A Letter to My Son

Hey Eric,

How are you doing?  I was very saddened to hear about your grandfather dying.  I know that you were very close to him. 

I’ve had several people who I was close to die over the years.  It’s never easy even though I know that death is a part of life.  For most of them like my Mom and my grandmother it was easier.  They had lived a full life and at the end they were suffering.  Even though I would miss them I didn’t want them to suffer just too still be with me which I thought as being selfish. 

One thing I learned from Grandma Aleja was that to give people their roses while they were alive and not when they were dead.  This meant do what you need to do when the people you care about are alive.  Tell them that you love them and enjoy your time with them.  You can’t do that once they’re gone. 

The hardest death I’ve had to deal with was a friend of mine named Linda who died in her thirties due to cancer.  She died young and we had lost communication between us the year or two before she died.  That was hard for me since I didn’t get to say anything before she died. 

I can imagine that you’re world has been tossed upside down at the moment.  I also know that your mom has taken this death very hard.  Please know that your mom and I will still take care of you even with me so far away. 

The biggest thing is always saying goodbye to the person and how to memorialize them.  For the people that were close to me there was always something of theirs that connected me to them.  Like my grandmother had a plaque on her kitchen wall always made me think of her.  So I asked for it when she died.  You may want to think about what makes you think of your grandfather and ask your mom for that so you can stay connected to him.

On saying goodbye, I have a good prayer that may help you.

Grandpa or Jim (whatever works for you) thank you for all you have given me.  You have impacted my life with your love, your caring and your wisdom.  Now that you are gone, I will carry all your love and everything I learned fro you within me.  The essence of who you were as a person will live within me and within others.  You will continue to give the world as we pass on to others what we learned from you.  I will miss you, but will have joy in remembering all you meant to me.  Each thing you touched will bring you to mind.  Your laugh, your smile, your words will resound in my mind and heart.  Good bye dear one (or you can use his name). 

I hope this helps you as you grieve over him.  Also remember everyone needs to grieve and at their own pace.  Just as you are sad so is your mom.  You won’t be able to cheer her up nor will it be your job.  She just needs to go through her grieving too.

As always you can call or write me anytime.

I love you Cheeky and I always will no matter what.

Dad