Centering Myself

As always I need to stop myself and ask how I'm feeling and experience it. I'm sad about it not working out with Blondie. Also I'm trying to have acceptance about listening to actions more than words. While Blondie may say a lot a great things about us and our interactions, her actions while we are together say another story. This can be the insanity zone as the two realities collide. I tell you it's going to be hard to add her to my dating chart to see what was good and bad since many things were just "chemistry".

Phili admitted last night that she's very flighty which I pretty much knew. However I didn't know if she was nuts too. She has a good sense of humor as we talked last night. The weirdest thing is that all her dresses and shorts are really tiny. I mean she has the legs to work it, but I almost asked were her pom poms were last night.

I'm off dating again. Not that I have an end date to it, but I know I need some time again. In my head dating is not optional at the moment and that's never a good thing. Like I said the other day it's when I make bad choices. The good thing is that I know I caught a few women's attention yesterday when I was out. Also I thought Gym girl had given up on me, but she tries so hard to get eye contact with me when I hand my membership card over. She's just not my type.

Hi from the Beach

I'm not quite sure how it is by you, but it's 75 and sunny here. I'm still getting all the sand off me from my walk on the boardwalk and beach. The singles and I went to the Contemporary Art Museum today. I've passed it so many times in the last 5 years and always say I should stop. So I made it an event to do so. It was interesting. While modern art isn't my favorite it was a nice place. They needed at least 1 more exhibit hall to make it worth it though. Since we were finished with it so fast I suggested the walk on the boardwalk.

Facebook girl contacted me again yesterday. I didn't think I would hear back from her. However throughout the day we would chat. Last night we flirted a lot which was fun. I doubt if I will ever date her, but who knows. However as dating usually brings things up in me. This brings up a reoccurring problem. Women who are interested in me before I'm interested in them. Yes I know I'm nuts. However this creates an attraction in me for that woman whether I want it or not. I guess it hits that part of me that is still damaged that says I'm unlovable or something. So when I meet that attraction I become like a moth to the flame. Just like Gym girl who was eyeballing me yesterday. She's too young for me and there's nothing there for me to connect to. However I know she's interested in me.

So back to the problem at hand. I really haven't found a way to deal with this yet. Saying I'm grateful that she likes me just feeds into the whole unlovable angle. I tell you it's a nice high from it, but I would like to be able to keep my wits about me. I become very reactionary which I don't like. I like making conscious choices.

Well the nakedness has to come to an end. My landlord should be back today or in the next few. So back to closing doors and no more clothes optional. Oh well. The good thing is that we're running out of food.

Tonight the singles and I are off to the Funny Bone for more comedy. Till then I'm going to try and figure out Facebook. Stop by if you like.

Witchy Women (NSFW)

For my birthday today I seemed to have been blessed with a bunch of witchy women. I'll explain.

First up this morning I had a business meeting with the Destroyer. I have nicknamed her so I'll remember what she stands for even when I have no blood going to my brain. Actually it's not a sexual thing. I met her a few weeks ago when I was helping one of my business groups get new members. As soon as I saw her I was attracted to her and had a hard time taking my eyes off of her. I also knew I was way to attracted to her for only having said "hi" to her. My therapist told me always to run from these women. It's just unfinished business in my subconscious and it never works out. My ex was bad enough. So it was the most date like business meeting I've had. It's always funny to catch a woman stop herself from touching you. I'm glad I call her the Destroyer in my head, because it was hard as hell not to flirt or ask her out.

It was then off to the gym where who was sitting at the desk, but Gym girl (I had to give her a name). She flirted with me and I have to admit I really like her eyes, but something just isn't there. However I do know that a lot of my attraction is that she likes me. I'm not use to it so it always increases my interest.

She called and sang me a Happy Birthday song. It was nice. We talked about a few things which help me smooth what little resentments I still had left after her little stunt earlier this year.

Last up the Photographer announced to the Singles group that today is my birthday. For some reason I don't take it as a nice thing from her, but more of a adolescent prank.