The End of the Year

Asp sent me a picture of herself today. I had missed her and I felt it more so when I saw her pic. I was surprised she sent me one since she's not one to have her picture taken. She's still on the mend from her cold and I hope she doesn't have a rough time with flying.

New Years is not my holiday. It never has been. I'm not a partier or resolution person. I never liked paying 3x the amount for something just because of the holiday. For me when I find something I need to change I just do. Waiting for a certain time or bundling them up together is just asking for failure for me. So I'll just cook dinner and relax with a DVD or 2. I want to re watch Kung Fu Hustle so that will be on deck. The landlord's ex will return tomorrow with her daughter and grandson. The rest of the family will follow for his service over the weekend. So I'm going to stay at Asp's the weekend and come back home Sunday night. It'll be nice to have the extended stay and we're planning on hanging in bed most of the day Saturday. Her son will be there so I'm not quite sure what we'll be doing.

Today I find myself working again on my under earning. If I don't watch myself I undercut myself with the business. I'm tired of just getting by since the business does walk through my door, but I don't fully get what I need to from each person. I started again with enforcing this with myself and as always it works. Now I just need to keep doing it.

Whoop There it Ain't

Now I like treating families in my office. It's a nice wholesome feeling unless both parties hate each other. I had a couple in this week that just bad mouthed each other during their entire appointments with me. I think I might have to attach a bitching rider to the bill. I know it happens that people don't get along, but this was just toxic. I felt weird after each appointment. Hopefully things will calm down in their lives after the new year. Yeah right.

2 more days to Asp gets back. I have to admit I got use to regular sex again. While this year I've gone long stretches without any now I'm freaking craving it after only a few days. Oye I forgot how it is to be a slave to lust.

Today I started back into a regular cycle of going to the gym. Like everything else this month, my workouts got screwed up. I at least made it to the gym once a week and kept up my walking schedule with L, but I like to keep the gym at twice a week. Asp is complaining that she gained weight at her mom's and wants some help when she gets back. I told her I would be happy to work out with her. I would rather do that than try to motivate her to do so. An you can only do the Italian Chandelier so often before it becomes tiresome. Well mostly for the Asp than me.

I tell you sometimes I can't figure people out. Asp keeps hinting she wants me to tie her up. I had suggested padded cuffs so their would be no marks. She said no then suggested silk scarves. Asp doesn't wear them and I seem to be out of them in my scarf drawer. Since I have a ton of ties I think they'll get a second job for the weekend.

Conclusions

It's been a bit of a rough month here. The announcement of the landlord's terminal illness and his quick death has changed my home life. I'm happy that I'm still in the same place and I like that the care taking status is no longer mine. I'm just a tenant like I've always been. Mentioning problems as I see them. Like the landlord said you spotted the last 2 leaks. I know it's going to take some time for his family to sort through all his belongings. There's just so much stuff. However I'll be happy to have the place to mine again. It's taking some getting use to with 5 bedrooms in the place making some strange noises at night.

Asp's introduction into my life has opened a lot of things that have been closed for a while. The first is someone to spend the holidays with even though its modified. She was gone my birthday and Thanksgiving and will be gone New Years Eve. However holiday decorations and parties with someone is a big difference than I've had since my marriage 6 years ago. Even then it wasn't the best of situations. So this was a joyous holiday season for me.

Asp herself fact wise is a lot like my ex. The astigmatism, panic attacks, love of Elton John, etc. It was worrisome in the beginning, but I've found out that she is different which I do have to remind myself from time to time. My basis for women are my Mom and my ex which are two very toxic people however that's what I bring to the table. I've worked on a lot of that stuff over the years, but as I know some things you can only work on in. So I heal a lot with Asp since I expect these bad reactions that I use to get and when they don't I can let them go and move on. Realizations that I'm accepted for who I am and that fear can be let go of.

The last on the list is Asp's son and the landlord's grandson. I've had to deal a lot with these 2 kids. One is 11 and the other is almost 2. Opposite ends of the spectrum. Both of them have made me open that fatherhood door that I keep closed a lot so I don't lose my mind. I don't get to do any of it with Eric. It's a rare time when he comes to me with a problem so all the work and knowledge I've developed over the years just sits there. So it's nice to be able to use this information, but with it comes a great sadness that it's not with my son.

Moving Flirts

I haven't been around my usual Starbucks on a Sunday in a while. Since Asp had given me a gift card from there I figured I would relax with a soy chai. I grabbed a big comfy chair and relaxed with book. I was reading for a while when I felt something and I looked up. Through some people I noticed a woman looking right at me. While this is a nice thing, what struck me as noteworthy was that this is a woman I had the hots for. She meets a friend there every week it seems and the do some kind of paperwork I believe she is French. Anyway she has never paid me any kind of attention and she was never alone to try and start a conversation. I have given up on her a while back. Now to see her staring at me was a bit of a shock, more so that I just texted Asp that I missed her. I'm not going for her and I'm not dropping Asp, but was kind of a first for me. I've been married and have had women hit on me, but to actually want to meet someone and then get the interest after I'm with someone was a first.

