has passed. After seeing her Saturday I didn't think she would survive 3 days. The Comic was helpful with just losing her dad in May. She came with me to clear Mom's place which took about 20 minutes like I knew it would. Today I'm going over to the cremation society to finish all the paperwork since I had prepaid everything for Mom years ago.

I'm still a bit shut down emotionally from it. As always I can function normally, but I do feel the loss of part of my emotional self. I did cry some yesterday when the Comic and myself went to see Toy Story 3 with her family. If you haven't seen the movie it is a great one.

Quiet time seems to be the hardest. I'll have it off and on today between patients. The office is slowing down from being busier the last 2 months and I need to start planting seeds so they will grow in the coming weeks. While I don't see myself doing major stuff this week I can still do something. However like this paragraph my focus is wandering.

In My Dreams - Heather

I see I'm especially failing with this new entry of being regular with it. What can I say I just go with the flow of writing and I'll blame the rest on life. Yeah life that it'll work. Anyway this time around is a long time crush. Now I have to admit it's never been super heavy, but it has spanned decades and every time I see her I say she's attractive. It's Heather Locklear who I first saw on the Fall Guy and then on TJ Hooker. Both true classics of the small screen. I was never a Melrose Place fan and I can pass a lie detector test to prove it.

Return to Regular Scheduled Programming

Okay before you read this my disclaimer is that I haven't slept in 29 hours, traveled about 350 miles, and sitting in a very uncomfortable chair. Also I'm doing something that I never thought I would be doing. It's not blogging, although at one point in my life I had no idea what it was. It's listening to music from my laptop through earphones. I always like to be in contact with the world around me, but I'm so freaking tired I just want it blocked out. I'm just entering hour 5, with 5 more to go, here at Laguardia airport in NY. Eric and I came back to NY last night and again I couldn't sleep. I was very happy that he was able to though.

Our last day went very well. We went down to the bay to enjoy the water. Knowing L really came in handy there. Since she lives close to the water there it helped with parking. As I get older I could care less about the water which Eric wasn't too happy with. Although we got to play plenty of catch and built many a sand castle. Afterwards we went to the Children's museum, but it was still under construction so we hit the zoo cause its all happening there. It was a beautiful weather day to walk it.

The only snag in the day was that my ex had gotten Eric a cell phone before he left. As usual it wasn't about him, but her neurosis. Eric had kept in touch with her several times a day with it. So yesterday he texted her in the morning, but left the phone home since we went to the beach and he didn't want it damaged or loss. I didn't see anything wrong with his thinking especially since I would have my phone in case of any emergencies. Oh boy did she go off on him. He was crying when he got off the phone with her. It gave us a lot to talk about and I was honest with him how his mother is. I didn't put her down, but did explain that his mom had a problem (I didn't tell him that she has borderline personality disorder) and how I dealt with it. It really bonded us which is what it use to do when I was still married.

On the mother front, my Mom is now non-responsive. She's not eating or taking her medicine so I know she'll go soon which will be good. My brother and SIL have been a bit weird with it. My SIL was like keep us informed so we can come down if we need to. I was like if you want to say goodbye come on down cause once she's dead I'll have everything done with her in about 2 hours. I get very blunt when it comes to death and my Mom. My brother was asking if it was legal to not feed our Mom. I told him it was our Mom's decision not to have a feeding tube and we had both agreed on this several months ago. I don't think either of them have thought this all the way through. I think it's probably be the distance.

I tell you if the airport had some decent chairs it would be a fun experience here. The good so far is that I'm below 30 blog entries to still read in my Reader and I've caught up on my mail. The bad is that everything is 10 times more expensive here. On the food side I know they got me so I just fork the money over. But hey with all the other stuff come on. Oh yeah the airport is where I know I'll get a great deal on jewelry. Hey look t-shirts on sale for $30. The only thing free here is the ass raping.

Since I had that credit from last November that I need to use before I lose it. I'm taking the airline home. The Comic will be picking me up kicking us up another notch in the relationship scale with the airport pickup. I'll be kicked up another notch in 2 weeks when I move.

More Places

I'm slowly getting through all your blogs, mostly on my Blackberry so there is a lack of commenting on my part. I should be able to fully catch up Sunday when I'm hanging out at the airport.

