I can tell what my lesson for the week is. Tonight was game night with the singles and it was a lot of fun. During a lull I went up to get something to eat. Standing on line I noticed an attractive Asian girl come in. I know she's standing behind me and I can tell she wants me to look at her. Since I'm not wanting to date right now I don't look. However the cashier is taking forever and I end up turning to look at her. I didn't realize how close she was standing to me. She had her head tilted with a great smile on her face. I just smiled and went back to waiting. I knew if I engaged her in conversation I would ask her out. I know myself. As soon as the switch is thrown in my head, the machine is running, and I'm in dating mode. So the only way I know how to get out of that mode is not to engage. However I find it really hard to let go of a woman that is interested in me and I like too. When I was married and it happened, and I was surprised how often it did happen, I was better able to handle it. However it still use to leave me a little crazy in my head. This reminds me of something my therapist said. When someone likes you (me) I have to accept something good about me. I grew up a very shy kid and while some women were attracted to me I had a hard time connecting with them. Now in another life I know how to interact and connect with people, but the attention still is new to me. I get a rush from it and I still don't know how to handle it. I can't believe I'm a forty something guy and I'm still dealing with how to handle that Sally likes me in study hall. Intellectually I know I've matured and caught up in my emotional maturity over the last 9 years. However I've only dated in the last 3-4 years truly. Pre marriage I'm not even going to count. So even with about 70 women dated in that time I'm still learning. I just hate being in freakin' kindergarten with this stuff. However I know I would never expect Eric to instinctually to know this stuff, but I do know I hold myself to a lot stricter standard. That was always my therapist's way of getting me to be more gentle with myself. Putting myself in Eric's shoes instead of my own.
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2 people had cathartic therapy:
Why the "break" in dating? I am sure you might be repeating yourself.
It's funny, I loved being single...I also love knowing that I have a "someone" that I can share my good and not so good stuff with!
LOL I think Asian girl was just lusting after you...you Dr.'s smell so good! *sniif* MMMMMMM
Sometimes it is better being in kindergarten and knowing that, accepting that, and working on it. I meet plenty of grown people in kindergarten, problem is they want to pretend they are so mature, so doing it right, so not at fault for anything. At least you are self-aware. That is major. ~Mary
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