It's the last week of the year and the last of the holidays. I can't wait for it to be over business wise. It's just so slow. I'm trying to nail down some group and cross marketing with other people, but like when you do anything with another person it's problematic.

I have this wonder if Asp wants to move out to Oklahoma with her mom. She brings it up from time to time since she could get a larger house than she has now. When asked she says she isn't doing it, but for the short time we've been together I've heard it enough times to wonder.

All Our Yesterdays

Well the structuring of my storage unit went faster than I thought it would. While most everything is on a shelf I still have a few boxes on the floor, but the bikes fit in nicely and I can get most anything with relative ease. I still need to organize all the office decoration boxes, but I'll do that after I switch to the winter theme in the office tomorrow. I was happy to find my cook books and my high school year book.

Now you might ask why my HS year book. Well being on FB I get a lot of request from people from my HS who I have no freaking clue who they are. They look totally different than they did in school 25 years ago so I need the original picture to even have a clue. I forgot HS was like an episode of the Sopranos. It was a VERY Italian village so at least 90% of every one's name ended in a vowel. We had 5 black kids in the whole school. So looking through the book is like a funny blast from the past.

I moved around to much as a kid especially in HS school so I didn't know many people besides by name and face. However it did all come back just looking at it all. So I'm going to take sometime of FB seeing how people changed.

Asp isn't doing to well on her trip to visit her mom. We can't tell if its a nerve in her tooth or a bad sinus attack. So far with decreasing her sinus pressure her tooth pain is receding. For me all of this puts me on edge. This is so something that would happen to my ex. From this she would spiral down and it would always get ugly with me having a target on my head. So I've been a bit edgy all today. However Asp is handling it well and is okay with me. I see that someone caring about her is new and she doesn't quite know how to handle my caring. Her mother informed her that I was a keeper.

Well tonight I broke out the pots and pans and started cooking in the kitchen. Tonight was chili which I haven't made in many years. It was nice to cook again. I don't like having all my stuff stuck on the side of the kitchen, but once the landlord's food supplies dwindle down, room will appear.

I'm making a few changes in my room to give myself a bit more useful space. I have a desk in there which I'm not quite sure if I'm going to keep in there. I have a big shelf in storage, but it's totally the wrong color for the room. I really don't want to buy another one. So I'm restructuring the hutch on top for now for my books. If I can find something in one of the thrift stores that I like I'll get it, but if not I'll make due for now.

Habits

Driving down the highway today it hit me that I was starting to feel normal again. I'm a creature of habit. Not saying that I have to wake up on the same side of the bed every morning at the same time although it does help. Gym, meditation, eating, prayer, etc. It's all been disrupted this last month since the landlord was diagnosed as terminal. Having Asp in the mix only increased it. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I do many things to keep myself healthy physically, mentally/emotionally, and spiritually. These last 30 days have been a bit of a disruption for me. It was nice to feel my old self coming back into place.

So to keep this up I've downloaded some of my stuff to my Blackberry so when I'm at Asp I have access to my prayers, affirmations, and meditations. I need to go back to scheduling the gym again so that it's happening. Today I started buying more food for the house and more balanced diet. With the landlord's ex still coming back for an extended period I have to make sure to get certain places in the refrigerator for myself. I tell you it was nice to make pasta again tonight. I haven't made it just for myself in years. Usually when I'm with Eric I make it since it reminds him of when we all use to live together. So every time we're together I make it.

The pool game with the singles was excellent. It was nice to have so many people I'm close with together to have fun with. Also to catch up and joke with each other. It did a lot for me.

So my shelves are in my car and it will be a trip to my storage unit tomorrow to straighten it up. I'm hoping to be able to get the shelves up and at least half the place straightened up. I know after a while of being there I get tired of it all. The problem is that I can't walk away with everything all over the place like I would do at home where I could take a break and go back to it. Wish me luck.

The Gift List

Whoops I see I made a social mistake. Sooz pointed out that I forgot to mention what Asp got me for the holidays. Since she knows I'm starting to cook again she got me 2 cook books. One was a dairy free one which was awesome since I do cut out a lot of recipes with dairy ingredients. Yes I've become highly lactose intolerant in my older age. What I did find out is that Filipinos are the most lactose intolerant people in the world. Thanks Mom. She also got me a cookbook with a bunch of recipes with few ingredients so I can cook with ease. Something I like since I'm only doing it for myself. The other two were gift cards to Barnes & Noble and Starbucks. If she didn't buy so much for everyone else I would be worried. I do see her codependent parts starting to leak out everywhere. Part of my comfort with her is this since my Mom and Ex were this way and they're the biggest female influences in my life. The other is that I know I feel safe with her and I can say what I need to without retribution. I just have to make sure to do this.

It's surprisingly warm here today; almost 60. I'm taking care of a few things in the office this morning before I head over to OVDC to get some treatment. This afternoon I'm spending it with the singles playing pool. On the way home I'll stop and pickup my shelves I ordered at Walmart so I can work in my storage unit tomorrow. Also I want to pick up food for the week so I don't have to keep stopping at the store every few days which is starting to suck. It's such a waste of time and energy.

