Conclusions

It's been a bit of a rough month here. The announcement of the landlord's terminal illness and his quick death has changed my home life. I'm happy that I'm still in the same place and I like that the care taking status is no longer mine. I'm just a tenant like I've always been. Mentioning problems as I see them. Like the landlord said you spotted the last 2 leaks. I know it's going to take some time for his family to sort through all his belongings. There's just so much stuff. However I'll be happy to have the place to mine again. It's taking some getting use to with 5 bedrooms in the place making some strange noises at night.

Asp's introduction into my life has opened a lot of things that have been closed for a while. The first is someone to spend the holidays with even though its modified. She was gone my birthday and Thanksgiving and will be gone New Years Eve. However holiday decorations and parties with someone is a big difference than I've had since my marriage 6 years ago. Even then it wasn't the best of situations. So this was a joyous holiday season for me.

Asp herself fact wise is a lot like my ex. The astigmatism, panic attacks, love of Elton John, etc. It was worrisome in the beginning, but I've found out that she is different which I do have to remind myself from time to time. My basis for women are my Mom and my ex which are two very toxic people however that's what I bring to the table. I've worked on a lot of that stuff over the years, but as I know some things you can only work on in. So I heal a lot with Asp since I expect these bad reactions that I use to get and when they don't I can let them go and move on. Realizations that I'm accepted for who I am and that fear can be let go of.

The last on the list is Asp's son and the landlord's grandson. I've had to deal a lot with these 2 kids. One is 11 and the other is almost 2. Opposite ends of the spectrum. Both of them have made me open that fatherhood door that I keep closed a lot so I don't lose my mind. I don't get to do any of it with Eric. It's a rare time when he comes to me with a problem so all the work and knowledge I've developed over the years just sits there. So it's nice to be able to use this information, but with it comes a great sadness that it's not with my son.