Yin and Yang of Life

Talking to Eric the Friday night I found out that his cousin had died the day before.  He's about my age, but has been doing drugs and alcohol for longer than I ever knew him.  Eric didn't elaborate on his death and wanted to avoid the subject.  I had wanted to talk to him about other things besides school work, but this really through me.  Eric didn't need another death.  We talked a little while.  I'll give him a call tomorrow before he goes out for religious class just to see how he's doing.  At times I really feel like I'm losing my son, but it's just him growing up I believe.

On the other end of the spectrum I picked up the Comic's engagement ring yesterday.  I wasn't planning on it, but the owner of the place was saying how the economy was so bad and he cut me a lot of breaks.  So that's one less thing to worry about.  

I've been doing the P90x for the last 2 weeks.  I'm pretty much up to a full workout except with legs which was my weakest area so it's taking me time to catch up.  I'm not doing the full program since I'm trying to stay in shape.  I could care less about how I'll be in 90 days.  I think about how I'll be at 90 instead.  It's a great program that I enjoy, but you do need to ease into it unless you're really in great shape.  I got a chin up bar from Walmart and some Bodylastic bands and I'm good to go.  The Comic's enjoying the show.

Dates are Being Set

So the Comic and I pushed two events together last weekend and celebrated our 8 months together and Valentine's day.  We were going to try this Indian place, but decided to go back to the Thai restaurant that we went to on our second date.  

The Comic who had been bugging me to have, touch, or at least see her present was very happy to finally open the box. The funny thing is she picked the ring out months ago from the Bradford exchange.  I was very surprised to here it was her first Valentine's present.  So hey I was her first.  

Over the last few weeks we had talked a lot about our future and had checked out engagement and wedding rings on the net and in stores.  Boy are jewelry store people rude.  Anyway we decided that we would get engaged in the fall.  I would move in with her around the New Year and we would get married in the beginning of next year.  She's floating on Cloud 9 and I'm pleasantly happy.  I still have brakes on, but I know that's my natural state with things that I really want.  Especially since I'm the one picking these dates out.

Tomorrow will be Eric's 12th birthday and it will be the first time that I'm not visiting with him on it.  Wow it's a bit rough.  Not too bad since he decided on his own that he just wanted a normal school vacation.  I'll be talking with him tonight so I'll see how he is doing.  Also to see how he liked his presents. 

Step by Step

Well the phone call to my ex did work wonders.  She had thought Eric had been calling me.  The Comic called this BS since she had raised 3 kids and always knew when they called their dad.  I wouldn't put it pass my ex.  Anyway as usual she wanted to take care of it as quickly as possible which wasn't going to work for me.  Eric would be getting home after 4 and I was booked up till 6:30.  I didn't want to deal with this and go into treating patients.  I remember when I use to do this with me ex and it was never good for business.  So I took care of it when my day was finished.  

Eric thought he had called me was the way it started.  We talked for a while.  His gripe was that when I had the answering service he felt unimportant since he had to go through someone to get to me.  I understood his feeling even though the service had been gone for 4-5 months.  He hadn't been reading my letters since they are usually the same.  I told him since it was a letter it was a bit of a monologue especially since we hadn't been talking.  

My points to him were that he was important to me and that I pretty much know nothing about his life if he doesn't share with me.  That point seemed to stop him for a while.  So we decided on a weekly Thursday call which he said he wanted to be the one calling.

The other point of the conversation was that he wanted a break for his birthday from seeing me.  Wasn't happy about this since he had canceled the last visit.  I told him we would see about March.  I'll give him some latitude during the year, but during the summer it's going to be my decision if this continues.  

I think he is pushing after his grandfather's death to see if I'll stay there or just move on.  I did ask my ex how he was doing since he's been more distant with me since the death.  She said she couldn't tell what was that and what was from junior high which was hard on all the kids she was talking to.  

I know that it will be a day at a time with him.  Hopefully this will be a step in the right direction.  I did think I had more years before he started pulling away.  The realization that I've been apart for more years than we were together is starting to hit me hard.  As is the fact that he's growing up faster than I'm adapting. 

