So I saw Asp last night. As she was making dinner she was still a bit distant, but we talked a little. However it wasn't till when we were watching TV and I tried to kiss her that I got her to open up and talk. Asp said that she had pulled back and she didn't know why. She didn't know if it was self preservation or what, but if I could be patient with her. I had no problem with that. I knew pushing the issue wouldn't help.
It did remind me of a talk German girl and I had a few weeks back. I had said I still couldn't get the difference of women from when I was young to now, twenty years later. This having sex before feelings started was a different view of women for me. She had said older women could have sex without opening their heart therefore they were protected. I think this is where Asp is now. Does she open her heart to me and possibly get it hurt?
I don't think I mentioned it before, but I'll do so now. Asp's father tried to sexually molest her. The verbiage happened for a while, but when the physical tried to start she just ran from the house and went to live with a foster family. At the time her mother was an active drug user. So I see why it's hard for her to open her heart to anyone without fear. We've talked about this with announcing our relationship on Facebook. I was easily able to do it. Her reservation was if we broke up.
I was surprised to wake up to finding her wanting to have sex. I wasn't expecting that. Anyway I did ask her if there was anything I could do to help her with the pull back. She told me straight out not to help would be the best. At first this wrinkled me, but I did remember what I read yesterday about wanting to control. I would love to know the details so I can fix.
So I flipped it around since I've been in her spot before. I knew I would talk about the problem, but I would want to fix it on my own. So I can't say much if I would want the same. Today is 2 months since our first date and I've had to process a lot of stuff since we dated. Asp is doing the same. I'll see how it goes.
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4 people had cathartic therapy:
I think she is right. All you can do is be there for her and not try to fix anything.
As I said in my comment on your last post, If you think she's worth it, you should hang in there and just continue to support and compliment... and love her :)
Sweetie, don't try to do anything!
Asp reminds me alot of myself when I was younger. I did the exact same thing to some of my ex-bfs.
I can't explain why I had to go through a cold phase with them. But I did. And those bfs that tried to defrost me, did not last long at all.
Good luck! {HUGS}
Thanks ladies.
Sweet - I think its just testing the ice before you put your full weight on it.
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