Porn Mentality

Today I had my monthly neighborhood business meeting.  As usual as we looked around, attendance was low.  While we would have liked it to be because of the rain, we know its just people don't see it as worth their wild.  It's a porn view of life.  Marketing and porn have very similar philosophies.  Stay with me please.  What's the usual porn story line?  It's an office.  Receptionist hard at or hardly working.  It doesn't matter. Delivery guy struts in with pizza, mail, live chicken, whatever.  Woman is overcome by this guy's presentation that she starts popping out of her clothes and immediately drops to her knees.  Cue 70's funk music as she goes to town on the guy.  Bow chick wow wow.

Marketing believes that if you give the right presentation people will just drop what their doing and go after you and your product.  How does this relate to today's meeting?  Well let me tell you.  I know many people will come to a meeting, pass a few business cards around, and shake some hands then go back to their business and wait for the people to come barging into get whatever they are selling.  When that happens they assume it didn't work and move on.  They forget the power of the strut and a live chicken.

It's like gym memberships. 84% if people will drop out in 2-3 weeks.  That means 200 people will join on January 2nd and by the 21st 168 people will have dropped out.  Why?  They don't look like all the models on the magazine covers.  So it doesn't work and are happy just to say they "have" a membership.  

So I'm trying to stay out of the porn mentality today.  I know all this, but I can forget and slide back.  However the Comic is stopping by today so maybe bow chick wow wow.   

I Really Like Her

I laid next to the Comic last night in that last hour period before I would head on home.  Entangled in our limbs I realized that I really could go the distance with this woman.  It was a startling awareness.  The longest I've dated besides my ex was 4 months and the Comic and I are quickly coming up on that.  Not that I'm looking to find a ring anytime soon, but it was nice to know that I'm very happy with the way things are going.

The weekend was fun and packed as usual.  We spent 6 hours down at the Oceanfront Saturday attending the Neptune Festival.  Most of the time was looking at all the different arts and crafts.  I picked up a nice plaque for my wall which I'll have to take a picture for you.  The Comic did well with some nice jewelry and a frog for her car.  She loves the one I have in my car that hangs from the mirror.  So she wanted one too when she saw the artist on Saturday.  We never made it down to see the sand sculpture contest.  We got to see the pictures and they're impressive as ever.  We did get a chance to see some of the volleyball tournament.  Watching them you could see the difference between men and women.  The women were playing a very competitive game, but the men play in your face.  It's just testosterone fueled aggression. 

The Comic wants to hire me to get her out of the bed everyday since I do it effortlessly.  Hey my chiropractic training comes in handy in many ways.  She was tired and sore from all our walking in the heat Saturday.  However I wasn't missing out on the gym over the weekend.  So with a 1 and a 2 she was up and out of the bed.  Actually she was happy after we worked out since she was dreading it beforehand.  

Today was my annual physical, well actually biannual for me.  It's funny since they all say its been so long since they've seen me.  Sorry I just don't get sick, it's nothing personal.  My doctor always says, "I have to ask," before she asks if I want a flu shot or any other vaccinations.  Since I stopped taking them years ago I stopped getting sick.  Now its off to the dermatologist some time soon.  I have something on my arm.  We both said it wasn't cancer anything, but had no clue what it was.  

Tonight I'll try to contact Eric again.  Just trying to keep the contact with him so he doesn't completely close down.  I remember how it was when I was that age which is what I'll try to share with him.  He usually likes my stories of how I did stuff and remembers them well.  So I'm hoping it will work here. 

My Greatest Fear

I finally got Eric tonight on the phone. I didn't think he was going to pick up since it went past the usual amount of rings. We talked about school and such.  His no longer having band confused me so I kept asking questions about it.  After a while he started to fall apart.  It was the he couldn't understand what I was saying again.  He then copped to the fact that his grandfather had died.  The funeral had been held this week.  We talked about how he was doing, but he is my son.  He was sad, but didn't say too much.  I pried into how he was sleeping and feeling.  He said okay.  I told him he could call me anytime to talk.  It may not be much, but I always want to have that door open for him.  I shared how I had dealt with my Mom this week, but I don't think he wanted to deal.  Before getting off the line I asked him on how his mother was doing.

This is what I've been dreading for the last 20 years.  My ex's father dying.  She's been saying how it would destroy her since I met her and now it's come through.  I'm happy it was a slow decline like my Mother so she could deal with it better.  However she's not right so who know's how its going over there. 