Yes it has comes to this

No one pushes my buttons like me ex.  This was pointed out by my friend Paul who told me he can always tell when I'm all wound up since all I keep repeating is, "you know". Plus the only person who could do that was my ex.  I tried stopping during the conversation and nearly had a stroke. 

I'm closing week number 5 without talking to Eric.  All my phone calls and text are met with silence.  My letter last week to him was just call me.  I tracked down the house phone number and called.  I left a message on their answering machine.  It wasn't on last night.  Tomorrow I'll up it to a certified return signature deal letter.  Next week it will be a call to the police to make sure they are okay.  

The major thing of all of this is how fast I'm transported back 7 years till when we were married and how I was then.  It's freaking amazing.  So I've been doing a lot of self talk to bring me back to the present day.  A friend suggested I start referring to my ex and my son's mother in an attempt to recategorize her in my mind.  Hey I'll try anything.

Wish me luck.

From the Belly of the Beast

It's been slow here around the office, although I don't seem to be sitting around that much.  I've been planning and implementing marketing for the next few months.  The most difficult thing is the pushing out to a further point than I'm use to.  I remember hearing a story of a young man who increased his sales by four fold.  However it was more than he was comfortable doing.  So when he reached what he was use to doing he would stop working and go and sit in his room with the blinds drawn.  I can relate since there are some days when I walk out of here feeling really uncomfortable.  However I'm trying to tell myself that its a good thing since I'm changing.  This is the point when I always drop back to where I was.  I've been over this ground so many times I know every blade of grass on it.  I tell you it's hard changing years of conditioning.

The Comic and I are coming up on 8 months now.  This being my longest relationship since my ex is getting a bit rough.  Not in a bad way.  Just I'm use to being by myself and doing things my way.  So I'm biting my tongue a lot since I know I don't know everything or the right way for everybody.  However it's a workout.  The Comic has been helping me with marketing.  She wishes she had my speed with the way I do things.  I can't watch her while she's working on my stuff since she does things VERY different than I would.  They work very well for her and I know what she does them, but I want to control when it's a new area.  It makes me feel comfortable.  However it's not the way of a healthy relationship.  So we end up laughing at each others ways.

I still haven't spoken to Eric all month which is the longest since my custody battle years ago.  I was going to call my ex when I realized when I loss a bunch of contacts 2 weeks ago, she was one of them.  This week's weekly letter will be a bit more strongly written for him to call me.  I have a feeling this doesn't bode well.

A Christmas Story

Boy this is like exercising.  You stop for a little while and forget about picking it back up again.  I just downloaded the ability to blog from my phone so I can do it when I'm sitting someplace.

Christmas was a bit of a workout.  Mostly since I have a hard time looking forward to things that are very important to me.  The Comic being one of them.  So while she was jumping all over the place in excitement I was pretty stoic about the whole thing.  Although I started to get a mild case of excitement as the festive day approached.  

It was nice to spend a holiday with someone I loved and cared about again.  Besides spending last year with Asp for the evening before she flew to see her parents it's been a while.  While Asp and I were never emotionally connected it was someone.  However comparing this year and last is like comparing apples and lizards.  So it was a Christmas to spend with someone which hasn't happened since 2003.  Yes it's been a long time and no Starbucks on the holiday.

Both the Comic and I enjoyed the presents we gave each other.  She was very thankful for all the help with Christmas especially being the first without her father.  It was my first one without my Mom, but that barely registered for me.  I talked to my brother and SIL on Christmas and the Comic could see what I always talk about with their machine gun questions that leave me with nothing to ask.  

Eric and I have been talking better on the phone which I've enjoyed.  He is changing and I'll have to change with him.

We had the third heaviest snow here in recorded history.  It made for a white Christmas which is was nice.  I wasn't happy about having to close the office for a day.  You can easily tell who's from here and who is not.  I was like let's go out while the Comic was like we're stuck inside.  It's become a joke of me saying, "I'm from NY."

I have to admit the holiday really brought us closer together. 

