The Line

I can't believe that I am already at this place with CPA Girl. We talked tonight and decided to get together tomorrow before I go to work. Since the weather is up in the air for tomorrow we decided to make a decision then on what to do. However when I hung up a nagging fear was there. I know she likes me, but do I dare truly believe it. For to do so opens me up to hurt if it doesn't work out. Realistically I know there is the possibility for incredible happiness here, but the fear of loss is there. It started in childhood with our many moves. Kids don't truly have the ability as adults to keep relations over distances with out assistance. Over and over I lost many a friend with our moves as I grew up. Then in post separation I have met a few women that I really liked, but it didn't work out. I guess it falls into the sphere of helplessness. I hate it. I was powerless to stop our moves and the end of my friendships as a child. As an adult I am powerless over another person's decisions. However I do know if I don't give it my all I greatly increase my chances of it not growing to fruition. I know I am smitten with CPA Girl so my fear is increased. I was surprised that I adopted my old mask last night on our date. I will have to be more aware of what is going on.