Going Sane in a Crazy World

My journey through life and the lessons I learn to help me grow spiritually.

Sane Friends

Fast Hello

Sorry to be away so long. In honesty I'm still not really back yet fully. It's been a wild few days and I'll try to fully update everyone with what's been happening.

It was a great weekend with the Comic and its really nice to have someone do all the things that I usually do in the relationship. Like saying that my profile is erased or stating all the good qualities the other person has. So this is really uncharted waters for me. Like German girl said. My number has to come up some time.
The bus trip up to NY went well although I did find it hard to sleep. The only snafu was that I don't have a credit card. I use my debt card which always works for me in the past. However NY rental companies wouldn't rent me a car like Florida would. So I ended having to take a high speed taxi drive to pick up Eric.

The week has been lots of fun with Eric and I'll do a full update when I can. Enjoy the pics of NY.

A Gift Received

I awoke this morning to a text from the Comic. She stated that she knew I was asleep, but wanted to know that she missed me. Plus that I make her happy and was thankful for having met me. It was really nice to hear. I can't really recall the last time a woman took the initiative to tell me that. It reminded me of my ex who wouldn't tell me that she loved me. She would only respond with a "ditto" or "me too" when I said it. I told her it would mean more to me if she took the initiative to say it. I got the standard answer of she couldn't do that. So I'm celebrating the gift I got this morning.
I straightened the place last night for Eric's visit. However I did have the realization that it will never be like it was. That time has passed and I grieved it. The good thing is that it will make it easier to move on.
Well the Comic and I are off to the museum today. I'm not quite sure if I'll be on tomorrow so I may be gone for a few days. I'll try to take a few pictures while I'm in NY.

Can't We Just Cuddle?

After the scrubs incident, my saying to the Comic is, "can't we just cuddle?" She just laughs evilly at me. Last night we went out an had some Vietnamese food before watching Oh Brother, Where art thou? It was an okay movie. I mostly couldn't understand a word anyone was saying with their thick southern accents. We talked about having a dinner and movie each week to share movies with each other. I'll probably bring Eating Raoul or 500 Days of Summer next time around. We'll have a week off from each other while Eric is here which will probably be good for us since we've seen a lot of each other in 13 days.

Tonight I need to start getting the house ready for Eric's visit. While my room is pretty good, the rest of the house is not. Mostly due to the upcoming estate sale. Stuff is on every available surface. So I need to make room to cook and eat in the kitchen area.

My ex asked if she could take Eric to PA before school started on dates that would hopefully not interfere with my next visit. I said yes. However as usual it's just a reminder that the reason she can never take Eric to the airport is crap. If she can drive the 3 hours she can do the 20 minutes to the airport. Hey it's why we're divorced.

The Comic and I measured my present room now and its actually smaller than the new place. I was surprised cause it didn't seem to be. However the measuring tape isn't lying. So I'll probably interchange some furniture like bringing my extra dresser and book shelf out of storage. I'll get rid of the desk since I never use it and put the coffee table in storage.

It's freaking hotter than hell here. The Comic and I were planning to go biking in Williamsburg tomorrow, but that would be torture. So we decided to stay indoors and visit the Chrysler museum. I tell you its one place I would never have thought I would bring so many dates. Usually its a first or second date type thing.


While I may share superficially about my sex life I usually avoid it since it involves intimacy with another person. However this is too good to pass up and most of the Comics friends know about it. The Comic is extremely turned on by certain things. People in authority are the biggest. When we were at the Mid Summer celebration she was like a moth to a flame with the black knight on his horse. She became all trance like and it was pretty funny. When we first started dating and she learned that I was in the medical field she made many suggestions about me in scrubs. I usually wear scrub pants when I'm lounging around the house. The top rarely gets worn. So last night I was cooking for her and then we watched Defending Your Life. The Comic loved it and if you've never seen it then spend the $2 for the rental. You won't be disappointed. Anyway when we were getting ready for bed I tossed the top on. Actually it worked out great since she had her back to me when I came out of the bathroom. When she turned around it was like I just told her she won Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes. On one hand I have to admit it was pretty freaking hilarious. On the other hand I'm moving slow today and I'm down a quart of fluid. I may have to only bring out the scrubs on holidays and special occasions.

I got my key for the new place last night. Also I measured the new room to see what I can put in there. It's 11 x 17 so I think it's about the same size as I have now which will be helpful. The only difference is that the closet is smaller. I tell you its going to be weird having cable again after 6 years. Although now I can watch the new Futurama on Comedy which will be cool. I'm starting to get excited about it.

Now I need to start working on getting ready for Eric's visit. I need to figure what I'll need for the bus trip to sleep and pass the time. I can read on a plane or train, however cars are out of the question. I'll see how a bus is. Hopefully it will be okay.

It's the Hot Tub

Well after many inquiries I did go see a place last night. It wasn't to far from where I live now. About the same distance to work and very close to the Comic. Like a first date I felt everything out and felt comfortable and safe with the place. The owner had did the same thing I had done. Used our email address to see if we were on Facebook. With that she found my business website which went a long way. The house was very nice, right off a golf course. It had a screened in large porch with bar and a hot tub in the back for my use also. I told her I would let her know today. However I went to the Comics last night and on talking about it and sharing how I felt. I called right back and took the place. Good places are hard to find and go even faster. It's $80 more than I'm paying now which is what I expected to pay. So I'll move in there on the 17th of next month since I can't start working on the move until Eric goes back. I wanted more than 4 days to get everything ready for a move. The Comic offered to help which will be great. I can lift everything except my mattress which is just too long for me. The biggest gift she has is her organization and decorating skills. So she'll be a big help in setting my new room up.

