I Hear Voices from Stones

I start every day with some prayer and meditation. This morning I was reminded of when 9 years ago I met other people who were happy and owning their lives. Up to that point I always felt like a leaf in the wind of fate. I wanted what they had and I have worked on that these past years. The realization that came this morning is that I'm here. I own my life and steer the course of my life. Jeez be careful what you wish for. Over the past two weeks I've been trying to become more accepting of this fact. Why? Cause it's stressing me out. I'm not ready to go postal, but this realization has been creeping into my conscious for the last few weeks. It's emotional growth since I'm finally letting go of that want in the back of my head to be taken care of. I didn't have it when I was a kid and it's one of those unfinished business things that can rule your life. It has stuck its ugly face around enough times in my life.

I don't know if this is also being amplified by what my coach said the other day. He said I'm not as sure of what I'm doing as I was a year ago. I've known that if I keep an open mind I'll continue to grow, but I had fallen in the trap of feeling like a know it all in business. That's gone now and I find myself on my familiar ground. Above the people I usually hang out with and not fully having what I need to hang out with the people above me. I see it as money, but I know that their are ways I can get around this to still tap into their brains. Lunch dates and Starbucks work well for conversation to pick each others brains. Like how I started this entry. I always need to see someone with something I want. For me it's never physical stuff. It's qualities, attitude, and knowledge. It's the 80/20 rule. That top 20% are the people that will be the most successful and they have a different perspective on everything. Without interacting with them I don't learn. This isn't where I was going with this entry, but I'll say it's tiredness getting to me.