I got the call from my Mom's hospice nurse that I should come see her since she had taken a turn for the worse. I think it was worse on Eric since his grandfather is also in hospice. He complained he couldn't get a break. It was rough on my end to try to explain a different way to look at it instead of that victim mentality of "woe is me". She had full body tremors and was foaming. She was unresponsive. I told her flat out she could go. This morning she is stable again. I'll see her tonight to see where she is at. I almost feel like the boy who cried wolf with talking to my friends about the situation.

I love my son, but I should have nicknamed him "half ass". Getting tired of keeping on him about stuff. I doubt my ex keeps on him about stuff. I see a lot of her bad habits in him. Besides that we've had a fun week together. While I'm complaining I have to add my ex onto that list. I know I should accept this but it still smarts. This week on her free time she's driving to NJ to see friends. Still can't make it to the airport for me and Eric though. This played out when Eric wanted to get a bunch of souvenirs for her and I was against paying for it. I gave him a price limit which he argued about, but he finally accepted what I was offering.

NY

Well I have a few minutes of free time to catch up with you all. I had everything memorized each day, but with everything happening it has pretty much slipped away.

Last weekend I got to meet the Comics family since they have instituted a family dinner the last weekend of the month. It was nice to meet everyone. I got to share Eating Raoul and 500 Days of Summer with her. We got to talk about relationships and what we want out of them. It's weird to have someone I'm dating say and do all the things I do in a relationship, like saying I cancelled my online profile. It's pretty cool.
The bus ride to NY was good. I had no idea what to expect so I ended up being asked to get off the bus to check in. However besides that it went smoothly. I only slept like 2 broken hours that first trip so I was a bit tired all day Monday. We got into Chinatown before 7 and I got to wander around. I forgot how much the city smells and is close together. I don't like it and the humidity didn't make matters any better. I grabbed a sandwich and took a seat over by Pace High School. I avoided all the homeless people and found a nice spot to watch all the residents of Chinatown come out to exercise. I was impressed by how many people came and went. Also by the variation on exercises that were practiced. While walking was big. Calisthenics and stretching were also very big on the side lines. I was happy to see many of the seniors walking backwards which is great for them. An interesting thing was the tapping/smacking of their bodies. It's done in massage to stimulate the muscles. So it was interesting to see everyone walking around tapping themselves. The best one and I wanted to take a picture of her, but I figured I would get arrested was of this old lady bent over smacking her own ass. It was hilarious. The other very interesting thing was watching all the seniors come out to do martial art forms with sword and fans. They may have done more, but I decided to move on.

I got to walk through some more of Chinatown and then through Little Italy. Both were barely awake during my passage. So I stopped at best rest stop around, Starbucks. I relaxed and cooled off there until I made my way over to the rental agency across the village. I was really surprised when I couldn't rent a car with my debit card. I had already done so in Florida. So I was pissed, but I quickly decided on a taxi ride to get him. However that would need more cash so I had to walk up 15 blocks to my bank to get some. I tell you my backpack was getting real heavy by then. I stopped by the Strand bookstore while I was up there. I haven't been there in about 25 years which is really freaking scary. It's not my favorite bookstore and a bit pretentious in my opinion. However it was cool and a enjoyable way to blow an hour.

I walked back down to Chinatown to pick up a souvenir for the Comic. The weirdest thing is that most of the stores didn't sell anything Chinese. It was all perfume, handbags, and jewelry. It was really hard finding a trading store. After many blocks I found one and got a lucky charm hanger for her.

My taxi ride to pick up Eric was interesting. There was a huge back up on the BQE. I had told him to go through the Battery Tunnel, but he decided on the BQE. So to avoid the traffic we did the high speed back road route. Now by high speed we must have at least been doing 55 on two way streets through Brooklyn. I had to put my seat belt on to not be thrown around the back. I have to admit we did get there pretty quick and in one piece. I'll pass on sharing on the yelling match he had with another driver.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful with us trying to stay cool which was hard with the heat index over a 100. Our bus was late which kind of sucked, but the ride back was uneventful. This time however I was able to sleep pretty well.

The ride back will be a bit different since its the holiday weekend and schedules are full. Eric and I are taking the bus back up to Chinatown. From there I'll again taxi him home and then I'll go to Laguardia airport. The bad part is that I'll be there probably 8 hours before my flight home. The good thing is that it will be in the AC and I'll bring my laptop to keep me occipied.