L's friend called yesterday before I knew I would be seeing anyplace. I agreed to see her place today since she sounded more sane. However it was more of an appeasement since I like having a drama-free life. Stepping into her alcohol affected life is not something I want to pay for.

So one duck down and now onto the next. Work and getting more business is the next one although I feel a little burned out on it. I may just need a day or two off with it. Over the weekend I'll get ready for Eric's visit. So I think the neighborhood BBQ is next up on my list.

Tonight the Comic and I are having dinner and a movie at her place. I go over and cook dinner and bringing Defending Your Life for her to see.

The Search Begins

Well my move out date from the house got moved up 2 weeks. With one of my weeks used up by Eric's visit, a lot of my time is gone. So I'm looking hard today for a new place. I tell you ads for places are like looking at dating profiles. You skip the ads done all in caps. Like if your place is so fantastic you don't have to yell about it. Ads that pretty much tell you nothing, but still use words. Important information like rent, size, etc are usually important facts that I would like to know. As usual there some that you can't pick out what's wrong, but them Spidey senses are a tingling. So far a lot of messages left, but no responses.

I'm trying to line my ducks up in a row so I can make everything bite sized for me to take. I know I can smoosh everything together. Looking for a place, Eric's upcoming visit, marketing the office, is the business park being sold, etc. I have to admit dating the Comic seems to be the only stable part of life right now which I'm happy for. I'll go over her place tomorrow night to make her dinner and watch a DVD.

Tone will most likely be leaving tomorrow if not Thursday which will be good. However the place looks like a disaster area with everything strewn around. Either for sale or to be sent to family members. I'll need a day to clean some space for Eric and myself downstairs to cook and eat.

Eric called me last night to ask that I send the travel information to his mom. I you know I get very annoyed with that kind of stuff. However remembering what I told my friend Paul the other day about his daughter. I was reminded that my anger comes from how I felt as a child in that position and being the go between with my parents. I have no idea how Eric feels about it.

Well so far one response to my inquiries. It's only $5 more than I'm paying now and about the same distance to work. Wish me luck.


While it was a great weekend with the Comic. On my personal front its been a rough few days. Tone is having someone do a estate sale on the household stuff. So Jim is going through the house price tagging everything. What I found out this morning in my quick run through is that all the dishes and pots are now for sale and I can't use them. I'm going to have to dig mine out of storage and keep them in my closet so no one buys them. Not quite sure what I'm doing about pots and pans. Mine are so buried its not funny. My bathroom doesn't seem to be getting put back together so I'm going to have to use one of the others in the house.

The next big bump in the road is that L's friend is not sure if she is going to rent to me or not. The sticking point is her alcoholic boyfriend that she is trying to sort out. If it falls apart I have a place. If it doesn't I don't. I'm going to see the place Friday to see if it's even a possibility for me. However I will probably be putting this on the back burner since I don't rely on active addicts for stuff.

Today started at the office with 4 reschedules. I'm happy they called which is a step up from Friday, but I need the business. Things are starting to slide back down which I don't like.

The last thing is that I get a letter from a business wanting to know of what I thought of our business park since they are thinking of buying it. WTF? Can I have any stability someplace in my life. I tossed out the questionnaire because I have nothing to gain by taking my time out to spend filling out 3 pages of questions.

Like Pop Rocks & Soda

Well I'm back from my unplanned weekend vacation. I didn't go far, but I ended up staying with the Comic Saturday and Sunday night. It was a weekend of fun events, great conversation, a lot of walking, loss of fluids, and sex. Oh the sex. The soda and pop rocks kind. The only downside to the whole weekend was the heat and let me tell you it was hot.

Saturday the Comic joined me and the singles to hit the Boardwalk Art Show. It was a lot of fun and we were thankful for the breeze. The show runs about 15 blocks. We lost people as we went and the Comic and I made it to 10 blocks before we called it quits since we had to walk all the way back the way we came. It was interesting for me since the Comic has a artist background. Before this date I had been paying for everything so it was nice to hear the Comic say things needed to be give and take.

The rest of the day was spent talking about our past and what we like, as well as our values. I pulled out my Lifestories game which is always fun for getting to know someone. I have to admit that the Comic is the first woman to know that moves less than I do in the bed while sleeping.

Sunday we woke late to meet the singles at the Mid-Summer Celebration. However when we got there nothing was happening. No celebration or anything which was really weird. The Comic asked if we could visit her father's grave since it was Father's day he had died recently. So we found his grave and got flowers for him and her sister.

We had to stop back at my place since I had forgotten the concert tickets there. On the way out I realized I had forgotten more condoms. Since she needed to pick some stuff up we decided to stop at Walmart. Guess what we found? The Mid Summer Celebration at a different historic house. So we stopped by to look around and enjoy. It wasn't as structured as last time which kind of sucked. You didn't know what was happening so it was hard to plan.

