The Mighty Undertoad

Bonus points if you know where the Undertoad is from.

Well today I've had an undercurrent of fear running through me. I felt it this morning while praying and meditating. As the day has gone on I've felt its light touch coming again and again. At first I couldn't see why, but I know when I talk things out that it then sorts its self out. So I called my friend Paul like I usually do to explain my feelings.

I may have dated like 50 women in the past 3 years, but the point I'm at with the Planner is the first since I was married. Aroma girl, L, and Law girl had their moments, but looking back they were never a well rounded relationship. Probably why they died out early on. However with the Planner I can see it's going to go on for a while. There is a lot of potential there.

So now I'm reaching territory that I've not had to deal with since my ex. The Planner was asking the other night after our misunderstanding. So I explained to her that in my marriage any change from the norm was an opening for an attack/abuse. The biggest thing that pushed me to get better was my ex wife. The reason was to be able to deal with her and all the abuse. For some reason I'm finding myself having that fear of not keeping a certain stability/status quo in the relationship. It was such a humongous problem when I was married. The work now is reminding myself that the Planner is not my ex (thank God!) and live in the present.

So in my attempt to deal with this I headed down to the beach. I haven't done it in a while to clean myself out. It was nice. The smells of suntan lotion, brine, and the Beach itself were awesome as was the rays of the sun. I got to see the kids playing in the water, fisherman trying to hook the big one, Black hawk helicopters practicing maneuvers, and one guy trying out his hand at casting a fishing net. It was a nice time and a good reminder of why I moved to the area.