Eric called me last night. I was surprised that extended family didn't come over and visit like they usually do. He had a quiet Christmas and I didn't ask what he got from his mom like usual. However I do wonder if my ex can't get him the airport did she get him anything for Christmas. He did really like the new Wimpy Kid book I sent him and the new Indiana Jones DS game. So at least on that end he was happy.

The Holiday Withdrawl

I only worked a half day yesterday and then went over to Asp's place. We celebrated Christmas with her son so he could play with his stuff before we went out. Her son liked the Wimpy Kid book I got him and Asp liked Lied to Me season 1. She went over board with presents for me, but as she explained and I saw she likes people to have a lot of stuff to open. I'm a quality over quantity person myself, but I did find out other things she does like.

We then went over Saturn girl's daughter's house for dinner. We all brought stuff and it was a nice time. Saturn girl and her daughter are very bossy people I found out. It's been a long time since I've had Christmas with a lot of people I know. Afterwards it was back to Asp's place to help her finish packing for her trip.

A few things came up that we talked about. The first thing was physical punishment with her son. I was never a fan of it and we talked of other ways to help make him a responsible adult. She was on board with it, but it will mean change for her which in the long run will help us. Since how she handles her relationship with her son will tell how she handles ours.

We talked about relationships in general and ours. I stated that we people are attracted to others who have something we lack. Those people are of the same coin, just opposite sides. She asked what I was attracted to her about. For me it's an age old attraction. Asp has things she's passionate about and she stands up and fights for them. I'm laid back with my beliefs and my passions are mostly moderate.

The last thing was that Asp has anxiety which is brought on by negative self talk. My Mom and ex had it and I wondered when I first met Asp if my high comfort with her was similarities to them. With the anxiety comes some grumpiness which she apologized for. I answered in my old way of "no problem" which I don't like. I don't want to condone the behavior even though I understand where it comes from. So I have to find another response.

Like always I measure what positive things each relationship brings to me against the negative. I have to make sure I stay aware and voice my concerns as they come up. First to myself and then to Asp if they are appropriate.

Today has been a quiet one. I grabbed 4 more hours of sleep after I dropped Asp off at the airport. Then I went for a hike with L and then off to visit my Mom. I left a message for Eric and was sad that I didn't talk to him. Hopefully he will call later tonight. Having a lot of people around to almost no one is taking a little getting use to today. I was planning on continuing the Landlord's tradition of us going to Chinese buffet tonight, but I have so many leftovers from last night that I'm good. With the rain tonight I'm happy of it.

Happy Holidays to everyone.

Blessed Silence

So I had the house all to myself last night and it was great. Somethings were moved around and I know the landlord's ex will be here for awhile when she comes back. I'll need to come up with a nickname for her since she will probably be gracing these pages for a while. The landlord has a lot of stuff that needs to be processed. He was very organized which was good, but a lot of the stuff is expensive like all the Hummels. So it's going to take a while. The week long vacation from anyone in the house corresponds to Asp's trip so I'm going to fully enjoy it.

The office today will be a joke probably, but I'm here for a few hours to see if anyone needs any last minute treatment before the go away which is the norm. At the least I'll get a few more things done around here.

With the extra space I'm getting back to my normal state. I scheduled several events for the singles over the next month. It had gotten a little sparse over the holidays which I don't like. I've always kept the group very active and I schedule the most events. As the old saying go, "since I'm the one in charge, I'm the one that steers the ship."

The most interesting thing that differs this year is that so many more people care about my life and well-being which is new and nice. It's something I've never had so it's a great feeling.

For the Love of Cats

So no Asp never did mention anything about my "I love you" comment and I was happy for it. Honestly not a single woman I've ever dated and said those words has commented on them. Usually it takes a few times mostly because I'm never looking for anything in return. I'm usually just sharing how I feel. However in this instance I wasn't trying to do anything. I know it's way to early for love to have developed and we're still in the "lust" phase. On the other hand sex was pretty freaking awesome yesterday. Not having to worry about her son and being someplace else than the bed was great.

The landlord's family is going back north for the holidays. So it will be nice to have the house to myself for a week. The weekend after New Years will be a zoo since most of the family will be coming for his funeral on the 4th.

Not having Eric in my physical presence and my ex not keeping me in the loop with him I miss out on a lot of parenting. All those years of learning and thinking things out is kind of going to waste. So I'm happy when Asp ask me for advice when she's having a problem with her son. A lot of it is just boy stuff, but some I think is me. Her son has been use to having Asp at his disposal whenever he wanted her. Now he has to take turns. I've seen it at the house over the years with the mixture of families. Kids start acting out more to get the attention they feel is loss.

The funny thing is that Asp's cat Elliot who doesn't get along with her son and is okay with her has taken a shine to me. Every time I'm over there I awake to him wedged up against me in bed. The good thing is that he's not looking for someone to shake his food bowl on those mornings.