Our last event of the weekend was the 38 Special/Bret Michaels/Lynyrd Skynrd concert. We had premo lawn seats with our chairs. 38 Special was very good and enjoyable. I've never seen Brett Michaels. Holy crap is this guy narcissistic. He wore 2 shirts during the show, both of them pictures of himself. The best was when he wanted to thank his dad for Father's day. So he put a picture of himself instead of his dad on the screen behind him. It was hilarious. A lightening storm was fast approaching when Skynrd was starting. We heard their first 4 songs which I had no idea what they were. I know all their hits and these weren't it. I don't know if they have a new CD coming out or what. However not hearing anything I knew and the thought of getting soaked with the possibility of electrocution we decided to leave early. It worked out well cause a little after we got back to the Comics it poured.

I awoke this morning wanted another day of the weekend which was nice since I rarely feel that way.

A Personal Best

I had a personal best yesterday at work. I had 10 appointments on the book and by the end of the day I had a total of 5 "no shows". Yeah I was pretty fucking livid. Especially since they were my cash patients and that really hurt in my wallet for the week. It took me a long time not to take it personal like till this morning. I only talked to 2 of them and one asked to be charged a "no show" fee. Since I treat and collect the money I don't enforce the rule to much. Psychologically you need 2 different people to do it so you're not connected to it.

I was able to get an extra free ticket to the concert tomorrow night so I'll have the Comic come with me to enjoy. It's suppose to be humid so that always brings out the scattered thunderstorms in this area so hopefully we are spared since we'll be sitting on the lawn.

Today we're off to the Oceanfront for the Boardwalk Art show which is always fun. I'm very happy that the temperature is within reason. A couple of things will be interesting. The Comic and I will most likely walk right past Kitcat's apartment since free parking is always down at that end of the beach. The other is that the Comic is fair skinned and I don't know how she is going to protect herself. On a side note I think she might be anemic cause she is bruising way too easy. You can track our fun from the marks on her body.

Changes are starting to happen in the house. I like coming back into my room and closing the door to have some serenity. My bathroom is still in a bit of a mess. Not quite sure if it's being put back together or not. I'm trying to smooth it out, but it's becoming difficult.

You Sunk My Battleship

Well it was supposed to be a record day for the office. However with the first 2 patients being no shows it wasn't happening. Kind of like trying to get a something from a movie concession stand for under $5. At least the second person said charge them a no show fee which I was like no problem. I use to feel bad, but I see those days are long gone.

I saw the Comic again last night. During the afternoon I got free tickets to the Funny Bone so I asked. It's great to have someone that is as spontaneous as myself. I didn't realize that I was unable to do that with Asp and Kitcat. The Comic and myself had talked about dating people with kids. At times its like you jump right into married life. Asp was the biggest example of that. Going out was like Big foot. You heard about it, but never seen it yourself.

Anyway it was a great time. All 3 comedians were hilarious. The one thing I realized when I was paying the check was I'm blowing through my budget too fast. I'm going to need to pace myself better with the Comic. I expect to spend when starting dating, but so much at once is starting to have affects. We both had talked about how we handle finances. Not spending what we don't have. So now I just need to put it into effect.

This morning was a little work out for me. When I got home last night I saw that they had started to take the wallpaper down in my bathroom. So it was in shambles. I figured with the shower hose I probably could do the shower this morning with little mess. However when I got up this morning I was like there are 2 other showers in the house. I'm not doing my usual contortion to make things work. I just asked my Tone to use her shower. She had forgotten my place was a mess which is a future worry. In her attempts to get stuff done will my living be affected and to how much.

I'm a Winner

I got a great surprise this morning when the mailman came. I got a package I wasn't expecting so soon. You see I won a prize over at Bossy Betty. She hand decorated some bells and I was one of the lucky contestants to win. So now this awesome looking creation resides in my treatment room for my patients to adore and be jealous about.

I had a great night with the Comic last night. We went down to walk on the boardwalk. It was nice just to stroll arm in arm and talk. However with impending inclement weather we stopped to eat and drink at a beach restaurant. We've both been there before. As always the food is good, but the service sucks. It's in the tourist area so they don't worry about repeat business as much. While there it poured cats and dogs. The funny thing was that we both realized that as long as it rained we would have privacy to have sex in the car. So 4 blocks of running in the rain left us as two soaking puppies. I have to admit we planned it perfectly cause the crowd drove in a minute after we were done.

Since we were wet and cold I took her over to the Starbucks with the fireplace. It was nice to talk and just relax together. We started talking about our marriages and child raising issues. She agreed to come with me to the art festival Saturday and Mid Summer festival on Sunday. If I can get the extra free ticket from friend I'll have her come with me to the concert Sunday night. The following weekend we are going to go up to Williamsburg to go bike riding which will be fun. A woman after my own heart in not talking, but doing activities.

I was very thankful to her for talking about my trip to get Eric. I know when I get angry with stuff I can just not see all the options. So with talking with the Comic I was reminded of other options. So I'm going to take the Chinatown bus up to pick him up. It's only $95 for both of us. I don't have to drive and save about 1500 miles on my car. I was going to take mass transit to get him, but the NYC website won't give me details on the routes I would need to take. So I'll rent a car for the few hours and go pick him up. Over all the whole think will cost me about how much a round trip drive would.

