Stuck in the Past

I'm stuck in the past today and not liking it.  The Comic called me yesterday very upset that she was informed they were going to foreclose on her house.  She was very upset since she had been doing everything they wanted and paying the modified amount they agreed on.  However since it wasn't the full amount they are now informing her that she is way past due and will start proceedings.  

I'm a guy and I like to fix, but there is nothing for me to fix here.  Or better said I can't afford to fix it.  So I've been loving and supporting which is all I can do.  However I don't like being powerless.  I really don't.  What's really got me is that I shared with her how it was for me when I separated and divorced from my ex. How I lost everything and pointed out what few things I own.  Also how alone I felt.  It really dragged me back.   Like I'm feeling like I'm living that life again when I'm not.  I know I buried most of those feeling along the way since it was just too much to handle.  Now I've opened the door and they're all flying out.  So when I got up all anxious this morning I had to sit around and enjoy my place for awhile just to let it sink in that everything is okay.  I'm not back in that life 5-6 years ago.  However the ick remains.

Pushing the Limit

Someone attached a harness onto me today without me knowing and tossed me into the deep end.  It's all good stuff, but I have to admit it's been a day outside my comfort zone.  

It all started when I went to see OVDC and I told her that I would probably not be attending the seminar we talked about.  She was like you have to go.  I informed her with the extra taxes I had to pay and the Comic's engagement ring I was strapped.  The money may come in or may not for the due date.  She told me she would lend me the money which I found extremely nice.  However I find it hard to accept cause it pushes me into that area that I'm worth it which is hard for me at times.  It is funny that I really want to go to this seminar.  So I put it in my calendar and am doing everything like I'm going.  I never knew if I would be able to afford it or not.  Now this comes up.  Pretty interesting.

The next thing is that I've been back and forth with an attorney about being a witness for my patient.  He's been wanting me to do it with that patient paying me after since he doesn't put any money up front.  It's been difficult standing my ground with the same answer of not working for free.  Hey I'm a people pleaser.  Anyway he scrounged up money finally to offer me money to show up for an hour and be an expert.  I took it since I could use it.  Again it's a large amount so now I have to be comfortable with being worth it.  I'm having a hard time with it.  

This is all my usual core problems which hold me where I'm at.  Since I'm moving slow with it I see the universe has given me a big push.  

The last thing is I got quoted by my state association in our drive to get new members.  It's interesting to open the flier and see my quote there. 

Yin and Yang of Life

Talking to Eric the Friday night I found out that his cousin had died the day before.  He's about my age, but has been doing drugs and alcohol for longer than I ever knew him.  Eric didn't elaborate on his death and wanted to avoid the subject.  I had wanted to talk to him about other things besides school work, but this really through me.  Eric didn't need another death.  We talked a little while.  I'll give him a call tomorrow before he goes out for religious class just to see how he's doing.  At times I really feel like I'm losing my son, but it's just him growing up I believe.

On the other end of the spectrum I picked up the Comic's engagement ring yesterday.  I wasn't planning on it, but the owner of the place was saying how the economy was so bad and he cut me a lot of breaks.  So that's one less thing to worry about.  

I've been doing the P90x for the last 2 weeks.  I'm pretty much up to a full workout except with legs which was my weakest area so it's taking me time to catch up.  I'm not doing the full program since I'm trying to stay in shape.  I could care less about how I'll be in 90 days.  I think about how I'll be at 90 instead.  It's a great program that I enjoy, but you do need to ease into it unless you're really in great shape.  I got a chin up bar from Walmart and some Bodylastic bands and I'm good to go.  The Comic's enjoying the show.