Phone Calls

I had talked to Eric about having his phone on since I keep calling, but all I ever get is the voice mail which isn't hooked up.  I also broached the subject of the holidays since it would be the first after his grandfather's death.  He did his usual that he was tired and wanted to get off the phone.  However I was ready for him this time and just kept going.  I talked about how it had been for me with my Mom's death.  He took it pretty well.  Anyway that was last week.  It's been a week of daily phone calls and getting his voice mail. 

So today is my birthday and I'll skip trying to call him to see if he calls me to wish me a happy one.  I'm going to have to step up my firmness with him on this issue with the phone.  Especially since my ex is a waste with any help.  It's what I share with others on doing when things are happening, but it seems I need to follow my own advice and not be so soft on the kid.

A Train Wreck of a Visit

As many of you may or may not know I was suppose to be visiting my son Eric this weekend.  The problems started last weekend when he called to tell me that I needed to pick him up later than my usual time so he could do his homework.  I was okay with that since get it out of the way so we could concentrate on father-son time.  Then came the list of things needed for the weekend.  He would have lots of homework.  He would need a computer with Internet access.  Plus he would need a printer.  WTF?  I told him I would bring my laptop and we would be set on the whole computer and Internet thing.  I informed him that I wasn't dragging a printer up there for him.  I would bring a memory stick and he could just take it home and print the stuff up.  That was met with I don't think it would work.  So I told him we would take it someplace like Office Max or Kinkos and get it printed up.  This conversation also covered that he had pre-did a bunch of homework so he could go to a birthday party that weekend.  I smelt my ex at work here.  The usual sticking it to me and I need to take it to see our son.  

Then last night I got a call from Eric telling me that the visit is canceled.   WTF again.  He informs me that my ex had a procedure done this week and is still under the weather from it.  He's going to stay with her this weekend.  I told him that we will have to reschedule for a later date.  


We've had visits canceled before, but this one really hit me hard for some reason.  Mostly because it brings up a lot of stuff from the past.  I have a hard time getting excited to see Eric since it's a big thing and I'm use to growing up and having big things derailed at the end.  So when this happened the sadness of the present and the past really collided to make me a very depressed person right now. 
 

Odds & Ends

One part of my relationship with the Comic I'm still trying to get use to is the sickness.  I work hard to stay healthy so getting a cold is a very rare thing for me.  However since being with the Comic I've had to fight off quite a few.  Have to admit I'm not to happy about it.  I'd rather be using my resources for other things. Now I'm okay with her being sick, although I will point out what brought this on. This episode as well as her back problem have been brought on by visiting her niece who is quite dysfunctional.  I'm happy she has realized this since she came back this time and pretty much emotionally vomited on me for most of Friday night.  It wasn't that fun.

Last night's Game night with the singles was fun as always.  It's very reaffirming to hear people say how much they love it and how they've become close to everyone.  It's nice to have created something thing that has some lasting value.

Lastly I still think Eric is avoiding me on the phone for some reason.  I talked to him Friday night and it ended pretty quickly with him saying he was too tired from doing homework.  This isn't cool.  Since I'll see him next weekend I'll talk to him face to face.  I can never be sure where my ex is when we are talking on the phone. 

In to the Valley

I'm over the mountain and back in a valley for a while.  It's just getting hard to blog like I use to.  Sorry it's been downgraded on my priority scale since it doesn't positively affect my paycheck.  Usually I remember to do it when I'm finish for the day and I have to decide if I'm leaving or staying later to post.  You can see who's been winning.  Anyway I'll do several post to catch you up since I hate 5 page posts.

It continues to be difficult to talk to Eric.  When I see him next weekend I'm going to need to set up something with him so I can reach him.  However the main thing that is still on my mind is Monday's call.  I finally reached him only to find out that he didn't dress up or go trick or treating.  WTF?  He says he wasn't in the mood this year.  What 11 year old turns down free candy.  The other was that in talking about our next visit to see him he was pretty blase about it.  