The Comic invited me back to her place. Her brother and SIL also live there. She really has great decorative taste. Walking in her room is like walking in a museum. Everything has a story behind it. Items from when her father was a child, her childhood rocking chair, etc. It was awesome. It's the opposite of me with very little ties to the past. I had a great time. So things are great with us. I'm trying not to look for the other shoe to drop. I can feel it sneaking into the back of my mind and when I do I pull back slightly from the Comic. So I'm trying to drop it like the bad habit it is.


Today is a slow day at work. I'm catching up on stuff, but I really wanted to get my marketing plan done for the next 2 months. The problem is I got nada. I've done a lot of activity over the last year with some working and most not, but that's the way it goes. I do know that activity just creates more activity. My business coach and I had the same problem at times and we would just hit things around to see what sounded decent. I'm looking over what I did last year to see what I want to do again or maybe modify and try it again. The usual health fairs and talks have dried up. The usual things that every chiropractor who markets does is pretty dead nowadays. The funny thing is that most chiropractors don't even market which is beyond me.

The second biggest struggle I'm having is trying to form alliance partners in the health industry. While in most sectors everyone wants to do, but very few want to market. Well in the health field it's even worse. Like I've been trying to find a yoga instructor who I can send patients to since they're asking for a recommendation. No one returns my phone calls. If you can't return my call when I'm offering you business forgetabout it. Same thing happened with that personal trainer I was trying to start something with. I just don't get it. I know why they do what they do. I just don't get it.

I was very surprised last night to learn that Tone will be here for a week unless she gets the cars sold sooner. Oye that sucks. I'm use to living alone. Also the Comic is anything but quiet.

I'm happy its dried up outside. The Comic and I are suppose to enjoy sometime down on the Boardwalk tonight. It's freaking humid as hell though so I don't know how long we'll last out there.

In My Dreams - Monica

I'm slipping already with getting a weekly thing going. Oh well. This week's future wife is Monica Bellucci of Matrix fame plus a smattering of other movies. Those full lips and long black hair talk right to my Italian heritage.


Well I'm stating to think my relationship with the Comic will be short lived. Not that I want it to be that way. I'm having a blast with her. Just the old saying, "the candle that burns twice as bright burns twice as fast" comes to mind. While our conversations are normal with a few bumps which I'll talk about later, the sex is over the top. The Comic asked how my day was going yesterday. I finished early and had an hour before going to my Monday night meeting. In a few minutes texting we had it set for her to be here. Afterwards she was like I worse sexy panties for you. We both agreed they looked great on the floor.

I told the Comic that she has awoken something in me. This morning I started the catholic school girl and the priest confessor scenario. Where it came from I have no idea, but my mind is working overtime let me tell you. However its a busy day for me and I have a singles event tonight so we'll see each other tomorrow to walk the boardwalk as the sun goes down.

I am seeing a bump in the road with the Comic. It's her ADD. I was thinking last night how come we never get to finish talking about a subject. Then I realized she can't stay focused on one thing for long periods of time. I see it does vary from time to time. It may be why the sex is so freaking hot in that she really does focus then.

Tone is back at the house today and will be through the end of the week. As usual I don't enjoy the intrusion, but hey it's not my place. I do need to call L's friend to talk more about me moving into her place. I'll have the time tomorrow to catch up on phone calls and other stuff.

The Wow Factor

As I know you guys are vested in my best interest and Boss Betty reminded me of it which was nice. So yesterday was my second date with the Comic. I picked her up from her place and we drove over to the Thai restaurant. She is funny for many reasons, but the old NY Jewish lady is funny. The Comic is not Jewish, but with the mannerisms and voice change she comes across very impressive which goes so well with her look. Anyway we both weren't expecting much from the place since it doesn't look like much from the outside. I mean really doesn't look like much. However it was gorgeous inside. All custom stuff, from furniture to artwork. And the food. OMG was it tasty. They grade the food form 0-5 on hotness. We ordered duck which was a 2, but we asked for a 1 on it. Holy shit I don't want to know what a 2 is since it was freaking hot. A 5 is like just call the hearse cause I'll be dead. Just bury my shoes because that's all that will be left of me.

The Comic wanted an intelligent person to date and it was interesting to talk about spirituality and other things last night. It's good for me since I usually only talk about deeper stuff with people I've known for a long time and trust. Our more meaningful conversations are always sandwiched between juvenile humor which is hilarious. Anyway we did get on the subject of book reading when the Comic found out that Eric reads like I do. She wishes she could read more, but she had ADD and listens to books on tape instead. So I suggested pop-up books for her which we joked about. I asked if she had read the Pop Up Book of Phobias. Since she didn't, but was interested we moved over to Barnes & Noble to spend 2 hours there looking and reading books. It was nice to hold her and her hand as we enjoyed our time together. We ended our time there with two cups of Starbucks.

One thing OVDC has suggested was that I slow things down physically with my relationship and see if that would help. It sounded like a good idea to try, although I had to admit I don't really remember having to put much energy to getting anything started. Anyway that was the plan when I brought the Comic home last night. You know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men. A kiss followed by a growl ended with us lying in my bed next to each other breathing heavy and both of us going wow. I felt like Elaine and Putty in Seinfeld.

