I Be Gumby Dam It!

I see everyone wonders about me and yoga. It isn't like I never did it before. I did it for over a year. I tell you it's pretty interesting being in a room full of women contorting their bodies in skimpy outfits and being the only guy. Usually I have to pay for that. To set the record straight I'm pretty flexiable. I'm no Gumby, but I can do pretty well. All except my shoulders which for some strange reason just are always very tight. I think I'll try this Wednesday night. If it's good I can switch between morning and night on Wednesdays depending on my schedule.

One thing I did learn today is never go to the gym at 6 pm. What a fuckin' nightmare! I had to stand on line to hand my card over. Then everything is knee deep in bodies. I only had 30 minutes to spare and I spent most of that time waiting. I'll never say the morning is crowded again.

What I've Learned

One of the things I've learned on my journey is that if you don't want to smack into anything. You shouldn't run around with your eyes closed. Everyday I realize this a little bit more and expand it to new areas of my life. I would like to say it would be easier with more money, but when I had it I still ran with scissors. So now I have to manage my day to day affairs if I want things to turn out good. I know rocket science.

On another note I would like to take yoga again. I've been tossing around for a while, but Tara's class while has increased in size just doesn't do it for me anymore. The price is right, but I'm really tired of the basics. So I think I'll try and hit one of the studios in the area. I know of a good one, it's just time. Shit I can't believe I'm saying that when I'm not working a second job. However looking at their schedule it's hard to get to what I want unless I do an hour of yoga then head over to salsa. NOT!

Sunday Stories

Well I have found out that after living by myself for 3 days I no longer close the bathroom door when I'm in there. Also with the place empty I'm more apt to hang around then on the outside somewhere.

So after my talk with my bro the other day it helped put thing in perspective in my mind. So I'm now taking steps to not fly by the seat of my pants through life. It's gotten me this far, but I know it's on borrowed time. I've had the life insurance for a while so Eric would have something if I wasn't here. With all my driving I got a roadside policy to help me on those long drives to NY. Next month I will put a health plan back into effect. I really never go to the doctor except to my shrink to get my meds. So I really just want to be covered if I ever went into the hospital which would destroy me financially.

Next on the list is talking to my friend Tuesday about all the changes in the home loan front. When I separated from my ex I filed bankruptcy since I was left with all the marital debt. I want to know how long it will affect me on this front so I can decide if I'll shoot for an apartment soon or save for a place down the line.

On the dating front. I'm hearing more from the crickets. This time around on Match I'm finding all the stories people talk about. The biggest one being people just wasting your time. I have to wonder if the Painter and I will ever go out. I'm happy to keep talkng to her since she is a nice person, but the rest I don't know. Honestly I don't really care. I don't like the game playing, but I feel like I'm 10 years younger and this is my time. It's always weird to find yourself after you had a child, but hey better late than never. So I enjoy my time.

Anwyay on the dating front I had another of my singles events tonight, Comedy Improv. It seems April who I dated last year was usurped even though it was her baby and replaced. The show was still very good and it was nice to go with a nice size crowd. I did meet the Doctor there. Let me tell you her picture on her profile didn't do her justice. I actually had to ask her name twice since her pic wasn't that flattering. She's a pennisula girl and I'm not happy about that, but she was nice to talk to.

Can we remove the spellcheck button since it's totally worthless!

Dating Fool

Well yesterday I wasn't in the dating mood, but that was to be expected after all the fond memories I had going down memory lane with my Brother. However it all did help since today I feel better and my areas of feeling less than with finaces have diminished or disappeared. So with some patient reschedules (this is the week for them) I've spent time on Match sending out emails. At times I wish I was a girl and I could winks. As a guy I just can't do that. To me that sends the message "yes, I have no balls." Women wink. They do that in real life.

I'm looking forward to a weekend of rest. MT send this was the most sedate she has ever seen me. I do need to get back to the gym and will do so after work today.

The Painter and I continue to communicate, but she is just really busy with graduate school. I'm biting my tongue on asking why she would be on Match.

It's Coming

At some point I'm going to poop out. I went to bed way too late last night and I needed to be up at 6 this morning. Ugh. It was worth it thought. Yesterday was the last day my Brother and family were in town. Our Mom was good and the daily visits had her in good spirits, but she doesn't want to get better so it won't last.

My Brother and I talked about growing up with our psychotic Mom with my SIL asking questions and shaking her head. My Brother being older has a different perspective than I. So it was interesting hearing about how it is to grow up in poverty. How certain things just stay with you and there hard to lose. A lot of it only changes when you deal with people outside your zone. This last year with really expanding my circle of contacts do I see the world through different eyes, especially financially. It's hard moving past a survival mentality.

Some interesting things we did decide was that our oldest brother Mike since first born statistically had the best chances became the worse of us. Here is a guy who wrote his first book at 8, but just somewhere along the way lost it.

I was surprised to find out my middle Brother marries/relationships to move up socio-econmically. Me safety kind of drives me.

The best part of it was talking someone who went though it. I retell stories with people, but it's not the same. My Dad running across lawns trying to run people over, my Grandfather ready to kill his wife and kids with a gun, underage prostitutes in the house, etc. My SIL had the same face my therapist use to have of how are you guys not sociopaths. LOL.

TMI Tuesday

1. By what nickname(s) were you known as a child? Sorry no nicknames here.

2. Do you have a favorite poem and, if so, what is it? Recite it (or a snippet) here, please. "There once was a man from Nantucket ..." Really I'm not a poetry fan.