At least I know why Eric hasn't been calling.  He would have pulled back to avoid his Mom plus talking to me would make him have to deal with it all.  I know how I would have acted at his age.  So this brings up a lot of stuff for me.  I feel sad and helpless for my son.  It brings up my losses over the year.  It brings up my fears for the last 20 years with my ex.  So it's a but of a rough night.  I'm doing well hanging with the Comic.  As always she's a good place for insight.

Fun Stuff for Free

The Comic informed me last night that she does more with me than she's done with anyone.  I reminded her that's what I said in my profile.  I don't want to talk about doing stuff, I want to do it.  She wasn't complaining.  She was very happy and wish she knew someone like me when she was younger.  To my friends I'm the master of the cheap activity.  I may bristle at this even though they mean it as a compliment.  I know they go out with others and it can be a strain on their wallets.  You can go out with me all weekend long, have fun, see plenty, and not break the bank.  I'm trying to be more grateful for my ability to do this. 

When I was with Asp and Kitcat going out to do stuff was not happening.  It's a lifestyle I don't enjoy.  The funny thing is that I'm not a social butterfly, but I do enjoy enjoying life.  I didn't do it for most of my early adult life.  So now I'm making up for it.

A bit of codependency going on today.  One of the members of my business group dropped out.  He made a rational decision since he wasn't benefiting to much from it.  However he wasn't doing much to get anything.  I knew if he applied himself more it would work out, but that's not my responsibility.  I just have to remember that.  

Still silence from Eric.  

Under The Bus

Well last night approximately 24 hours after doing my Mom's ashes I was hit by a bus.  Not a real one, but let me tell you the emotional one was just as bad.  I could have closed my eyes, curled up, and slept in the street.  It just felt like a hole opened up beneath me and sucked all my energy out of me.  It was really uncomfortable as you probably can imagine.  I decided to be good to myself and headed over to Panera for a quick dinner before heading home to relax. As usual, I don't like feeling helpless and last night was no exception.  I'm better today, but I do still feel the emotional hangover effects.  

As the Comic and I continue to grow closer and explore new frontiers.  I wonder how much or when to share with her certain things.  Marriage and childhood stuff has already been done.  However that I knew what and when to do from past relationships.  However I've never been in a relationship since my marriage long enough to wonder when I should start talking finances and money.  Any suggestions out there?

Since I no longer get together with my business coach I've signed up for the special that my state association has with one of the chiropractic business groups.  It was a inexpensive amount per month for the year.  I know after the year they will try to sign me up which will get them the same answer they got 4 years, no.  While their one seminar I did with them did help.  It wasn't worth the $1000 a month price tag for 2 years.  If I was looking to gouge people I would think about it, but it just doesn't balance out for me.   

In My Dreams - Courtney C

This time my possible future wife is Courtney Cox. The interesting thing is that I find her more attractive as she gets older. I thought she was okay looking in Friends, but I think she is way hotter now in her own show Cougar Town.

Saying Goodbye

Since I've been on this kick of doing stuff no matter how much it bothers me. Pretty much what would I do if I wasn't scared. So I finally took care of my Mom's ashes. Since it was pretty cool here last night there was no need for me to change into my shorts. I might have looked out of place in my work clothes, a discman, and a kid's pail and shovel. Hey don't judge me. I was a bit anxious with the few beach goers that were around, but most didn't give me a second look. I played Neil Diamond's "Holly Holy" which just worked for me. I made a small ditch below the water line and spread her ashes there so that water could spread them out. I also took a bit and tossed it into the wind since its traditional. It was a beautiful night for it. I had a nice full moon on my right side and a beautiful sunset on the left. I didn't really have much to say as I listened to the music. So I wrote, "I love you Mom" in the sand. In the beginning I was a bit sad, but that was quickly washed away with just a nice clean feeling. A bit hard to explain. It felt good to get it done and close another chapter in my life.

Still no contact with Eric. I'll try again tonight since there was no pick up on his end, plus my ex still hasn't finalized his voice mail. On the other end I still haven't heard any response to my 2 texts I sent her for information about Eric for his health insurance. I guess it wasn't that important.

Since I had a large window this morning of free time I went to the Starbucks that is suppose to be the replacement for my old one. OMG I hate that place. It was always a unorganized mess in there. Too many tables and chairs for the space. Now with the extra business it was a nightmare of noise and disjointed seating arrangements.