The interesting things were that the Comic stated that the sexual tension had been high all night which was news to me. Their had been only one moment when she had leaned back into me when she was reading a book to me that I got that sexual jolt. The rest of the night I had just been enjoying. However it did remind me of when we first met and she had been happily surprised that I had been better looking than my pics. I guess I didn't know how much. The other was that I give off the Clark Kent look with my glasses on I learned. She was like I never thought you'd be so sexually aggressive. So this time sex started earlier than normal. So we'll see how it plays out.

And We Have a Winner

Date 2 went very well and she has been christened the Comic. I liked her right away since she has a very likable aura. I shook her hand when I met her and she just hugged me like an old friend which was brownie points on her end. What surprised me was that she was right up against me when we ordered. At least I knew she liked me. I think she is like my brother in that in nervous situations she uses comedy. Hence the Comic name. I have to admit she was very funny and like any comedian nothing was taboo. An example would be the reason she stopped doing laundry was because every time she bent over she got pregnant. The whole spiel was hilarious.

We both were pleasantly surprised with each other. My looks was the major thing with the Comic. She said that my pictures didn't do me any justice. Hey I rather it be that way. On my part I told her that her profile didn't capture her. While the things she said were made in jest it didn't translate since so many people complain. I didn't take it as complaints, but I certainly didn't take it as humor. We were able to grab the comfy chairs to relax, continue talking, and laugh our asses off. What was really funny was that when she went to the bathroom how quiet the place got. I think we are two peas in a pod in that aspect. I know when I'm having fun I'm loud.

After 3 hours I needed to get going to my singles event. So we made plans to try a Thai restaurant I've heard raves about tomorrow night. Hopefully volunteering out in the heat tomorrow for 4 hours doesn't wipe me out. She's a good kisser and promises to wear flats tomorrow. She's 5' 4" and she had on 3-4" heels today. I could tell she wanted to be a little lower to be at my chest level.

The interesting thing was that she did ask what I was looking for which was new. I told her I wasn't casual and I was looking for a relationship. I wasn't looking to get married tomorrow, maybe in 2 weeks though. So at least things are on the table which is a first in starting out.

Not Interested

Well 1 down and 2 to go. I didn't have high hopes and it didn't disappoint. L is like me in that we are on time people. 45 minutes late they show up. Mostly because her 2 friends are stopping to talk to everyone. I pretty much knew instantly it wasn't a match for me. She was a nice person, but not much happiness inside her and it showed. The good thing about the night was that L's other friend is the one who has the place for rent. I was starting to think it was going to go south, but before I left she was like we need to talk about this. So I'll call her during the week since she admitted she sucks at that part. I did meet one of L's guy neighbors who was very entertaining.
Trying to get out of the office tonight to go dancing my new business landlord stopped by. He want to know what I wanted to do since my lease was up in January. I asked my options since I really hadn't though of any. I just wasn't looking to move. So we decided on a 3 year lease in which my rent wouldn't increase. If I re-upped it would increase then. I was good with that. Also I was happy to hear that he had hired someone to fill up all the vacancies we have in the park. That was more my worry since we are starting to have a lot of empty offices.

Dancing went well tonight. My friend couldn't make it till the end which actually worked out better. The female instructor who had helped at my patient appreciation was able to convey the things I needed to learn in a way that I understood. Mostly that I was over thinking it which is my norm. My friend was trying to push me towards the salsa like I use to do, but it's not me. I enjoy the rumba better and will shoot for taking lessons next month after Eric goes back home. They asked what I wanted to do with what I learned. I told them I had no idea, but I wanted to have the options of knowing what I was doing.

Date 2 is tomorrow at 1. A normal Starbucks date. She seems to be an experienced dater like myself so it should go smoothly either way. Out of the 3 I would put money on this one.

The Magic Act

I think I may have broken the monogamous serial dater status that I've been given in the past. I have 3 dates with 3 separate women. It's always a bit weird when you plant a bunch of seeds and they all bloom together.

Tonight's one with L's friend I don't have much hopes for. L thinks since I don't drink and her last boyfriend was an alcoholic it will make a good connection. I think her self-esteem has been blown out of the water. I'm not quite sure how long they've been broken up, but I don't think it's been more than 6 months. She's an attractive woman and I'm usually happy to meet new people. I am surprised that after about 80 women I finally go out with someone with the same name as my ex.

Tomorrow's Starbucks date has the highest hopes. She seems stable, but who the hell knows. She's direct with her emails which I'm not use to with women, no offense. I find myself being the chatty one.

Lastly is my left over one from last week. We we thinking about last night and it didn't work out. At present she's at the bottom of the list just because I feel she has a bit too much craziness in her life. She's still riding the waves of her divorce process.

On the topic of my business coach. Changing gears here. It reminds me of when I stopped therapy years ago. While there was a bumpy section right afterwards I had to really work it and develop a different support system to get through things. I have things now in place for help in business. Although I still need strategic alliance partners in my field. It's a weird field since most people don't see it as a business.

Bad planning on my part. I'm beat today like I usually am after a beach walk. Flat feet are wonderful. So it's going to be a long day with dancing tonight and then meeting up with L's friend.