My mind instantly went to him being very depressed since it's Casa de Sunshine at my ex's place.  While I deal with minor depression she deals with major.  So I started projecting Eric drinking and doing drugs in a few years.  Not the greatest place to start, but I'm pessimistic so don't judge me.  I talked to my ex who said his pediatrician and school counselor had evaluated him since his grandfather's death.  He was handling it all appropriately.  Plus his grades where still up.  So we'll watch him and see how it goes.  

It did take a life of its own for a few days.  I'll better be able to evaluate him when I see him next weekend. 

Speeding By

Wow a whole week without a post.  Keep meaning to do it, but then I was home with no computer.  This week has been busy as hell.  While actual business is up a little it was seminar last weekend that has filled this week up.  I originally wasn't looking forward to the seminar, but it kept my attention for 12 hours.  Mostly through fear.  It was on risk management and documentation.  The speaker started off with malpractice stats down to 1 in 6 doctors are now being sued since it was an easy 35k or at least that's what the attorneys are saying.  So it's a ton more paperwork for you to fill out when you go to your doctor's office.  All my extra time this week is changing forms around and making sure there are no leaks in my business.  The hardest part was vomiting all the information out of my skull so I can comprehend it all.  My brain was sore and full after I left the first day of listening.

It was very interesting when the Comic and I were eating the other night to have her say, "when we get married...".  Honestly it didn't phase me in the least, it was just different.  Mostly because when my ex use to talk about it I would freak.  This time around I'm okay with it.  I'm not looking to get married tomorrow and the Comic has no timetable, but we do really like each other.  Both of us are starting to include the other in long term plans.  So I guess it's a natural extension of the thought process.  Pretty cool though.

I don't think that I mentioned that my ex had Eric call me to say that he didn't want to fly down here during the school year.  I usually can tell where it's coming from when he calls and doesn't get to the point right away.  He avoids it like the plague.  So I guess I'll be driving up for a while longer.  My ex was fast to follow up wondering if I was going to cover Eric with health insurance so she doesn't have to prove how much money she isn't making.  Part of me wants to tell her to go screw herself, but like always it concerns Eric so it will happen.  

Hopefully I will be able to stay more regular again with entries while I make changes here at the office.  I'm trying to keep my blog reader under 100 entries, but it's a battle I'm losing.

Boomerang Women

It seems its old flame week here in my region.  Don't think its a full moon so I'm not quite sure what's causing it all.  Maybe it's all the rain in the area and people are thinking Noah's ark and need to shack up with someone in the end.

My ex called me the other night an emotional mess.  I didn't pick up since I always want to evaluate where she's at before I go putting my hand in that food processor.  She wanted to talk to someone who would understand why her father's death would be so great to her.  Her best friend and myself seem to be it since the rest of the family doesn't care as much.  Like the old days, I gave her some options on different grief groups that she could look into since the one she went for her mom worked well.  It just wasn't available anymore.  It was a very weird conversation to say the least.  The best part of it was I got to find out how Eric was doing through all this from someone else.  She said he was still angry over the death and that he was trying to make her happy.  He's so my son.  She did end with apologizing for everything she "might" have done over the years. I love the term might.  Takes the whole responsibility right out of there. 


Saturday morning I awoke with a voice mail done at 7:40 am.  Who the hell are these people that are awake this early?  I know it's not me.  Anyway I listen and its a woman named Karen who knows me from a while ago and wants to know if I'm working that day.  I don't know any Karen's except for a patient that was just in the night before.  Plus she called me Mike.  So I'm trying to think through my dating history.  It takes several listen throughs before I realize its Kitcat.  She kept my number?  Then she text the same question.  After a while I just text her back that no I wasn't working and to call the office Monday for an appointment.  After her acknowledgment she asked how I was doing. I didn't answer that part.  I'll be happy to take her money, but that is it.  So we'll see.  I probably should pass her on to someone else. 

A Letter to My Son

Hey Eric,

How are you doing?  I was very saddened to hear about your grandfather dying.  I know that you were very close to him. 

