Drained, and Not in a Good Way

I'm just drained today. Talking to my brother today we both checked out how each other was handling it all. Both him and my SIL said that since they aren't physically here they separated from it. For my brother I think he still hasn't resolved all the crazy shit our Mom did with us. I think my ex said it best with "when it all comes down to it, she's still your mom." It's true for me. Her loss will be big for me even with all the stuff that went on. Most of it I dealt with once she got sick since there was no way I could be a caregiver with it all in my head. I think that may be why my brother told our Mom to give me the job.

Honestly only about 40% of how I feel is from the thought of losing her. The other 60%, if not more, is all the paperwork and dealing with everyone. It's phone calls to meet to sign this, notification of change of who's covering insurance, etc. I keep having to shift gears from work to this and it's just taking its toll. At 1 o'clock today I was ready for bed. I was happy to get out of the office and just relax and have some lunch over at Chipolte.

Tonight I'm meeting the singles to see Invictus. I'm completely neutral on seeing the movie, but hey it's a $1 and it'll keep me out of trouble.

Tentatively I have a date tomorrow night with that girl who was moving in to beach. At this point all I can say is that it could go in a million different directions. Sitting down and having some time to talk will tell all. I have a nickname already running in my mind, but I want to see if it survives the acid test tomorrow to start using it.