Bit sad this morning. I don't like the end of relationships as you might know. Last month my business coach missed our appointment. First time ever. A week later I got a text saying that he had been sick and he would call me. I didn't show for our next meeting since I never heard from him. However he showed for that one. So the score is even. I texted him that we would just do our next meeting which would be today. However he's a no show today. I know as accounts go I'm his smallest, although I have been the one to stick it out the longest with him since he returned to the area. With a no show this morning I take it that its over. It's a pity party in my mind to and I'll call and leave a message later since it's always hard to get to him.

What this does is I have to pull out everything I've learned in the last 1 1/2 years and keep up with everything. Accountability is going to be the rough part. While talking to Shah weekly is a help she's not one to be confrontational.

L has invited me to to meet one of her friends tomorrow night. I met her a while back when she was dating someone who was an alcoholic. I'm not quite sure if she has learned anything from that, but I'll see pretty quickly enough when all of us get together tomorrow night after my dance lesson. The weirdest thing is that she has the same name as my ex. Not saying its a deal breaker, but it will be a bit weird for me. I almost dates another woman with the same name, but it never happened.

I talked with the woman I was supposed to meet last Saturday. Again she seems to be fun to joke around with, but I get the sense that it's just not a match. Whether we'll meet or not is up in the air.

Is it Friday Yet?

Shhh I have two invisible followers and I wonder who they are. Actually I do since I'm noisy that way. It's just like the other 30 or so who my stat thingy picks up. Hey I have free time today and I'm wondering. Free time and me don't get along to well. I get all squirrely.

Anyway, never again will I keep a phone number of someone I break up with. I held on to Kitcat's number for 2 weeks out of people pleasing. Having a cell phone means I know who calls. If that information is gone I wouldn't know who was calling. I don't want them to think bad of me. Yes it's a madness all its own. They dump me and I'm still worrying that I make them feel good. I remember when that broke with my ex about a year after we separated. We didn't talk for over a year. Anyway I'm having to go through the whole freaking grieving process all over again. I didn't enjoy it much the first time around. I certainly didn't want to take another trip. Never again.

While business is up from what it was it's still a far cry from what I need it to be. I have too many low paying insurances right now. It always surprises me when this happens. I'm seeing more and doing more and hardly making any more money. Will wonders never cease?

At the moment I'm bouncing back and forth with dating. Deep down I know I could use a small break, but the impatient me isn't buying that.

The Many Moods

Psychiatrist: Well your tests show you're very sensitive.

Me: Bwahahahahaha (well actually I laughed in my head. I think I made the comment of, "yeah right.")

When it was explained to me all those years ago it made sense. Moderation of my internal dialogue of feelings is a rough ride for me. Why? Because I take things to personally. Case in point. Today a new patient called to get some information and then made an appointment to come in. Hooray, I'm happy. Hour later I get the message of cancellation. Now I'm sad. Since I talked to her I take it on the personal side. Dating wise I can understand that it's a numbers game. Business wise I have a harder time. Why, it should be easier. However I guess I put too much of myself out there and when I'm disappointed I look for the problem. Usually I come up with me which isn't always a good thing. Sometimes its like a dog chasing his tail while going down the drain. I have to admit I took it pretty good today than I usually do. However it was a work out and I still have this insane belief that it should come easy.

The new thing in my business group has been people making their presentations like a game show. I have to admit people have done a good job with it. I'm a pretty creative guy, but I have to admit that I'm a bit stumped with this. I can always do a normal presentation, but hey I like a challenge. Now I just need to match a game show with me getting chiropractic information across to them.

I'm really surprised. Tonight is Date Night the movie with the singles. I would have thought we would have had a bigger turnout for the show. At least people usually say they saw it already. I guess the nice weather has everyone thinking about other things.

I was happy to hear that Eric was able to tie a tie. So mission was accomplished. Also Harry Potter has been overthrown by the Percy Jackson books. Honestly I don't care what he reads as long as he is reading. Even as a infant I made sure he always had a bunch of books for him to enjoy. I'm happy that it's paying off as he grows.

The Balancing Carrot

German girl made a point that I had been thinking about over the last few weeks. Am I picking too independent women? When I was younger my Dad was always my bad example. The smoking, drinking, and other personality defects were things that I steered as far away as I could. However as I got older I mellowed my hard line stance with things. People drinking around me no longer bother me for example. When I divorced my ex I wanted nothing to do with her dependant ways. So I think I did the same thing with going to the other extreme. Independence and assertiveness have become very attractive to me. So like many things in my life I need to install a dimmer switch so I can modify how I do things. Not too bright, not too dim. As always a work in progress.

I do want to thank everyone for their views on me talking to Eric about dating. In the past I've not done it since no one ever pasted the 6 month point. However as he does get older he should know for many reasons. One as many you pointed out, he will be dating. The other is that he always has a curiosity when there is a female connection to me. So I will start the conversation up when he visits in a few weeks to lay the ground work. Then I can keep him updated as things happen.

