The Uphill Journey

Well this is day 2 of wrestling with low self esteem and underachieving. One thing that is a good self esteem builder is standing up for what you believe in. I've spend a life time of not taking a hard line on anything. It avoids annoying people and standing up for myself where I usually got ripped apart. However without that aspect I'm not building anything and all the other work I do is just keeping me in the same place. So I'm working on increasing my standards to have a line in the sand of what I want and to do. It's all stuff I've done in the past of writing down my goals and following it up with massive amounts of action. When I do this my life prospers, but it never really takes and I gently slide back to where I was. This time I'm working on making a permanent part of my emotional makeup.

So this morning was a lot of phone calls I had been pushing off. I ended up leaving a lot of messages, but not having called would have dragged me down which I no longer find acceptable. As always I know it's getting every thing down in black and white so that I can't forget or fudge it in my mind.

My home life has been invaded and I don't like it. Tone and family are there for the next few days cleaning out the barn and some of the house. Vehicles will disappear which will be nice. Many trades people will be contracted. A new front door, roof, and deck will be built. The place I believe will now actually have a lawn. Tone told me there is a sprinkler system under there someplace. I think I'll have the summer BBQ at my place this year for the singles group if the deck is finished by then. While I get along well with Tone. The landlord's brother, while a nice person, is kind of like a brick in the stream. There's not a lot of flow there. I'll be happy when I have the place back to myself again.