I Feel the Need

I feel the need to date and its been pestering me for a week now. However I never want to date when I have the "need" for it. For me that translates to "if I had a woman in my life I would be happy" or "something is missing from my life." Happiness begins and ends with me. As always money is light, but that is nothing new in my life. With the singles group I'm very social at least 3 times a week. So what's the problem? I know it is me in that I have for most of my life looked for happiness outside of myself. Over the last 8 years I have turned that around, but when dating doesn't work out for some reason it seems to fan the flames of my "need" to date.

As a day goes by I'm good, but soon as a woman I like comes into view my mind is already working. Hey she could be in the car next to me. So until dating becomes optional again in my mind I'll hold off since I know I make better decisions when my head is on straight.

On a side note a regret has been coming up for me. This past weekend was Eric's communion. Due to money I didn't attend even though spending time with my ex's whole family won't have been like being circumcised with a spoon.

After it happened and I realized I couldn't get Eric back here I knew I made my last and bigger mistakes. Throughout my marriage I always did things to make it easier for my ex and I would pay for it in one way or another. Well this one I'm still paying for and I guess I always will while Eric is a child. It may change when he's 13 and can say where he wants to live. However I see so many divorced people living close by exchanging their kids for week long visits. So I've been hard on myself of late on how much of Eric's life I have missed due to my mistake.