I tell you the one thing I do miss about Kitcat. No it's not sex, but I do miss that too. It's the carrot to do better. When I was with her it was the first time in a long time I wanted to have things better in my life so I could have more time with her. Everyone needs a carrot to motivate them to do things. I tell you I can't do it for myself beyond mediocrity. Eric is not with me anymore and the distance doesn't help. So I now find myself back in the quandary of what do I use as a motivation. A better life for myself just doesn't do it for some reason. Most likely it's my sub standards for myself. Any suggestions? What do you use to motivate yourself to better things?

In My Dreams - Diane

This week in my series of dream wives I'm fantasizing about Diane Lane. An attractive, sexy lady who always seems down to earth. Plus I'm obsessed with her after seeing her in Unfaithful. While not the greatest movie since sliced bread. Her sex scenes in their are very steamy. If you haven't seen the movie, it's worth the price of admission.

The Stashed Bottle

In recovery, alcoholics talk about having stashed bottles around. While they are not used, they are still around and a connection is still maintained. With the weekend temperatures being around 100 here I've stayed mostly indoors. My Battlestar Galactica holds came in and I've been enjoying them. The character Caprica 6 for some reason always reminds me of Kitcat. This has brought on a bit of melancholy feeling which has brought me to my phone. Kitcat's number and all my info on her is there. While I know it's over and I don't really want it anymore. It remains a connection. A whisper of a bitter sweet dream. So I made the decision to delete it and I have to admit it was hard. An admission that it's over deep inside of me. Let the healing begin.

I was supposed to have a date with a woman yesterday. A new one that I haven't blogged about yet. However her ex never picked up their son so the date never happened. All has been quiet today so I think that boat has sailed. One thing I have noticed is that in the world of online dating you run a gauntlet and any deviation ends it. Not really caring about it this time. I didn't think it would work, but I do like to keep my hand in the dating game.

The downstairs AC died yesterday. I 'm so happy the upstairs one died last year so it's running nicely. I live in my room with the bed and TV there. So all I need to use downstairs is the kitchen which can be rough cooking. Since half the house is cool I worry about my perceptions which were always subjected to abuse growing up and in my marriage. Destruction of your perceptions is the way to manipulate people. So even with checking the unit outside and seeing it not work I worry if I'm wrong. I left Tone a message about the problem and we'll see how it goes.

My Manly Duty

Well I got to do my manly duty today and all I needed was a phone, a latex band, and a mirror. Yes I was teaching my son how to tie a tie without any equipment. What made it even harder is that he didn't have a tie in hand either. It's kind of like trying to make fire with 2 pieces of Styrofoam. I know how to tie a tie since I use to do it for work for years, but like breathing I don't think about doing it, I just do. So I had to look around my office for a prop to describe the process. Also without Eric having anything it was a bit rough. I did find some theraband to use and while wrapping it around my neck I was thinking how can people do this for auto eroticism. Anyway I didn't kill myself hence I'm still blogging and hopefully Eric can now tie a tie.

He had questions about the "girl" who answered the phone. Eric has never come into contact with any of the women I've dated. Any woman that seems to come in my orbit he always ask a question. Like when I had a female landlord and he was young he wanted to know if we were married. He's asked about my female friend's voice on my business answering machine. While we've talked about sex, drugs, drinking, and smoking several times and at his desire. We've never talked about dating and especially when it comes to me. I probably should broach the topic with him. Any suggestions?

End of an Era

I was hit with horrible news this morning. My favorite Starbucks will close after this month. I was really shocked when Mike gave me the news this morning as I got the second of my free drinks this week. It was the first in the town center area and now there are 2 others in a 5 block area. The great thing about it is it's big. Plenty of room for people to sit and relax. Most of the others in the area don't have the sitting room and fill up fast. I've spent countless hours relaxing in this one. Many coffee dates as well as business meetings. I'll miss the people there who know me and what I drink. The other, like getting a new person to take care of your hair, will be finding a new place to relax and make my own.

The law enforcement lady who I wasn't expecting much turned about to be a bit more and less than what I thought. She wanted my number the other night to put a voice with my face. She called me from work and honestly I think she only wanted to hear my voice and not talk cause she was ready to get off pretty quickly. I was ready to talk for a bit, but that didn't happen. I guess I didn't pass the voice test since it seems to have died on the telephone line.

Yesterday while L and I were walking we spotted a very attractive woman watering her garden. Ten feet later we found a lost dog. L went down the street to a person she thought was the owner and possible date for her. Garden lady said she would grab her cell phone. She wasn't that chatty with me even with a few comments. Oh well just keeping my hand in it all.

I'll be happy that Tone is going home today. I have to admit having someone around the house is bothersome. Also that she has every light on in the place when she is around. I don't get it.

I see it's going to be feast and famine weekends. This weekend I have nothing going on and I need to find something to keep me occupied so I don't squirrely. Next weekend is pretty nicely scheduled with game night and I'm volunteering to help a friend raise money for diabetes.

Dating So You Don't Have To

It's funny a freaking amazing the things I forget. Reading comments from my last entry I remember some of the strange shit that goes along with dating. I know most women thing its just on their side of the street. Like one of my friends got a request from an online guy for pictures of her feet. However as guys we get our fair share of weird shit to. Although it may just be me since none of my guy friends really say any of this kind of stuff. Since my mind has been jarred I'll try to remember a few gems from the last few years in no particular order.
  1. This just happened over the weekend and I forgot about it already. Why? You really need to hit a certain level of weirdness to register on my brain. I had a woman the other day in the midst of our emailing back and forth asked if I like to be spanked. I responded that no I didn't, but I would spank her if she wanted. No date. Can't please everyone.