3. What is your greatest regret in life, something that you failed to do that you wish you did? I didn't go out with this girl Danielle when I was a teenager. She really liked me, but I was nervous and never got together with her.

4. You are tired and hungry, but it's too late to cook. If any snack food were available to you, what would you choose and why? Granola bar. Healthy, filling, and easy to eat.

5. What is the oldest item of clothing (not jewelry!) that you wear regularly and what do you love about it? My leather jacket. It's waaaay so comfortable.

Bonus (as in optional):Name a movie or TV show that changed your thinking or behavior. Episode One: The Phantom Menace. Yeah I'm surprised too. Qui Gong while fighting Darth Maul when he has moments of inactivity relaxes and calms himself. Helped firm up the need to quiet myself when things get crazy to better deal with it all.

Tired Tuesday

Having family around is churning up a few things for me. Bizarre dreams that I can't remember. Add to that staying up late and getting up early, I'm tired. However the weather is great. We took our Mom outside today to get some sun. She was a little more interactive. My Brother wanted to see how much she remembered. She remembered my Dad, and he friends. Didn't remember our other brother, her first husband or her last boyfriend. After a while she got tired of the questions. My SIL got blasted out of the water today. She was like I'm tired with a four year old. The volunteer she was talking to was like she does spinning classes and yoga and she was 80. She wasn't taking any excuses from her.

I got to show off my office to them which was fun and then we headed over to the beach since I had a reschedule. It was nice to relax in the sun in February. It's in the mid 70's here for some reason. Let me tell you dance class is going to be difficult tonight.

Okay for all you die hard readers who made it this far here is all the juicy stuff. L emailed me again. Jeez lady. For someone who dumped me you keep contacting me. I have to admit she is persistent. It's a relationship that will never be what I want it to be. She made it just over a month this time. So we'll see how long it is to the next one. I guess it will probably be opportunity.

Then my affair patient called wanting an appointment since she was off. All I had was late in the afternoon since I already made plans with my family and she's never that bad off. She couldn't make that which was no biggie for me. Then she was like did I grab lunch? I'm going to need to talk to this lady.

Hmm I seem to be attracting women just not the right ones.
(I'm getting tired of no spell check)

Family Ties

My brother and family arrived yesterday to visit our Mom. I got to Mom's a little early to help prepare her since her coping skills are low. It was a quiet day for her, but she was excited to have them come. Actually she couldn't sit still while we waited. She wanted me to push her around to distract her. Towards the end she wanted to hold my hand to wait. I know my brother and family couldn't tell, but Mom was happy and she looked like she would cry. She was a little bit overwhelmed and upset since she couldn't interact as well as she would like. I had gotten the Shouts & Ladders game in a tin for my niece. I knew my Mom would like to get her something. She was happy to have something in hand. Afterwards we walked her to dinner, but she didn't eat. She was too upset. We tried to help, but it was like dealing with a 1 year old and not liking the food.

It was a little hard for me to deal with everyone else. My Mom's anxiousness and my Brother having to deal with our Mom. Since he sees her about once to twice a year it's hard for him.

We went out to a nice restaraunt down on the ocean. It worked out well since it was happy hour and everything was discounted. It was nice to see everyone again especially my niece who had grown.

This morning I met them for a visit to the Aquarium. They need to get better volunteers there. My SIL went back to the car to put jackets back in there since it is in the 60's today. We were being shown stuff by a volunteer. He told us about the next exhibit and would tell my SIL where we went. Well we go see it and wait and wait. So we figure what is going on she had to be back by then. So we go back out and the guy is gone. Thanks buddy. My SIL had wandered into a different part of the place.

24 Hour Wrap Up

I was hanging out last night. My first night actually all week being home to relax instead of doing something. Anyway I was kind of sad with the thought of how much of the little things I miss out of Eric's life. When we're together and something big happens he always wants to call his mom. I get some of them and I'm always grateful to get them. So I was surprised to get a mid day call from him today. He was feeling down cause he was having a run of bad luck. Not sure what the streak was since it wasn't affecting him in most ways. It seem like he was just down and in a negative mood. So we talked about how if you focus on bad things that's all that seems to happen. If he thought about all the good stuff it would probably change his luck. So he seemed good with it and I was happy with the phone call.

Boy I'm tired today from a week of fun. I really wanted to sleep in today, but I got up for a patient that didn't show. I hate it when that happens.

Well the Teacher didn't go for the friends thing. Her loss. In my search I'm surprised that many women still want to pop some more babies out. Since I don't I'm steering clear. Have to admit that it does cut into the herd though. Anyway onto the Painter. I actually went a little higher in age than I normally do (48). However she paints, dances, spiritual, high energy, big into music. So I had to make the connection. So far so good.

Tomorrow my Bro and family will be here for 5 days to visit our Mom. It will be good to see everyone. By the time they leave my Landlord will be gone for 10 days on his vacation. Woohoo the house to myself. The air guitar lives.

Post Date Report

Well I had my early morning date with the Teacher this morning. My friend joked with me since I called her a lady. He wanted to know how old she was and I said 46. I'm 41 so its not a stretch at all. What can I say she was nice, attractive, and returned maybe 30% of my serves. When I'm deal with people I'm knocking the ball into your court. How the ball is served back into my court tells me about you. While I felt she had a nice time and I had fun I was tired of carrying it all. The good thing was that any anxiety was pretty minimal when I was meeting her. I have to admit it went different than I thought. I figured it would be pretty black and white with us. Either there would be chemistry or not. There was some there, but I think she is still finding herself. I'll probably let here know that I would be happy to be friends cause she is really a nice person. Made some good friends that way so far.