I’ve had several people who I was close to die over the years.  It’s never easy even though I know that death is a part of life.  For most of them like my Mom and my grandmother it was easier.  They had lived a full life and at the end they were suffering.  Even though I would miss them I didn’t want them to suffer just too still be with me which I thought as being selfish. 

One thing I learned from Grandma Aleja was that to give people their roses while they were alive and not when they were dead.  This meant do what you need to do when the people you care about are alive.  Tell them that you love them and enjoy your time with them.  You can’t do that once they’re gone. 

The hardest death I’ve had to deal with was a friend of mine named Linda who died in her thirties due to cancer.  She died young and we had lost communication between us the year or two before she died.  That was hard for me since I didn’t get to say anything before she died. 

I can imagine that you’re world has been tossed upside down at the moment.  I also know that your mom has taken this death very hard.  Please know that your mom and I will still take care of you even with me so far away. 

The biggest thing is always saying goodbye to the person and how to memorialize them.  For the people that were close to me there was always something of theirs that connected me to them.  Like my grandmother had a plaque on her kitchen wall always made me think of her.  So I asked for it when she died.  You may want to think about what makes you think of your grandfather and ask your mom for that so you can stay connected to him.

On saying goodbye, I have a good prayer that may help you.

Grandpa or Jim (whatever works for you) thank you for all you have given me.  You have impacted my life with your love, your caring and your wisdom.  Now that you are gone, I will carry all your love and everything I learned fro you within me.  The essence of who you were as a person will live within me and within others.  You will continue to give the world as we pass on to others what we learned from you.  I will miss you, but will have joy in remembering all you meant to me.  Each thing you touched will bring you to mind.  Your laugh, your smile, your words will resound in my mind and heart.  Good bye dear one (or you can use his name). 

I hope this helps you as you grieve over him.  Also remember everyone needs to grieve and at their own pace.  Just as you are sad so is your mom.  You won’t be able to cheer her up nor will it be your job.  She just needs to go through her grieving too.

As always you can call or write me anytime.

I love you Cheeky and I always will no matter what.

Dad

I Really Like Her

I laid next to the Comic last night in that last hour period before I would head on home.  Entangled in our limbs I realized that I really could go the distance with this woman.  It was a startling awareness.  The longest I've dated besides my ex was 4 months and the Comic and I are quickly coming up on that.  Not that I'm looking to find a ring anytime soon, but it was nice to know that I'm very happy with the way things are going.

The weekend was fun and packed as usual.  We spent 6 hours down at the Oceanfront Saturday attending the Neptune Festival.  Most of the time was looking at all the different arts and crafts.  I picked up a nice plaque for my wall which I'll have to take a picture for you.  The Comic did well with some nice jewelry and a frog for her car.  She loves the one I have in my car that hangs from the mirror.  So she wanted one too when she saw the artist on Saturday.  We never made it down to see the sand sculpture contest.  We got to see the pictures and they're impressive as ever.  We did get a chance to see some of the volleyball tournament.  Watching them you could see the difference between men and women.  The women were playing a very competitive game, but the men play in your face.  It's just testosterone fueled aggression. 

The Comic wants to hire me to get her out of the bed everyday since I do it effortlessly.  Hey my chiropractic training comes in handy in many ways.  She was tired and sore from all our walking in the heat Saturday.  However I wasn't missing out on the gym over the weekend.  So with a 1 and a 2 she was up and out of the bed.  Actually she was happy after we worked out since she was dreading it beforehand.  

Today was my annual physical, well actually biannual for me.  It's funny since they all say its been so long since they've seen me.  Sorry I just don't get sick, it's nothing personal.  My doctor always says, "I have to ask," before she asks if I want a flu shot or any other vaccinations.  Since I stopped taking them years ago I stopped getting sick.  Now its off to the dermatologist some time soon.  I have something on my arm.  We both said it wasn't cancer anything, but had no clue what it was.  

Tonight I'll try to contact Eric again.  Just trying to keep the contact with him so he doesn't completely close down.  I remember how it was when I was that age which is what I'll try to share with him.  He usually likes my stories of how I did stuff and remembers them well.  So I'm hoping it will work here. 