  2. This one woman and I had moved to the point of talking on the phone after a few emails. Personally I hate this long drawn out process since nothing is really known until you meet. Anyway this time the phone did show something. Anyway we're talking about what we do. She was a big VP in a company. As we're talking she ask for my email address so she can send me something. Next thing I know I have a bunch of pictures in my email box. Pictures of her. Pictures of her with toys. Now I'm no prude in any sense of the word, but my brain does a transition time from normalcy to 70's porn music. Honestly I can't remember what I said but it was some kind of spanking joke to kind of balance the weird direction the conversation had taken. She became very offended and hung up on me. Hmm maybe there is a pattern here of me making a spanking comment and not getting a date.

  3. Actually this is the one that was sparked by the comments. Still in the email stage of the "relationship". This woman asked would I meet her in a parking lot, allow myself to be blindfolded, tied up, and driven someplace. I should have answered her yes if I wanted my body parts spread out over 5 states. My answer was no, but for the life of me I can't remember my wise ass crack cause this was just too fucked up a second or third email.

Now before you all think I'm a perv and hang out on adult sites. These were from normal places. You'd be surprised who you meet. How about you? Any freaky encounters with dating?

The Wonderful World of Dating

So is it officially hump day when there is only 4 days in the week? Well my date for tonight died in flames. I didn't have high hopes for it or for the woman since I could tell she was not one for saying "no". She would hint and make excuses, but never come out and say I don't want to do this. The funny thing is that when I sense this I'll push. Why? Cause I have nothing to lose. The woman will either say she doesn't want to go out or just disappear which is the usual. We never end up going out so that point becomes moot. The fun of online dating. Truly I always compare it to bomb dismantling. One wrong move and it's over. And your left wondering should I have cut the red or black wire instead? Honestly if that's all it takes to stop the process, good riddance.

Anyway with that being said I think I have a date for the weekend. The woman is in law enforcement so handcuffs maybe involved. I may have to sign a waiver or something. She asked me for my number and will call tonight. Now on the Seinfeld side of life she does one thing that is really weird. She never answers my emails in one email. It's always in two which is really weird. The first one answers my question in a Tweeter type fashion that is part cryptic. The second one ask me a question. This could have train wreck written all over it. But hey I have time over the weekend and I do enjoy meeting women.

OVDC was the last friend I had to tell about Kitcat and I. Her mouth just dropped when I told her the story. She likes my stories and tries to pass them on to her ex who complains about dating. This from a man who's been on 10 dates in his whole life at age 58. I think I did 10 dates last year alone and I took the year off from dating.

Tone is back in town for a few days. With her here it brings to the forefront of my mind that I'll be moving in the next few months. So my anxiety levels have kicked back up even though things are okay. Until things are in the works I know that this is the way it will be. Pre-anxiety jitters are the worse for me. Doing is never a problem.

Thumbs Up in Hong Kong

It's amazing after all these years of divorce my ex becomes my wife again when I'm talking about her, I'm angry, and frustrated with her. Case in point is that she finally texted me back that Eric was finishing school on the 28th which really sucks since it's a Monday. I asked if he needed to go that day and if he did what time would he be finished. She answered that since he was going to a new school next year and that it wouldn't be the best for him to miss it. I sort of understood, but it also meant losing out on 2 days of his visit. He has a half day that Monday so I'll pick him up once he gets out. I leave her a message that I'll let her know if I can swing an extra day or two and that he may make camp late. So far so good.

Then I get the call from Eric. He tells me that he can't miss a day of school, he can't be late to camp, and that if his grandfather dies he may not be able to go or may need to come home right away. I really freaking don't know why I fought for joint custody sometimes when my ex pulls this kind of crap. This reminds me of when we were having problems and she had Eric write a letter to me asking me to leave the house. He was four at the time. So this shit of putting him in the middle continues when it doesn't have to and it pisses me off. I'm sad since we don't see each other that often and our visit is being widdled down from the week (legally I have 2 weeks). My ex knows how I won't push certain issues with Eric.

Middle Child asked me about my spirituality and not being religious. Pretty much asking what the hell are you talking about? For me I grew up with an uneven dose of Roman Catholic. Meaning one week it was important and the next it wasn't. There were a lot of inconsistencies growing up. While I did become very religious for a few years in high school I turned it all in and became a atheist for 15 years. With that I was solid in my beliefs of nothing. However at the lowest in my life 10 years ago I found that I needed something in my life beyond me. This is were the spirituality comes in. I do believe in a god right now. My definition is a bit shaky and it doesn't follow any organized religion which really doesn't work for me. I do agree with Marx that it is the opiate of the people. While I do pray many times a day I don't attend any church, nor do I wish to. If I had to define it then it would be more of a lifestyle of how to act in the world than following some deity. Hope that makes things as clear as mud.

Interesting enough is that I'm starting to get a large following in Hong Kong. Besides the US it is #2, even beating out Canada and UK. Although I have to admit that I think its also where I get all my spam comments from. So as always your statistics may not be worth the paper that's it's not even written on.
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