That Which Divides

I want to thank everyone for their kind words. Last night I did sleep better than the previous 3 nights which I was fuming a bit. I got some view points from L and Shah on my "happy 2 month" statement with Kitcat since they are polar opposites. Both agreed it could be a problematic statement since it would show where both of are at. Having dated L I knew she would have bolted to since she is a player and any form or relationship is terms for dumping. Shah likes to celebrate all the "moments" in a relationship. We both agreed it didn't have to be presents, but acknowledging it was big. So I was a little sad for having said it, but no regretting it. I know what really broke us up was lack of communication on Kitcat's part. I've seen it in the two months I've known her. Stuff connected to her survival she took care of with a ferocity. Other things that were important, but rough to deal with she pushed off. So I got to see where I stand. I've always known that it's not the fun time that defiance a relationship. It's the shortcomings that do. Communication and intimacy are huge with me and not having any willingness to work and use them doesn't do it for me. So with that it was easier to just let it go.

I will say that Kitcat did text me yesterday to let me know how she did on her test. I waited about an hour to congratulate her on it and that was it. When the text arrived I freaked out. I still drop back to the mindset that I don't know what to do. It's a strange place to be. I've survived so much through my life and I have to admit I didn't know what I was doing, but I got through it. Yet that fear still survives. Once I sat still for a moment I was able to get back to my senses and regain my serenity. However that was it of the communication. I have a funny feeling she'll text again when she is free and is looking for something to do.

Shah told me something many of my female friends have said before, "no more crazy women." I have to admit I still can pick them. My picker is still screwed up in finding someone wanting the same things.

I do have to admit I'm feeling awkward about starting my profile back up where I met Kitcat. It's the same old song and dance. It's not my fault, but I'm picking up the guilt and shame. Oye. I'll just have to do it and go with it.

On a good note. Holy crap is this a busy week at the office. It will be a record week with plenty to spare. Also tomorrow will be a record day if everyone shows. Now I'm just trying to catch up emotionally. I feel so busy in the back of my mind, but looking at the schedule I still have blocks of free time. So I'm just adjusting to this new level of activity because if I don't I'll sabotage myself into getting slow again and I've worked to hard to do that. However it's happened in the past and its a road that I want to avoid.