That's How I Fall

The week started out all planned and packed with patients and events. Wow, let me tell you how fast that house of cards fell yesterday. My 3 day health fair was rescheduled and I wasn't informed which left this gaping hole in my schedule during the middle of the week. Then my record day of 11 patients ended leaving only 3 after the dust had settled. I do have to admit that the good thing through it all was that I was didn't take it personally and keep myself from dropping into the hole of pessimism. I tell you a woman can turn me down and it doesn't phase me, but with work it's hard not to take it personally. So the week is still a good week and I'm using the holes to good use with marketing.

One of the women that was a roommate back when I lived with the landlord came in yesterday for treatment. I'm sure I had a nickname for her, but for the life of me I can't figure which one if any. Anyhow it was good talking to her. Honestly I was surprised to hell to see her. However pain will make people do many strange things. We got to talk about the landlord and I was surprised that she was still pretty upset with his death. However it was her first close death which did explain a lot.

Speaking of death. I'm going to try to spread my Mom's ashes either tonight or tomorrow. They're starting to become a permanent fixture in my trunk and too easy to make a joke about. Not that I don't mind the jokes, but it's just starting to take too long to get it done. So I packed everything in the car this morning. Not quite sure what I'll say, but I'll do fine.

I'm going to try and track down Eric tonight and talk to him. I want to see if there is some reason for their being a problem every time we talk. The first hurdle will be getting him on the phone. I doubt if I'll get an answer, but I have to try. I can't expect him to get over his fears if I can't do the same.

Witches and Warplanes

As it is becoming the norm it was a fun filled weekend with the Comic. She even joked that she was my comic relief. Saturday was one of a few days that she has come to the office with me while I treat a few patients. It's nice to hear from her how my patients sing my praises.
Afterwards we went to the Autumn Moon festival which was also known as the pagan pride festival. I guess everyone has to have pride day to themselves. It was a fun event and we got to look at all the stuff that was for sale. The Comic got a nice, knitted poncho.
The rest of the day was filled with working out at the gym and a thrift store. I did score Finding Nemo on dvd plus a nice Buddha statue. We were going to make tacos at the house, but after we decided on everything that was needed and what had to be done we decided on Taco Bell. It was easier, quicker, and cheaper. I was very happy with their new ranchero menu which replaces the cheese which I can't eat with ranchero topping. Yummy.
Yesterday we headed over to NAS Oceana to see the air show. It was lots of fun and enjoyable since I had chairs this year. Standing on the concrete in the blazing sun isn't fun. We got to see all different types of planes, from gliders, to prop planes. A great British parachute team. The Shockwave was also there. It's a truck with 3 jet engines slapped to it to make it go really fast. When it was belching fire and smoke, I was feeling like I was at a red neck cook out. However watching it zoom down the track at 345 mph was pretty impressive I have to admit. The best part of the show for me was watching the Raptor perform. The maneuverability of the jet was amazing. From almost 90 degree turns to tight high speed turns.
The Comic and I did end of having a bit of a heart to heart yesterday. It wasn't planned and I don't even know how it came up. Mostly it covered her low self esteem and how it affects her. She brought it up and tried to motivate her to move in a better direction. The Comic will always say she is better when she is with me so I pointed out how that wasn't a inside change. I reminded her of how she was the week Eric was here and she had a lot of problems. I care about her very much, but I know this is our limiting factor. I inferred how it would affect us positively, but focused more on how her life would be better. Showing her examples which she agreed with. Now its just seeing what she does.

The Night that Was

Last night I went out with the Comic to her friend's birthday bash at a hibachi place. I don't meet many of the Comic's friends since she is a bit ashamed of them. While she is okay with the birthday girl, it was her friends that are the problem. The birthday girl is one of those people who can't stand to be alone so always has friends with her. She collects them so there is always an abundance of them. The problem is that there is no cohesiveness to the group since everyone pretty much doesn't like the next. You gotta love it.

Now to add to the soup. The Comic was having horrible cramps so she was downing the sake to help with it. She didn't get drunk which I was happy for since I would of had a hard time with it. Like I told her I don't like my loved ones drinking and having their personality change. The Comic did change just being around these people. Her position is the court jester for the group. I was happy she didn't perform for the crowd, but she did act different than she did with me which was a bit unsettling.

The other ingredient in the dysfunctional night was that the owner and our chef had gotten stung by a sting ray in their fish tank. So he downed plenty of liquor, and given 4 medications including Vicodin for the pain. Yes get those knives and flames going. Actually he did a good show, although it took forever for him to start.

Last off I'm wondering if I should talk to Eric. I called him last night and he told me the phone was full of static and could we talk another time. Besides him calling me last Sunday, every time I've called him in the last few weeks has been met with some reason for us not to talk. It's really starting to bother me.