Well I got to do my manly duty today and all I needed was a phone, a latex band, and a mirror. Yes I was teaching my son how to tie a tie without any equipment. What made it even harder is that he didn't have a tie in hand either. It's kind of like trying to make fire with 2 pieces of Styrofoam. I know how to tie a tie since I use to do it for work for years, but like breathing I don't think about doing it, I just do. So I had to look around my office for a prop to describe the process. Also without Eric having anything it was a bit rough. I did find some theraband to use and while wrapping it around my neck I was thinking how can people do this for auto eroticism. Anyway I didn't kill myself hence I'm still blogging and hopefully Eric can now tie a tie.
He had questions about the "girl" who answered the phone. Eric has never come into contact with any of the women I've dated. Any woman that seems to come in my orbit he always ask a question. Like when I had a female landlord and he was young he wanted to know if we were married. He's asked about my female friend's voice on my business answering machine. While we've talked about sex, drugs, drinking, and smoking several times and at his desire. We've never talked about dating and especially when it comes to me. I probably should broach the topic with him. Any suggestions?
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8 people had cathartic therapy:
I come at this from a kid's perspective- I was a teen when my dad was dating. It's cool to tell him in general that you're dating, and to mention women as you get serious with them. I think not mentioning it at all isn't good, because then you wind up like my dad... surprising us with news of an elopement with a woman we'd never heard of!
Cat- my belief up to this point has been that if I'm not serious with a woman I don't mention it. Eric doesn't live with me so why have him go through the ups and downs. However as he is getting older I don't know if I should bring him in more.
Mike,
I think that it's probably a good thing to include him in what your experience of dating is. If for nothing else, helping him learn what it's really all about.
We never talked about that in my home and I probably suffered and made mistakes because of it. I would have welcomed the chance to learn something, but I know I was too embarrassed to EVER ask.
I wouldn't necessarily recommend a lot of detail, unless that's where the talk needs to go. But, for sure, he's going to have his own ups and downs someday soon.
Despite the fact that you can't do it for him, wouldn't it be better for him to learn from you (in a supervised manner) than to get his education about dating solely from peers, TV programs and/or the "school of hard knocks"?
Ditto what Cat and John said.
Good luck. :)
Damn. I got all excited when I read the words "manly duty, latex and mirror" all in the first sentence.
As for talking with your son,...next time he brings it up, just answer his question and if it fits into the conversation, just casually mention how you feel about relationships that you might have or have had. Details not needed.
My younger son got really upset when he found out his father was dating and hadn't mentioned it. He said he felt he had a right to know. I tell them about some of it, but just off-handedly - like that I went to a concert with someone or out to dinner. (The kids only met two of the men I've been involved with and both of those were a year or more type relationships.) I'm a little more open with my older son, who has a girlfriend himself.
Just posted the beautiful blogger award.
When I went through my divorce my oldest was 7. Kids are very self-absorbed and I realized that when my kids weren't with me they assumed that I was sitting at home counting the minutes until they were back again. Once I was at the store and ran into someone I briefly dated. I was with my son and he asked who it was so I mentioned it was someone I had gone out with. He was quite shocked that I would date anyone that he didn't know about. Of course it's a little different being a mom with a protective son. But after that I didn't try so hard to keep it a secret. However, I was super careful about who I introduced them to and I don't regret that for a minute.
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