My Greatest Fear

I finally got Eric tonight on the phone. I didn't think he was going to pick up since it went past the usual amount of rings. We talked about school and such.  His no longer having band confused me so I kept asking questions about it.  After a while he started to fall apart.  It was the he couldn't understand what I was saying again.  He then copped to the fact that his grandfather had died.  The funeral had been held this week.  We talked about how he was doing, but he is my son.  He was sad, but didn't say too much.  I pried into how he was sleeping and feeling.  He said okay.  I told him he could call me anytime to talk.  It may not be much, but I always want to have that door open for him.  I shared how I had dealt with my Mom this week, but I don't think he wanted to deal.  Before getting off the line I asked him on how his mother was doing.

This is what I've been dreading for the last 20 years.  My ex's father dying.  She's been saying how it would destroy her since I met her and now it's come through.  I'm happy it was a slow decline like my Mother so she could deal with it better.  However she's not right so who know's how its going over there. 

At least I know why Eric hasn't been calling.  He would have pulled back to avoid his Mom plus talking to me would make him have to deal with it all.  I know how I would have acted at his age.  So this brings up a lot of stuff for me.  I feel sad and helpless for my son.  It brings up my losses over the year.  It brings up my fears for the last 20 years with my ex.  So it's a but of a rough night.  I'm doing well hanging with the Comic.  As always she's a good place for insight.

Fun Stuff for Free

The Comic informed me last night that she does more with me than she's done with anyone.  I reminded her that's what I said in my profile.  I don't want to talk about doing stuff, I want to do it.  She wasn't complaining.  She was very happy and wish she knew someone like me when she was younger.  To my friends I'm the master of the cheap activity.  I may bristle at this even though they mean it as a compliment.  I know they go out with others and it can be a strain on their wallets.  You can go out with me all weekend long, have fun, see plenty, and not break the bank.  I'm trying to be more grateful for my ability to do this. 

When I was with Asp and Kitcat going out to do stuff was not happening.  It's a lifestyle I don't enjoy.  The funny thing is that I'm not a social butterfly, but I do enjoy enjoying life.  I didn't do it for most of my early adult life.  So now I'm making up for it.

A bit of codependency going on today.  One of the members of my business group dropped out.  He made a rational decision since he wasn't benefiting to much from it.  However he wasn't doing much to get anything.  I knew if he applied himself more it would work out, but that's not my responsibility.  I just have to remember that.  

Still silence from Eric.  

Saying Goodbye

Since I've been on this kick of doing stuff no matter how much it bothers me. Pretty much what would I do if I wasn't scared. So I finally took care of my Mom's ashes. Since it was pretty cool here last night there was no need for me to change into my shorts. I might have looked out of place in my work clothes, a discman, and a kid's pail and shovel. Hey don't judge me. I was a bit anxious with the few beach goers that were around, but most didn't give me a second look. I played Neil Diamond's "Holly Holy" which just worked for me. I made a small ditch below the water line and spread her ashes there so that water could spread them out. I also took a bit and tossed it into the wind since its traditional. It was a beautiful night for it. I had a nice full moon on my right side and a beautiful sunset on the left. I didn't really have much to say as I listened to the music. So I wrote, "I love you Mom" in the sand. In the beginning I was a bit sad, but that was quickly washed away with just a nice clean feeling. A bit hard to explain. It felt good to get it done and close another chapter in my life.

Still no contact with Eric. I'll try again tonight since there was no pick up on his end, plus my ex still hasn't finalized his voice mail. On the other end I still haven't heard any response to my 2 texts I sent her for information about Eric for his health insurance. I guess it wasn't that important.

Since I had a large window this morning of free time I went to the Starbucks that is suppose to be the replacement for my old one. OMG I hate that place. It was always a unorganized mess in there. Too many tables and chairs for the space. Now with the extra business it was a nightmare of noise and disjointed seating arrangements.

