Going Sane in a Crazy World

My journey through life and the lessons I learn to help me grow spiritually.

Sane Friends

Dates are Being Set

So the Comic and I pushed two events together last weekend and celebrated our 8 months together and Valentine's day.  We were going to try this Indian place, but decided to go back to the Thai restaurant that we went to on our second date.  

The Comic who had been bugging me to have, touch, or at least see her present was very happy to finally open the box. The funny thing is she picked the ring out months ago from the Bradford exchange.  I was very surprised to here it was her first Valentine's present.  So hey I was her first.  

Over the last few weeks we had talked a lot about our future and had checked out engagement and wedding rings on the net and in stores.  Boy are jewelry store people rude.  Anyway we decided that we would get engaged in the fall.  I would move in with her around the New Year and we would get married in the beginning of next year.  She's floating on Cloud 9 and I'm pleasantly happy.  I still have brakes on, but I know that's my natural state with things that I really want.  Especially since I'm the one picking these dates out.

Tomorrow will be Eric's 12th birthday and it will be the first time that I'm not visiting with him on it.  Wow it's a bit rough.  Not too bad since he decided on his own that he just wanted a normal school vacation.  I'll be talking with him tonight so I'll see how he is doing.  Also to see how he liked his presents. 

Step by Step

Well the phone call to my ex did work wonders.  She had thought Eric had been calling me.  The Comic called this BS since she had raised 3 kids and always knew when they called their dad.  I wouldn't put it pass my ex.  Anyway as usual she wanted to take care of it as quickly as possible which wasn't going to work for me.  Eric would be getting home after 4 and I was booked up till 6:30.  I didn't want to deal with this and go into treating patients.  I remember when I use to do this with me ex and it was never good for business.  So I took care of it when my day was finished.  

Eric thought he had called me was the way it started.  We talked for a while.  His gripe was that when I had the answering service he felt unimportant since he had to go through someone to get to me.  I understood his feeling even though the service had been gone for 4-5 months.  He hadn't been reading my letters since they are usually the same.  I told him since it was a letter it was a bit of a monologue especially since we hadn't been talking.  

My points to him were that he was important to me and that I pretty much know nothing about his life if he doesn't share with me.  That point seemed to stop him for a while.  So we decided on a weekly Thursday call which he said he wanted to be the one calling.

The other point of the conversation was that he wanted a break for his birthday from seeing me.  Wasn't happy about this since he had canceled the last visit.  I told him we would see about March.  I'll give him some latitude during the year, but during the summer it's going to be my decision if this continues.  

I think he is pushing after his grandfather's death to see if I'll stay there or just move on.  I did ask my ex how he was doing since he's been more distant with me since the death.  She said she couldn't tell what was that and what was from junior high which was hard on all the kids she was talking to.  

I know that it will be a day at a time with him.  Hopefully this will be a step in the right direction.  I did think I had more years before he started pulling away.  The realization that I've been apart for more years than we were together is starting to hit me hard.  As is the fact that he's growing up faster than I'm adapting. 

Yes it has comes to this

No one pushes my buttons like me ex.  This was pointed out by my friend Paul who told me he can always tell when I'm all wound up since all I keep repeating is, "you know". Plus the only person who could do that was my ex.  I tried stopping during the conversation and nearly had a stroke. 

I'm closing week number 5 without talking to Eric.  All my phone calls and text are met with silence.  My letter last week to him was just call me.  I tracked down the house phone number and called.  I left a message on their answering machine.  It wasn't on last night.  Tomorrow I'll up it to a certified return signature deal letter.  Next week it will be a call to the police to make sure they are okay.  

The major thing of all of this is how fast I'm transported back 7 years till when we were married and how I was then.  It's freaking amazing.  So I've been doing a lot of self talk to bring me back to the present day.  A friend suggested I start referring to my ex and my son's mother in an attempt to recategorize her in my mind.  Hey I'll try anything.

Wish me luck.
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