That's How I Fall

The week started out all planned and packed with patients and events. Wow, let me tell you how fast that house of cards fell yesterday. My 3 day health fair was rescheduled and I wasn't informed which left this gaping hole in my schedule during the middle of the week. Then my record day of 11 patients ended leaving only 3 after the dust had settled. I do have to admit that the good thing through it all was that I was didn't take it personally and keep myself from dropping into the hole of pessimism. I tell you a woman can turn me down and it doesn't phase me, but with work it's hard not to take it personally. So the week is still a good week and I'm using the holes to good use with marketing.

One of the women that was a roommate back when I lived with the landlord came in yesterday for treatment. I'm sure I had a nickname for her, but for the life of me I can't figure which one if any. Anyhow it was good talking to her. Honestly I was surprised to hell to see her. However pain will make people do many strange things. We got to talk about the landlord and I was surprised that she was still pretty upset with his death. However it was her first close death which did explain a lot.

Speaking of death. I'm going to try to spread my Mom's ashes either tonight or tomorrow. They're starting to become a permanent fixture in my trunk and too easy to make a joke about. Not that I don't mind the jokes, but it's just starting to take too long to get it done. So I packed everything in the car this morning. Not quite sure what I'll say, but I'll do fine.

I'm going to try and track down Eric tonight and talk to him. I want to see if there is some reason for their being a problem every time we talk. The first hurdle will be getting him on the phone. I doubt if I'll get an answer, but I have to try. I can't expect him to get over his fears if I can't do the same.

The Night that Was

Last night I went out with the Comic to her friend's birthday bash at a hibachi place. I don't meet many of the Comic's friends since she is a bit ashamed of them. While she is okay with the birthday girl, it was her friends that are the problem. The birthday girl is one of those people who can't stand to be alone so always has friends with her. She collects them so there is always an abundance of them. The problem is that there is no cohesiveness to the group since everyone pretty much doesn't like the next. You gotta love it.

Now to add to the soup. The Comic was having horrible cramps so she was downing the sake to help with it. She didn't get drunk which I was happy for since I would of had a hard time with it. Like I told her I don't like my loved ones drinking and having their personality change. The Comic did change just being around these people. Her position is the court jester for the group. I was happy she didn't perform for the crowd, but she did act different than she did with me which was a bit unsettling.

The other ingredient in the dysfunctional night was that the owner and our chef had gotten stung by a sting ray in their fish tank. So he downed plenty of liquor, and given 4 medications including Vicodin for the pain. Yes get those knives and flames going. Actually he did a good show, although it took forever for him to start.

Last off I'm wondering if I should talk to Eric. I called him last night and he told me the phone was full of static and could we talk another time. Besides him calling me last Sunday, every time I've called him in the last few weeks has been met with some reason for us not to talk. It's really starting to bother me.

Man Up

Today was another outing to drop off invites. I didn't feel like doing it. I know it comes from a feeling of less than and a lot of "unsaid" shit in the back of my head. However I know action produces action which has been working for the office over the last week. So I did it. As always there is no problems since I'm just dropping the invite off. However I know I can build it up in my head. Shah asked if I was going to follow up with the doctors. I had to laugh. I'd have better luck getting Obama on the phone than any of them.

Today has also been manning up getting answers over the phone for many things. The Comic offered to do it for me, but like I told her. It was my responsibility to do it or suffer for not doing it. So first up was Verizon and where was my phone service since the guy was here Friday, couldn't do the job and said he would be back Monday. Come to find out the job was classified as finished. WTF? No service, no contract signed, no dice.

The other was my credit card processing people. I've been using the phone to authorize the credit cards. However no money has been making its way to my account. So I called to make sure it was working. Come to find out I need to keep my patients credit card numbers. Hmm I thought that was against the law. Anyway I'm going to need to track down 2 patients to get their numbers so I can get the money. Like I told the Comic today, "I have a penis and I'm not afraid to use it."

Getting a little disturbed with Eric. I called him again last night. He was very tired and didn't want to talk. I think like last year, getting back in the swing with school is kicking his butt. While I understand this I don't enjoy the pull away. However I hear this from most parents.